Am I Being Petty and Hormonal?

I dont think you are overreacting at all, totally agree with you. I would cry like a little baby if everyone was holding my baby and I couldnt. I would also be upset if I wasnt in the room to yell at everyone to wash their hands! lol. Tell hubby, its either his family getting their feelings hurt or the Mother that just carried his baby for 9 months and delievered it. That might make him think twice. But try not to worry too much, lots of prayers here for a smooth delievery and healthy baby. You probably wont even have to worry about this anyways! Good luck! Congrats!!

When my grandson was recently born with too much narcotic in his system and wasn't breathing at birth, he had very low apgar scores and was in the nicu. During that time my daughter hardly got to hold him because he was hooked up to so many monitors. When she did get to hold him I refused to hold him at all. I wanted to, but I wasn't going to take that little bit of time away from her.

BUT, your situation is a little different. It just killed us to not be able to give her son the love he needed. If your husband wants to sit down there all that time with the baby, leaving you alone pretty much all the time, I suppose it would be okay. But I think it's your son that needs the love, even if it can't come from you right away. Grandmothers love their grandchildren just as much as you do. That may be hard to believe. But I now know for the first time that my grand baby boy could have just as easily come from my loins as he did my daughters.

I don't think you are being petty. But I do think you are looking at your own feelings more than your child's or the grandparents. It sucks that they get that privilege before you. But it's a scary thing to come into this bright, loud, cold world. Your son shouldn't have to wait for the drugs to leave your system to be loved on. Would you really rather the strangers in the nicu be giving your son that love than his own grandma?

I do not think you are being hormonal or over reacting. I had an emergency c-section with my son and my mother in law (who has never accepted me going so far as setting up dates for lunch and then bringing my husbands ex girlfriend along prior to my sons birth) held him before anyone else did. She actually stopped the nurse in the hall on the way to the NICU and tried to pick him up. The nurse told her she would have to wait, she threw a big fit and my husband promised her she had 1st shot as soon as he could be held. My son is 8 and I still haven't forgiven him for that. I assumed when my daughter was born 4 years later that he knew better and I would have the chance to hold her. This time there were complications that we were aware of prior to her birth and the hospital had to run various tests on her so she was taken away right away. I didn't even get to see her before she was out of the room and by the time I made it to recovery all the family had been to see her. As they sat talking about how cute she was. No one bothered to take a picture for me so I didn't even know what my child looked like and they were all talking about her it hurt so bad. All I could think was it happened again. Do whatever you need to do to ensure that you get the birth experience you want because you can't ever get it back. Best of luck on your delivery!

I agree with Suzi L. I wasn't able to hold my baby for hours after either because of my emergency csec. I had a vbac for our second baby and it was such a wonderful experience to be able to hold him immediately. Talk with your doctor, you might be worrying about nothing, since it's not an emergency this time you should be able to hold him.

However, try and think of what is best for the baby. If you can't hold him for hours on end...shouldn't someone? If it's not you or your family, it's going to be the nurses. Babies need love, lots of love and it's a scary time for them. I totally know how you feel. I didnt' even realize that everyone held my girl before me until 2yrs later when it came up. It was very hurtful to find out, I think no one pointed it out so as not to hurt my feelings. At the same time I was greatful that my baby had family there for her when I couldnt' be, and it gave my husband time to be near me since he was worried about my condition also.

You're the mom, whatever you decide is fine. You have a point, but try and think what will be best for your baby. Remember too that this probably won't even be the issue this time. Best wishes!

Nope. I agree with you 100%. This happened to my friend as well. Her baby was in the nicu for a month and only one visitor at a time was allowed in.

She didn't get to hold or see her own baby for two days (baby was rushed to a different hospital before she was released from hers) but her inlaw's family hogged all of the baby holding time during the nicu hours while the baby's mother sat crying in the waiting room desperate to see her own baby.

Really though, it's your baby, who care's whose family gets hurt because the mother who carried the child for 9 months inside her body wishes to spend alone time with the child before anyone else takes that bonding moment from her?

If family members are pushy, the best thing to do is to tell the staff your requests and they should honor it. Just be sure to tell each new shift as they come in.

In my case, I was so worried about this happening, I didn't let anyone come to the hospital until the baby was near delivered. I can't stand when people wait around in the waiting room for hours on end waiting for you to perform and entertain them and take the baby time away when you want it alone. You can imagine how I felt when I found out the in-laws were listening to me push outside of my door!

Sorry for my rant, I've just had a lot of bad experiences!!

Oh my, how horrible that must have been for you! I agree with Jen L- total momma lion feelings!
My son was an emergency c-section although I was able to hold him about ten minutes after, it still wasn't soon enough!
If you're having a planned c-section, talk to you doctor asap and ask them what is planned and tell them about the first delivery. Perhaps they can change their plans and make sure you get different drugs so you can hold your baby as soon as they sew you up.
Good luck, momma and congratulations!

