Down Time for SAHM

T.,
my respo nse would be a lot like the other moms... laughing. Even when kids are napping moms don't get 'down-time'. We're doing other household chores.
Pammy

T. - have him read this! One of my all time favorites :)

One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home.
The kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck.
There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around.
As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table, fridge door wide open, and a small pile of sand by the back door.
The family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing, and a lamp had been knocked over.
He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife.
He was becoming worried that she may be ill, or that something had happened to her.
He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, What happened here today?
She again smiled and answered, You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what I did today?
Yes, was his reply.
She answered, Well, today I didn't do it!.

Yes, I sacrifice my sleep time to be up without the kids. It's worth being slightly sleep deprived to have that time to myself. At night is nice, but in the morning is essential for me to focus and center myself before the day begins...again. Good luck!

I am NOT being sexist but I swear that is a man thing! Men (in general) would agree with your husband because that is how they believe things are...based on how they are when they are home alone with the kids. It is true even if you are not a stay at home mom.

Case in point, I rush to daycare to work then back again at the end of the day. No time to stop so no errands unless they fit into my 1/2 hour lunch. I get home and start dinner while doing housework. My husband takes his time, stops for coffee and breakfast in the morning and to BS with a friend on the way home...comes home and sits down.

Last week when I had him pick up from daycare so I could go pick up the last of the one and only item our daughter has stated she wants for Christmas, he did JUST that. He picked her up and went home. Not only had he not started our dinner (which I had out) but he hadn't even started our daughters...he also hadn't swapped clothes in the laundry room, emptied the dishwasher, straighted up, or any of the other things that needed our attention. Even after I got home and started our dinner, there he sat!

I don't know how reasonable your husband is but maybe you could expain it to him this way...you are both parents and since you don't get the drive to or from work alone, you deserve at least that same amount of time to yourself at least a couple times a week if not everyday. It will also give him some one on one time with his child too. Be ware, you will probably still have to clean up after BOTH of them.

Give Dad a little "relaxing" time at home on the weekend, while you go out all by yourself, and see what he has to say when you get home. He may have a new definition for "relaxing". Good luck!

Hi T.,

I'm a SAHM but my children are in school until 2 during the day. I actually became a sahm once the kids started school which may seem backwards to some people. That's not my downtime though as I do work from home on a very part-time basis on top of the day to day duties. Late nights like this is my downtime but I know that will probably get canceled next week once I'm married and move in with my soon-to-be husband. He works from home as well so I may have to get out the house once a week or so to get that me time back and remain sane, LOL!

But maybe you can put him down a little earlier or stay up a little later and enjoy a bath, book, movie or something each night to give yourself that much needed downtime.

Hope you're able to find that happy medium! God Bless!

~S.

girl, I am going to ignore everything your hubbie said!
I relax when it's Naptime! that's when I take a nap! yep! 39 years old and I NAP! that's so I am fresh and ready to rock it the rest of the day! I have a very active 2 1/2 year old. she does not stop from sunup to sundown! only for Naptime!
best of luck! and thanks for the laugh!

Thankfully my husband knows better than to say anything that stupid! This is one of the many benefits to our current lifestyle. I am home alone 13 hours a day on the weekends while he works and he is home 8 hours a day Monday through Wednesday while I work. We are both home with the kids the same number of hours a week and both of us completely understand how hard it is so we support each other. Although I must admit he is more productive on his days in terms of laundry and housecleaning! I secretly suspect he ignores the crying children to get stuff done, however! Anyway, my point is--like others have said--your husband will only get it if he walks in your shoes so let him try it!

I have read some of the response you have recieved and they are all good. I am a SAHM of 2 boys. Ages 2 and 3, plus pregnant w/ #3. I refuse to do anything during nap time. I use to do stuff when they slept, but I was completely drained about a hr or two before thier bedtime. Our oldest is trying to cut his nap out, but I still make him "relax" during that time. So he is quiet for his brother to sleep. I plop myself on the couch, maybe grab a snack, and watch tv, but I usually (here lately) fall asleep. I get a good hour nap, sometimes longer. If I don't sleep, I still feel better have just sat there and relaxed. Plus my husband works nights. ex. work mon and tues off wed and thurs, type job. So on nights he works I get some quiet time b/w the boys bedtime and when I go to bed. I usually do last minute cleaning then. Maybe you could just take a sometime during nap time. Just a suggestion. Good Luck.

it's not irresponsible of him to say something like that ... it's simply a sign that he's oblivious to what actually goes on in your house during the day. Not all that uncommon.

