Alcohol and Parties (Spinoff of Another Question)

I'm with Sherri G. - my sticking point is "gift" type parties. Then I think it is polite to provide food and drink.

I'm OK with potluck and BYOB for parties, unless it is a party to which you are expected to bring a gift, then I think food and drink should be provided.

You're right it's expensive and/or time consuming and expensive. If you provide all the food, either you have to spend a lot of time preparing it (besides buying it) or you have to have it catered. We have an annual party that's grown so much and I work full time that now we have it catered and it's a lot. We provide all the alcohol too though each guest/couple typically brings a hostess gift of a bottle of wine or something like that so I bet we don't spend all that much on the drinks on a net basis. We go to some other friends' parties but the majority don't throw a party like this every year. I don't think it's required at all... The way you're doing 4th of July sounds great.

We usually provide all, but I get my sisters and mom and MIL to contribute a side dish or appetizer or special beverage if they want. We just always offer to help each other so thats how it goes. But for the rest of the general guests I don't ask them to bring anything.

So, yeah, I only have maybe one BIG backyard type party a year, and maybe a couple other smaller "just family" dinner parties or brunches a year as events dictate (b-day or baptism or whatever).

I always serve alcohol at my get-togethers (or my parents wouldn't come, ha!). I had a big one recently for my daughters 5th BD with the family, my friends and cousin's who have kids, and a handful of the ones we like from pre-school. We had beers in a cooler and sangria that my MIL made. Some jumped right in, others stuck to soda and water. It's always chill and low-profile at my parties, not a full open bar or anything where the booze takes center stage.

Yeah it gets expensive to throw parties. I usually spend too much on kid-stuff--- prizes, games, crafts, decor. My dad is in the habit of slipping me a hundy when he comes to all our parties ("I know how expensive these things get") he raised 6 kids and he's kinda a miser with money in general but he never spared on food and booze for a good time with the family.

I come from a family where the hosts provide everything (including a cooler of soda and juice, and a cooler of beer)...

... But have grown into an adult of potlucking friends where everyone brings a dish and a bottle (or 6pack) to share.

Yes. At family parties there is always alcohol, and no one gets drunk. At friend parties there is always alcohol and no one gets drunk. We're talking 1-3 beers/glasses over 6 hours. ((Except at Muslim houses, where instead there's a hookah and double apple or rose tobacco))

The kids at these parties often do 'piqueto sleepovers' if it's an evening party (about half are daytime, and half are evening). Meaning baths and pjs and sleeping bags and movies. They get ready for bed at normal hours and watch films and fall asleep and are carried out to cars by parents. Started as toddlers who slept, and are now preteens who do it more for sake of 'warm fuzzy' tradition of having their own parties. As they get older, less sleeping, more giggling.

Because of the potluck aspect the 6 core families, and 10 occasional families have been able to have a standing weekly potluck in the summer that rotates homes. Costs less than feeding your own family, which is the joy of potlucking. Well, that and new dishes to try!!!

Never. Our community of friends regularly does potlucks (maybe it's a Portland thing? We're all so interested in each other's favorite dishes or new recipes?) and we nearly always BYOB at parties. We used to get a small keg (before we had kids LOL) of some good, local craft beer, but now our parties are more intimate. If it's just a couple other couples, we also like to share our beers/try out new beer, or will pick up a couple bottles of wine.

Pre my daughter we would typically have 2 parties a year where we provided everything. One was smallish 10-14 people, the other was our CHristmas Buffet where over the course of the event we could have 40 or more people.

That said, most every would bring something, sometimes wine, sometimes food, but I always made sure I had enough. It was an expense though, the summer barbeqcue wasnot so bad, but the CHristmas party depending on menu (appetizers, main course, dessert, wine, booze ) was around $500 or so... of course no one left hungry and there were some left overs...

My husband is a homebrewer so showing off the beer is as important to him as me showing off my cooking. We have one party a year and we supply everything. If it is outside we may ask people to bring lawn furniture because the patio furniture only goes so far.

A fair few of the people we invite are also homebrewers so they tend to bring beer just like women bring their favorite dish. We don't ask, they just do.

Perhaps I don't speak for the majority. :p

I'm calling CPS on you! :)

I agree with everyone who said that if it's a "gift" type party (birthday, graduation, etc.) then food and drink should be provided. For example, I'll be attending my niece's graduation party this Friday. I am not close to my SIL at all, but I will ask her if I can bring anything. I'm pretty sure she'll say no. But if she mentions something she needs, that's fine. Just not the way I personally would do things.

