First of all, ((HUG)). I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, and that the VA where you are isn't being helpful. The symptoms you described are very much like my husband's. Did you know that anxiety, depression, obsessive/compulsive behavior, and overprotective/controlling impulses can all be symptoms of PTSD? I'm not saying you have it - I don't know you personally and am not a therapist, and I'm not assuming you have it. But I can say that I've seen what you describe here before, because I'm married to someone who struggles with these things, and in his case, PTSD is at the root of it all. It can be hard to acknowledge, simply because the trigger is often something you're working really hard NOT to think about.
Also, it's worth noting that PTSD doesn't always surface right after the triggering incident. A person can fight it off or bury it for years.
If this sounds like you, there is help out there, and not all of it directly from the VA. Is there a Vet Center near you? You can access their services for free. They are connected to but not directly under the VA, and the counselors there were the first people who were able to give my husband any meaningful help. You don't have to suspect you have PTSD to go there - they help veterans with all kind of mental health issues. My husband first went there for help with anxiety/depression. You don't have to file a disability claim to get help from them - you just have to be a veteran.
Also, if your only option for therapy is the VA itself and your assigned therapist makes you feel like you're lying, that therapy relationship isn't going to help you. Go in, explain to whoever is in charge, and insist on changing therapists. I'm sure they have more than one. If you can't get the situation changed on your own, go to a veterans' advocacy organization such as the VFW. (They often have offices in the same complex as the VA.) The sad truth is that some VA officials aren't good at listening to individual vets. Having an advocate can force them to pay attention and hear you.