Leave the kiddo with him for a day ... trust me ... he WILL become a LOT less oblivious and THANK HIS LUCKY STARS he gets to go to work every day.

And no he's probably NOT going to care for him the same way you do, that's ok too. As long as he's fed and watered(even if not quite enough and not on time) and his diapers are changed (even if not enough and not on time) then kiddo will be fine and Daddy will get a BIG lesson in what it takes to take care of a child. Oh and count on NOTHING in the house getting done during that day.

Then do this again after the twins are born ... he HAS to experience it to "get it".

I won't even comment on the dumb husband comment. That's for you to deal with. here are two suggestions.

During the day... I joined a gym. I always hated going to a gym before I had kids and I usually did not use my membership to the fullest and eventually cancelled it. But now, I love the gym. Not only does my body feel better, but I love the hour to myself. I belong to a gym wiht great childcare 10 feet awy from the machines and video cameras I can pull up on any machine. My 22 month old struggled at first, so I started her in 10-15 minute increments. But now she has fun too. Having a little break from each other is helpful, and it's good to have some place to go each day for those days when you feel cooped up.

Second, google women's clubs in your area. There are local women's clubs, dinner clubs, garden clubs, book clubs, and junior leagues. Any are great ways to meet diverse women. Mayn are philanthropic, or you could simply find a charity to work for a couple hours a week (women't shelter, food bank, library, senior center, etc.) - IN THE EVENING, let your husband put the baby to bed :) And while not ideal, even a Mom's CLub is a great way to get out with other adults.

I know sometimes it seems more stressful to add activities to your life, but you really need to put the effort forth and it is worth it.

Luckily I am a nursing SAHM, so I get a break when it is feeding time! Although, my older kids are still vibrantly begging for my attention. They might be as bad as the USPS... nothing will stop them!

I am definitely on your side, if that makes you feel any better... But the truth is, that won't change your husband or his attitude.
GOOD LUCK
KATIE

That is total baloney. There is a great joke about SAHMs: One day, a husband comes home to find his wife relaxing in a bubble bath. The kids are screaming because they are hungry, the house looks like someone broke in and trashed it, there is nothing in the fridge, and there is dirty laundry everywhere. When the husband asks, "My God, what happened?" The wife says calmly, "Well, you know what I usually do during the day? Well, today, I didn't do it."

T.:

Hello! I'm soo sorry that it took me a few days to respond to this!!

I too am a SAHM and HAD this problem with my husband. He had the false illusion that SAHMs ate bon-bons and watched TV all day. He actually came home and said that one day - I could've killed him for that!! I think I would've gotten off too!! (HAHAHA!!) Any way - I called his mom and told her what he said - she spoke with him...

When our second child was 4 months old - he was laid off from his job and was home with me for 6 weeks - THAT changed his mind. He saw the play dates, taking care of two and making lunch AND breakfast AND dinner AND cleaning AND laundry - yeah, that changed his mind.

I would talk with him and tell him that MUST have time to yourself. Have him take a week off work and let you go away, ensuring that he keeps YOUR schedule - then he will see that you do NOT get "down time".

My night is Friday night. Whether I go out with my girlfriends or stay home - I am IGNORED UNLESS I say otherwise - hubby fixes dinner for the boys, all that jazz - if I chose to stay home, I watch movies in bed, read books, basically it's ALL ABOUT ME. If I want a bubble bath and go to bed - then I get a bubble bath and go to bed.

I hope this helps you!!

Best regards,

Cheryl

No I don't think any SAHM get's to 'relax' during the day when they are at home with the kids. I may get the odd 5 or 10 mins to sit down while my middle daughter is at preschool and the youngest is sleeping (but that is becoming less frequent) , but like most mom's I use those moments to get on & do stuff without interuption! It just seems that there is always something that needs to be done when you are looking after kids , some sort of splillage to clean up , laundry to wash/put away , carpets to vaccuum the list goes on!!! I honestly think that dad's/husbands think because you are at home then of course you are chilling , that's what you do at home , my husband was the same way until he basically got left to take over my role for 2 1/2 months after I had a ruptured appendix when I was 34 weeks pregnant with our 3rd child , I was in hospital for 2 weeks and then when myself and the baby came home I was useless , I could not move so he then had 2 kids , a newborn and a wife to look after......needless to say now he is much more considerate with helping out , and chooses his words wisely when referring to the role of a SAHM!!.....maybe you should go out for the day and leave your husband and son to get on with it , then ask him what he thinks it is that you do during the day OR do the EXACT thing that he thinks you do all day , and when he comes home and the house looks like you have been robbed , no dinner is ready and you and your son are not dressed , then say 'well this is what it looks like if I relax all day'!!!!