I totally see your point. I can only imagine how I would have felt it everyone held my girls before me. I don't think your being psycho at all. If your family can not understand then oh well. Don't base your decision on your family, it's your child not theirs, and you every right to say who holds your baby first. :)

Your first delivery sounds rather similar to mine, and can I say that I actually had a dream that everyone saw my son first, but me? And that is pretty much how it played out in reality, only he was a preemie, so hubby held him, and the staff of course did for what was needed, but I did not get to see him until the next day when hubby convinced them to bring the baby to me (I was still in L&D on a drip). Everyone was able to see him thru the glass, tho.

I personally understand where you are coming from, believe me.

I would suggest that you tell your husband your thoughts ~ share it with him how you felt. He doesn't know this unless you tell him.

As far as family goes, in my book~ no one was able to hold my baby until they were scrubbed to my satisfaction anyway. I think due to not being able to have my son in my arms at birth, I was very 'stingy' with him later. It did cause some ripples in the family, but I honestly didn't care ~ he is my child, I carried him. (And sometimes hubby's family is just that way with me anyway. LOL!)

I feel if you explain your feelings to your husband, he should support you and tell the family to back off and come up later when you are stronger to see everyone. You appreciate their thoughts, of course, but this is what you and he need. It's your bonding time - not theirs.
IF that doesn't work - then tell the doctors beforehand. See if that will?

EDIT: oh, for my experience, my son was in SCU due to being early and he was monitored for his heart-rate and was also on a drip.
However... I was not the type of person were I wanted everyone there. It was nice that they came up, but I was actually offended when my mom and dad came by later and my mother took it upon herself to bring my estranged grandfather - someone I made it clear to that I have no feelings towards. You could easily read the emotion on my face as well. I was not too happy as she overstepped her boundaries.

Do what you need to, to make this a positive experience for you, your husband and your son (as he will be a big brother).

i don't think you're overreacting...it is understandable! but i want to tell you to talk to your dr. i bet he/she can clear this right up for you. i had an "emergency c-section", nothing like what yours sounds like, but it was just because i went into labor and he was breech - everything went like clockwork and i got to hold him right away. as long as your issues don't come back (whatever they were - and if they're scheduling you for a c-section the "emergency" should be taken completely out - that's why they're doing this, to avoid whatever happened last time) you should have no problem holding your baby as soon as they get it out. with a normal, routine c-section, there's no reason why you wouldn't be able to hold the baby right away. good luck and congrats in advance! (the specific instructions are a great idea too - if all else fails, make SURE everyone knows what you want - the hospital staff will honor it!)

Hopefully with a routine c-section you won't have the issues of not being able to hold your child. I would think that unless your kid is wired up in a NICU the hospital should be able to arrange a way (even if its awkward) for you to hold your child and bond, its VITAL. I would work hard to pursue this until you have a good answer with the doctor and hospital.

Now, if for some reason they say the same thing will happen again, then definitely let them know that you don't want the family to have access. You're the mom and have that right. The family can't even get into the door of Labor and Delivery without your permission, though sometimes they are lax if you haven't told them to hold people back specifically. So do that.

But honestly I think you should be fine this time around. You're definitively reacting to the fears based on the last experience, and your husband won't understand how this is a big deal, especially if you're wanting to breastfeed. Men don't have the built in mothering thing, so they don't understand why we act the way we do, or have the needs we have. Isolating you and then having them get all the fun of holding the baby is sheer torture!!! Its good for a newborn to have lots of bonding time with family, but YOU are the #1 priority.

Here's how I'd handle the in laws if you need to keep family away at first. (and this might be good no matter WHAT happens) Let them know that the birth is a very special bonding time for you two as parents and you'd like to have some privacy, as a couple, or maybe with your other son, to be with baby for a few hours. Tell them that you'll give them a call once everything settles down and you've had a chance to bond. Keep your attitude positive and have your husband support you in this. This gives you the flexibility to avoid issues with them being there and being kept away. You don't have to call them until you're ready for them to show up, so if its 12 hours after the birth or 12 minuets, its up to you, and they've had fair warning. If they're rude and show up anyway, then let the hospital block them. Birth is such a personal thing, some women want their whole family (including kids) there during all of it, and some barely want their husband around.

Hopefully the hospital will work with you for the bonding/holding stuff and make sure you get to bond early on and none of this is an issue at all.

Blessings to you as you approach your delivery!

No. You are not overreacting. Your husband should stay with your baby until you are ready to hold him, and your family needs to accept and respect this. This is YOUR choice and is no different than who you would have chosen to be in the delivery room with you if you were going vaginal.