We host a bunch of impromptu BBQ's at my house (usually 5 families or so) and every single one of my friends always asks "what can I bring?" And I tell them! When I'm invited to a party I always ask the same thing, and I'm happy to bring something to share. Not only does it spread out the cost, but it's so much easier knowing you're just in charge of hamburgers and hotdogs - all the side dishes will arrive with your friends!

But, for all of my girls' birthday parties we've always provided everything.

starting w/ the food: make a few dishes in bulk. Avoid making a ton of sides. It goes further, fits on the plate better, & is a heck of a lot easier.

Usual Menu: salad, complete w/ dressing....so much easier.
a pasta or potato salad (to provide a carb selection)....or a warm potato.
a fruit & vegie platter, complete w/ dip.
a gallon jar of pickles....guests love it!

Now, depending on the meat served, I will change up things. If we're doing a fish fry, then we do hush puppies/fries & coleslaw. We also like to add roasted cabbage wedges to this menu.

If we're doing kabobs, I like to provide a pasta dish & salad.

If we're doing smoked meats, I like to do a down-home menu....complete w/ a crockpot of fresh green beans, a warm potato dish, & fresh fruit/vegies. A relish tray is popular with this menu.

As for drinks, a cooler of water/soda, a cooler of beer, a couple bottles of wine, a couple gallons of iced tea, & a huge bucket of mixed drinks. This usually works for our groups of 25-50. We use more water & beer over soda. Oh, & even in the summer....we usually have requests for coffee! :)

Hope all of this helps! I LOVE parties....love the prep, love the work, love the fun in my home.

If its a birthday party, my answer would be different than a 4th of July get together. If you had a kids party at a jump place, park, swimming pool, etc., you would provide the food/cake and drinks right? You wouldn't ask your children's friends parents to bring stuff to your child's party. So because that kid's party is now at your house instead of at a different location, I don't think it should be treated any different. I think the people below are right, its because its a 'gift' type party. Now if you are just doing a get together and wanting to hang out with your friends, I don't see what would be wrong with asking everyone to bring a different thing. Like and appetizer, dessert, beverage, etc. As long as you are still providing the majority of the meal. When we do parties, we usually plan to have everything. main meal. apps, desserts and drinks. but we usually plan to just have one of each, knowing our friends will usually bring another dessert, beer, wine, etc.

I think it's pretty standard to ask guests to bring something. Most of the parties we go to, the host provides the meat or the main dish and each guest brings a side dish, dessert or beverages (alcohol or non-alcohol).

when i had a house with my ex we did once a month, but did it cheap. Hot dogs, salad, burgers chips and beer. J. because you're providing everything doesnt mean you have to have every option

I host two parties a year - a pool party (used to be adults - now it is my son's 1/2 birthday party - and yes it has alcohol) and a Halloween pumpkin carving party (yes, kids are invited too and you guessed it - alcohol - although you can have your hot cider spiked or not). I provide all the food and drinks. If someone asks - I have them bring ice. You can never have too much ice. I really don't like when someone brings their favorite dish because I have generally thought out and planned the menu. Yes, it can get expensive but it's only twice a year and I love to entertain.

I am perfectly happy to attend parties and bring a dish to pass. (I don't feel taken advantage of that I don't want people to bring something to my parties).

We hardly EVER host "parties". But we do tend to have a cook-out or BarBQ where we invite another family and their kids over to eat and swim. The family we invited the most moved to CA last fall, so we probably won't do it as often this year... but in the past, probably 4 or 5 times during the summer. We have had family cookouts where SILs and their families came over.

Grill burgers/hotdogs, or steaks/chicken, or salmon.... Let the kids swim (mostly the adults weren't interested, but sometimes we'd swim too) while we sat and supervised and visited... while snacking on salsa & chips/pretzels/fruit trays/veggies trays/popcorn/nuts and sipping cold beer or wine, or iced coffee, or whatever. The kids always had bottled water or caprisun or whatever.. Then the kids would get out while we ate dinner. Then usually, they would be done with the pool, put on dry clothes to eat, and afterwards ride scooters/bikes on the driveway and culdesac, or run around in the yard, swing, or search for dinosaur bones. We'd turn on the floodlights if it got dark and they'd play hide and seek, too.
:)

This year it will probably be quieter. SIL bought their own house with a pool last year, so we are alternating hosting cook-outs now. They aren't big drinkers (neither are we really) but I usually take a bottle of wine for her and me to share. And our husbands usually have a beer or two.
Nobody gets drunk.

About once or twice a year, but it is just family, and we only have to buy beer. We get a TON of free wine every year for Christmas, and it lasts us forever.

When we host, we provide everything, including liquor, and make enough that we pack leftovers to send home with most. Notwithstanding the non-potluck style of hosting, most will bring a bottle, an app, or a dessert.
I come from a family of feeders. What can I say.

