How Do Yall Feel About This??

It's not a good idea at all. If she were even a little older and out of high school, a 5 year difference is ok. But a 21 year old guy should not be dating a 16 year old. Any psychologist will tell you that.

If it were MY daughter, I'd have a problem with it.
But you're not this girl's mother.
I'd stay out of it.
They walk among us--and they breed.

I would not allow it. There's only one thing going on and we all know what that is!...I agree with the post that likes dating older men...That's fine but not at 16. My husband is 10+years older than I and I was well into my 20's when we started dating.

You know what, I would probably say something in a very calm and lighthearted manner along the lines of, "I'm surprised at how trusting of that man you are with your little girl! I could never allow my 16 year old to date a 21 year old man. Have you ever thought about his agenda, or why his can't get a woman he own age? You do realize if he had sex with her, he could be put on the sex offenders list?"

And yes, that is just disgusting.... and illegal.

**And I was also a 16 year old dating a 24 year old who had a child. Now that I am a woman, it makes me sick that such an old guy would be preying on a young teen like me. I never would have gone after a teenager when I was in my early twenties. But at the time, I felt so flattered! And no, my mom would not have approved had she known.

It's not your place.

I was that 16yr old dating a 21yr old.

I was 19 dating a 29yr old, just out of a divorce, and had a 6yr old.

I refused to date people my own age. They acted like jackasses. My husband is almost 9yrs older than me.

ETA- FYI- I have an 8yr old daughter. IF she's a MATURE 16yr old like I was... Then, yes. I would let her DATE a 21yr old. There would be rules. I would know this guy and his family.

Also... for what it's worth... I was working full time, going to school like I should, PAYING RENT, and was very responsible.

AND what is it with some of you thinking that only an older guy can give an STD???? There are plenty of "whorish" 16 yr old guys! AND The highest incline of HIV positive and herpes are people in RETIREMENT HOMES!!!

18.........maybe, but not 21

It's illegal, I'm pretty sure. Unless they aren't having any kind of sexual or physical contact and I can't swing a dead cat without hitting a 21 yr. old who's saying, "Nope, I definitely do not want any kind of physical contact with my girlfriend. She has cooties, and that's gross."

It wouldn't be a matter of if, but when, I talked to my friend about it. And, if I were the LITTLE GIRL'S mom, it wouldn't be a matter of if, but how fast I can get on down to the police station to file a complaint.

But, hey, that's just me.

I started dating my husband when I was still 17 and he was 23. We are 5.5 years apart. Our 10year anninversary is this October and we have been together a total of almost 14 yrs. I didn't like guys my age in HS, they were stupid and immature.
If it were my daughter.......and I do have a daughter age 7........
They could date. She would have a curfew. They would not be alone hanging out at his house. She would only see him once a week or so and be encouraged to hang out with friends her age at least one weekend evening and then she could go out with him another evening. He would come to our house, eat with the family. We would know how he lives, where he lives, does he go to college, does he have a job. What can he offer our daughter as a man - is he respectable etc. If there was a real connection then I would allow it within these limits. If he was a bum with no job and still livin' with his mama, then NO! And I would make sure that she knew why.

**update - I think a lot of you are missing the fact that she could get pregnant or get an STD just as easy from another 16 yr old...........and FYI, a 16 yr old would want the SAME thing as the 21 yr old. I think it's a case by case decision based on the girl and the potential boyfriend.

I found out my sister was dating a softmore in college (she was a junior in high school at the time) and I freaked out. To me it it suspicious because why can't he get a girl in college? why is he dating high schoolers? There is generally only one thing a guy wants from a girl that age and he was not going to get it from my sister. I am not against age differences. My dad is 7 yrs older then my mom and my husband is 16 yrs older then me. Its a maturity difference that I dont like.

hi J.,

Do you interact much with the 16 year old? I might try a different approach. next time you see the 16 year old ask her questions about what she likes about her b'friend. where do they go? What does she do if he drinks when they are together... does she drink too? What job does he have? Where does he live?

Pretend you're her BFF and get the scoop. Then you'll be able to figure out what kind of relationship they have.

I would say there might be 1 or 2 21 year old boys who are upstanding and would have a g'friend and not have sex. And by 1 or 2 I mean in the whole entire world.

In texas the age of consent is 17, but until then any physical activity is illegal and can get him put on the sex offenders registry. Ask her what she thinks of that? And if she would want that for him?

.

Isn't that illegal??
I guess I assume "sex" will be involved, which is the illegal part, right?

EDIT: To answer your question ~ No, I would not allow my 16 y/o to date a 21 y/o. She knows better! But I don't know that it's your place to say anything to your friend unless she asks your opinion on the situation.

Why would a grown need to be in a relationship with a 16 year old girl?

I would think there was something wrong with him emotionally .

It sounds yucky.

But stay out of it if you want to stay friends with this woman. IF she asks for your opinion.. ask he first "Do you REALLY want to know what I think?"

I would say something. But bring it up while talking about other things.. then pop that in there or wait until she brings up the subject and ask her what she is thinking for allowing this!

Seems like you friend could care less about her daughter's future, if you ask me. A 21 year old man has a lot in mind that a 16 year old girl doesn't need to be exposed to. Maybe when her daughter is pregnant or has an STD she'll think "Ooops." I would say something, but that's just me...and I'd say it in a way that made it perfectly clear where I stood and why.

Yep, Are you carzy why are you letting her grow up so fast?

I would say something. I don't know if your friend is trying to be the cool mom, but you have a responsibility to say something. It's innapropriate, and in some states illegal!

