Other Children's Behavior

I have 3 children and it has been my experience that it is rarely a good idea to "scold" someone else's child. I too was like you always stating the rules to the rule breaking kids, but found that the parents usually had a problem with me and NOT their child's misbehavior. So for years now I watch children like that closely and only say something if they are endangering MY child(ren). Ever since I started doing that I have never had any problems with other parents!

I too get upset when I see other children not following the rules. I dont allow my 3 yr old to climb up the slide because someone may be coming down, etc... I just go find an employ who will tell them to observe the rules. If its too busy for that I just simply leave. Moms need to start early teaching their children to obey rules, laws, etc... I hate to see what these kids are going to end up like if they are never taught! Good Luck!

J.,

She was probably mad because she was in the wrong. People don't like that being pointed out to them. But in most cases need it. If other parents don't like it then they need to start watching their children. If they are there watching and not doing anything then I would get my children and leave. What you did was right. I agree with some other moms if you don't want to be the bad guy again let the store manager do it. I two young kids who I feel shouldn't have their play time ruined because of unresponsible "adults". Good Luck!!

Beth

Oh J.--honestly--who cares what they think? YOU DID THE RIGHT THING! You were the only adult there and the kids needed supervision, if it was my child I would be thankful that you were there to watch out for them. If that mom doesn't feel the same, then that is honestly her problem and not yours. She was probably just self conscious that you had to say something to them in the first place--we as moms always feel that it is our fault when our children misbehave in any way when they are their own persons who make mistakes. So it sounds like she was just letting you know why she wasn't there herself.
Either way--no worries!

Well, there are a lot of ways to answer this, most of which require knowing the other mother's parenting style.. which we don't.

It might depend on exactly what you said.. Telling a 4 yr old (?) that "this kind of behavior will not be tolerated" even in a non-threatening voice, is a little vague or may be "harsh" sounding to kids that are not accustomed to being given limits. And if the mom overheard you, that term "tolerated" sounds like YOU are in charge of the play area... which you are not. Granted, she should have been supervising her kids more closely if they were creating a dangerous atmosphere for other kids. So perhaps the reaction was based on how you came across rather than the fact that you corrected her children.. (maybe next time say something like, "kids, you need to play on the inside, not the outside of that." or cite the posted rules.. "The rules say you can't do that". If they continue the behavior.. "That's not safe, so if you keep doing that I'm going to get your mother"- most kids, in deference, will stop whatever it is). Maybe she is more lax at discipline and didn't see anything wrong with what they were doing.. it might be the way the play EVERY time they are there.

So consider this (in my opinion, the most likely explanation, which you'll eventually be faced with one day at least once, I promise) she might have been embarrassed by her lack of control over her kids...
My kids are wonderfully behaved children, everyone tells us so.. no one ever is reluctant to keep an eye on them for us, whether at drop-off birthday parties or watching them for babysitting or anything like that. (They have their moments where they need to be corrected 5 times for the same thing, they are not perfect). And there are days here or there that they push their limits and I am more tired (sometimes mentally) than the situation calls for me to be.. and I have slacked. We moms are not perfect all the time either. So try not to worry about what happened. What you did was okay. Hey, some folks are possessive of their kids.. but most of us appreciate the extra help... believe me, many times having a parent (other than yourself) telling your kids something makes a much bigger impact on their behavior at a given moment than if you repeated it 10 times. ..

But it seems to me, that moms who get "mad" about something like that usually don't have a good handle on enforcing discipline in general, and so become embarrassed when it is revealed that they don't have control of their kids.

In summary, you didn't do anything wrong. Just check your phrasing if it happens again. Usually when that sort of thing happened with us, I took my kids and left (because I didn't want them learning the behavior)..
Best to you...

Hi, J.. Honey, don't worry about what that mom thinks. The truth of the matter is that she wasn't supervising the kids, and if she got embarassed and annoyed because someone else had to step in and discipline HER KIDS, well, frankly, she DESERVES the embarassment and the annoyance. Again, don't worry about what she thought. You wanted the kids to be safe, and she was not concerned; so what does that say about her? If anyone had the right to be upset, it was you because she was being irresponsible with her own kids, and ended up placing the burden on you. Maybe not on you, personally, but she wasn't paying attention, and so the next parent down the line who gave a hoot would have to do her job for her.

True, it is never easy to face someone else's anger, but unless you were mean to her kids, you have nothing to be embarassed about. We women can be very uncomfortable standing up for what we think is right, but this discomfort is outweighed by the good we can do if we stand up in a compassionate and considerate way.