Oh I can so relate! I had an emergency c/s with my first son, and everyone got to find out his gender (we were surprised) before me - as I was under general anesthesia, and then in recovery for hours, then on a morphine drip for hours, pretty much useless for the first 24 hours of his life...I missed his birth, and missed my husband, parents and in-laws meeting him. I was so disappointed (but certainly grateful that baby & I were a-ok health-wise!). Looking back, I don't think I was "over" the trauma of his birth until his little brother arrived via VBAC 18 months later ~ when I realized how a birth is "supposed to be".

While I can definitely understand your need for "control" over this next birth, I think it's important for you and husband to be on the same page regarding the planned c/s. Take time when everything is calm between you, and discuss the aspects of the birth that are important to you both, and see where you want to stay rigid on your plans, and where you can be a bit flexible. I would CERTAINLY bring the medical staff into the picture - they are great at being a buffer between Moms/Dads and families. I'm sure they've seen it all!

In the end, this is about you, your husband, and your sons ~ everyone else will just have to deal!

D.,
First of all, congratulations on baby #2! This is a tough call because it's not really fair on either end. I understand family wanting to hold the newest member because they've been excited for 9 months to finally meet the little one and it's not their fault that things didn't work out for you to hold baby first. I also realize that the baby will need to be held and loved, which of course, is most important. On the other hand (and here's where my Mommy bear emotions kick in - this is how I would feel if I were you) YOU are the one who carried that baby for 9 months and thought about him EVERY SINGLE DAY that entire time. YOU were the one dreaming of what baby would look like and how it would feel to hold him in your arms, of gazing into his eyes and giving that first kiss. I am here to tell you that I do not think you are being petty or hormonal, but just a Mommy who wants her special time with her precious baby. I would hope that your husband and his family would be understanding of that fact, especially considering the circumstances surrounding your last birthing experience! I would absolutely talk with hospital staff, but I would also be sure you and your husband are on the same page. Hopefully this birthing experience will be completely different and you will be the first to hold your beautiful baby boy! Good luck to you!

K. :)

Hi D.---First of all, I can't imagine that it would be difficult for hospital staff to let you 'hold' the baby, even if you were flat on your back. It is VERY easy to just let the baby lay on your chest, his/her head under your chin, not even anywhere close to your incisions. It is your deal, the docs and hospital work for you. If you want to hold your baby, make sure they figure out a way for you to do that.

Secondly, try to not get too upset. Think of the benefits for your baby from all of the love it is getting from family members while you are being attended to otherwise. Be thankful that they are there for you and your baby. While childbirth is a very intimate experience, it does take a village to raise a child. You are blessed to have all of this support.

I wish you good luck and a happy delivery. D.

No! I had mama lion feeling coming over me reading this. These feelings don't even have to be rational. There is something sacred and unexplainable about first holding your baby fresh from... you. Even if it is hours later (and I'm so sorry for that experience) knowing the bond is between the creators of that baby and the first touch... that's just special. Hormonal maybe: ) Petty, not at all!

Jen

Hi D.!

I understand your feelings completely...and I agree with others that you should make the hospital staff aware of your wishes...

Additionally, I would make sure that the 'extended' family be in charge of taking care of nicklas...and showering HIM with love and praise for being a new 'big brother'! That will keep them busy...and will be helpful for nicklas too I should think!

Take care!
michele/cat

I would feel the same way. I know it seems silly, but your husband can easily care for the baby in the same room while you recover. Once you are able to hold the baby, then you invite family/friends in to visit (maybe the next day) after you and your husband have had some one on one time with the new baby.

If they are hurt, then that is their issue. They should understand that this is a very special and exciting time for you and you SHOULD be able to be one of the first people to meet the new addition to your family. Don't feel bad!!

Nope! You are absolutely NOT being petty and hormonal. It is a common request to have family wait until the next day or at least until everything is settled to even BE at the hospital. Maybe that would be an easier thing to ask of them, for them to just wait to come up until everything is settled rather than to abstain from holding the baby until you get to. It might be more easily accepted by all family members. Just tell them you'd rather have this special time with your little family before they all come up to see you and the baby.

I think you are being perfectly reasonable!! I would have been really upset if ANY of my family or husband's family had held one of my sons before I had a chance too. I might be biased, but I think as the mother who has carried and loved your little bundle for nine months, it should be your prerogative to be one of the first people to hold and get to know your son.

I had three C sections. Each one is different. If it is planned, you may get meds that allow you to hold the baby right after delivery. Talk to your doctor. It is harder than I would have imagined to have a baby and for 12 hours not hold him. It's very hard to explain to other mothers that did get to hold their baby the second they were delivered, but missing that is hard. I would also tell your mother in law how hard that was and if it happens again, please wait until you have a chance to hold the baby. Honestly I'm amazed they were allowed to hold the baby before you were, but that is not a policy allowed where I delivered my children.

