Almost 5 Year Old Day Wetting

Maybe it's worst because the new baby? One of my children went through something similar to this with the new baby. I just went back with her & acted like I was re-potty training her. I followed Dr. Phil's Potty Training in One day. I don't normally follow Dr. Phil, but I liked what I read & I kind of made it my own, & it worked well when potty training in the first place, so I kind of followed it & added my own to it for Re-potty training. You can go on line & read it w/o buying the book. I would say too, not to make him feel bad for it. Yelling/disciplining him only makes it worst. If it's attention he's seeking from it, then when he gets a rise out of you he's successful. Or maybe it's not even a rise he's seeking, but maybe he actually has a weak bladder? Perhaps try bladder strengthening exercises with him, like it mentions on the website I think.. One of the games yo could play is to try to get him to pee & stop peeing as many times as he can on the toilet. Make it fun & a game. It helps strengthen those Potty muscles. Also instead of asking him if he has to go potty, maybe every 15 Min. tell him OK lets go on the potty chair now! Even if he fights it. That helps straighten those muscles too, getting on & off the potty chair by himself, (Not lifting him on there) Then when he does go potty try giving him a jelly bean or whatever reward you want? These are all things I did with my kiddios when potty training & when they regressed. I hope something helps! It can be quite frustrating I know!

Please be kind and supportive to your son. This is very normal, natural, and common. The more frustration you exhibit, more difficult it will become. Just accept the things as they are. It is just a phase and will change with time and whenever your son is emotionally ready himself. You as an adult may be able to express your feelings but your son is not at that level to express his own feelings in the right way. We expect our kids to be robots who should meet our expectations because that is how we have set up the system and standards such as sleep through the night, walk, talk, drop bottle, potty train by certain age and the list goes on. Was a child asked to weigh in when we made these standards? We may make (force) our kids to do everything this world expects us to but we need to stop and think what is the emotional impact of imposing our standards on our children who deserve their own time to grow up and become independent. What goes on in their minds when we are ordering them in the name of role power we have as parents.

My 5 yr old son never uses bathroom outside the home. He holds it all day even if we come home as late as 11PM. After trying all useless and intimidating tactics, we have accepted it. He has never wetted the bed at night since age 2.5 and only time he did was just a few months ago when my husband and I were too rough in disciplining him. He must be going through a lot of pain inside but fear of parents’ resentment made him not talk about his feelings. Our kids internalize their feelings and simple learn that they need to do things to please parents. We give them the idea that they should do certain things because there is a reward or punishment coming not because that is the right thing to do and that they deserve their own time to learn. The least we can do is be kind, respectful, accepting while we tell them about societal rules and behaviors. I highly recommend two books:
Between Parent and child by Haim Ginot and
Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn

Best,
-Rachna

Hi Linda,

I recently took my 5 year to the urologist for a completely different reason. The Dr. asked me if my daughter was wetting her pants more now that she has started school. The reason she asked is that she said it's very common because they are so much more distracted and their minds occupied. She suggested to be much more on a potty schedule... first thing when they wake up, put them on, right before school, right after school,etc. My suggestion is to put him on the toilet on this kind of schedule if has says he has to go or not.

I hope someones advice helps!