Don't you feel better knowing that you might have saved these kids from breaking the playground equipment and getting hurt from it? Wouldn't you feel really lousy -- forever -- if you just stood by, didn't say anything and they got hurt because no one cared enough to supervise them? A person can overdo this sort of thing, but it doesn't sound like you went too far. So just be sweet and strong, and keep on setting a good example of someone who cares and goes the extra mile. The alternative -- joining in that parent's neglectful attitude --would be really really bad, for you and the kids.

Peace,
Syl

I know exactly how you feel J. I have 16 mo old twins and a 2 year old. I take them to the play area in the mall and find that I am constantly having to say something to the big kids that are running around and knocking down all the babies and toddlers. The play area is for small children and the big kids have no care for the lil' ones and they should not be in there in the first place. I feel like I am the ref and the big kids don't like me, but I don't care. The kids should be told and I don't mind if their parents get upset, b/c I would rather the lil' ones be safe, then get knocked down or trampled on from the older kids that are unsafe. Don't worry and speak up and go with your instincts! Your child is the most important and you probably helped other lil' ones from getting hurt. Your absolutely right for speaking up! Good luck!

Hey J.,

You have my full support. Your problem is one of my pet peeves! Parents who don't supervise or correct their childrens behavior in public places. While I never expect any child to be perfect, and as parents we miss things from time to time, there is no excuse for parents who just ignore their childrens poor behavior. If the woman was mad at you . . . SO WHAT! From what you wrote, these children were willfully breaking the rules, putting themselves and others in danger, and possibly causing property damage that would prevent others from enjoying the facility at a latter date. Perhaps if more people spoke up, these children would learn that their behavior is undesireable, and their parents would learn to pay a little more attention.

I wouldn't say you were wrong for intervening. However, if you are truly concerned with other parents reactions, I would simply bring it to managements attention and let them handle it. Some parents are really touchy about others "disciplining" their children and may be unnecessarily rude. Don't dwell on it too much. Your intentions were good so your conscious should be clear.

Everyone is different and not everyone is comfortable speaking to other people's children. I personally have no problem with it and do it all the time!! I think it takes a village to raise children. Imagine if their parents don't have a handle on their discipline (for whatever reason-- maybe they are doing the best they can, maybe they have no clue, maybe they can't be bothered, maybe mom does the best she can but ex-husband does the opposite---- we have no idea)... and then imagine that everyone else around them doesn't want to get involved. Then they will continue the behavior and they will end up hurt or hurting someone else. But if several people correct them, they will eventually getit that the way they are acting is not appropriate for that situation. A lot of time, older kids (not sure how old these were) just have no clue how to be safe around little ones if they don't have a younger brother or sister. Pointing out to them how to be safer is always a good idea--- but only if you are comfortable speaking to someone else's kids.

I think you did the right thing. It seems as if the parents were not being attentive to the kids. My biggest concern would be my son. If they were to hurt my child by acting like "animals" in a restaurant playground, then I guess there would be heat. This is the parents fault. If I had kid(s) acting up like that in any playground- I would feel embarrassed. And if you feel she was mad at you, then let it be. You have no reason to feel bad.

Hello J.,

You seem to be "Old school". When I was growing up our neighbors were all mothers eyes and if any one of us got out of hand any neighbor would crab us by the ear, take us home and tell our parents what we had done. AND the mothers would appreciate someone looking out for the kids. Those days are gone! I can see the need to say something to those children that are misbehaving or causing trouble, but with the way things are now a days, I would just pick up your child and leave. Sooner or later you will hear "Mind your own business!"
It irritates me that parents, especially mothers, can be so arrogant towards a well meaning neighbor, stranger or friend and think there children do nothing wrong. Unfortunately, this is why we have so many problems with teens today. I have 3 children, 13 girl, 11 boy and 6 boy. I have made an effort to surround my children with other children who's parents think like me in raising our kids. So, we use the ear approach when needed.
As for strangers, I mind my own business and get out of their way.

Good luck.

H.

other parent's can be very defensive, especially when they are in the wrong. to avoid confrontation i have learned to not correct other people's children unless they are putting my own child in danger.
it's sucks but it is the way it goes.

