My daughter had an accident back in April. She fell on a swing set and was cut by a hook on her panty line. The cut was so big/deep that she needed surgery and 28 stitches. Within the same weekend my grandmother and my daughter's rabbit passed away - it was NOT a good week. Anyway, ever since this happened my daughter has had major anxiety issues. She is always worried about people getting sick and dying, getting hurt and dying, and making major mountains out of mole hills. She is even freaked out about thunder storms now and she never cared before. He anxiety over the smallest things is actually getting quite annoying, but I don't know how to validate her feelings and make it clear that there isn't anything to worry about. My grandmother passed away because a doctor messed up in surgery so my daughter doesn't even trust doctors anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions on getting my daughter to CALM DOWN and how to reassure her safety?
I would just give her lots of extra attention and time to process the events. She may need to talk it out several times with you. Don't criticize any of her feelings. Just let you know that you are there for her.
It is understandable that she is transferring those bad experiences to everything that happens in her world. She doesn't understand how things in the world work yet, so she is overcompensating and overreacting to everything. It will probably take a lot of good experiences and patient explanations before she learns to relax again. It would be helpful if you could talk to someone who specializes in kids with anxiety (i.e. pediatric counselor) to get some ideas on how to talk to her.
Have you sat down with your daughter and allowed her to fully verbalize how she feels about her grandmother dying and the other issues? Maybe if you allowed her to express her feelings and get it off her chest, it would help. You could follow that with reassuring her that most of the time, things are safe, and only every once in awhile do bad things happen. Give lots of examples of good things happening-we drove to the store and back, and all of us were fine, we had dinner and it was good, we went to the park and no one got hurt and everyone was fine, etc. Take her to the doctor to watch you or your son get a check up to start building her trust of doctors back up, and reassure her that the doctor is there to help us (if it comes up, you could say that we are all human and make mistakes sometimes, but the docs have lots of training and rarely make mistakes, and you will always be right there to make sure she is okay).
I think I would avoid telling her about anything you think she can't handle right now, and avoid letting her watch things on t.v. that would overly concern her- like the news, or any of the NCIS/CSI or medical type programs.
Validate her feelings of anxiety when she has them, and help her to verbalize her concerns. That will help bring out any mistaken beliefs she has, so you can give her accurate information. Some examples- "How does that make you feel?", "What do you think will happen?", "What can we do to make it better?". Anything other than "Why" questions is good (don't ask her "why do you feel that way"- it could put her on the defensive, and she probably won't be able to say anyway). I hope this helps!
I think at seven your daughter is too old for euphemisms and being talked down to about it. She's also too old to ignore what happened in the past and to be expected to just get over it. It sounds like so much happened she never had a chance to grieve or rationalize it to herself. So now she's trying to relate it to everything in her life and needing constant reassurance for it.
I normally never say this, but therapy might help. I'm not talking about an expensive shrink, but the school counselor or your church's minister might be a good starting place. They can suggest someone or even talk to her themselves.
She's on her way to an anxiety disorder, and you're right to think about getting help for her now.
If her behavior is getting to be a problem for you, it needs attention. I recommend you talk to her pediatrician. He/She may have some recommendation for oyu to try as well as point out some places you can get additional help from. Godd luck!
Maybe you should consider couseling for her. A pediatric counselor might be just the thing.
i would try to explain to her about the happenings of the swing events and about the rabbit passing. If this doesn't work I would take her to see someone. As mentioned before she maybe suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The hardest part about this situation is that shes at that age where if something happen she remembers it.
Although I believe in honesty as a policy, to a seven year old, it might be too much to handle. I am sorry for what you've gone through, but maybe it would have been better not to have shared so much information about your grandmother's passing. Her young mind isn't capable of understanding things the same way our adult minds are. I think that now , all that you can do is comfort her and maybe even give her the statistics about how few people actually have problems with surgerys and such, and in the future, try to leave out the gory stuff if you can, at least until she's a little older. I hope things get better for all of you.
I understand what your daughter is going through. I went through a lot of trauma as a child. Mine all seemed to happen during cold months and years later the feelings manifested themselves as a cold allergy I still deal with today. I suggest that she see a mental health professional. It could manifest itself later in very dangerous ways. Good Luck
I know that you get a little aggravated by her anxieties. And, some things just seem unrealitic to you, but they are to her. And, children just a like!!!!!
I think the first step is to make her aware of the fact that not all doctors or nurses are bad.... But, still don't dismiss her feelings... When she has to see a doctor she will be very freightened, may scream, and may possibly throw fits... Try to be as calm and have as much patience as possible with her.... Hold her, and tell her you understand, but these are things we have to do.... Then have the doctor demonstrate on you, or let her demonstrate on you or the doctor. This is to show her it is alright, and take your time please don't rush... It only makes it worse on all parties!!!
As far as other places, help her... Let her know you are right there, let her know accidents do happen sometimes. And, there isn't always a person or thing at fault!!!!! Let her know that it is alright for her to be afraid/terrified, and if she doesn't want to do it right now it is okay. And, tell her: But, I would like for us/her to try it later(ex:climbing the monkey bars), and if you can't make it all the way that's okay as long as you try!!!!!
What seems to be a mole hill to you really is a mountain to a child!!!!!
My 9 yr. old son,& 5 yr. old daughter; never use to be afraid of lightening/storms, and occassional get extremely terrified and run to my bed... I will let them know that it will be alright, I hold them until they go back to sleep, and I then put them back in their beds....
Even some adults are just as afraid of the things our children are!!!!! The only way the have a chance to over come them is to help them with love and support......
Is your child afraid of doctors because your grandmother passed in the hospital, or because someone told her the doctor made a mistake?????
How about if you try some "art therapy" with her? Give her the art supplies of her choice and let her draw pictures of whatever she's thinking at the time with some calm music in the background.
Can you go to the local library and ask the librarian for books (children's) that deal with things like this? There are a lot of books written for children about hospital visits, and relatives or pets dying. Maybe it would help her understand these things better.
((hugs))
B.
*PTSD will not be diagnosed for this. PTSD is for severe firsthand experiences. As bad as they seem to your daughter, these situations will not qualify for PTSD.
Hi T.,
This may just be a phase sparked by the first incident. Over time, the anxiety may gradually decrease. If her anxiety doesn't interfere in her schoolwork or other activities and she doesn't have panic attacks, just acknowledge her thoughts and feelings, but show her that these things do not interfere with your life. Do not feel obligated to cater to every anxious situation.
However, if it is interfering in her regular activities such as school, she should be evaluated by a qualified mental health professional or child/adolescent psychologist. Her school may have a counselor that may be able to help. Anxiety is a normal part of life, but the anxiety should decrease when the anxious situations are gone. If she has severe anxiety, she may be put on adrenalin-reducing medication (SSRI) to start therapy. In therapy, she will be taught how to cope with her anxiety to reduce her adrenalin on her own.
Here's some helpful info:
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/anxiet...
T., as for the storms show her the beauty in them and let her know that we must have storms to have flowers. As for her fears of people dying I am not sure what to say on that one except to show her that not everyone dies from sickness and injuries. She needs to be reassured so maybe take her to childrens hospital for a visit. I hope I have been some help.
B. S.
I would suggest seeing her doctor. 6 months after the event and still that worried about them is not a healthy thing. As others have said it could be anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
