After 5 Years I STILL Get Overwhelmed

Well, frankly, having more than one kid was really nice... they helped entertain each other!

Yes, he is excited because he is home... but, even on a day-to-day basis, he doesn't have sibs to talk to or play with, so he wants you to talk to and play with.

Face it... you are an introvert, and you are drained by having to deal with noise, chaos, and people. You "recharge" by being alone and quiet. Hubby and son are both extroverts, and are charged up by being around people.

Arrange playdates so he has someone to interact/talk with. And..... if he is playing somewhere else, that is 'quiet time' for you!

I always am very open with my kids, and TELL them when *I* need some quiet or a break or when I am grumpy.
Then I tell them to keep it down, or I go in another room and ask them in a steadfast way, that they not bother me for a few minutes so I can regroup.

I also tell them "My ears are full... keep the noise down for now..." And they know that when I say things like that, I am at my limit. Then I become Grumpy Mom.

I have 2 active kids and who are verbally active too.

My MIL once told me that one kid takes up 100% of your time, and two kids take up 50% of your time because they keep each other occupied. I do think it's harder if one child has special needs.

I also think that it's much easier if the parents are younger. I feel for grandparents who end up raising their grandkids. I don't know how THEY do it!

Dawn

One can be alot of work. When my youngest was home alone, I'd get nothing done because he'd follow me around the house. He was used to having 3 older siblings to entertain him and expected me to fill in for them when they were gone.

Each kid is different. Some take more energy than others. I like quiet and order, too. My favorite way to cope with rambunctious children is to send them outside.

I had a couple of talkers, too. Occassionally I'd ask one of them, "do you ever stop talking?". Yes, they do. When they hit their teens they start to speak in single syllables, "yeah" "nope" "fine". Enjoy the chatter. At least you know what your son is thinking!

Don't have a lot of suggestions, but I can you, I understand where you're coming from!!! Don't you hate when people say " but you only have one". TOTALLY urks me!!!!
You DEFINITELY need to take time for yourself! I believe, all parents need an adult vacation once per year!

Is it possible you're trying to get too much done when he wants your attention? I know, for me, that was always a bad combination. I would always set aside time for my kids; the chores could wait.

I know a lot of people are against playpens, but for my sanity and my children's safety, if I needed to get something accomplished or even just needed a shower, I would put them in there with a few toys or books. They would be fine and they learned they were able to do things quietly and on their own, not always rely on me for entertainment, and not always have to run around, etc. Boundaries and routines were put in place at a VERY young age!!!

My sister and I raised our kids totally different and it definitely shows - I raised mine a lot like my Mom raised us; my kids are well-behaved, quiet when they have to be and people enjoy being around them. Unlike my sisters' kids - out of control, have no concept of quiet time, and people do not like being around them for extended periods of time. And I'm talking about ages 20+!!!

As for not wanting to take him to a doctor - is it because of not wanting to put him on medication? Because I totally get that!! I wouldn't either! BUT, maybe if he is borderline ADD or ADHD, the doctor could give you suggestions on how to handle him WITHOUT medication. There are methods that do not always involve popping pills, foods to avoid, etc. It may just be something worth researching. Plus, it could help your son in the long-run!!

Good luck!!

I am like Susan, I was always honest with my child. "Mom needs to get these chores done. You can either help by going and playing in your room, or you can help me clean.." Or weed.. or whatever..

I also "gave her permission, to not talk all of the time." I told her that sometimes, it is nice to just be with each other and not have to talk. Or sometimes, it is nice to just think on our own.

That we need to rest our voices so we can hear other sounds.

We played the quiet game to see who could go the longest without speaking.. One of my favorite games.

Well, with more kids:
At the moment, they are back in my daughter's room "cleaning" (playing and laughing hysterically). Been back there for a good half hour or more. Sure, I can hear them, but they aren't RIGHT HERE up my ...

They play together often. They are practically best friends.
Imagine having a round the clock playdate for your child, only the "guest" child knows ALL your rules and follows them. And you don't have to ask the mom about "special" stuff (like menu issues or whatever)...
And you don't have the trepidation that you otherwise might about stepping in if there is a disciplinary issue....

