Almost 3 Year Old Hitting Mom and Dad

I feel for you and know what you are going through:) I have a 5 y.o., a 1 y.o. and am expecting my third the end of July (a big surprise). My best advice is to read Naomi Aldort's "Raising our children, raising ourselves". See if you library has it or you can order it online from amazon.com. It is worth its weight in gold:)

Basically when a child acts out like that it is a cry for attention. Naomi says to have 15 minutes a day at the same time every day for each child to have "mommy time" where she can pick whatever she wants to do with you and you give her your 100% undivided attention- no phone calls, no computer, no tv, no conversations with your husband etc. and what ever she wants to do (as long as it is safe and not against your house rules) goes without correcting her on how it is 'supposed' to be done. This sounds pretty easy but it is actually takes time to get used to giving a child 100% of your attention even for 15 minutes.

Also, she could be nervous about the upcoming arrival even though you are including her already. Ask her how she is feeling and don't try to "fix things" just be a sounding board for her to express her feelings. So if you ask her how she is feeling about her baby sister's arrival, just repeat whatever answer she gives such as "so what I am hearing you say is that you are nervous because you are not sure what to expect" or whatever- without trying to say how to fix it. Naomi goes into great detail about stuff like this.

When we were expecting our 2nd, we invloved my son with picking out a toy or something little each time we went to the store for his brother's arrival and that really helped him feel included and important. We also talked about how much time and work goes into taking care of a baby and what ways he would be able to help when he arrived. We got a portable diaper carrier so when it was time to change his brother, he could bring it over to "help" even though it would have been easier to do it myself, it was priceless to see how excited he was to feel included and helpful.

congratulations and good luck!

I have been where you are with my kids. It may pass, it may not(sometimes it is a phase, sometimes it is a form of communication). You are approaching it right by trying to figure out ways you can influence the situation. You have already gotten some real good advice. I would suggest that she is trying to communicate something to you - it could be that she is copying something she sees (TV, adults, other kids, etc), it could be she needs more attention, it could be a phase.

I think the best way to approach it is to try several things like giving her positive attention on a daily basis, not reacting to her when she hits you (no yelling, crying, getting mad, etc) just simply, calmly give her the time out (you hit you sit sounds like a good way to do it). If you get upset or any other emotional reaction, you are giving her power over you (which if she is trying to manipulate you - she is going for that reaction). Kids learn by manipulating (manipulating toys, words, people etc) - but it is not a malicious thing, they are just learning cause and effect of human behavior. Decide how you can calmly handle it and consistently implement it. It will take a couple of weeks, but it will work. Her behavior will "spike" several times during the next couple of weeks while you all go through this adjustment, but more than likely it will dissolve with the other strategies put in place (time with her, etc).

ALL BEHAVIOR is communication.

Good luck!

Hi L.,

We went through this a bit with our daughter - same situation, same age. Positive reinforcement at this age is always better than negative. Knowing mom's mad doesn't provide extra motivation for her, just distracts her from the problem to feeling "mom's mad at me."

Spend AS MUCH TIME as possible with her right now. When she acts out, ask her if she's having a hard time with something. She may answer. Observe the times she hits the most and avert those situations if possible. Otherwise, keep being positive with her & let her know it's NOT ok to hit. A brief time out - 2 minutes max - can be useful IF it's consistent. Whatever you do, keep YOUR temper in check and remain calm and kind. Harder when you're this pregnant and in this heat! :)

I promise this will pass. She probably does sense a change but most of all, some kids who have a harder time calming down will express themselves this way. We just remained consistent with our daughter and remained loving and calm with her. Within a few months, she realized 1. hitting was not ok and 2. We loved her and treated her with kindness no matter what - the behavior stopped. It's not the fast way but it works longer term!

Remember, if you treat HER with respect and kindness, she will LEARN to treat others the same way.

Congrats on your little family!

Oh L. I feel for you. My sister went through the exact same thing. She did the exact things you are doing. She was almost at her wits end but continued to use patience, time-outs, etc. and her daughter finally quit. I don't believe there was a certain method that helped. Also, once you have your second daughter the older one will probably become very helpful.

I wish my sister could read this and respond. I will find out from her if she has any other advice.

I had the same situation with my daughter and when I asked for adviced, someone told me about "you hit, you sit". I used on my daughter for about 2-3 weeks and she started to get the idea and stopped. After I had her sit for her 2 minutes, I explained how hitting hurt people and she shouldn't do things that will hurt others, especially if she wouldn't want others to hit and hurt her. Give it a try. Good Luck
A. M