Last week I had to take my 5 y/o DS with me to my well woman appt. because my Mom ended up with a high fever that morning and couldn’t help. Rather then cancelling since I had to wait 3 months to get in anyway, I decided to go and just take my DS. My DH was leaving for work and had serious doubts that my DS would even sit through my appt. without complaining or getting antsy. I said it will be fine as my DS can sit still through pretty much anything when I tell him too.
We got to the Dr. office and we ended up waiting a loooong time (so annoying) and my DS started with “I want to go home? How long do we have to be here? I’m tired.” Anything he could think of. He was bored with me telling him stories, reading magazines and all the hand games (ie: pat-a-cake) so now I’m thinking this was a mistake because now he had to sit through my actual appt! He was getting increasingly impatient and now I’m annoyed not only at the long wait, but that my DS is complaining (I know not his fault).
Finally I said to him very softly “SSHHHHH You need to be good. Do you want a Dr. here to give you your shot or Dr. Jodi (his pediatrician). He very quickly said Dr. Jodi! I said that if my Dr. hears him complaining that they would ask me about his shots.
He behaved like a total gem the rest of the time. We went to his appt. for his flu shot and he was happy and told me how much he loves Dr. Jodi. Shots don’t phase my DS.
Anyway I was telling some co-workers about this because they asked how in the heck my Appt. went that I had to take my DS.
A couple of the ladies who are Moms were shocked that I would say that to my DS to keep him quiet and that it was cruel!! OMG I suddenly felt horrible and that I’m a terrible Mom!!!!
Did I totally make a mistake in handling it that way???
Thank you ladies! I do feel better although next time I'm in a pinch like that with my DS I will use better judgment on what I will say and be better prepared. I’ve never had to take my DS to a Dr. appt. with me before and I just said the first thing that came to my mind as I was getting a little panicked that my DS would get extremely antsy! LOL! Yes I did say it in a very soothing tone, not threatening at all of course. That’s just not in me. My DS is NOT afraid of the Dr. in the least and that is why I said that I guess. The Santa card would have been better though!!!!
To Suz T. Thank you for being so forthright with your answer. I'm not offended at all because my DS and I have such a spectacular bond!! He loves going everywhere with me and he is a very secure little guy. BUT as you've ordered, I will not do that again =-)
Keep the opinions and suggestions coming! I love it!
No, even without reading the question I can tell you that you are NOT a terrible moms. Terrible moms never worry about making mistakes. They don't care.
Cruel? What?
I wonder what they do to get their kids to sit still?
I'd do that in a heartbeat if I thought it would work. Right now, I'm threatening that Santa won't come every time DS does something he's not supposed to.
Completely Ditto Hummingbird & Kate! Well said!
No offense ladies but ....Ignore Suz T. and Krista P. =-)
Are you kidding me?
You are a great mom! So you had to take your son along to a Dr's appt. Like you said you didn't have a choice. And what you said to him to make him behave is not at all horrible. I wish we moms wouldn't just judge each other so harshly. You did not yell or get impatient with your son. i think what you did was actually a great idea. So we moms have to get crafty sometimes just to get through whatever the day throws at us. Don't feel bad, in fact imagine that your coworkers are the type of moms you see at the supermarket with kids screaming and crying and hitting each other just because they don't believe in discipline. Calm down, it sounds like you are doing a great job as a mom. Keep up the good work.
When all else fails-books, snacks, running around the waiting room-sometimes a little threat is all you got!
I don't like it, but I use the 'sit down or the manager is going to come to our table to talk to you" at dinners out sometimes. And frankly I would get up and ask the mngr to do just that if necessary-I look at it as partly teaching them respect-you are in someone elses space-in a way until they can really understand it. It's not may favorite tactic, but when/if all else fails it's not theend of the world.
You aren't a horrible mother and one-you didn't scare him like some of the mothers are implying-you gave him an option to have one dr do it over another. He knew he would be getting a shot one way or another-in effect you let him choose and made it clear that he had some sweat in the game in order to acheive the result he wanted.