Honestly, I don't think it is appropriate to reprimand or correct other people's children. If my kids are in danger, or will be affected by the actions of other kids, then I intervene. Otherwise, I think it is highly inappropriate! Parents have different values, parenting styles, and discipline methods.
I would have been mad as well if someone told MY kid that something wasn't "going to be tolerated". One thing is to say "Hey kids, be careful it's steep there you can hurt yourself" and another is to reprimand, and in a way, discipline someone else's child by telling them what will and won't be tolerated.
I agree that parents need to supervise their kids more! When I don't like a situation I remove myself and my kids from it.
Also, your son is still young. You will see how difficult it can be to rein in a an energetic boy once they are about 4.

Don't worry about this another second! You did the right thing. The other mother was probably embarassed that another person had to discipline her children.

Next time go to the Chick fil A workers. Let them be the bad guys.

dear J. p....you did the right thing for one side, similar situation happened to me one day at the play ground, was with my 5 yrs old and a big giant boy came to play and broom the sand floor with my little one I went to him (mother was talking on the cell all the time) and yeld for what he did and the mother saw when he ran onto my child pretend didn't see anything but when I yeld at the big boy here she shows up......from tal mother tal son but not with me,some witnesses saw everything and went to support me. what you did wrong was appologising to some body when you was right!! then they make believe was your fault...don't feel guilty if I were the other mother I will give you a big hug and "thank you".

Hi J.,
It is a tough situation to be in but one we have all experienced or will experience. Some parents, especially with older kids, just don't supervise well or have the same expectations of behavior that you may have. I have a 16 month old and have been appalled by the behavior I have witnessed of other children and their parents. In more than one instance I have spoken to other people's children if I felt that my child was in danger or if the other children were just out of control. I, too, have gotten some dirty looks but frankly I don't care. My job is to keep my child safe and I won't let anyone endanger him. You did the right thing. A dirty look or even a verbal confrontation will not hurt you but a 4 year old barreling over your toddler will certainly hurt him! I have left a few places because there were just too many children behaving badly (ever been to the kids play area at the Seminole Town Center? It's a madhouse!).
Just don't worry about the dirty looks. Be kind but firm to the other children but when in doubt, take your kid out of a dangerous situation.

J.
GOOD FOR YOU!!!! It's a sad day in society that moms/dads get mad at other adults for making children behave. Back in the day, you got it from the neighbor, your gma and hoped and prayed mom/dad weren't home when you got home.....those were teh days, huh? If someone else isnt going to see to it that their kids behave and yours might be in danger...then good for you...be the adult and stand up for what is right!
You get a big applaud from me...and keep it up!

Who cares if she was angry at you or not! (She was probably just angry at herself for not reinforcing the rules and took it out on you... how mature!)
It takes a village to raise a child... and you also needed to make sure that your son didn't get hurt, too.
You go girl!

T.... a teacher and Mom of 2

I have actually said something to other kids in that very same ChikFilA. It blows me away that parents let their kids go in there and never keep an eye on them. Older kids get a bit rowdy, and I'd hate to see them run right over a smaller child. I have asked older kids to please be careful so they dont hurt the other kids in there. If they'd have persisted, I would have gone to ask for a store manager.

I think what you did was perfectly fine and obviously went out of your way by apologizing to the mother. I wouldn't have. If I saw any child in a situation that might get them hurt, I'd feel responsible to make sure they knew it.
I wouldn't worry if the parent was mad at me either. You did what you had to do because she wasn't being the responsible parent she should have been. Who cares if she's mad at you?

In your position I would have done the same. I will also say that if it were my kids behaving that way, I would appreciate the way you handled it.

I am going to offer a slightly different take on this. I am raising my 5 nieces and nephews, and have been for almost 3 years. Several of them are hyperactive, and a couple are very unruly and defiant. Now, you would think that after 2 1/2 years I would know how better to control them, but it is a battle everyday. More than once these kids have let loose in public, and once I was told if I couldn't quiet them down I would be asked to leave. I was FURIOUS! But not with the person in charge, with the KIDS! I was trying my best to make them behave, while trying to fill out paperwork too. They knew I was distracted, and took than opportunity to test me. I felt like everyone must be thinking terrible things about me, because of the way "MY" children were behaving. I was in tears. While I may be wrong, it is possible that this womans has a "situation" of her own. Obviously her children were old enough to know how they should be behaving, but were seeing just what they could get away with. I am sure she was furious, but most likely at her children. Not because she was "protective" but probably because she was EMBARRASED.

While this may not be true in this case, but I thought I would offer up a slightly different viewpoint, having been there myself.

Aside from that, I would say even if she was mad at you, don't worry about it. Either way, you were in the right. You were looking out for the safety of her children, as well as your own.

