Am I Being to Sensitive?

Measuring workload is subjective. Saying "Be Stupid About It" is objectively insulting. You should be able to express when he is treading on a sensitive subject for you. He should not feel justified in speaking to you that way. EVER! He needs an adjustment of his perspective.

So you doing the child care, the grocery shopping, the cooking, the laundry, cleaning the toilet he uses, making the bed, taking kids to the doctors.. Educating your children.. And probably paying the bills, the banking, ca maintenance and a million other things your husband takes fro granted.

And he has the nerve to say ""You dont work to make my life easier.""

I would not be well. I would be FURIOUS! and if this was not settled soon, I would suggest you really do quit taking care of his needs around the house.

He better have a good reason for speaking to you like that.

No, you're not being too sensitive. A SAHM does so much for the family. I can definitely understand how you would feel unappreciated.

Men tend to get defensive when they feel attacked though, so I've learned recently to approach my husband with feelings rather than finger-pointing. I would have (tried) to say something more like, "Okay, that felt really unloving, and unappreciative of what I do around here." When I make myself vulnerable to my husband he almost always responds in loving ways.

So the only criticism I have is the way you responded to his very rude remark, but your feelings are very warranted. I am sorry you feel this way!

I would have been offended, hurt and angry, too. So, no, I don't think you are being too sensitive. I would be very careful about how I proceeded to bring this subject back up to him, though. If he doesn't come forward with an apology first, then he is just going to be defensive about it.

For me, saying the word "stupid" in reference to people, is a BIG NO NO. It's just uncalled for and meant to demean. No other way around it, in my opinion. I find it very unfair for someone to pre-emptively tell me how NOT to respond to a rude remark they have made. In fact, it is maddening to me.

I'm not entirely sure I could pull it off to the level required (I have done it in modified form though), but maybe you could show him what your 'not doing anything to make his life easier' looks like. Don't wash his laundry, or dry it, or hang it up. Don't grocery shop (except for what the kids need). Don't put gas in the car. Don't clean up the kids' mess from their playing all day. Don't make dinner. Don't even buy frozen to pop in the oven/microwave (that is making things 'easier'). Don't find his lost keys or his misplaced wallet. Don't remind him of anything he forgot. Don't make his coffee or his lunch. Don't shush the kiddos when he wants his quiet time. Don't move his shoes so nobody trips on them.

Now, sit back and put your feet up to the extent you can (with 2 kids) and eat some bon-bons! Take the kids to the park and come in at dinnertime having already eaten something so you don't need to worry about dinner. Don't even check the mailbox.
When baby wakes up in the night, ignore him, or shake Daddy awake and tell HIM to go deal with the baby. And here's one: Don't replace the toilet roll!! LOL I have never noticed my husband EVER replacing a toilet roll. EVER. Does yours?

I know it is very harsh and mean sounding. But that is exactly how that sort of comment makes me feel. It is one of those situations where he just doesn't KNOW any better. (Although his choice of words is just plain mean.) Maybe what I listed above is too vindictive, like I said I couldn't do it to that extent, though I have felt like it once or twice. But there is no amount of explaining that can get him to understand something that he can't grasp. The only way for him to grasp it is to live it.
So, as a "nicer" way:
Take the weekend off, and go visit your mom and leave him with both kiddos. Something where he HAS to live at least a modified version of what you deal with everyday. 5 hours isn't long enough, either. It needs to include overnight, and 2 dinner meals.
Just my opinion. And you are NOT the only mom who has experienced this.

You are not being too sensitive.

Whenever my husband says stuff like this, I know there is a real, deeper, issue going on. Perhaps some resentment that you are home all day with the kids. Perhaps he is stressed at work and thinks you have it "easier" at home. And don't assume he thinks you get to "lay around all day at home" - it is very unlikely he does think that. What he realizes, though, is that his job is stressful, he has a boss to answer to, deadlines to meet, and people he must please daily. While your job is VERY difficult, it is not like what he deals with day in and day out. Both need to appreciate what the other does, not just him appreciating you.

I work full time, clean all the toilets, kitchen, entire house, (hubby does dishes) and take care of three kids, doing 85% of the cooking. Trust me, I know what it feels like to be unappreciated, so please, heed my advice.

Whatever it is, your statement that "my husband is not the type to talk about things" is unacceptable. You two are in a marriage. Talking and other types of communication are essential. Unless you tell him he hurt you, how on earth will he know, and how on earth will it ever get resolved?

Talk to him. Try a time when there are few distractions and both of you are relaxed - like maybe tonight, as it is a Friday, after both kids are in bed. Offer him a beer, grab a glass of wine yourself, and put yourself in a good mood prior to talking.

You need to discuss not only his words, but his lack of involvement. No party should be on the computer all evening instead of spending time with the family. Whenever my DH does that, I bug him till he gets off, then he is glad he did.

Good luck!

you're not being too sensitive. you bent over backward to respond jokingly (and not angrily) to his "why?" question when you asked him to feed his baby. he should have sucked it up right them and there, but he pushed the issue. he thinks you do nothing to make his life easier? didn't you say you were cooking his supper and feeding his baby, then to clean up and wash the dishes after him? words are words, but it sounds like he has some serious issues to deal with according to the comments he made. and then to call you stupid? totally out of line. maybe something else is going on to make him act so inappropriately- he better talk about it with you or it will just get worse.

good luck mama!