If you had said-I'm going to have the dr give you a big shot with a long sharp needle and it's going to hurt a lot and you will cry and beg them to stop if you don't settle down-that would have been being a terrible mother. :)
Oh ignore them!
It couldn't be helped.
Things like that happens.
You are NOT a terrible Mom!
I have done that too. It can't be helped. I cannot always have someone watch my kids, when I go on appointments.
My Doctors.... have no problem with it. I simply explain, that I had no one to watch my kids. But could not cancel my appointment.... or who knows WHEN I could come in.
For your co-workers to judge you that way, is out of line.
You did the best you could.
It was unavoidable... your Mom was sick.... and you could not wait for MONTHS to re-schedule the appointment.
NO MOM IS PERFECT. And we have to go on appointments too.
Me, I have not even cut my hair in MONTHS... because timing wise, I just can't. But for a Doctors appointment... a Woman has to go to those check-ups too. It is for our health.
You DID have planned, your Mom to babysit your child. But she got sick. So, that could NOT be predicted. So you took your child with you to the appointment. I would have had to do that same thing, if that were me.
DON'T worry.
As an aside: when I was pregnant with my 2nd child... I took my eldest child with me to ALL my pre-natal appointments. My eldest was 3 at the time. My OB/GYN encourages it and had NO problem with that. My Doc even showed my daughter how to put the Doppler heart monitor on my Tummy to 'hear' her brother's heartbeat. He 'educated' her about things, and made it less scary for her. My daughter LOVED coming with me, and my Doc had NO problem with it, whatsoever. Nor did I.
all the best,
Susan
I use this threat often -whenever he's whining about his legs hurting because he's tired and doesn't want to walk upstairs (he's almost 50 lbs -not an easy load), and when I KNOW he's faking it to try and get out of something. He has had shots and will have shots, but it doesn't mean he likes them! It's a great threat and always seems to work like a charm!
** I wonder what those moms you work with would think of my nose-picking strategy. When my first started picking his nose initially, we had been reading a lot of Shel Silverstein poems. There's one about the sharp-toothed snail that lives up in your nose and will bite the end of your finger off if you ram it up there. That's been GOLD at our house! I've now passed it on to his little brother. My oldest is now aware there's not really a sharp-toothed snail in your nose, but it broke him of even getting into the habit!
I've threatened far, far worse than the dreaded shot!!! LOL!
Yes, I think that this was a mistake. First, it's a really strange thing to say and puts doctors in the role of "punishment", which is not only counterproductive but wrong.
You should have rescheduled or called someone else to watch your son. Could your husband have met you and watched him or taken 1/2 a sick day? Unless you are the FIRST appointment in the morning, you know you are going to wait for at least a half hour at the OBGYN. I have never waited for a shorter period of time.
Did you bring things for him to do or eat? Magazines and pat-a-cake will last about 10 minutes. Your bag should have been stocked with "stuff". You also could have given the receptionist your cell #, asked her to call you with a 5 minute warning and taken him for a walk.
He's three. This was your mistake and you punished him for your lack of preparation.
No big deal. Your coworkers are too hypersensitive.
i'm surprised at all the moms applauding this.
of course all the usual reassurances about not being a terrible mom and so on and so forth apply, but it is NOT okay to use a medical procedure that your child will need and must not fear as a threat!
it's nice that it has worked out okay, but that doesn't make it right.
i do not recommend this as a coping device to anyone and hope you don't use it again.
khairete
S.
First, you're not a terrible mother! If that's all it took, to be a terrible mom... we'd all be in trouble!!
I will say, I don't necessarily agree with this method myself. I view that in the same way, as "Santa won't bring you any toys, if you keep doing that." It's a bit of a fear based tactic and I don't personally feel comfortable with it. It doesn't matter how you say it, in a soft and nice tone. I'm not saying you're a mean mom, or abusive and harsh. Clearly, you are not. I just think there are better ways. I think you can arm yourself with some good distractions. A good snack, a game or book from home, a toy...something. You could have spoken with him before you left. "I have an appointment today and it might take a while and be a little boring, so lets go pick put some toys and snacks, for you to bring. I really need you to play with your toys and wait with me, even though it's might be a wait...OK?" Something along those lines.
