The Birds and Bees Talk

You need to allow the child to lead you they will ask you questions along that way, and they will started sooner then you think. I belive this way you are honest with the child without over welling them with stuff they are not readly for. If by preteen 11 or 12 you have not across the bridge of the big talk you need to do so then before they found out in ways you do not want them to.

I think it needs to be sooner, unless you homeschool. I would rather my kids hear about that from me, than some kid at school that probably knows more than he or she should know.

If you wait until puberty, your child will already know from other friends.

I think my son was in either third or fourth grade, I had a picture book and we talked a bit. I never used cutsie names for body parts -- they are what they are. We didn't just go through the physical aspects of the birds and bees, but alot of the moral issues -- I didn't use that word -- Love, God, responsibility, etc. Whenever he had a question throughout the years, I answered it -- relative to his age, of course.

Good luck,
M.

Hi D.,

While we answered normal curiosity questions with our son along the way we didn't actually sit him down and have "the talk" until he was either 8 or 9. We've had numerous talks since then and it's helped that we started early and always were open and available to answer any questions.

W. Q

It is not ONE talk. You should be having a series of talks as your children get older. Even toddler ask questions. Give them an answer they can understand (mommys and daddys make babies) and not more than they are ready for.

It often depends on what is going on in their lives as to how curious they are. If mom has another baby, or even if their teacher is preg, they are more likely to ask questions. Answer what they need to know. One of my kids knew EVERYTHING by age 5 - she just wouldn't quit asking HOW?? My other is 8 and knows some, but not all about how babies are made.

Puberty may be the time to have the talk about responsibility and the values your family has about sex. But the details should come way before that. If you don't tell him, his friends will.

Children begin having normal sexual "curiosity" long before they reach puberty. If you don't discuss it with them, they may be confused about their feelings. The sooner you make it NOT a taboo topic and allow them to share their questions, the better. This gives you a chance to guide them to appropriate behavior. Kids get into trouble with experimenting physically because they don't know what is right and what is wrong. I remember being 7 and a male friend my age that I played with all the time presented the "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" idea. My parents hadn't talked to me yet and I didn't know what to do. Soon after that my mom found out and had the "talk" with me. That allowed me to know what boundaries to set and not be so naive about girls and boys interactions.

D., my personal opinion is when they start asking questions you give them the best answer for their age. keep in mind, they've heard something somewhere or they wouldn't ask. it's important for you and your husband to be the sourse that they come to, if they can't get satisfactory answers from you they'll go somewhere else. it's a shame but kids are learning this stuff wayyyyyyyyy to early in life, so you have to stay on top of it and listen closely, not only to the discussions your child asks you to have but the one's they may have with their friends when you're in earshot. keep the communication lines open. you want to stay in control of what your child believes is truth...stay honest and pay attention. the world is wayyy to "aware" way to young. good luck...R.

Not sure how old he is now, but my daughter was nine, and that was just last year. Yes I finally broke down and told her that her Dad and I had sex in order to get her here! I then helped her choose out a book to help explain some questions that she had and was more comfortable reading about

I have a now 10 year old daughter who got her "talk" when she was 8 - third grade. My second daughter is now in 3rd grade, and I plan the same for her. We used a combination of things including the "God's Design for Sex" books, some anatomy books, and the American Girl book that, I think, is called "The Care and Keeping of You." We also did something that made it a really special time instead of a completely embarassing one. My daughter and I went out of town for weekend - stayed in a really nice hotel, ate out, shopped, etc. Since I have 3 children, time alone for a whole weekend with just one child is unheard of. So, that alone made it special. What I didn't completely anticipate is that a whole weekend would give my daughter time to consider what she had been told and then ample opportunity to ask questions without the interference of another sibling. We had the talk very early in the weekend, and then she had questions throughout our time together - including the drive home. It turned out to be a real bonding experience and I look forward to having the same time with my 2nd daughter. My son, now 5, will have a weekend with his father when his time comes.

I do want to emphasize that we have answered questions, identified body parts properly, and been open with out kids since the beginning. But, this was the actual "How Babaies are Made" speech. I'm glad we did it when we did - she was old enough to understand, but still young enough (barely) that she hadn't yet gotten too much information (and misinformation) from other kids at school.

Hope this helps!

Definitely sooner than puberty! From the beginning you should give all body parts their proper names and not avoid referring to them. Answer questions as they occur with honesty and tact as children will ask as they want to know. Answer with age appropriateness as you know your child will understand and answer just what they want to know at the time. I don't believe their is one certain time for everything at once but answer age appropriately as the the questions come without being or acting uncomfortable. When you are open and speak with confidence your child will feel free to come discuss things with you rather than JOe Blow down the street. If someone else is inappropriate with them they will be more likely to come to you if they knwo they can talk to you about everything. As a teacher I find that children who have not been in communication with their parents all along have more problems than those who have.

My husband and I told his children, ages 8, 9 and 11 this past summer when we had them down here for the summer.

We were only planning on talking to the 11 year old boy (which I felt was WAY too late), but then the 9 year old boy got jealous and upset and wanted to know also. So we then taught him, and then gave an age-appropriate response to my 8 year old stepdaughter as well, particularly because her mother had only taught her a small part about menstruation and she was very confused. Also, the boys were launching my tampons like missles, and I felt it was time!

Dear D.,

You didn't say how old your son is.