Good luck

K.

WOW, really! I think it is time you and some girlfriends go on a weekend get away while your husband has a relaxing weekend at home with his son. Don't present it in anger just suggest that it's time you and some friends do something together and you are confident he can handle the weekend alone. Good luck.

Hi, such an interesting question and a dilemma for most SAHM's. This myth that as a SAHM you have all this time on your hands to do whatever you please, haha. With my first child I worked part time, which meant 4 hours, at times 5 hours per day. With the second I worked only 2 days per week for 4 hours at a time. I stopped working when she turned 15 months and we now have a third. When I worked full time (prior to any children) I would muse about the day that i would stay home and have all this time to do sewing and take baking classes and go for tes with my friends etc. Little did I know. My hours are filled with driving the children around to school or one of their many activities, feeding, bathing , playing with, getting to nap, cleaning up etc. Once my younger vtwo are asleep this is my time to do some cleaning or laundry (impossible to mop floors with a 2 and 4 year old awake). In order to fit in my workout routine, I have to preplan and at times make meals ahead. So in short to answer your question, No as a SAHM there is very little down time in the day. I have a suggestion. Ask your husband to trade places with you for a day.... mine regularly say he doesn't know how I juggle all the things I do and that he gladly goes to work. There is many a day that my previous work as a therapist was a lot easier than juggling the 3 children, but I wouldn't exchange it for the world.
Good luck, go give your little one a big hug and take heart, you're where you need to be!

Men seem to think that we stay home and eat bon bons all day. I work at home and my husband still thinks that I just rest and can't understand why the laundry is building up and the house is a mess. He works at home one day a week and cares for the kids and still feels this way. There is a country song, I think it is called Mr Mom, or something like that, where the guy looses his job and the wife decides to go to work, he thinks he will get long naps, but after one day is searching the classifieds. If you can't leave the kids with your hubby for a couple of days to get the message through, then I suggest you find the song for him. I would say that once he starts preschool you will find some relaxation, but really that is when you will have time to get things done.

I do, but it's taken some giving up on my side, and some giving up (and more work) on hubby's part. I used to LOVE a meticulous house. I also have two dogs. That meant vacuuming twice a day, dusting every other day, dishes, and I could still squeeze in some time to read or watch tv while my son slept. He used to take WONDERFUL naps. Then I got really sick when I was preg again, and my son quit sleeping as well, and my daughter didn't sleep well for a long time. So, in order for me to have some time for relaxation, I had to quit stressing over cleaning as much. I still struggle with that-after all, who wants dog fur all over and why should there have to be 2 loads worth of clothes in the laundry room and why shouldn't all the laundry be put away immediately and I could go on and on and on. And, hubby had to start helping me out at home. He does the laundry sometimes, he helps me cook (which is very relaxing for me) sometimes, sometimes he acknowledges that I've had a rough day and lets me indulge myself that evening, which means him getting his own dinner and taking care of the kids and anything else he wants done during that time. It's not always easy, and it's not always guaranteed, but we work together, and we've both given up a little "free" time in the evenings, but we love it, and I don't feel like I'm in "work mode" all day every day. You may want to compare it to a REALLY bad day at the office for him--at least he still gets a lunch break, or uninterrupted bathroom break. SAHMs don't usually get those, and so sometimes they have to happen in the evenings. In my experience, when we were both willing to give up a little, the evenings became a lot easier for both of us. We understood more when the other needed a break, and it actually brought us closer together and helped me not go insane from working with the kids and home all day. Good luck!

