Am I Overreacting? - Norfolk,VA

That is NOT normal, and you need to find out how she knew/thought to do that. That is an ENORMOUS red flag that she's been abused, or at least has seen pornography.

no, you are not crazy...to be honest, I don't really know what to think. I understand why you are upset though, I would expect my husband to immediately stop the behavior at once...not just sit there and ask what she's doing...however maybe it shocked him as well ? I don't think you are over reacting, I would be pretty worked up right about now too...Im sorry I cant offer much advice.

i think your husband asks that because he may not have wanted to draw so much attention to the issue by telling your daughter stuff that she might not even know she was being inappropriate about. Maybe she accidently brushed up on that area and noticed it was different..squishy, feels funny.. and was just exploring, curious.

we can't presume that children think 'logically' like adults. when they see something different, interesting, they explore. period. It just so happen to be your husband's private part that made it disturbing. What if it was a squishy lump on his head? But when you get upset out of something that she had no idea about...you draw more attention to it and might start to strip her of her innocence. I'm not saying that you/he just let her continue touching it, but move her hand away and move on. Tell her, "hey, keep your hands to yourself".

i know for a fact that if it was my daughter and husband, i wouldn't want my husband to make an issue of it at all..and just subtlely move her hands away. And if your husband had anything to hide, he wouldn't be drawing your attention to it, asking you "what is she doing?"

Personally, my husband and I would probably think it's weird, even funny...chuckle to ourselves and whisper, 'what the heck is she doing?" yeah, that is a really legitimate question.

It's really all innocent from your daughter's perspective, I'm sure. And from your husband's too.

UPDATE (after reading some of the responses...) Oh my gosh, people.. It is highly unlikely that this child was "ACTING OUT SEXUALLY" as someone has stated here . We don't even realized that we're putting an adult term on this little girl's action and putting her at the same level of our thinking. So my boy rubs my tummy/belly button..that's normal. Then maybe starts to explore my boobs. Suddenly he knows the difference that the first was not sexual and the second was?????huh????

Yikes. Like Lola said, eyes open and analyze from here on out. No one wants to admit that their husband/boyfriend/guy friend is or could be molesting our child, but IT DOES HAPPEN.
Don't jump to conclusions, but do be wary for awhile. And talk to your daughter about the situation when your husband isn't home and where she feels comfortable. A 6 year old isn't dumb and will be able to communicate to you- and possibly let you in on something you need to know about.
Good luck, and stick with your intuition. Momma's know best.

First of all, you are not CRAZY!!! Your husband should not be angry at you for being bothered by this. You need to have a private and gentle talk with you daughter to find out why she is doing this and has she done this before to daddy, brothers, uncles or anyone else. There is a possibility that she has seen someone do this or was taught to do this by someone. Either way the situation needs to be discussed with her as inappropiate behavior, because there could be an unlying problem under the surface. As for your husband, you need to find out why he isn't bothered by this and why he didn't have her stop immediately. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what she was doing!

He might just have been caught off guard and didn't know what to say and she didn't know what she was doing or that it wasn't appropriate. I would simply address the issue with your husband, without anger, and come up with a plan together for how to handle that kind of behavior. I'm a childcare provider and whenever one of the kids does that to either myself or my husband, we simply ask them to stop and to not touch us there. If they're bigger, we take the opportunity to explain "that those are my private parts, for me to touch only and that doesn't make me feel good when you touch me there."

not overreacting, not crazy

I do not think your crazy or overreacting. At a certain age you may overlook some things but at 6 it's unacceptable. Take it from someone who was abused by a family member don't go accusing your husband but always I mean always watch your children. They tell you things by their actions and it's your job as a parent to pick up on these things. Your daughter is 6 talk to her she needs to understand boundaries. You need to teach what's appropriate as well as let her know to come talk to you about anything. Please don't scare her but you as her mother need to start teaching her now because if she does that to someone at school there will be a big deal made.

I'm assuming that you're husband was just shocked and was looking to you to explain the actions??? Either way, don't be so hard on him; he may just be alarmed because of the times we're living in now-a-days. What I would say is to make sure that he speaks with her about it. I'm sure you may have addressed it with your daughter, but she needs to hear from her father just how important it is to conduct herself with males/men, even her father! This type of conversation will help to solidfy her foundation on the subject of inappropriate touching, etc. Although it may have left your husband angry, upset or distressed, he must recognize that it was a behavior that may have been innocent on her part - but either way, it should be addressed from each of the parents in a loving, kind, gentle but thorough manner. I wish you success in calming this situation down while still helping your daughter to learn/be reminded of some important information regarding touching certain body parts.

this is just, odd, for me to comprehend. let's reverse tables, assume you have a son, and assume you're in the situation. would you:
1. ask your husband what your son is doing?
2. or would you immediately put a stop to it.
how does a 6 year old, how to i ask this, lay in his lap, and touch the one part that is supposed to be private?
dig and investigate more. less words more eyes open. see where it takes you

I agree with many of the responses. She is 6, she should know the good/bad touches, but DO take her to the doc and have it all checked out. Maybe not go as far as the divorce, but BE SURE to ask her questions and see what she says. God be with you and good luck.

i can totally picture my husband asking me that cuz he would be a deer in headlights not sure what to do.

though it seems odd that your daughter would do that to HIM, as apposed to herself. i'd ask her about it.

i don't understand his anger either.

