My 16 month old daughter has entered the "NO!" stage. Things that she used to do without question, she now runs away from, yelling no. I pick my battles with her, but some things are non-negotiable, like tooth brushing. Since we reward her potty efforts with temporary tattoos, I've suggested rewarding her for tooth brushing and the like too, but with a lesser reward, small rubber stamps. My husband feels that because it's something she is "supposed" to do, she should not get anything; the behavior is expected, and he thinks giving her something is bribing her. He also thinks that we will have to continue indefinitely. I tell him that we are reinforcing good behavior. What do you think? Are we spoiling her? And if we give rewards, how long should we keep it up? (I doubt we will have to give her a stamp for brushing her teeth when she's driving, but still.) Thanks for the help moms!
That's not bribery. That's positive reinforcement.
Read any book on establishing new behaviors and there is some type of reward built in.
We call them "incentives". We thought the same as your hubby at first...but it doesn't end up like that inreality. You eventually stop the incentives, she stops expecting them, if there's a lapse in behavior then do incentives for a while, then back off again. relax Mom...they work and she won't become a tatoo junkie..lol.
Perhaps the word brib is negative to begin with. What about reserving the prizes for behavior that is above and beyond expectation. Therefore, everyday expected behaviors, ie, brush teeth, get dressed, wash hands, get in car etc won't need rewards (you'll end up giving SO many rewards for all these things, that she'll quickly not think rewards are special anymore). Then - choose when to give rewards for ie: really good behavior at the doc. office, or great trip to grocery store, or bigger accomplishments that are more infrequent, she'll get treats occasionally which keep them *special* for her. (I am mom of five, and this system has worked GREAT, even for my 8 year old! I too have 18 month old, and we haven't even started the reward system for him yet - at this point we are concentrating on obeying mom and dad. That's it. No treats yet, first he has to learn what the expectations are. Keep in mind how old she is, pretty young yet to actually understand the reward system anyway.....and if you get her to potty train before year two, TELL ME YOUR SECRET! All mine were ready at age 3!) Good luck.
I am torn. I think that it's good reinforcement to give rewards, but also, it may be a bit much to give a reward for every good thing that she does. She may learn to expect a reward for everything that she does that is asked of her, and that won't happen forever. If she's understanding that you get a reward for potty training, maybe you should move to a reward chart - every day that she does the behaviors expected teeth brushing, potty etc, she gets a sticker and when she gets so many stickers on her chart, THEN she gets a reward. I don't know if that would work for her, but that may be an option. I have 4, and with them at that age, they had to do certain things with no reward, but then they didn't understand the idea of rewards(or punishments) either :).
I don't think this is a bribe! You are helping her to feel good about taking care of her body. Since she can't grasp the idea of why she might need to brush her teeth (an activity which probably doesn't feel too great to her and something she needs to stay still for) you are replacing that negative feeling with "Wow, I got a nice stamp, cool. Hurrah for me." She may even start to look forward to spending this time with you, letting you brush her teeth, and then you giving her praise for taking care of herself. I think your solution is a great one. Struggles at bedtime over teeth-brushing are no fun and who wants to get kids all riled up before bed if a nice little rubber stamp can change the atmosphere!?
Great work, mama!
There is a lot of research about "token economies" regarding school behavior modification. They eventually become ineffective. One of the reasons is just what your other posters explained... she might expect it. Another reason is that teachers (parents, too) haven't planned the phase-out process for the reward system. When I began studying this, I decided not to use any "token" or object as a reward, even for potty training. This decision caused me to hone my verbal praise and other naturally-occurring positive consequences. It's not always easy, but I never have to run out of the room to grab whatever it is my child earned.
Good luck!
What I would try to do instead, is model the behavior in your own life and make it seem super fun. So for teeth brushing time, I would brush my teeth and act like it was very fun and give her a toothbrush and ask her to brush like Mommy. Then praise her when she is brushing really well, each time. When shopping for the tooth brush/paste, let her choose her own. Keep her brush with yours and do it together.
My kids are a bit older (6 and 4) and the rewarding thing is REALLY hard to phase out over time. They really grow to expect and demand it after a while. I got caught up with this when mine were in the toddler stage and it was a painful habit to break (for shopping trips and desserts after dinner and the like).
I don't see anything wrong with it. When using rewards/bribes the idea is to encourage the proper behavior. Once the behavior becomes routine you can reduce the reward. IE: Once she brushes her teeth consistently then give her a reward less often until no reward is needed. As you start to reduce the rewards don't tell her, just reward her randomly so she won't know when the good behavior will be rewarded and when not. Before long these behaviors become habits and no rewarding is necessary. Good luck