Dear J.;

I have had similar instances like this. I speak out, the kids listen. I've never had a parent say anything to me. It just shocks me to see so many parents just letting their kids be wild. Many times I am fearful that they will hurt my children, when they are playing so rough.
My theory is; someone has to let these kids know that their behaviour is not acceptable. I believe you did the right thing. If the mother was upset, then she should be teaching her kids how to behave.

I think the other mom was probably a little embarrassed by her children's behavior, more than mad at you. In my opinion, she should have been watching them more closely. I think you had every right to say something, especially because you had a little one that could have gotten hurt by the older kids' horseplay. Stick to your guns, Mom! You were just protecting your own child.

Well not only could they hurtthemselves but your toddler also. Some parents just dont care and let their children run wild. I know that I would have done the same thing. It seems like where ever I go there are unruly misbehaved kids. Now my kids are far from perfect but I am not going to let them act that way and as long as there are rules saying otherwise I dont want mine to think its okay to act that way. You were right and Im sure someone elsse would have done the same. I would have. Just think if you let your toddler act like that now you can see what to look forward to when they get older..........OUT OF CONTROL

Hi
I don't think i would have said anything to them unless they were hurting my child. Let them hurt themselves or let their parents discipline them. On the other hand if someone was hurting or bothering my kid I definately say something. Actually this weekend i was at the water park and an older boy went to kick water at my son and i screamed at him cause his own parent wasn't disciplining him and my son, who is 2, did nothing wrong.
Just imagine if some stranger was disciplining your kid, I think you wouldn't be happy with that person either.

You are totally in the right. It takes a village to raise a child and if someone if offended, maybe they should have been watching their children and making sure they were behaving in public. These kids obviously had the idea that if mom wasn't watching, they could be crazy monkeys. A few weeks ago, my Dora loving 2 1/2 yr old used a phrase from her favorite show. There are these crazy monkeys who jump around and cause problems, the solution, to say "Freeze bobo's!" and the monkeys apologize and leave. So we see these two kids, maybe 4 and 6 running through target and knocking things over, my daughter yells at the top of her lungs, FREEZE BOBO's...you are naughty boys, this is a store, act right!!!! Wow, i guess she IS paying attention to my instructions. On occasion, someone has stepped in and told one of my kids to behave or not to touch something, etc. As a parent, I apologize that I was distracted and "let" them get out of hand, then I tell my kids that they are to behave properly at all times, whether i am watching or not. If someone was VERY rude to my kids and yelled or cussed at them, I would calmly tell the person to please not yell at my children, they are people and don't seserve to be treated that way. It sounds like you were doing your job as a parent, protecting and looking out for children. good Job, do it again if need be, don't let people's "mind your own business" attitude keep you from doing your job or allow them to let their kids run wild. my take is, if you want people to leave your kids alone, teach them to behave or keep them home.

You absolutely did the right thing and you have nothing to apologize for. The other parents should have been supervising their kids. Isn't that one of the posted rules? (If not, it should be.) If the other parents were being defensive, they were probably embarrassed, but that is their problem. They should be thanking you for protecting their children.

I only speak to other peoples children about their behavior if it is has the potential to hurt my child. I understand that you do not want other children to get hurt, and I have a hard time biting my tongue when I see children acting very inappropriately in a play area. And there are a lot of parents out there that look at these play areas as a place to stick their kids so they can sit around and talk and do not pay attention to what is going on. If it gets out of control I usually speak to a worker at whatever facility I am at and have them handle the situation. I see this everywhere we go. Especially at the mall play area. People come in with kids that are rally too large to be playing in there and they are running around flippling over the benches and climbing on everything. It is so irritating to watch these parents sitting on their cell phones totally ignoring what is going on. On the other hand it irritates me when a parent comes in with an infant that is barely crawling, places them on the floor, then wants to say things to my three yr old (and other pre-schoolers) who are running and playing because they are afraid one of the kids may run into the crawling baby.

Anytime there are kids of differing ages and parents in an area the situation can get tense. I do personally get offended if someone says something to my son about his behavior if I am sitting right there watching. Of course I do not allow him to climb onto items or hang from things not meant to be played on. But if he is running and playing in an area meant for that it irritates me when some mommy lays her 6 month old on the floor, then wants tog et excasperated at the kids running by! It is so hard tho when those older kids are acting up and I am yelling at my kid not to do the things they are doing!!