What? Was that his idea of a bad joke? He doesn't think you make his life easier? What does he think cooking dinner is? What does he think taking care of his child does?

If your husband gets away with not having to talk about anything, then I don't know what the answer is. He was completely out of line and hurtful with that statement, and everyone here will agree with you. I don't know how you get him to listen to you, because that passive-aggressive personality type is very hard to deal with, I know.

But I think somewhere along the line you need to find a way to be able to express your feelings to him, and have him listen, or your marriage is in for some hard times down the line. Maybe you'll never say anything to him, but you'll end up not liking him.

You will run into this little conflict dozens of times over the course of your career as a SAHM. It is pretty much inevitable, because even though our hubbys love us and KNOW in their heart of hearts that we work hard too, sometimes (especially right when they walk in the door from work) they have a hard time keeping that in mind when asked to contribute to the household.

What I have found to help is for me to approach it lovingly (if I nag, I get NO results and get shut down). "Honey, you know, I haven't had a chance to start dinner yet because the baby was hungry. Would you please finish feeding him so I can quickly get dinner ready?" That approach has NEVER failed me, and does not get me any snide comments like "what did you do all day? Watch tv and eat bon-bons?"

until a man walks a mile in your shoes, or in the example of a SAHM, stays home and sees what you do for a few days..... they have NO IDEA how much it entails. I ran a home based preschool/ daycare for several years as well as took care of our own 2 daughters and home (did all the cooking, cleaning, bills, etc) by myself, and the hubby would go to work, come home and watch tv or work in the garage or basement until 6 pm when the last of the daycare kids went home. (by work, I mean mess around) Then I made supper and he came in and ate with us, and then he either was sitting watching TV until he fell asleep on the couch or on the computer and then tv until he fell asleep on the couch. I would be up until midnight taking care of our 2 kids, cleaning up after dinner and daycare, and getting ready for my next days work. I had to plan meals and curriculum, etc. I actually had a full time JOB as well as the full time job of being a SAHM. There were days when I would stand at the sink and think to myself, "I could do this alone". Well, a year or so later the hubby had a major back injury and required emergency back surgery to fix paraylasis, and he almost died. (a few times) He was in the hospital for almost 6 months. He was out of work for over 2 years. I found out that I COULD financially and physically do it alone, but I kind of got a reality slap because I didn't want to do it alone. I so looked forward to the day when he could sit and watch tv in our livingroom and fall asleep on the couch! LOL! The hubby spent 2 yrs home with me, while I worked doing daycare and running our house, as well as caring for him now too, and was in AWE of all of the things that I managed to do in a day. He had NO IDEA that I did all that I did everyday. (which made me laugh ecause I suppose the laundry fairy came in and did our laundry, right?!) Anyway, the point is, they never really "get" ity until they are around and can see what all you accomplish and have to get done. Just the dealing with the kids and the constant questions and "talking with the kids" at times drove the hubby nuts. He loves his kids, but he understood MUCH better why I was craving real adult conversation when he came home! LOL! I am a truly appreciated lady now, and he helps out as much as he can at home. I also know that I NEVER want to do this without him, even though I "can" because I truly love him. Reality gave us a visit, and told us to be careful what we wished for! I hope your hubby sees the lilght soon! It will make you feel so much better about your own value!

you are not being too sensitive.. sometimes the other parent doesnt realize how hard staying at home with the kids can be!! The other parent thinks you get to stay home all day and lounge while he goes off to work and when he comes home shouldnt have to lift a finger... Just wait, when it is your turn to go back to school and he is more at home with thr kids he will get it! Nothing ever will be 50/50 and for those who get that perfect combo i am jealous!

http://www.momaroo.com/675336553/joke-what-did-you-do-tod...
I am not a SAHM, but whether you work out side of the home or work IN the home, mom's have multiple jobs. My husbandis not a talker either, unless it has something to do with him - the way he wants the house to 'be'. Sometimes I want to be on strike. Please click that link and I hope it makes you smile. Print it out for him.
It's not the 1950s where we put all our day to day troubles aside to make their lives easy.

Tell him you misspoke. instead of saying he should feed the baby to make your life easier, you meant to say that he should feed the baby because IT"S HIS BABY TOO. You both have been working all day. The "work" continues into the evening for both of you, as kids need to be fed, washed, and put to bed. He's not making your life easier, he's making his child's life better by being an involved dad. He's making his own life better by enjoying time with his children. You're still working (making dinner for hte family) so what is his excuse, really? Sorry, I have no patience for that sh%t.

My husband won't do anything either and I don't expect him too. He works 12 hour days and is on call 24/7. He is stressed at work and goes, goes, goes. My hubby can also be grumpy after work. I try to make his life easier at home. You do work hard at home with the kids and he works hard at work too. Maybe you can prepare some of the meal before he gets home while the baby naps. Try not to let this get you down. Try to adjust your schedule a little bit so you can meet his needs when he gets home from work. Make his life wonderful when he's home and you'll be surprised at the motivation he'll get to help you and the family. It's not a popular response but I found it's a lot better than pouting and fighting. I'm about to celebrate my 20th wedding anniversary in a week or so and I tried playing the martyr earlier in our marriage. It just doesn't work. =) I wish you the best!! You're a great mom and wife!!!

I always suggest this to the SAHM's who bring up these issues. Please read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Although I'm not a SAHM and I don't agree 100% with it, it gives some really good insight on men and how they work and think. I think there are some good ideas you could use that may help you make things better in your marriage. Good luck.