My daughter is about to turn 13 this summer. She asked the permission to go to the Water park Hawaiian Falls with her friends (a couple of girls) for an afternoon. The person in charge of the girls is the 21 y old brother of one of the girls and no parents (I can't take off work that day) would be there. I am putting on hold my daughter's request with "I'll talk to dad tonight" and am still thinking about it. My daughter is a very good student and a responsible child. All her friends that I know are good kids as well. Should I let my daughter go? I would probably allow her if there is one parent there.
Thank you for the advices.
QA
Thank you everyone for the advices! I don't know the family and will call the parents today for more details as you advised. My daughter is a good swimmer and knows the park well (we went there several times last summer). I talked to my husband who also prefered the presence of a parent (rather than a brother).
Glad you are considering it at least - some siblings have such a great relationship and are caring and protective. Best to find out more.
do you know the 21 yo? I would base my decision on his maturity level and if he is taking a friend that would distract him from attending to the girls.
If your daughter is responsible and these are good kids I would definitely reward my daughter with my trust and let her go. Being over-protective with good, smart kids can backfire in the long run.
Will anyone she is going with have a cell phone? How responsible is the 21 year old? I would go on your gut feeling. If you are going to be worrying about her all day while you are at work then I would say it does not sound like a good idea. Offer to take her and her friends on your next available day off.
Do you know anything about the 21yo brother that is going? I would feel comfortable if I knew that he was a responsible young adult. Your Daughter has proven to be a good girl and it sounds like she's earned your trust and should be given the opportunity to continue to prove herself. When she proves you wrong, she loses your trust and has to start over again earning it. I would definitely sit down with her and go over what is expected and be sure she understands how to handle herself in certain situations that could happen on the outing (like if she get's seperated from her group, etc). Do some role play and throw some situations out there and see if she makes good choices. Another option, do you have a sitter/friend you could hire for the day to take her? I would only do that if you didn't know anything about the 21yo brother (because it would probably be a little embarrassing to her, but doable if it's the only way she get's to go!) Tough decision, good luck!
How much t.v. does your daughter watch? Do you trust the girls your daughter is going with? (I am distinguishing between the words knowing and trusting) Have you watched the movie "Pamelas Prayer"? I had a very "responsible" son and when I made a comment in front of a friend of his, they (when they thought I didn't hear them) said "she doesn't know you, does she?". Have you been able to observe your daughter and friends interact? A lot of times we have "gut feelings" that turn out to be more reliable than facts; read all your responses here carefully, speak with your husband and do what you feel is right. Pray blessings over your daughter and ask God for wisdom!
I would probably do the same thing. Not knowing the 21 year-old, it probably would be best to have a parent there. Even if your daughter is responsible and has good judgement, it sounds like you have made a sound decision to me. Good luck!
Show her you trust her by allowing her to go. Tell her that is why she is being allowed to go - because you know you can trust her to make good decisions and be responsible. The first time is always difficult but it has to happen some time. This is a fairly safe opportunity. If she has problems at least she is in a public place where there are options for her. Best of luck. - D.
Have you met the brother? Do you know this family? What is your gut feeling? I don't think you are strict for taking the time to decide whether this is a safe outing for your daughter. That is being a reasonable and good mom.
Consider the park. Do you feel comfortable with it? You said if a parent was there you would let her go. Is this brother a responsible person? If you decide you think he probably is, then, say yes. Then sit your daughter down and give her some guidelines. Tell her all the things you think she already knows. Like, if you are uncomfortable at any time call me and I will come and get you. Don't go off alone. Make good choices. Talk to the brother and get details. Know where your daughter will be and when she will be home. After the event ask your daughter what she thought of the brother so you will know whether to say yes next time.
Last, if you are not comfortable, it is okay to say "no." She is a good girl and you can tell her so, and you can promise her an outing another time. Don't be swayed. Teens will cry, kick, pout and accuse you of not trusting them. Don't worry about any of that. Do what you think is right, avoid anger and give sympathy......but stand your ground.
Every family is different and what works for one may not work for the other.
We have a 14 yr old. I am probably one of the most lenient and open minded parents on here so I am sure I will be bashed.
Our 14 yr old is an honors student, cheerleader, accomplished on the violin, in orchestra, very responsible and yes, we trust her. She know if we ever have reason not to trust her things will change dramatically. The girls she hangs out with are good girls from good families. We all know each other well.
Yes, our daughter has been dropped off at Six Flags in the morning by a parent who sees that they get in ok, and them picked up late afternoon by another parent. I sure don't want to hang out there all day and the kids love it. We live a good hour away so we car pool with another parent to take and pick up a group. They all have cell phones, they all know to stay in contact and call at check in times.
She also goes to movies and to the mall.
My only concern in your situation is the 21 yr old. I am careful about who my daughter is in a car with. If I knew the 21 yr old.....I might feel better about that aspeect of it.
It is hard letting go.
I would insist on a parent. This is not a reasonable responsibility for a 21-yo brother.
I would not say you are.
I'd also say NO. Without a parent it just isn't the same. I am also one of the die hard- hire a girl as a babysitter people then too, I have two little girls. Ages 7 and 4. It might be different for me if I knew the 21 yr old brother or if it was my own son BUT even then, I wouldn't put him in charge of a group of young teenage girls.
Don't question if you're too strict just because you feel uncomfortable saying yes in this situation. We get those feelings for a reason.
If you choose to say no-do let your daughter know your reasons and be sure she knows how you consider her a very good student and responsible child and how her friends are also good kids. Let her know it's not personal and it's not punishment and if possible, plan a time to go yourself-with her and possibly her friends. Maybe a birthday or work holiday? Life is FULL of disappointments-we don't want to disappoint our kids but sometimes a little bit is a good dose of reality and I sure wish disappointment for me was simply not going to a social thing I wanted to go to instead of doing without major appliances once in a while or living with a husban deploying to Afgahistan. I bet your daughter will handle it well and if she throws a fit about it- then that would back up a need to wait anyway.
I would be reluctant to say yes!
An old-fashioned mom!
