Am I Doing the Right Thing?

Being a single mom does have it's pros and cons. I'm a single mom again for the second time in my life. Your sister is in a tough spot. It sounds to me, like the current guy is not good for her or the child and one on the way. In the end, children are happy with who you are happy with. I feel, she should kick this guy to the curb and just focus on her wonderful 6 year old and the one on the way. I date occasionally, without my children's knowledge. I take them to a friends to play and then I just enjoy a night out. If a man becomes serious, I have set guidelines and rules that he has to fit into or he can't meet my kids. It took a few mistakes to figure out that I need to know exactly what I want in a man and not give in for less. Your sister sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders. It's hard being lonely, but it's harder picking up the emotional pieces of our children because of the choices we make concerning men in our life. I don't know if your sister is spiritual, but I now, rely on God's wisdom and do alot of praying for guidance. Wish her well for me and I hope this helps, at least a little. Take care and God Bless you both.

That is a tough place to be in, especially while pregnant. I can't even imagine the stress. I hope that she can find that inner strength all of us women possess deep down inside and get through this time in her life. I learned that the best way for a man to raise his children is to love their mother. And the best way for a woman to raise her children is take care of her children's mother. If you follow that, it's a pretty simple recipe.

Love and Best wishes.

PS Ladies...have we learned nothing from Paris Hilton? STOP allowing yourselves to be photographed and video taped in the nude! Lol

Hi D.,

I left my husband with 4 children in tow. The emotional damage he did to the kids, I pray, that they can get handled soon. The kids seem to be adjusting well and they now have a wonderful stepdad that loves them dearly.
I'd encourage your sister to love herself enough to take care of her son and her baby on the way. That is all that matters. The other guys, she needs to put her foot down & be firm. The children will respect her for it.
Also, I suggest not dating in front of the kids. My kids met one man that I dated in between my ex and my hubby. That was a mistake because I should have waited. I didn't want them thinking that mom 'needed' someone and then my boys felt that they weren't enough.
Rely on God and He'll direct you and get you thru anything.
I'll be praying!
B.

Your sister have to first recognize that she has a serious problem that she keep repeating that will cause her trouble for rest of her life! Bring a child into the world is not something she should take it lightly. She sounds like she has issue with how she sees herself as a person. She needs to recognize that she is a special person and there is nobody like her on this earth! She needs to be treated like a princess that she is.
It's good that she recognizes that how her mistakes and relationship will effect her son.
It's never too late...STOP what she is doing. She needs to get rid of that boyfriend of hers and stop involving these useless men in her life to her son.
She needs to learn to stand alone....
She needs to seek some serious help from trained professionals. Look in the phone book. If she doesn't have insurance to do so, I think for single mom like herself can get a lots of help but she needs to seek help.
First step to heal is to realize that she has a problem.
It's never too late to start something new...

I think your sister is right to rid her life of men that are bad for her family given the situation she is in, but she needs to stop allowing herself to GET in that situation.

In the future, her life with men should be kept separate from her life as a mom until she knows the man well enough to be comfortable she can truly trust him, until she has had time to know that her feelings are real love, and until both her and the man are ready to commit to marriage. Having gone through several serious boyfriends with bad results, she also needs to step back and assess her own ability to properly judge all of the above. It is easy to misread all the cues when you are desperate to be in relationship. It is more difficult when you are comfortable with yourself, being on your own, and being a single parent. Perhaps your sister wants too badly to have a man in her life, and allows that to cloud her judgment. Choosing to focus on herself and her family, and trying to keep men out of her life for a while, might help her clear the picture and make better choices in the future.

Perhaps a time line would be helpful for her. Since my math suggests she is cycling through men once every 2 years or so, she should resolve that she will know a man for at least 2 years before allowing him to be involved in her children's lives.

However, all this is tough to call from a distant chair. What would help her most, probably, is sitting down with a counselor to discuss her feelings, needs, and goals. The counselor would help her see her own patterns, and help her make her own choices on how to stop them from recurring. A third party, impartial voice can really help a person focus their own thoughts.

In my opinion, it is more damaging for a child to be in an environment where their mother is abused and/or disrespected. This type of environment creates instability and makes it very hard for a child to feel stable and trusting of adults. Commonly in these volatile relationships, a woman's energy is diverted to her own survival and attention to the children's sense of security tends to slip. This is the harsh reality. (trust me, I have seen a lot of this pattern in my work in foster care)

These abusive relationships messes up the woman's low feeling of self worth and again, the children pick up on this too. They learn to devalue mom and other women. They often come away with the impression that those in authority don't matter.

Her dignity and self work are of high and priceless value and hopefully she will find out how to strengthen this and not allow others to strip this away from her.

Well D., I feel for your sister. I am in no way an expert but willing to try to offer some advise. I am 40 with a husband and 10 year old child. So I'm old....lol.Perhaps your sister needs to do some self inventory. She should take a look at the type of men she is getting invloved with since it sounds they are lacking in integrity. Since she is not married, her absoulte number one priority is her children.The most important thing for them is a stable loving home. If she ends up breaking up with her current boyfriend, her son may be upset, but in the long run they will be happier. Tell her to concentrate on being the best mom she can be,love her children and love herself. When she is true to those things, then she will attract a man that will do the same.

In the future as she dates, perhaps you can watch the kids and she should not introduce them to him until she knows who he really is and if their relationship is going to be solid. Take it slow and accept nothing but genuine, loving, integrous men.

First thing is if he is not treating right then get the hell up outa there. There4 are mor fish in the sea. but beleive me itaint any greener nex door.

Yur sone will be ok. Spend as much time with him. As far as Men
Introduce the as a friend. That way your son hope fully not get hurt. But on the other hand you new the romance from a man.Get
A sitter And go spend tie with the man you are wanting ti get to know.

I am 42 and have been married 2 and devoirsed 2 time. This is a hard situation. Have you set him down and talk to him about everything DON'T LET HIM RUN YOUR LIFE. In time he will come around just give atention and respece I promise you it will get better. Here is my email address.
____@____.com

I hope you find what you depretly need. you figer it out what works best for you.

Sencerly yours V.