I'm having trouble with my one year olds behavior. Both of my kids are wonderfully sweet, happy children, however my one year old consistently hits: me, my husband and my son (the 2.5 year old). She rakes, pinches, hits and bites, none of which my two year old has EVER done on a regular basis. She has a very pleasant personality, people constantly comment on what a happy baby she is, so i don't believe it's her personality. I'm at a loss for what to do, I've never believed a one year old should be disciplined based on the fact that they are too young to understand and benefit from it, but I am certain that something has to be done.
Here's what I've been doing, that worked for my son but has yet to change her behavior at all: When she does any of the behaviors i mentioned I've tried to redirect in a way, rather than saying "NO, DON'T HIT" I've said very calmly, "No no, let's touch nicely, (then I demonstrate while I'm saying it, how I want her to touch). Be gentle, yes that's nice." I know that probably sounds weird but i'd rather not receive responses on what I've already done and hasn't worked. If anyone has any advice, please I'm open to suggestions.
Pay attention, too, to when it happens most. Is it in situations where it is beyond her ability to handle. My son would usually react to another child taking a toy or someway he wasn't getting what he wanted or feeling overwhelmed.
You may need to intervene and limit those situations. See if you can find a pattern and see what you can do to change the situation until she's old enough to handle it in a better way.
I think your approach is perfect for a 1 yr old. Keep doing that and she should learn to be gentle. Just be patient with her.
I also think you are doing a fine job. When my little ones are aggressive, I usually say something similar, "Oh, we only touch soft." If the child hits again, then I will take them OFF of my lap and say, "You can't sit on my lap if you don't touch me soft." Or else I'll walk away so that they see that hitting or biting, etc. makes me separate myself from them. It doesn't necessarily nip it in the bud immediately, but they always seem to get the point. Then I'll go with a distraction technique and try to get the child engaged in a different activity to redirect the behavior. Keep up your positive, good work.
L.,
When my son was one I did the same things you have done. I redirected him and used calm words to reinforce what I did want him to do. I also used time outs. I know that many people think time outs don't work for tiny ones, but it did for us. It wasn't used as a naughty thing, but more as a time away to calm down. Did it work immediately, of course not... they're only one! But it did work over time.
I hope that's helpful.
~A.
There's a difference between discipline and punishment. Sounds like you are disciplining appropriately. I bought this children's book, "Teeth are not for Biting" since it was biting with my son. There's a whole series: teeth, hands, feet, words, etc. At this age, the child can understand but just doesn't have the impulse control. Also, just make sure she's getting enough rest and isn't overly tired or hungry. It did take a few months of saying, "Teeth are not for biting. Ouch! Biting hurts! Let's do this instead." for my son to get it. It's a year later and he still needs reinforcement for different behaviors. Good luck!
Hi L.,
It is completely normal for little ones to use their behaviors to express their frustrations. They don't have the vocabulary or the insight to tell us what's going on for them, so they try to show us with their behavior. It's our job to help them identify what their feeling and find healthy and safe ways to express themselves. Here are a few articles I wrote that might be of some help to you.
Attack of the Two Year Old http://www.gilabrown.com/GB/Blog/Entries/2009/6/11_Attack...
Why Time-Out's Don't Work http://www.gilabrown.com/GB/Blog/Entries/2009/9/22_Why_Ti...
If I can be of further assistance, feel free to contact me.
Be well,
G. B., M.A.
Child Development Specialist & Parent Educator
www.GilaBrown.com
hug it out..add hugs to your gentle demonstrations ..it'll pass..when my son flips out i say "hugs" and now he suggests hugs..but he's almost 4..works better than anything else i've tried
Hi L.! It's so common for little ones to act this way. She isn't old enough to understand that she's actually hurting anyone so I agree that it's not right to punish her for it. She probably likes the attention she gets from the reactions- a gentle but loud "OUCH!"or whatever. I think you're handling it well-just stay consistent. Something else you could try is giving her a stuffed animal to punch or pinch. Maybe even one that makes sound when it's sqeezed. Take it with you and when she starts doing that, re-affirm what you've already told her and give her the stuffed animal to do that to. You'll be telling her it's o.k. that she feels like punching or pinching, but she can't do it to other people- just her stuffed animals. Hope this helps!
I don't think a one-year-old is too young to discipline. "Discipline" doesn't always mean "punish." It does mean setting boundaries, however. And even very young children are remarkably intelligent. They learn very quickly what works and what doesn't with us.
I think the "gentle touches" is a good approach, but perhaps supplement it with something else. If she hits, perhaps you can set her down and walk away for a few seconds so that she knows that that behavior isn't acceptable. Or show her a sad face and tell her, "It hurts Mommy when you hit." She may not understand that hitting hurts other people, so showing her a consequence of her action - in addition to the acceptable alternative - might help.
Good luck!
No doubt every kid is different, and what worked in one, not always will work on another. One thing I want to mention, kids are learning what's right and wrong, they start at a very early age, I don't believe a one year old is too young to understand. There's times when a "NO, don't hit, that's NOT nice" is necessary, next to your showing "nice." Keep calm is always a good idea, but with firm voice. When mine started hitting, someone laughed, so she thought it was funny. I had to reverse that by telling her "that's NOT funny." She got the idea right away. Good luck.
What we did with my little guy when he was one was hold his arms and hands firmly and say no. You keep holding tightly until they relent. Initially they will be very upset and try to get away but if you keep holding and saying "no hit" or "no pinch" calmly but hold their hand or arms very firmly. It works for going in cabinets or when they touch things they aren't supposed to as well.
Good luck!