LOL, In the scheme of things there are far worse things you could do. You probably saved a lot of heartache for yourself and your doctor and made the best of a bad situation. I'm not saying this should be done all the time but something as a last resort. My Mom used to tell us funny things that we believed for a long time. One of them was, "If you stick your hand out the window and a bug hit your arm the force could break your arm". She didn't want us to argue about seeing a car or obstacle coming, blah blah blah. So when my brother and I were older and called her on it she said, "It kept you from sticking your arms out of the care, didn't it?"
ROFL... You did GREAT! Creative and kind and even got him *excited* about seeing his own doctor.
Good job mama!
No, you did not make a mistake. You did what you needed to do to get through the situation. He's not hurt or scarred...you're fine!
I don't think so...because I've done the EXACT same thing with my own.
LOL...awww not the best thing to say im sure but we all say things to get our kids to behave..........YOU'RE NOT A TERRIBLE MOM!
No and if they are trying to say that they have never said anything like that to get their kids to sit still/quiet then they are telling porkies! Don't worry about , it's much worse him whining and causing a fuss.
i tell my son and niece and nephew things that some wouldn't agree with....i tell my son if you dont brush your teeth you'll get bugs in your teeth i tell my niece and nephew if you don't pick up your toys they'll find another kids who will take good care of them and ofcourse santa as a matter of fact i use santa in potty training and in the two weeks i've used his name my sone hasn't had any accident during the day but once when he was sick and had some issues there..... we all tell lil white lies to our kids and thats just human nature! i agree with mostly everyone if your son wasn't traumatized by it don't worry! and i know moms who do and say wayyyyyyy worse things to their kids and they are still considered good parents! parent how you see fit you know your son better than anyone in the world (for now) so don't let anyone tell you what you do or say is wrong concerning him!
i think you did the right thing. I do anything to get mine to behave. He is 2. and goes with me to every appointment, after them if he bahaves I offer him a new (cheap) toy.
I think it's kind of funny.....LOL ~ I don't think that you are a horrible mom at all....and it doesn't sound like he was emotionally scarred by this, so I really wouldn't worry about it. Next time, I would take some games and stuff for him to do, and just expect that he is not going to be as patient as you are sitting there waiting...
You are not terrible !! I think most of us would admit to doing or saying similar things to get our kids through diffucult situations !!
it happens all the time. my daughter was sick last week and my mom teased her telling her she'd have to have a shot and felt horrible when i told her that she DID get one...i told my daughter to call and give her a bit of a hard time....
you are not a bad mom, mom's say stuff like that ALL THE TIME to get kids to mind. that's the golden rule with santa and christmas, be good or santa will bring you coal, or you wont get any presents..."he's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty or nice" that's the same motto, only it a + and not a -
don't beat yourself up
I doubt you're a horrible Mom but I don't think what you told him was right. You took something that you know children fear and used it against him. Next time (if there is a next time) I would tell him he needs to be good. If he's really good you'll get him a treat (Ice cream, McD's, a small toy, something he likes). Reward him for good behavior, not scare him into it.
Your son will be just fine. Not to worry. Doesn't sound any worse than telling children, "Be good or else Santa will give you nothing but a lump of coal."
While I remember my own mother saying that to us kids, it never really instilled fear in us, just meant she meant business. Although its probably not the right thing to say to him just dont do it again...no big deal!!!
No sweety...it was sjut one of those thing...I my slef laughed at it. Your not a bad mom at all...Take it easy on your self
Blessing
S.
You are not a terrible mom but I do think you made a mistake in handling the situation....it was effective though.
Since kids have to get their shots, using that as tool to make them behave is not a good idea. What happens when they have been wonderfully behaved but still have to get a shot? Very confusing for kids and can make them fearful of doctors. And since shots don't phase your son, it may not work too well anyway.
My OB is always behind so I wouldn't take my little one unless it was an absolute emergency...but sometimes a mom has to do what must be done.
Hmm... I don't know if it's cruel or not to say that about the shots... I really don't, it depends, I mean if you were being all scary and forceful/threatening like, but you said it softly, which means it ould be a little joke with him, but he was quiet just in case.