I would not like it if my 16 yo daughter had a relationship with a 21yo and I probably would not let her. However.... When I was 17 and a senior in HS my boyfriend was 23. We had a nice relationship and he took me to nice restaurants etc. We never had sex. My good friend dated and ended up marrying a guy who worked with my BF so we were in the same social circle for a while. Now I think it is a little weird but I think I am being a hypocrite.

When I was a 16 year old I dated a 20 year old but there was a level of maturity that was high in me and lacking in him so it put us on an even level.He was a really great guy and it wasn't all about sex. We had a lot of fun together.

NO! In fact I am having an ultra sound on friday to find out the sex of our 4th baby(we have 3 boys) and my husband is a nervous wreck it's a girl. He said the thought of having a daughter makes him want to go start beating dudes up now!lol I said what are you going to start hitting pregnant mothers bellies and hitting preschoolers because one day our potential daughter may date one of these boys?!lol So my husband would never allow it either. Too much life experience for this boy and not enough for the girl. What could they have in common anyway?.....

Nope not unless she is up for a round of being on the show teen mom

Personally, were it my daughter, we'd be having some conversations about this guy and why he'd be interested in a 16 yr old. At 21, he could be my SS - graduating college, getting out in the Real World. At 16, she could be my SD - still in HS, worried more about her hair (or should be) than car payments.

I'm not opposed to age differences, but at 16 and 21 there should be MATURITY differences and if there is not, something is wrong. Simply, when I met my DH I was an adult. Had I met him at 16, there would have been no way he'd have been interested in a child.

Since this is not YOUR child, I would talk to my own child and tell her why I wouldn't want her in that situation.

Your friend probably thinks that her daughter will date the guy anyway behind her back and this way she'll be able to keep a better eye on them. And she gets to be the cool mom. She also doesn't have to risk her daughter's wrath and threats to run away or harm herself or any other number of threats that teens use to try to manipulate their parents.

She's very misguided. She's put her daughter in a very precarious situation. A 16 year old dating a 21 year old is very different than a 21 year old dating a 26 year old.

16 is still a child whose brain is still developing, unable to make mature decisions without drawn out thought. It's the rare teen who has a level head and is 100% responsible, and a teen that would date a 21 year old man is not a level-headed nor responsible teen.

A 21 year old man that would date a 16 year old child can not be trusted. It's sick.

In my experience, parents don't LET their 16 year old do anything. The 16 year olds of today do pretty much what they want. The time for instilling values is when they are younger and even then, we are at their mercy. How do I know this??? Been there, done that. Try calling the police and telling them where your 16 year old is and see if they have time to make them come home.

if she forbids it it will make it that much more enticing, thats what my parents did and I did it for years and married and divorced him after being together 12ish years, had they allowed it and done what the other poster said about inviting him over...i wouldve gotten tired quick

Updated

if she forbids it it will make it that much more enticing, thats what my parents did and I did it for years and married and divorced him after being together 12ish years, had they allowed it and done what the other poster said about inviting him over...i wouldve gotten tired quick

If my friend told me she was letting her 16 year old date a 21 year old, I'd say "why" followed by a few other questions. If something like that came out of my friends mouth, I'd have to ask questions.

No, I probably wouldn't let her date the guy, and I'm pretty sure Daddy would have scared him off.

She's your friend, if she ask for your opinion give it, if not, don't say anything. She is the parent and it's her kid. Now if I saw the 16 year old, I'd probably say, "girl you are lucky I'm not your momma because there is no way I'd let you date at 21 year old..." Other than that, I wouldn't give my opinion, just asked questions, but wouldn't say anything unless she asked for my opinion or advice.

Why would a 21 y.o. want to date a 16 y.o.? Doesn't make any sense.

It's certainly not illegal to let her young daughter date a man that's a few years older than her. It is illegal for them to sleep together.
When I was 18 I dated a man who was 32. We dated for 4 years. So, maybe when she is over the "jailbait" age it may work out.
I certainly wouldn't want my daughter to date someone at the age of 16...doesn't matter how old the boy is!!
L.

4 years is not much but when one is not even 18 yet, it is huge! Not my daughter (or son either for that matter).

KR, there is one very good reason a 21 year old would want to date a 16 year old . . . my mom actually encouraged me to go out with a 20 year old when I was 16 - didn't take ME long to figure out what he wanted and break it off but I KNEW I wasn't ready for that. I would NEVER let my daughters do that. I don't know how I would approach it, but I think if she is a good friend you almost have to. Good luck!!

Why would a 21 year old want to date a 16 year old.? Sorry, but...NO.

My daughter's best friend dated a 19 year old going to ASU. I didn't think it was a good idea at the time. She just recently turned 17, she's pregnant and getting married to this guy on Saturday. =( Trying to help my daughter through this has been difficult especially since my daughter has a crush on a college student who's 18. I would say something casually about your concerns. It's her daughter but maybe she'll be at least guide her and help her daughter. I wouldn't allow it. I can't imagine why a 21 year old would want to take a teenager to begin with.

I haven't read all the responses, but I have read some of them... I liked what Sarah S. had to say. Age and maturity! As she already stated and I'm sure other mamas have, it makes you wonder why a 21 year old would want to date a 16 year old? Also, if I was the Mama I would be concerned that she is dating someone old enough to get alcohol for his under age girl friend.

As Sarah S. said it's not about age, it's about maturity. A person who is 25 and dating a 30 year old... no big deal. But the amount of maturity gap between a 16 year old and a 21 year old seems like a big gap.