Dear Linda,
Since your son does so great at night, I'm sure it's not a physical problem. I mean, I'm no doctor, but if he does fine through the night and has accidents during the day, there is something else going on.
I have a couple of guesses.
One is that he may just rush out to recess to play without thinking he needs to go to the bathroom first. Then, when the bell rings, it's time to get back to class and he didn't stop to think that he needed to pee sometime before that bell rang. So, he'll just try to hold it. I had a first grade teacher that watched who did and didn't go to the bathroom at recess and if any of us raised our hand to go to the bathroom during class, if she knew we never used the bathroom, she would tell us no. There were pee accidents galore, which looking back, seemed pretty mean. If she was going to watch who used the bathroom and who didn't, she should have lined us up and made us take turns going pee, but she wanted us to learn our own lesson the hard way. Maybe your son just really needs to be reminded to get in the habit of not being able to play at recess unless he goes to the bathroom first and then tries again before the bell rings. He could just be so busy playing that he doesn't think about it or tries to hold it.
My other guess is that he could be nervous about the school bathroom for some reason. My nephew, if someone forgot to flush or there was toilet paper on the floor, he would just turn around and walk out. He's 18 and still won't use a gas station bathroom if it's dirty. My son will pee at school, but he doesn't like pooping there. He's 14 and will come bounding through the front door after school and go straight to the bathroom. He prefers privacy that you can't get when there are other kids in there at the same time. He's told his teachers that he needs to go to the bathroom in "private" and they've always let him because he doesn't try to get out of tests or anything and goof off. They know what he needs to do.
Talk to your son about if he doesn't like the bathroom or it scares him or what does he think is happening that he is wetting his pants? He's not in trouble, but it has to stop because he's a big boy now. Talk to the teacher. I'm sure he's not the only kid who has had accidents. Your son might just need to be reminded to go often and he may need more privacy. He might just feel in such a hurry being a busy boy that sitting still long enough to empty his bladder is not high on his priority list.
I'm sure you'll find a solution.

Best wishes!

You're not alone. It's quite common for kids to still have accidents at that age. They get busy doing something and just don't want to have to break for bathroom time. Our son just said a boy in his first grade class had an accident, so it still goes on.

Kindergarten will help a lot because there's peer pressure. That's what made a huge difference for our son. He had to wear ugly donated school pants home one day (a clear sign to friends he'd had an accident) and after that, the accidents went away at school.

We tried rewards, punishments, you name it, for years, and nothing worked quite like starting "big kid" school.

Try to find out if something is going on at school. Does it always happen at the same time? Maybe whatever he is doing at the time keeps him so focused he just doesn't tune in. Is there a teacher who could give him a gentle reminder to go? Also it may be something more. Last year at my daughters school some older kids teased the younger kids about a ghost in the bathroom (there was paint on the floor and glitter in the sink). My daughter (6 at the time) was very frightened, but seemed to get over it then started wetting her pants. Then instead of wetting her pants, she would say she did because she knew I would be called and then be with her while she went potty in the Nurses office bathroom. We went over and over the fact that the ghost story wasn't true. Finally I said, We know the ghost story isn't true, lets make up a fun story about this bathroom. We know this new story isn't true but if there's going to be a story, we are going to make it fun and positive. We decided it was a leprechaun who was a little early and a little lost. I gave her small cut out green hearts. Everyday she had to go into the bathroom a little further and then leave the heart on the counter by the sink. I think this made her feel more in control and once someone mentioned the green heart and she happily said, "Maybe it's a leprechaun!" Sorry this is long, hope it helps someone!

This is a really awful problem--- I sympathize with you. I would ask the pediatrician to give you more specific advice, and maybe help you find a counselor for him. And, as Tori F. mentioned, it may be a specific fear about that particular bathroom that you can deal with if you can get him to tell you about it. Other than that, you may have to just wait until he stops because other kids are teasing him, and unfortunately, that won't be long.

Get the pull ups or those new night underwear for older kids who have accidents, and let him grow up a bit. It won't last. At least he won't be wet and smelly. He can still use the restroom but the protection will be there for when he needs it.

My 5 year old will NOT go potty at school. maybe it's the potties??

he HATED the bathroom at his preschools because they were "open" (meaning there was a two foot divider between the two toilets and the door to the room was a half door... it was designed this way so the teachers could "see in", but so can the kids... and he claimed the other kids were always looking in.

the preschools both had an hourly drop off service & i so one day (on the teacher's advice) left him there for 8 hours one day, they pumped him full of fluids & he STILL did not go. the kids a freakin' camel!! he 'holds it' all day.

now that he is in K, the bathroom is more grown up, with doors that close all the way. he has gone at school once or twice,, but still prefers to wait until he comes home.

i'd get pull ups on him.

Hi Linda
I don't have any solutions for you other than hang in there. My daughter was exactly the same. She didn't have full accidents, she just had damp underwear. Is that what is happening with your son? she did it once in a while (once a week or so) til she was 9 years old. It bothered me much more than it bothered her. Like you, I had the doctor test her. She was fine. So,,, it will go away on its own! Sorry I couldn't be of any help.

R.