Relax while at home with a toddler or baby???? Not possible. Perhaps your husband should do your job for one day while you go out -- he might change his tune.

my dear, dear child it sounds like your husbands has a bad case of its not my problem.. what to do..
well for starters.. stop doing his laundry for a week, the best way to get someone to appreciate what you do for them
is to stop doing something for them that they have come to expect you to do. this trick also works for mother in laws
by the way. you need some time out of the house by yourself, do it.. he comes home from work on monday meet him at the door with your car keys in one hand and your child in the other hand, pass him the child on your way out the door and tell him you will see him in two hours and dont take a NO for an answer.
K. h.

all the time. i also go out every once in awhile alone though. once dad gets home it's shared responsibility between us. so are you saying he doesnt want you to leave him with your son or that he wants you to be around with him. either way he needs to have one on one time with his son without you to build a relatioship and he shouldnt need you by his side 24/7 to srvive (your husband or son). you need to hav time alone to regroup and get away. no one does well on the job 24/7 and thts what you are.

hee!
that silly dad!
i don't think he's a bad guy at all. nobody gets what it's like to be home with a toddler (or several) until they've done it. before i had kids i used to think how great it would be to be a SAHM (which it is, but not the way i thought at all.)
the best thing would be to get him to take a vacation day and stay home with your boy while you go out and have a spa day. leave him some laundry and housework to do too. this is not a punishment, merely education!
YOU make sure you relax when your son is sleeping. most moms take advantage of that time to catch up on chores, but a mom deprived of 'me-time' is not a mom who can do her best for the family.
:) khairete
S.

HA! No rest for the weary! I too am a SAHM. I have a 6, 4, 2 year olds and am due with #4 next month. Um, what's down time? if i get that it's at about 8 after everyone is in bed fast asleep! but usualy i crash not much later! i'm interested to read what other mommies have to say about down time!

Relaxing while being a sahm, is not happening. You have laundry and dishes and cleaning up when your kids are setteled. Your husband has no idea how hard it can be. Test run it and leave him eith the child on the weekend to show him. Of course dont tell him thats what your doing but be slick say your gonna visit a realitive or tell him you have to all the shopping on Saterday and try to stay gone. I do that with mine he always says I dont know how you do it .

I am a SAHM to a 5 year old and a 1 year old. There is no relaxing until Daddy gets home! I try to tell my husband it's a job like his (although sometimes I go to work in my pj's!) There is always some fight to break up, mess to clean up, chore to do or place to go. Even though, I think this "job" is more fun then his, (we play games, go to the playground) there are days when I have to hide from the kids in the bathroom just to get a 5 minute break!

During nap time I try to get one thing done (clean dishes, fold laundry etc) then the rest is MINE! I eat lunch, watch TV etc. You NEED a mental break or you'd go crazy!!

The only time I have "me" time is going to the gym twice a week. I'm also in a Mom's group where we have Mom's Night Out once a month. We get together usually at a restaurant and enjoy a few child-free hours.

I have 3 kids, 8yr old son, 2.5 and 1yr old girls. I know that I cannot relax or really do anything productive unless the 2 girls are both sleeping. When they are on the move it is all about them. Some husbands have the perspective that their SAH wives have it easy. That we just sit around and watch TV and have little to no stress or pressure. My rememdy for that is to allow them to live a day in your shoes every once in awhile. Take the day off and go have lunch with a friend, get a pedicure, refresh yourself! I'm sure your husband will soon start to empathize. I know mine totally understands the kind of day I have b/c he has lived it and he has a wonderful level or respect for what I do here at home everyday.

It took me 4 years to figure it out. One of the things that helped was concentrating on being a good wife/mom and not a perfect one. I try to wake at least 1-2 hrs before everyone in the house to do things like bills, laundry, exercise (not that often, so don't envy or feel guilty), pray (necessary for me) and dress. I hope as I have less of these duties over time, I'll still take that time to do things I enjoy like read, sew, or scrapbook. So, if your husband has a typical 9-5 schedule, leaving at 8 am and coming home at 5:30 pm for instance, your schedule could look like this:

Mom wakes at 5 am; your 21-month old wakes at 6:30 am. 6:30 am--7:30 am: take care of baby & hubby. 8am: breakfast & cleanup; 9am: dress baby/clean baby (again) LOL. 10 am--10:30 am: play with baby (read, toys, talk). 10:30-11 am: baby does activity at kitchen table with baby food, toys, finger paint or a bowl of water & toys while you prepare lunch. 11 lunch. After lunch, I'm sure you'll have to change him again and let him run a bit. Then, weather permitting, take him to park or for a walk in stroller. Maybe a library storytime once a week. He'll fall asleep after a stimulating am. Take him home, put him down and TAKE A NAP, TOO. Do not do laundry, mop floor, clean bathroom.... That's what you do early in am. When baby wakes, you wake--yeah, it's pretty monotonous, but you'll feel less cranky and more relaxed. And, you'll really enjoy your family a little more. When it's 2 pm, stop playing, make phone calls to Dr.s' appts., etc., put on some music or a video show for baby and begin straightening those areas you will not revisit. At 3:30 or 4, baby should be tired again. Put up your feet and rest. Take a shower, dress so you'll feel like a human being when your hubby comes home. No, you don't need to wear pearls, but I hope this gives you some ideas. Maybe you could make some meals in advance you can freeze or use your crock pot. And, make sure you eliminate any wasteful time in your day. Some TV or computer time is good, maybe at the end of the day with your hubby when Jr. is asleep? Take care.

