Age to Start Talking About "The Birds and the Bees" . . .

Updated on July 06, 2012
T.M. asks from Trumbull, CT
9 answers

Hello everyone . . .

My daughter is going to be 8 years old in August. I was just wondering in your opinion and own experiences . . . when is the appropriate time to start talking about "sex" with your children . My daughter has been asking for a sibling for a few years now . . . my husband and I tried . . . but I guess a second child just wasn't meant to be. I'll be 45 years old in January . . . and my husband at this point in our lives doesn't want any other children . . . he thinks we're too old. And he's already told me that adoption isn't an option. Today my daughter was very upset and kept asking "why" she can't have a little sister . . .which led into her asking me "how do the babies get in your stomach . . . and why can't you do that so she can have a little sister" . .. She actually said "she doesn't want to be an only child", which breaks my heart. I recently bought a couple of books that are supposedly good for having this kind of talk with your kids . . . I just got them in the mail today and put them away . . . I want to look through them first before I go through them with my daughter . . . I just wanted to have something as a guide, when the time came . . . but I think the time has come a little earlier than I expected. I know she's not going to let this sibling thing go, she hasn't in the past . . . and I'm sure the older she gets . . . the more she will hear in school from her friends, etc. So I would love to hear from all of you . . . when did you tell your kids . . . and "how much" did you tell them. Thank you in advance for your help and advice.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Thank you to all of you who responded. I decided to buy a couple of the books that were mentioned . . . go through them myself first and then go over some of it with my daughter . . . I think I'll wait until she brings the subject up again and then go from there. Thank you for all of your great advice. I really appreciate it. :)

Featured Answers

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Now. My mom started with us at 8, and I did the same.

I started with how her body is about to change.. Get some books. To guide you. The American Girl Series has excellent books.

Because next you will explain why her body changes.

Then go over the boy changes and why they happen and then poof,how that baby is made. Then how the baby is born...

This will be over a few years time. Do this in the car while the 2 of you are alone.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

N.G.

answers from Dallas on

I finally told my 8-year-old how babies were made when she was 7. She's quite bright for her age, and pinned me to the wall, and there was no way for me to skirt around it any more. I gave her the very basics, just enough to appease her curiosity, but not so much that it would freak her out. She handled it quite well, and hasn't had many questions since then, but like you, I'll be buying her some books, especially now that I've got her 2nd sibling on the way, so that she can go through them in the privacy of her room in case there's anything she's wondering about and doesn't want to ask me. IMO, if a child is old enough to ask, they are old enough to know the answer. I think 8 is the perfect age to give her the basics.

2 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

It is an ongoing process that should start when they are very young about their bodies, etc. Answer questions at age appropriate levels.

Communication is key, especially with children.

By 8 years old, she has already heard all about it, she needs honest confirmation from you. If she picks up that you are embarrassed or gets an idea that it is "dirty" ( I am NOT suggesting that you are giving these vibes), she will be less likely to come to you for information. I believe most parents would prefer to be honest and inform their children of what really happens vs the children hearing from children in school.

By 4th grade, our school nurse comes and talks with the girls and boys, separately, about body changes,etc. It is sad but that is the only honest info some children get.

If you don't want to look eye to eye with your daughter, talk while you are driving, walking in the park, etc. You both need to be comfortable talking to each other.... believe me, it is critical when they get older to have a good line of communication established.

I have been a substitute teacher over 10 years focusing on K-5 and I have heard children in 2nd grade discussing body parts, etc. They are curious and they need parents to make sure the information they have is correct.

Good luck...

1 mom found this helpful

C.B.

answers from Reno on

hi there. i got my daughter the book "all about me" it has been a great door opener for many questions. she will be 10 next month and i gave it to her last year as a special gift for her birthday from me. good luck. :)

1 mom found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

In this case I think sex and babies are actually two separate issues.
I would just be honest with her. Say that while you would love to give her a sibling the truth is that you are simply too old to get pregnant. You can explain it in way she can understand, that a mommy has teeny eggs deep within her belly, and that once she gets to a certain age the eggs "expire" and can no longer grow into babies.
This way you are being truthful without getting into the whole sex thing. Of course if she's still curious and has more questions by all means read the books with her and talk about it. But I think she's not so interested in sex as she is in having a baby brother or sister.
We started talking about sex around here at about age 10/11 (pre puberty.)

1 mom found this helpful

M.S.

answers from Jackson on

I told my daughter when she was 8. She had been asking me for about a year and I kept telling her she is not old enough. However, I knew she was hearing things from school. So I decided to tell her so she wouldn't be confused. She accepted it all like a big girl would and has not really asked anything else about it. I did not use books, drawings, videoes. Just plain out mommy to daughter talk. She understood everything without visual aids.

R..

answers from Los Angeles on

She's 8?
I don't think that now is the right age to talk about sex.
I would wait if I was you.

But your the Mom you can do what you think is best.

Best wishes.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.N.

answers from Denver on

Well, my son was asking the "right" questions about age 11, so we had the "whole talk".
My daughter is 10, and although she has asked where babies come from, the answer of, "They are a gift from God" still suffices at our house. And I know she is just as naive as I thought, because the other day, we were talking about why dogs get spayed and neutered. She got a confused look on her face when I described how dogs are neutered to help control unwanted pet populations, etc., and she stopped me and said, "I understand why they do it to the girl cats, but what do the boy cats have to do with making babies?!?!?" LOL!
The kids go to a Catholic School, and they have "the talk" in 5th grade, so its coming. She already knows about her period, etc., just not how a man is involved in making a baby. I personally love her naitivity, and innocence, and know that it will all come in good time. She's not even interested in boys yet.
As far as when they are ready, you'll know. She needs to understand her own body changes before you can go into sexual relations (unless of course you consider her high risk for sexual behavior, and then this is a whole different conversation). When she asks where babies come from, and then reiterates, but HOW exactly are the babies getting in your tummy, well, then, it may be time to gently explore the topic of married love and sex as it fits into whatever moral model you want her to have (only after marriage, free-for-all in college, a few partners before you settle down, etc...whatever you believe is morally acceptable for her).

C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

I have also been wondering about this. My daughter is 7 and has asking me what tampons are, lol! She has no clue about anything and doesn't even know what periods are yet. My mom told me how my body would be changing when I was 9. She never EVER told me about sex. I found that out when I was 15, my freshman year when I over heard some kids talking at school. But, I know times are different now and I might have to let her know about things a little earlier. I don't want my daughter to find out what sex is from friends at school. I would rather talk to her myself about it. I have never felt comfortable talking to my parents about sex. It was never talked about with anyone in my family.
Maybe start out by talking about periods and if she has any questions, just answer honestly about them.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions