Anger Management Needed for 5Yr Old Girl

Try taking her alone someplace she woold like have some else take care of the other children A. no hills

.

5 year old girls are all drama. They are going to test boundaries, they are going to try to manipulate to get something they want or a desired outcome, and they are going to be emotional/sensative at times as well. That said, for me with my own 5-year old little girl, I have found that setting up certain rules about how she can behave and being consistent with it is important. For example, she's upset because she comes home from a friend's house and finds out that her brother had some ice cream so she immediately starts throwing a fit and crying. Well, the rule in our house is that you never get what you want by throwing a fit. The moment you start screaming and crying, you've immediately blown your chance to get whatever it is you were wanting. If the crying is just too outrageous to bear, I send her to her room and tell her that she can come out when she calms down. The minute she realizes that she doesn't have me as a captive audience, the crying stops. That's just one example of how I handle some of the drama that crops around here every so often and I'm not sure if it will help you with you and your niece. I do have to say though, that your niece is old enough to know to manage her emotions and the difference between "good decisions" and "bad decisions" but I think it is really up to her mom to tell her what is expected of her and what the consequences will be if she doesn't behave.

Hope this helps.

yoga and meditation are really great for anger management. they give kids the skills to step back and know when they need to calm down. really great skills for children...and as they grow up.
if you're interested... www.miniyogis.com :)

Anger management ? Please the girl is 5. She needs an attitude adjustment, not anger management.

can you spend some just you and her time? A trip to the ice cream shop?
Have your sister watch your daughter and you take her daughter somewhere special. Not a movie , so you can talk to her.

It really sounds like she's not getting enough positive attention.

As an Auntie myself my first instinct would be to engage her more...can you say sleepover?! I am full heartily a proponent of spoiling my nephews...and not ashamed to admit it either! Lavish her with attention...she is most undoubtedly feeling left out...now that your attention has been split...include her in as much as possible (when I talk about my kids with my nephews I always say "our" baby) in everything you do...and you be interested in all aspects of her life too!

As far as the "friction" between the 2 of you goes...I would just do my best to address each and every situation as they arise...I am thinking things will blow over soon enough. Keep the lines of communication open with your Sis and the 2 of you should work thru it together as a team. There is nothing wrong with asking your sister to speak up and help you by reminding her "not to talk to Auntie that way" or "you need to listen to Auntie"

Best Wishes!

So she's a middle kid. And you said the main friction is between you and her... but you also say that she has "anger issues" with you, her Mom and her 14 year old sister.... but she is never that way in school. So, she gets tweaked at home and with family.

Really observe what the issue is... its point of origin. You said since your son was born. But that was 2 years ago. How has she been treated since then, since his birth? Next, you are not her "Mom" but her Aunt. So, it ALSO has to do with her Mom... AND how her Mom corrects or teaches her too. Or, do you "expect" too much from her???? This often causes "anger" in a kid. Or, does she have any of her own activities? Or is she just tagging along everywhere and according to everyone else? Some "middle-kids" are that way and get lost in the shuffle.... and it affects them.
Next, have you actually talked with her? Not just "explaining" what is... but talking with her and letting her "vent" and say how she feels? You said she "understands a little while and then acts out again." So, maybe she is not even paying attention to what you are saying.... it not being in line with her emotional comprehension or articulation or sense of "empathy."

Next, she cries to her parents about you and plays the victim. She is pushing your buttons. Probably because she wants attention...and does not want to behave or cooperatively. But... she is 5. And by this age, the kid has to learn how to cooperate... not manipulate.

Her "anger" is her NOT knowing how to "cope" with emotions. A child, does not come fully formed and instinctively knowing how to "cope" with emotions. Not even all adults know that. It has to be TAUGHT. Not just lectured to the child. Or it won't sink in.
If she tantrums/yells/disrespect... WHAT are her consequences??? If any? She can't just act up and do and get whatever she wants. Sometimes, a kid gets like this because there is NO structure to their lives nor any structure to what is allowed or not. AND, they are usually not attended to, regarding their feelings.... not heard, not attentively listened to...and so, they get no where with anyone... hence, acting up and getting angry. No matter what, a child needs to also feel 'validated" and understood... even if grumpy. But then they need to be corrected or shown how to manage their negative actions.

Next, why on earth, is her Mom giving you a bad time about it? You are the Aunt... and her daughter can't handle that you have another child. Or it could be that she just expects you to cater to her... which maybe is what happened when you did not have your own child. Many Aunt's are very generous and not so strict. I know my sister, is that way with my kids.. .and when she is "strict" they complain to me. But I tell them, Aunty has rules and I am the top "boss" and she has to listen to ME, and they do too. AND if my kids treated my sister/their Aunt that way... I would lay down the law... and discipline them. I would not allow it.

You said you want to teach her that your love has not changed since the birth of your son.... and that she is still your special girl. But some kids need to be shown... not just told. And if that is what you want to teach her... then teach it to her. But I guess, she has gotten in the "habit" of playing "victim"... and perhaps it is just that she is NOT the main focal point anymore. Which is probably what it is.

Does she treat your 2 year old nicely? Or does she resent him? That would also be your answer, if it is pertinent.

Mostly, her MOM has to correct her.. .and not allow such crappy behavior to you. To teach respect and kindness to family members... and all that other stuff.

Next, what is her Mom like? Her parents? Letting her do whatever she wants or do they parent? Next, what is the 14 year old like? is she possible copying the older sister? Or being teased or ignored? I would think, that it has to do with your nieces overall family life and how that is... too. Not just you. You are NOT her Mom.

all the best,
Susan

Thing about kids and emotions, they don't know how to express them very well in words, it comes out in action.

My recomendation is book, that teaches caregivers how to and the importance of acknowledging kids feelings, instead of telling them how they should feel or what to do and don't feel. You help kids give the feelings a name and a way to talk about it. HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN & LISTEN SO KIDS WILL TALK by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish.