Am I Crazy for Feeling the Way I Do?

You're only as crazy as most of the rest of us! I think all kids behave like that, and I think all moms worry about it! My daughter's worst behavior is when she is around other family members, especially my sisters-in-law, and I am there too. They say she's really good when I'm not around, though, and she's usually great with just me!

No, you aren't crazy. =) This is very normal behavior. And as another mom that is a stickler for manners I feel your pain! We both need to let up on our kids. Look at your father's response...he told you he was fine when you left. That is the sign that you are doing the right thing and that your child is learning from your example. Isn't it funny that it is moms like us that get embarrassed when our "good kids" act out and the moms that have no social graces are oblivious to their children's behavior? BUT that is WHY we get get embarrassed, we care enough to teach ours.....does that make sense? Trust yourself. Some day your child will be an adult in an adult setting where you can observe them (like their wedding day) and your heart will swell when you see them doing all the "right" things. =)

One of my sons does this. He is always perfect when he is with me and his siblings. BUT when others come around he feels the need to put on a show for them and what is worse is that he knows it makes me mad and he still does it.
I guess it will take time.

I wish you the best of luck and stay warm up there in PA. = )

All 3 of my children did this (especially my son)!!! It is called attention seeking!!! They do it right before we leave them with my MIL or any other babysitter (which is maybe twice a month). As soon as we walk in the door, wheather we were gone for 1 hour or all day they get all hyper and start acting silly or naughty. They just want your attention and they will do whatever means they deem necessary to get it! It's totally normal. I watch other peoples kids regularly and they do the same thing when their moms show up.
My advice would be not to cater to the bad behavior and encourage the good. When you walk in give him a hug, tell him you missed him and love him and to go play for a minute or sit quietly on your lap while you talk to the caretaker. If he starts acting naughty or defiant, pick him up and leave immediately. If he is being silly (over the top obnoxious) try to calm him down, if that is not possible, pick him up and leave! If you can't leave immediately, then put him somewhere to sit quietly until he can calm himself down. If you do have to leave, make sure once he's buckled in the car that you explain to him why you left so abruptly and what you expect of him in the future. Also, before dropping him off, make sure he knows what you expect from him upon your return. If your consistent with this, he will learn quickly what is acceptable and unacceptable. One last thought, when he finally catches on to what behavior you expect, praise him for not acting crazy when you picked him up from Grandpa's, and tell him that's how he should be when you come to get him again next time!
Good luck to ya!

When you say acting up what is he doing? How old is this child? He sounds fine to me, sometimes kids are goofy and it sounds like you are doing the best you can.

I worry also way to much because my kids have a lot of energy I mean a lot. My son is 6 almost 7 and my daughter is 3 the most I worry is when we are at church but you know what they are kids so keep in line as much as you can don't worry about what others think.

Yes, of course you're crazy. So? <grin>

There are 2 different things happening, here.

The first (and the only indication of any problem) is that you're taking someone else personally... which is a short step away from the kind of fascist behaviour that relies a belief that it is possible to control others. You need to step away a bit and begin to see your son as himself --a person you may be able to influence but you will never be able to control.

The second is actually much better news: kids acting up around their parents says 'I trust you enough to demonstrate my experience.' It is very likely that your son is saying 'I'm uncomfortable with this situation' until you leave and he no longer finds himself with someone he knows well enough to know for sure won't throw him out a window. You may know that your dad isn't going to throw anyone, but your son has no reason to know or trust anything of the kind --little kids being particularly attuned to their mothers and few others.

Kids away from their parents, even as old as 5, excrete high levels of stress hormones the whole time --regardless of how they seem to be coping, and regardless of the quality of care, or their relationship to the caregiver. It explains the behaviour changes you're seeing.

Hi, J.:

Where are these feelings of you coming from?
What lurks around in your subconscious about this child's
behavior.
Just want to know.
D.

Completely normal behavior (depending on the age of the child, it may be more severe)!

When our 3.5 year old is acting up, my instinct is to correct the behavior, and in the majority of cases I do. Sometimes, I just look at him and ask what he needs. More often than not, he needs Mommy to hold him, give him more attention, play with him, and he doesn't know how to articulate it.

Especially in the toddler/preschool years, they're beginning to learn who they are and what their limits are. We're just like them - we act differently around different people and in different social situations in which we're more comfortable.

I'd recommend asking him what he needs when he starts doing it and then correcting the behavior as appropriate.

Good luck! You are not alone.