I know I've said similar things to my son at a Dr. appt.... he ws getting the flu mist and he get asking repeatedly and hyperly if he was getting the shot, and I kept telling him, "no, it's not a shot, it's the spray in your nose that you got last month." Well, he wouldn't shut up about it so I said, "Honey, if you can't listen and keep repeating yourself, then I WILL ask the Dr. to give you the regular shot."
Though I do hope later you gave him praise for being so good the rest of the time. I do think him in a well women visit though is weird (if it was a gyno pap type visit)... if not, then not weird.
someone once told me she kept emergency lollipops in her purse.
NOPE!!! Sounds good to me! Did you get the peace you needed? Did he behave?
He's 5, plenty old enough to behave. But, they get antsy after a while...so do I! When I bring my 5 year old to the OB (and I am usually in, waiting, and out...all within about 1/2 hour) he gets to bring his DS (game system) into the drs. He just has to put it on mute. It works like a charm. If you have a DS I highly recommend bring that if you are in a jam!
L.
I disagree with most of the moms on here. I do not think you should have said what you said, for a number of reasons, the biggest being that I believe all threats given to children should be reasonable, and you should always be willing to follow through. Had you followed through on this threat, however, you could have created a fear of shots or doctors that you say your son (who behaved incredibly for his age!) doesn't currently have, although I don't think you intended to follow through (a problem in itself). I would like to say I wouldn't have done it - but I don't know for sure. We moms aren't perfect, and sometimes we say or do things we shouldn't to get through situations that are very uncomfortable. I do NOT think this makes you a terrible mother - I think it makes you terribly normal. Nor do I think you should have any guilt, because you didn't scar your son, and it was a very difficult situation for you, too. I have scolded and disciplined in ways I don't approve of myself when under stress. Think about it and what your co-workers said and decide how you would handle the same situation in the future (and if you decide you would have done the same thing again, that's your decision). Then move on.
Hey, whatever works!! No, he won't be scarred for life over this.
I don't think it sounds bad. I think that was the least mean way i have heard of fixing it. Most mothers I heard with this problem start screaming. Actually to me you sound like a caring mother who has her child's best interest because you can understand why your child was getting upset. Don't listen I once got into it with a guy at walmart because I was doing speech therapy with my child and he didn't approve of the way I was teacher her (doing what her speech therapist said to do). Some people just need to mind their own business. You know your child the best, trust your instincts.
oHHHHHH paHLEEEZE!
Your post gave me my laugh of the day and it is only half over.
Plenty of moms have truly threatened a lot worse.... and their kids did not even listen to the anyway.
This was so simple and so benign that it is hard to believe anyone made a negative comment. but, people are people.
He is a young boy after all and based on what you described the situation, ... having to take him last minute, not really preparing him or trying to get yourself prepared with books, toys, treats, etc. and him having to wait a verylong time ( don't most of us adults get cranky by such long waits), I think your appointment went very smooth by all accounts.
Just because others have a hard time sweating the small stuff, does not mean that you have to be like them. Trust in your instincts and I am sure you will continue to be a great mom!
L. J. I.
Updated
oHHHHHH paHLEEEZE!
Your post gave me my laugh of the day and it is only half over.
Plenty of moms have truly threatened a lot worse.... and their kids did not even listen to the anyway.
This was so simple and so benign that it is hard to believe anyone made a negative comment. but, people are people.
He is a young boy after all and based on what you described the situation, ... having to take him last minute, not really preparing him or trying to get yourself prepared with books, toys, treats, etc. and him having to wait a verylong time ( don't most of us adults get cranky by such long waits), I think your appointment went very smooth by all accounts.
Just because others have a hard time sweating the small stuff, does not mean that you have to be like them. Trust in your instincts and I am sure you will continue to be a great mom!
L. J. I.
Every one of us has said something that just came out of our mouths (often because we were told the same as a child, lol) and regretted it. Learn from it, apologize for it, and go on.
You do what you do and now you KNOW not to take him with you on dr visits. Oh well you tried!