Why didn't HE say, "Honey, that's one of those private places on a boy or a man that people aren't allowed to touch." Shock is one thing but let's go ahead and be a father anyway in the midst of the situation. And if he was so shocked why did it go on for several seconds? What in the world is he asking you for? I think he had a pretty clear idea what she was doing. If your son started rubbing you would you turn to your husband and ask what he was doing?

Do you think he was just in such shock that he didn't know what to do?!?! I mean, it had to have been a weird moment for him, esp. in public. I also wonder if he intentionally said "what is she doing" to 1. point it out to you without making a big scene; 2. so you wouldn't jump to a conclusion or 3. so as not to completely mortify or shame your daughter. Father's don't know how to react to their daughter's sexuality and I'm sure he was particularly caught off guard in public and since she's only 6! In the absence of any other abnormal behavior, I would give him the benefit of the doubt and not start labeling him a molester. Yes, you need to safeguard your children but also think about what a label like that could do to a man, your marriage, etc. I'm just saying, BE SURE before you go there. You also need to talk to your daughter about it's not okay to touch or be touched in the "bathing suit" areas. While you are having that conversation, you can ask point blank if she has been touched or has seen something inappropriate (any chance she has seen you and your husband in an encounter?). You can have a basic conversation with her that she will understand at 6.

Question your daughter alone and make sure nothing is happening that is inappropriate. I know for a fact my husband would have stopped that type of behavior and would have been very upset and puzzled as to why that would have happened. In my opinion a 6 year old knows that type of touching is not appropriate so I would be concerned as to why she did do that.

i would be disturbed also. isnt the first reaction to tell them to stop? on the other hand has she ever done it before? and mabey he didnt know how to tell u so he wanted u to witness for urself?
i think anyway u bring it up its gonna be a fight. good luck

No, you are not crazy. Children that young don't know the different between right and wrong on certain issues. I think alot of kids see these things on tv and mimic the behaviors. I know my 4 year old son has said some things that make me cringe. I think you handled it very well. I wouldn't make a big deal of it by bringing it up again to your daughter, but I would make sure that hubby is on the same page as you if this should ever happen again. Deal with it on the spot and tell her it's a no-no.

Updated

No, you are not crazy. Children that young don't know the different between right and wrong on certain issues. I think alot of kids see these things on tv and mimic the behaviors. I know my 4 year old son has said some things that make me cringe. I think you handled it very well. I wouldn't make a big deal of it by bringing it up again to your daughter, but I would make sure that hubby is on the same page as you if this should ever happen again. Deal with it on the spot and tell her it's a no-no.

I hope he was just too surprised to know what to do. Some people freeze up and don't know what to say in all kinds of situations. Obviously she needed to be told to stop, but maybe he didn't know how to say it that wouldn't freak everyone out even more. Maybe he didn't want the other kids to notice. If he had told her to stop and you asked what he was talking about, would you have been disturbed by that as well? I think no matter how he handled it I would have freaked out a little. I hope he was just shocked and trying to prevent the situation from getting worse. But I don't think you are crazy at all. He's angry that you are bothered that it happened, or angry that you are bothered by his reaction? Either way, it's weird and needs a discussion and close monitoring by you.

I think that you might be over-reacting just a bit. Children don't think it's 'dirty' or wrong. Both my son and daughter always seem to find a wqay to stick their hand down my shirt. My in-laws think it is completly disgusting. i take it out and tell them thats not for them to touch, but it still happens. I would guess that she saw it on t.v. or saw you doing it and was just trying to imitate the behavior. Your husband I'd guess knew that it was not sexual and was more in disbelief than anything. Just sit back and breath. Kids are innocent, they do innocent things. It's really more our fears that make it a situation to freak out about.

My hubby would be pissed at me too if I thought he did anything inappropriate to our kids. I think you both overreacted to a situation that makes all parents skiddish. My son has laid his head on my boob and talked about it being squishy. Nothing sexual he viewed it as just another body part. With that said you do need to have her talk to maybe a school counsler or Dr. and see if there is a boy or man who has talked to her about that part. Just to rule out if anything bad happened.
It may have been innocent it may not have been but your husband is on your team. Dont treat him like the enemy unless there is reason.
I truly hope it's all a misunderstanding. Good luck to your family!

he asked for your help. he deferred to you because he hoped that you could figure out what was happening. he deferred to you because he respects your parenting skills. i remember doing something as a child because i misunderstood an adult phrase a was trying to figure it out. the adult who caught me did not make a big deal about it just told me to stop. mostly children are curious and have no boundaries. i agree that if he had something to hide he would not have asked for your help. don't you want him to ask for you help when he stunned by some action of your daughter's?

Hi S.,
I agree with just about everyone response to this situation. I don't think that you are crazy, but I would most definetly keep my eyes & ears open to how your daughter act around your hubby or how he plays with her if he does play with her. My biggest concern is that she is six (6) years old, and her touching there is a "NO, NO." I talk to my girls all the time about where a person shouldn't touch you. I let them know that nobody, whether it's a girl or a boy, should be touched on there pirate body parts.