I became a sahm two years ago from a 15 yr career - I work much harder now than I ever have and no there is no downtime. I have been thinking a lot lately on how I can achieve some me time consistently - my husband tries to give me some time here and there but I would really like a once a week me break but anywhoo - I have been thinking of visiting the YMCA - they offer childcare and it would provide a break. That is the only thing I have been able to come up with - pls let me know if you find something else.

Being a stay-at-home mom IS a FULL-time job! It's impossible to relax w/a toddler. And if you "relax" during naptime, then you don't get the other part of your full-time job done, like the laundry, dishes, cooking...
What a cop-out! My ex-husband used to say the same thing. And then, when I finally built a career for myself, I wound up doing EVERYTHING, including working, housework, of course mothering, etc...& had no time to relax ever! He would work & then go off fishing whenever he wasn't working & was no help around the house.
Thank GOD I'm now married to a wonderful man, who understands what 50/50 means! Parenting is a full-time job & way more difficult than running our Family business! My husband can see how difficult staying at home is & we share everything, right down the middle! I understand your hus may have a high paying job that supports the family, but it's you who is working the hardest & is actually the glue that holds everything together;) & doesn't get a paycheck for it!
You deserve to relax just as much as he does & I would demand your time before you sink into a rut (like I did) & you get no breaktime ever! You need time for yourself, so you can be the best mom & wife you know you are! Although toddlers are mostly precious little angels...they can be super demanding & will drive any normal person crazy on occasion, especially if they've had to deal w/them non-stop! We schedule everything, including funtime together & separately. Plus, let your husband spend time in your shoes-maybe he'll see it's not so easy & give you some slack. Definitely communicate to him how important your sanity/a little free-time is. Good luck!

Try this website
http://swz.salary.com/momsalarywizard/layoutscripts/mswl_...

there are also many articles that you could show him.

Also, see if one of your friends, whose kids are in school, can follow you around from the time that you get up until the time you go to bed.

When the twins arrive, does he plan on staying home to help in the beginning, he is entitled to FMLA leave of 6 weeks.

One of my friends suggested that once the twins are at least two months old, take a weekend cruise without him. They leave from Baltimore. There are actually cruises to nowhere, they leave, go for a sail and come back.

ok here is what you do to give this man a reality check

you need to go and get some quotes for daycare in home out of the home and get their schedules too. you should also get a quote for a nanny or an oupair. and then explain to him just how much you do around the place.

if that dosent work then take that down time,

only play with your darling little boy. and do nothing else. let the dishes pile up and let the laundry overflow and forget about that floor cleaning. trust me once the house starts looking trashed you can then explain that you were just taking the down time that you were allocated while hubby was at work and son was asleep. if you are like me it will be very hard to do but after a few days of having to pick dinner up on the way home my hubby got the idea real quick not to mention i wasnt in the mood if you get my drift. a little depressed cos the cleaning fairys hadnt been to the house if you know what i mean.

oh and while you are at it get a quote for molly the maid. and i would just give them to him and then start asking for a pay check. for all his laundry and meals.

the answer is no i dont get any down time while my hubby is at work. and to top it all off my hubby is deployed right now.

Answer: none of us! lol!

Try pointing out to your husband that there are people that make their living watching other people's kids. If it wasn't tough, parents wouldn't pay other people to do it.

My husband suggests that you tell your husband that you need to run errands on Saturday and he can spend a nice relaxing day at home with your toddler while you're gone. That ought to fix him.

I suggest that you do one of two things here, either give him a list of all of the things that you do with your son in a day and expect him to continue the routine, or leave him without any guidance at all and let him figure it out. You decide which will drive the lesson home the best.

BTW, my hubby says he doesn't wish my job on his enemies! lol!