I posted this awhile back to a similar request:

"Our family bought the most beautiful book series entitled:
God's Design for Sex Series,
By: Stan Jones, Brenna Jones
The First One is called "The Story of Me" it is for age 3-5
The second is called, "Before I was Born" It is for ages 5-8. We also bought the last two, called, "What's the Big Deal" and Facing the Facts". We read both of the first two books to our 8 year old daughter, 6 year old son, and three year old daughter. As of yet, it hasn't been appropriate to read the third one, as it is really more for when they start asking more specific questions. My 6 year old son actually thanked me, profusely, after reading the two books to him. He took them and read them both a couple more times. Since then, the subject hasn't come up at all again.

The books handle the topic beautifully. They use proper anatomical terms. They approach the topics from a very Bible centered way - explaining God's perfect plan for us and our bodies and our future family. I can't say enough about how well written, illustrated, and informative these books are.

They can be found at CBD.com

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item...
and I am sure any other online bookstore. I hope this helps."

Blessings,
D.

I don't think there is any specific age. Just keep an open line of communication and explain on a "need to know" basis. Our 9 yr. old daughter has seen the normal things on tv where a couple may be close to each other kissing (nothing revealing is showing but it implies they are naked) ... she thinks "sex" is when a man and woman are kissing and have no clothes on AND you can get pregnant if you do this. She asked me if this was true and I told her yes. She doesn't need to know more details at this time. I have told her you should wait to be so close to a man you love after you get married and she agrees at this time. We'll talk further as she matures and/or asks more questions. We did this with our son who is now 18 and it worked fine.

The scary thing is they know way too much way before puberty. Little boys were saying things to my daughter when she was in kindergarten that were completely inappropriate.

As parents I think we have to start talking to our kids early. Age appropriate of course but they need to know that they can talk to you about anything and laying the ground work early is the key. Has he been asking questions? If he is try to answer them on his level. Just answer the immediate question and usually that will satisfy them. Be prepared because they'll keep coming back.

just so you know my niece learned about the birds and the bees from another kid on the KINDERGARTEN play ground. it was shocking and her parents regret they were not the ones to explain it. by the time your kid gets to puberty your son will probably know more than we do. i suggest age appropriate talk now.

Hi. I got a book out of the library on the subject of "good touch and bad touch" when my three kids each reached 9 years old. Now the experts say the age is now 8 to tell them about that. But you have to take into consideration the child's ability to understand the subject of 'the birds and the bees'. Is he mature enough? Some kids develope early, some later. You are the one to determine if your child can handle it. Do go to the library and ask the librarian for help. They can guide you to the proper books. I hope this helps. Good luck!

A.

Do not wait until puberty! I think he needs to know when he asks, or when the topic seems to be coming up. Don't let someone else tell him wrong info or tease him because he doesn't know. Simple, clinical language will satisfy a young child's curiosity so he can move on to all the other stuff going on in his life.

I have Three grown kids. when i had that talk they was a round eight years of age.just a little at a time talk till they got ten then they knew it all. The reason Why i did is that things started changing on kid and teens in sex wise. i have one boy i let him know early for the reason he's a male and they have sex real early and i didn't want him being fourteen or sixteen getting his girl pregnant and the girls the same but the girls getting pregnant and that theory worked my two girls did not get pregnant till they were of age twenty.my boy he is in his late twenty's and don't have a child yet but like he said he has not found the right girl because he said that when he marries and has a child its going to be for life.

I would say before the child goes into the fourth grade. A psychologist I know agrees with this. Children talk at school -- and some will know -- let him hear it from you, not from his peers. And, most schools show "the film" in the 5th grade, and you should also have talked to him before that for sure!! Better to communicate than not. Just give him the basics, don't tell him more than he needs to know -- yet, if he asks a question, give him an honest answer -- follow his lead.

Good luck!

TPS shows the kids "The Film" in the fifth grade. It needs to be before that I would guess.

Children are at risk in so many ways today. I found out the hard way that kids need you to be open and honest from BIRTH. Always in age appropriate style, of course. But your kids are learning about sex everywhere, on TV, at school, billboards, even at Wal-Mart. You have to be proactive to counterract the wrong information. Protect your kids from predators by making them feel at ease discussing sex. Talk to them about predators, always use proper names for body parts, stress privacy, and talk about it until nobody feels embarrassed anymore. Sweeping it under the rug only makes your children vulnerable. If your husband is uncomfortable ask him how comfortable he'll be talking about it after his child is victimized?
Been there, done that...
Tori

Please start your talk early. You don't have to go very far but tell your child what they what to know... Making sure that you tell them that NO ONE is to touch them in their place. That they need to shout when anyone touches them their & that you will protect them no matter what the other person says...
I have 4 grand babies & they have been getting the "TALKS" ever since they could talk & ask question & it saved my oldest grand daughter... She came to me & told me that someone had touch her once. We went to her Mama & it was handled very quickly.
You honestly can't tell them early enough in this day & Age... To many sickos have ruined that part of innocence.

When they start asking questions is when you need to start giving answers.

My son is in the 4th grade and we have had a talk already over the summer. I bought this book called: Where did I come from?
This is a great book. It tells your child everything they need to know and they have really cool pictures to go with it too. My son only had a couple of questions after he read it. I sat there and read it with him to help with words.
Now my son is well educated on the subject and doesn't feel weird about coming to me and asking questions when he hears stuff at school.

I had a friend who had to explain it all to her Kindergarten kid, because a another kid came to school saying they saw their dad peeing down their mothers throat and now she is PG.

Waiting until he is 13 or so is just nuts. I work in a school and kids are having sex as young as 2nd grade. The sooner the talk the better.