Am I Being a Wimp?

I LOVE my sleep! You know what they say: If momma ain't happy, ain't NO O. happy! lol
Seriously, do you WANT to go out? If so--go. If not, don't worry about it.
I had my son at 39, so I feel like I'm not missing anything (no--I know I'm not missing anything!).
He's 7 now and we're finding it easier with each year to get more out & about, etc.
Keep in mind that people often exaggerate and blow their experiences out of proportion b/c they feel like they SHOULD be out at night, etc. I don't get that but I see people doing it all the time! :-)

I used to go out 1 - 3 times a week dancing. It was my outlet for decompressing. It didn't involve drinking and funny thing... it wasn't to be social. When I was pregnant, I missed it. When my DD was born I kept thinking I would go back to it at least once a month or something. But somewhere in the process something changed and now I would rather be with my family than in a club with a bunch of strangers. I decompress by exercising a few times a week and playing with my LO. She's so amazing... even when she's bad ;)

I have friends who are are always doing something.. some party, social event, something. The thing is, from my perspective they miss out on time with their children and for me its not worth it especially at this age - she's 2 1/2. Maybe when she's older and more independent - but for now I'm going to soak up all the snuggles, hugs, kisses I can get!

I could've written this post. :) I'm right there with you. I decided that if I wanted to try to keep liking myself, instead of hating myself for being a horrid crabby person, I had to choose between sleep and having more of a social life. I really hate myself (the person I turn into) when I'm really tired. I'm not as nice a person, frankly, and so I have to be on guard to make myself go to bed when I 'think' I'd rather go out.

I do have to tell myself that this is sort of temporary--it definitely got better for me after my LO slept through the night. But I still take naps on the weekends, and am very protective of them--they help keep me sane through the long work week....

I'll admit to occasional amounts of envy of friends, but then I think, that my life is not theirs, and just focus on me & my family, not keeping up with the Jones' social life. LOL. :)

Chin up--you're doin' just fine by taking care of yourself first. If you take care of yourself, you have more to give to your family, and eventually friends if they need it. Don't tap yourself out because this is only for a short time--it does get easier as the kids get older.

For the most part, I agree that you should guard your sleep. I know I'm not diligent enough on that!

That being said, with your little one at 14 months, your little one should be fine to sleep over at her grandparent's house every now and again if you would like to go out. Then you could have your grown-up time, and you can sleep in. My son started sleeping over at his grandparents' houses when he was about 10 months because I had to travel for work. (And they live several hours away.) He stayed one night because I would be gone, and he stayed a second night so that I could have some "mommy time." I was so thankful for the change of pace, and I was even more thankful to have my little man come home. It helped me appreciate him even more than I already did!

You are not a wimp. You are a wise woman who protects her family from the effects of irresponsibility. The fact that you recognize the consequences of not getting enough sleep, and you do something about it, shows that you have a great love for your family. You don't know what the home lives are like of your friends who stay out late at night. I imagine things aren't as organized and smooth-running in their homes. Nobody can get so little sleep and then be productive and joyful the next day. Something has to give. You cannot have it all. So, you have chosen the better things. Kudos to you! Your family is greatly blessed!

I ssay go with your gut on this, do you want to prioritize yourself in order to party, or to parent.

sounds like you already made the right decision........get that sleep!

You are NOT a wimp!...you should do whatever feels right to you. And if your friends that stay out late don't have kids they are probably sleeping in which is something I am sure you rarely get to do.

I also have a 14 month old and what I find I really look foward to is at least once a year we plan a girls weeked where we rent a cabin and all get together. My husband takes care of our son and it works out great, I get to see all my friends, stay up late, sleep in...and then go back home to our normal routine and look foward to our girls trip the following year :)

Nothing wrong with that at ALL!! I didn't get out much until my youngest was 2 b/c I just didn't want to leave her. She's almost 3 now and I try to get out whenever someone suggests it! Go with your gut and what your body needs to be a good mommy. You'll have the rest of your life to party.

I agree with the others. You are definitely not a wimp! The amount of sleep you get or what time you get to bed doesn't define you.

Sounds to me like you have your priorities in order!

What stands out to me in your post is your comment about how you still get quality time with your husband AND that he let's you sleep in while he gets up with the baby.

That's the stuff that makes life wonderful!

I had my son at 36. I was pretty much done with a night life by my mid 20's.

I would suggest going out but do it so that you can be home around your normal bedtime. We have a very active moms group and when we do a moms night out most of us are home by 10pm at the latest because alot of the moms have kids they need to be up with for school the next day. We do it once a month. When we have our book club we end it at 9pm and most are gone by 9:30pm. There's no reason why your friends couldn't get together at 7pm and you can bow out by 9pm. Do it slowly - if you have to, host a couple of things at your house and put on your invite (7-9pm so that all of us can still have a good time and be then be fresh for our kids the next morning). Don't be afraid to say after the time is up, "Guys I hate to sound like a party pooper but I've got to be up with the baby in the morning and I'd hate for you guys to be exhausted in the morning too). They'll be like, "Wow she's right" and they'll leave. Your FIRST priority is YOU and your family.