Yeah, about 20 years ago that was the mentality about being a stay at home mom but that is so not the truth. Being at home means you are a full time day care provider, cook, cleaning lady, laundry attendant, and in other words homemaker. It's HARD work to stay put and have to do minial tasks. But that said, the role of being a mother and nurturer and carer for the home is the most important role and gives the greatest joys and long term blessings ever. I saw a website once that said the average salary of what a stay at home mom does would cost a person to out source all those tasks over $100,000 a year. In terms of "down time" I use nap time of my toddlers and babies as my down time but if your hubby is talking about it, it's probably because he is sitting around after work while you are trying to get dinner made and baby entertained. Sometimes time limits for down time help, like OK I'll give you 20 minutes of time to yourself but then I need you to come in here and be Mr. Awesome wrestler and tickler with this needy toddler. As we have had more children and my husband has been involved in getting his masters or volunteering with church responsibility, I've told him his down time is the uninterrupted time he has on the train or time in the car thinking without a ton of voices. And sometimes he has to run from work and school and church to give me 20 minutes of quiet so I can decompress in my room with a book. Good luck. It's always a tricky balance but if you are considerate of each other it'll work out.

i had two boys very close in age and what I used to do was definitely take a power nap when the boys napped, no matter what chores needed to be done. That was a sanity saver. The second thing was that I learned to crochet as I could not do cross stitch anymore and I made very simple crochet things, a few stitches now and then and that creativity helped me relax. So, take up some hobby (simple one not intricate one) and it helps a lot with the stress of taking care of toddlers. Oh! and BTW, don't forget to listen to your favorite music, no matter what you are doing. Even when the kids are crying or fighting, I had my classical music on.

If there are no grand parents or family members near you that you trust with your son for a few hours once a week, hire a baby sitter during the day and go take a nap or a bubble bath or see a movie or take a walk or anything that would break up your routine for a little while.

AAHAHAHAHA!! he thinks you relax... thats adorable :) sorry about laying the sarcasm on thick, I CANT HELP IT! this is going to be a battle between men and women until the end of time... we've actually gone to couples counseling JUST TO SEE who had it easier- the man or the woman. and we had a MALE counselor. needless to say, the women get to win this pity party. the average NONWORKING, SAHM STILL PUTS IN AN AVERAGE OF 30 HOURS *MORE* than her full-time working partner... for mommys who work, that number is much higher. the saying 'there are not enough hours in the day' rings true for THOSE moms! i didnt even read the other responses, but im sure there were a lot of good ones... point is, dont ever let your hubby tell you what you do isnt a job... bc youre working harder, longer hours... youre just not getting paid to do it ;)

I work part time. The days I am at my job are much more relaxing overall.On the days I am home, I am caring for our 19 month old son. I can usually relax for part of the time he is napping, but that is limited. Most of his nap I spend doing laundry, dishes, cleaning or cooking. When he is awake, there is no relaxing. He is too busy for that. The best remedy for a husband that does not "get it" is to have him stay home with the child for one twenty four hour period. You go to a relative's house or friend's house and stay the night. He must do it all for one full day and night to realize the magnitude of the responsibility and the amount of time and energy required. Best wishes.

Never!!! They just don't get that you don't have the time to take for yourself if you are going to get things done. I am with you on this. I have a 2 and 4 year old and it is not any easier. Try to get some down time once he is home from work. I think they owe us that.

Hi. I agree with a lot of these Moms - it's a tough job, usually not relaxing, except for when they nap. One bit of advice it to get any chores done while your son is awake and make a game out of it so he can try to "help", like with folding laundry or picking up toys. Then nap or read while he's sleeping.

My hubby helps out a lot when he gets home from work. Tell your hubby it's a good time for male bonding if he'll bathe his son and get him dressed for bed. He can play with him a bit if you have bath toys, etc. That may take 45 minutes to an hour, which is a nice evening break for you.

Another suggestion is to try to find a good group of moms, like a play group for the kids, moms club or something at your church nursery, then see if they might want to do a child swap. Get to know and trust them all first, and they'll get to know you. The kids will be comfortable with all the moms if it's a small group of 4-6 and you visit their homes on a regular basis. It could either be a night time swap for date nights or a day time swap so you all can take turns getting a morning or afternoon for errands, getting your hair or nails done, etc. I'm starting one with the moms in our play group, and can't wait to get a break maybe once or twice a week.

Hopefully it'll get a little easier in a year or two when he starts preschool. My son is starting preschool a little early through the public school system because he needs help with speech and occupational therapy. It comes at a good time, because I'm low on energy being pregnant again.

Good luck!