Sorry so long. I guess my point is if the kids are acting up and doing things that have the potential to harm my child, then yes I do say something. But if the potential is only to harm themselves or the equipment, I leave it up to their own parents or a worker to stop them. I have however said something to a child who was using fowl language and calling my son stupid while playing. There has been more than once that I have had to pack my son up, screaming and kicking of course because he does not want to leave. All because some mom comes in with her wild kids and it would just get to dangerous for my son. I am glad he is getting older now and I do not have to worry about it so much. Of course now I have a 3 month old heading that way! Take care and good luck. These situations are always hard to deal with.

T

Next time get the manager; You didn't want the kids to get hurt; and you don't want bad behaviors seen by your 2 year old. It's a tough call. People don't like to be told their kids are misbehaving.

Every one's perception of behavior is different.

I was at Nova with my son and I was watching my son from a distance. I don't like to smother him. He is a very secure two year old and I do not need to be on top of him when he is playing.

In the inside play area, there are all kinds of toys and one car that all the kids fight over. Well, two mothers were their with their children and they wanted their children to play with it. Apparently, children like my son will get frustrated waiting for their turn. I like to see how the children will handle without the parents. Some of the parents share this point of view and some do not. These other children were older than my son and should not have been playing with the car but if they want to, then it is their right.

This mother replied, "your son is getting into things." She also yelled," you need to watch your son." Again, I could see him perfectly from where I was sitting. He just wanted the car like the other children. I don't thing it was fare that I should get yelled at; especially by people that work or teach at the center; and it is not fare that their children should have precedence over mine.

I'm debating about not having my son continue at the center because these situations keep happening.

The other day I was at a group meeting at Nova and you can bring your children. One of the little girls hurt my son. I'm not sure if she bit, or hit my son; but the mother watched her child like a hawk the whole time we were in this meeting. The child looked very guilty. My son was hysterical. If they had head butted like the other mother said that they did, then her daughter would be upset too. The child looked very guilty. The mother was uptight and couldn't stand the sound of my son crying and actually had the nerve to ask me to leave the room.

I plan on saying something to the woman in charge of the meetings because if this child has violent tendencies which two year olds can, then they need to get these behaviors in check before they are allowed to come back and hurt other children.

My point in this, is that people have a different way of dealing with situations. I give you credit for speaking up as I should have done more of however, you never know how the other party is going to react. At the time, I was mad at the parent/teachers being so rude. I have seen 2,3, & 4 year olds get into brawls over this vehicle in the play area. Some parents want it removed; but then how do children learn. It's a good tool for learning to take turns.

The second situation, the mother seemed tired but I also didn't realize that her daughter had hurt my son. They were playing in the same tunnel and we couldn't see what they were doing. We both had to play intervention between the two children and make sure nothing else happened. However, children can and do get into things. I'm a firm believer in letting them learn.

J.,
Let me tell you from a mom with older children and has been on both sides of that situation...and you know we momma's are very PRETECTIVE when it comes to the thought of someone else disciplinining our children!! Not saying that you were in the wrong at all. However what I may have done in the situatuon, was...go inside the restaurant and say outloud (I have done this before) excuse me but if someone is with these children out here, they are climbing on the outside of the slides and I am afraid they will get hurt. Also, if you looked around inside a little closer you may have noticed someone glancing out a couple of times and you could have approached and said excuse me are you with those children? You just need to remember you have not been there yet with older kids. And we are all "MOTHER HENS" with our little chicks...LOL She may have been a little upset, but I am sure she has forgotten all about it by now. You sound like me when I do something and then later on I think should I have done it that way?? Or was there a better way I could have handled the situation?? But try not to second guess yourself and just learn from things, that is what we all as parents have to do!! They dont come with handbooks!! Life DOES NOT come with a handbook!! Have a great day!!

J.

Kudo's to you! Ive seen this type of behavious numerous times, and its sad that parents bring their kids to such places and just let them loose. Its not other parents' jobs to watch out for other kids as its hard enough keeping up with your own. I honestly wouldnt let it bother me if she was upset with you...she should have been minding her own kids and you wouldnt have had to get invovled at all.

KUDOS~~~~~~~ J.!!!!!!!!!!! I think that was not only the right thing to do but also something I have done! It takes a village to raise a child. I think that the mothers mad look was caught buy you on the way to her kids. How much madder would she have been if they did get hurt and you had said nothing. Not to mention there behavior was affecting others and putting your kids in harms way. It sounds like you handled yourself well and have nothing to worry about.. Keep up the good work.

T. Mother of Serentiy 3 and Gabriel 2 with one on the way!