Good luck and remember the health of the baby is first and that is what is important in the end. But I do understand your feelings. Feelings don't have to be right or wrong, it's just the way it is.

I do not think you are overreacting. You have sacrificed more than anyone creating this child, and you have a right to hold him, and to whatever other birth experience you want! Everyone has an opinion at this time about your child and what you should do, and people can be very aggressive. You hold your ground--I wish I had on a variety of issues. Good luck--

H.

I'm not sure where you're delivering, but at our hospital there's no reason to lay completely flat and not hold your baby for 12 hours. I can understand if he's in the special care nursery...a little more hard to maneuver. We usually do a spinal for scheduled c-sections. In the recovery room we start raising your head, and you can hold and nurse your baby. We also started awhile ago, admitting our babies in the recovery room. That way only mom & dad get to spend time with the baby first. The rest of the family can see the baby when you go to your room. And we did that specifically to accommodate our moms.

This should be a better experience for you if it's scheduled and not an emergency situation.

Good luck!
D., OB nurse

No you are not being hormonal!! I had an emergency C-section with my first and I also did not get to hold my son until at least 7 or so hours. I do not know where you are delivering but I just delivered a baby in July and Beaumont and I got the baby right away and they even helped me nurse since I am breastfeeding. Who cares if your in-laws are hurt. You are the one that carried the child for 9 months and you have every right to hold your baby before the rest of the family. We did not allow family to be at the hospital when my 2nd was born and only my parents were at the hospital when my 3rd was born but that was because she came early.

If you do not want anyone else holding your child before you get to then you should tell the hospital staff your wishes. If your husband can not understand then shame on him. It is absolutely normal for you to want to bond with your child before everyone else gets to.

Good Luck!!

If I were in your place, I'd being doing the same thing. You are the one who has to be pregnant for 9 months and deal with all of the doctor appointments, ultrasounds, blood work, physical discomforts, etc. You are the one who has to give up your body for 9 months. I'm sure in the grand scheme of things you're happy to do all of that stuff because in the end you will have a beautiful, healthy little baby. Considering what a woman's body goes through during pregnancy though, I think you have every right to be one of the very first people to hold your baby. It's a right that you deserve and that you earned by carrying the baby for the duration of your pregnancy. If I were you I'd explain that to your husband and family in advance of your planned delivery. If they care at all about your feelings I would think that they would understand. Good luck with everything.

I do not think this is being petty at all. A similar thing happened to me with my pregnancy. My daughter was born via c-section. I did see her briefly after her delivery but then she was taken into the nursery. Because she couldn't maintain her tempature I was told she had to stay there. It was about 6 hours before I saw her because the staff were busy & then it was change of shift and then the dr's were coming in to make thier rounds. everyone else got to go see her through the glass. (They couldn't hold her) but i still felt left out. My 2nd pregnancy was also a c-section. I told everyone (nurses & staff) that I wanted my baby in the recovery room with me. I didn't want to go through that again. I feel like I missed out on those important first bonding hours with my daughter. The staff did respect my wishes & brought my son in with me.
So, no I don't think you're acting petty...tell the staff what you want...Good Luck!

no honey you're not
who wants to have their baby be held last? be specific:
i want only my husband in my room. tell husband you don't want anyone hold the baby until you decide otherwise. i did the same thing. i asked my mother to wait in the room, which she did, and i didn't have anyone from my husband's family in the hospital at all because...well because i don't like any of them :). i had a c-section too. mine was easy. very easy. one of my twins had low sugar so was given a bottle first by one of the nurses, which i was ok with.
my husband held my twins first then i did. my mom was third. and the world made sense to me :)
you...are...not...over-reacting
good luck

I totally agree with you!!!! That is your baby and no one should be allowed to see or hold the baby until you get a chance to...I would let the medical staff know too!!!

Talk to your Dr. about it now, so that you have a plan in place. Make sure he or she knows what happened last time & that you don't want a repeat of going 12 hours without holding your child. If you need to also have a talk with your family & his family to warn them ahead of time then so be it. Do not feel guilty for wanting to bond with your child. If someone gets their feelings hurt then that is their problem. It is not meant to be personal that you want to hold your bably first. You are not being psycho!!!!!

congratulations for one!!! 2nd You are the parent you are the one who has carried this thing for 9 months I wouldn't feel petty or ashamed at all. Matter of fact things change all th time for births. When you indicate to them your wishs also make sure they know that you want your son with you asap and you want to feed him. If your breastfeeeding they should allow you to feed him before the two hrs after birth. If I was u I would tell your husband you dont want anyone at the hospital till him and u have had time with the baby theycan come see you and the baby at home. Stand your ground. Also do it nicely and maybe say something to both families not just his in front of him so hes aware your serious.