F. B.

I have one big party every year where I provide it all . . . my annual Christmas open house. Last year, I also hosted a Christmas Gift Wrapping party for moms at a clubhouse and provided a light dinner and soft drinks and wine. I like to host an occasional happy hour or dinner, but that's rare with the little one. I do not serve alcohol at the little one's bday part, but she does have a kid party for her bday.

Updated

I have one big party every year where I provide it all . . . my annual Christmas open house. Last year, I also hosted a Christmas Gift Wrapping party for moms at a clubhouse and provided a light dinner and soft drinks and wine. I like to host an occasional happy hour or dinner, but that's rare with the little one. I do not serve alcohol at the little one's bday part, but she does have a kid party for her bday.

When we do BBQ's, BYOB is the norm. We usually don't ask people to bring a side, we do all the food.

My boyfriend and I throw a Superbowl party yearly and provide all smacks and beer. We also throw a new years eve party and provide all alcohol and food.

I honestly can not think of one. I have been to my SIL's where she has provided everything, but I always ask what I can bring or do. I do not think I could affoard mentally or financially to do it that way right now. Plus, I like the variety of a pot luck party, you never know what you are going to get and what people will fall in love with. So, other than throwing a more formal dinner party I do not think I would want to do a party non "pot luck" style.

We have lots of birthday parties and some get togethers. We NEVER provide alcohol. I always let people know theycan bring some if they wish, and most people do bring some beer or wine.
We don't have alcohol because my husband is a recovering alcoholic (10 years sober!) and I rarely have a drink.
L.
(we didn't even have alcohol at our wedding)

Around here, it seems like most parties (gift or not), the host provides everything. What I have seen done on more than one occasion is that the host will make one cocktail - for instance, if it's a summer party, the drink will be mojitos. For a Christmas party, it might be mulled wine or eggnog. That keeps things simple - you don't have to have a full bar, and if people don't like mojitos, they're free to bring something they DO like. Just list on the invitation what your theme cocktail will be so people know.

Every once in a while. Mainly the kids birthdays (just family) and one or two bbqs a year with friends, although at the bbqs we usually ask them to bring some alcohol. Um, we go through it pretty quickly LOL. Usually when friends come over they bring their meat and drinks or a big party like superbowl, we'll provide the main dish and everyone brings a side and drinks.

We don't generally provide alcohol, mostly because my husband and his twin can't drink it (genetic disorder) so if people want it, they know to bring it themselves. When we have parties, we provide all the other food or drink unless someone wants to bring something or has a dietary restriction I don't know how to cook for. (for example, the vegans are bringing their own protein/fake meat to the 4th of July cookout, and they brought their own fake turkey to Thanksgiving, but I provided everything else).

To cut down on costs, simply have a pot-luck party.
Here in my region, that is what everyone does.
It is no big deal.
Pot lucks are fun.

My grandparents do this alot. Its just for family (and alot of times we bring things even when grandma says there is enough and we don't have to) But I have a big family. My grandparents have 6 kids, all but one are married. 13 grandkids ( 6 of which bring a SO) and three great grand kids (but one of the, my baby, is not going to eat any of the food since she is 4 mnths lol) My grandma is throwing a party Sunday for Father's day/Grandpa's bday.

I usually provide everything but always welcome them to bring their own favorite drinks. My approach to this might be filed under the "a little different" category, though. If it's a dinner party where everything is centered around consumption, then I make sure that there's enough of everything for us not to run out. If it's NOT a dinner party and is more about socializing or themed, then the food and drink are just part of it, and if it runs out, then it just runs out. I keep finger foods and snack-y things aroiund. The point is not to fill people up, so I don't take special care to keep stocked up. The point is usually to have good conversation and maybe play some games. I would not be offended at all if they decided to eat before their arrival.

I rarely host meal parties (brunch, dinner). When I do, I prefer to control the menu--couple each of appetizer options, entree options, side options.... Unless I specifically request a particular dish, I prefer that they just come and eat.

I have an annual party that is not centered around food, but I still serve some good food. I start buying ahead of time. I find sales on sodas and get bulky stuff from Sam's. I stock up in the weeks prior. I don't get anything that I can't use once everybody leaves. I keep my bar pretty stocked, so certain people are allowed to serve themselves behind the bar. We get a couple of cases of beer, two different kinds. I make big batches of tea and lemonade, sometimes from the powder with some other stuff blended into it to make it different. I cut up my own (or get someone to help me) fruits and vegetables, instead of buying the trays. I get enough of everything for each person to have a taste of each. Then, I get a variety of things so they're pretty much just getting a taste of a bunch of different stuff. It balances out because everybody rarely wants to eat up every thing there. They pick their favorites and lean in.