Sounds to me like you are taking care of yourself by listening to what your body needs. Nothing wrong with that. I, too, guard my sleep time and while others may be out and about, I'm doing what is best for me. Stress plays a very big role in our energy levels and being a mom lends itself to lots of stress unless you understand how to save the fuel that stress burns up.

I dont think you are a whimp at all. My daughter was 14 months old and still not sleeping all night. She also would get up by 6:15 every single day (she still does!). None of my friends understood this, but I had to do what I had to do. I didnt have someone there to get up with her if I wanted to sleep. Hubby is impossible to get out of bed on the weekends (lucky him). Our son then was 18 months old and still waking through the night...now that they are older (3 and 5) they sleep fine and I get together with friends a lot. We can let our kids all stay up together until 10ish and its fun...but you have to get through this part that you are in right now.

Sounds like you are doing what's right for you. Getting a sufficient amount of good quality sleep is very important to a person's mental health as well as their physical health. What your friends are doing may be right for them; what you are doing is definitely right for you. We each have to march to the beat of our own different drum. Kudos to you for taking such good care of yourself.

There is such a thing as TOO much sleep. I always thought I needed a minimum of 8 hours of sleep (because that was what I was accustomed to). Now, most recently after the birth of my 3rd child, I have been running on 5-6 hours sleep and I actually feel better! Go to bed at 1 am and wake around 7 am.

Maybe you are getting too much sleep or going to bed too early? Try changing up your sleep schedule and see if that makes a difference. Once you have that figured out, then you can fill in your new-found extra time with various activities...even if it is just staying up late to watch TV with the hubby!

Get your sleep honey! When you are ready to go out and party again, you will. Trust me your good friends, restaurants and bars will still be there when you decide to get out and visit them. Unless you feel depressed about not going out at night, then whatever feels right to you is exactly what you should do.

You will be a much happier, attentive and patient mother if you are not sleep deprived!

I almost thought I was reading about my own sleep needs and difficulties when I read your post. Here's my advice: Sleep when you need to sleep. You'll be a better mom, wife, and friend if you're well-rested and taking care of yourself. If you want to join your friends on occasion, I would recommend setting up something well in advance and asking your husband to take care of your baby that night and the next morning, but I wouldn't worry that you're missing out on something. Taking care of babies is exhausting, and some people just have more energy or need less sleep time than others.

The key word in your Q, to my mind, was ENJOY.

People have different sleep needs. Personally, the first 5 years were really hard, because I'm a night owl. I prefer to go to bed about an hour after sunrise and sleep for 5 hours (when I sleep at night I need 7-9 hours to feel rested, it's annoying). I always got the VAST majority of my work done at night. Having to be up in the morning was a hardship for me... and no matter how hard I tried... unless I was physically exhausted (I'm adhd, "physically exhausted" is hard for me to attain, I need 8+ hours of heavy physical work... like 8 hours of skiing/snowboarding, a 20mile hike, sailing all day, etc.) it was and IS almost impossible for me to get to sleep before 1am-2am. Even then I have to work HARD to get to bed that early.

The whole "get up before your kids" thing/idea I find to be nauseating. My BRAIN doesn't work for the first few hours in the morning. When I'm the first one up, I do NOT enjoy it. Not at all. Morning types get their personal time then... but it was a complete waste for me. I need to take my personal time at night.

Most of your friends it sounds, take their personal time at night. Most of mine do it in the morning. In either case, when you're with a group that you're out of sync with... it feels... awkward. But it's not wrong. Just different.

I am the same way! The latest I stay up now is 10:30, but that is rare and most times I go to bed at 9:30. My daughter goes to bed at 9:00 and normally will wake about 11:00 to feed. Don't feel bad that you are not going out with your friends, it sounds like you are being a good mom! When people are sleep deprived they get grumpy and it sounds like you already know how you act when your sleep is interupted. I treat the time I sleep as precious and guard it well although there are times that I wish I could go out but I value my sleep more. If you want to go out, have your husband watch your daughter and mabye take a nap that day so you will be more awake later that night.

I actually only need 5 hours of sleep to feel refreshed my hubs, I swear, 12 hrs. But I did the night life when I was single and ready to mingle. Been there did that. If it's an occassional dinner or other adult time to hang out, it's fine with me. You didn't mention if your friends have older kids? Do they have nannies? Or other babysitters? When you have a good amount of help, people have a tendency to go out more. I could at this point as my son is 7, go out more, as I have a sis who could sit with him, but I'd rather be home with my family. You know what you can and can not handle. If you need a lot of sleep then that's what you need. 14 months old is a lot of work and energy, as kids get older they get easier.