It was harder when they were really small.... trying to grocery shop for example. But these days? Cannot imagine only having just one. When one is gone somewhere for whatever reason, there are times when the remaining one just is non-stop with the talking/questioning/complaining/neediness, lol. And it's ok. Because it's only sometimes. ;)

Red wine, seriously!

I have two and they are both like that at times. My six-year old was on the couch this afternoon feeling ill. His 4 year old sister would NOT leave him alone. I had to finally take him upstairs for a early bath and bedtime so that he could get some peace. My DH actually commented on how we just couldn't wait for them to talk...now we can't get them to be quiet!

Well my 2 boys are not loud only when they are asleep :) I am telling you it's a boy thing...... Our little girl will sit and play with her dolls and animals while boys.....are being boys . We just found out that we will be having another boy in Sept............I surely hope God knows something ,thinking that I can handle 3 boys .......I love them but they are handful :)

My first children were twins so I never just had one child. I remember when they were about two years old and a friend who had one boy said she just gets tired of playing with him. I realized that I rarely "played" with my girls because they always played with each other. No matter how many children you have there are challenges associated with it.
Sometimes it seems to me that the more breaks I have the harder it is to handle the chaos that is motherhood. While I have the break I usually miss them and struggle with how being alone feels. Then when they get home I think all I really want is a break.
A couple people said "don't medicate him". My advice is, keep an open mind. Check out all of the resources you can for your child. That may include medication at some time. I have a child with OCD and anxiety and I was opposed to medication. She went to a psychologist for 2 years before we explored medication. I was so busy making sure that I wasn't THAT mom who puts her kids on meds that I wasn't able to process what was right for my child. It wasn't until the nurse practitioner said "no child should be uncomfortable in their own skin" that I was able to look at medication as one more tool for her. I also had someone say "if she had diabetes you wouldn't not give her insulin". She is now on medication and continues to see the psycologist. She has a tutor. Medication is just one part of the whole process for helping her be the best she can be. Your son is still young. It could be a phase, he could be an extrovert as someone else said, he might just be a boy, or he might have ADD or ADHD. Only time will tell. Get all the opinions you can then go with your gut.

I know you already closed this post out, but I wanted to comment too since you described my life to a T! I'm a very quiet, calm introvert. My oldest son (I have 2) is VERY loud. Nonstop talking, yelling, moving, jumping, just being loud. It gets to be a lot for me too. And to top it off he doesn't listen to me when I tell him to talk with his inside voice and to quit doing certain things (throwing toys, picking on his little brother), but that is for a different question. I find myself losing it and screaming at him and then I feel guilty about it. I try to find some quiet time to myself to recharge, but the quiet time spoils me and then I have even less patience with him afterwards. I don't have any advice at all since I obviously haven't found an effective way to deal either. Just gotta suck it up and know that one day, they'll be more mature and hopefully quieter. LOL!! Good luck!!

Sounds like a typical, active 5 yo child to me. If you can't handle that much interaction, and it sounds like your husband can, and is willing to spend time with him, maybe you just need 30 minutes or an hour an evening by yourself on a walk. I can't stand the TV noise that my daughter and husband like either, so I take a nice quiet walk by myself in the evenings.

I totally hear you. I have a 5yo and a 2.5 yo. The 5 yo sounds like your son. Never, never, never stops talking or making noise. The 2.5 yo never, never, never stops moving (and runs from place to place), getting into things she shouldn't, poking things she shouldn't, etc. Right now, we're in survival mode. I'm hoping it gets better in a year or two.

It seems to me that, at least initially, having two is 250% of the effort of having one. But in a year or two, I'm hoping it will be 50% of the effort of having one. When (if) they learn to play well together.

And, fwiw, it's not just a "boy" thing. We have two that seem to have the energy level of boys (especially our S.) and the drama of girls (especially our first). sigh.

I don't have much to add as far as advice other than what was given. You just do it! My motto has been "one day at a time". I just wanted to say, please don't let other people talk down to you with their "at least you only have one kid" nonsense. One kid is hard. And I am saying that as a mother of 3. I had twins when my oldest was 2. Yes, that was hard and is still hard (now 4 and 2), but I do remember how much we struggled with the one. Hang in there.

PLEASE do not medicate this child!! I think too many children - especially MALE children - are medicated because they cannot be quiet & focus on task like other children seem to. I know it's tough...I raised 4 boys & 1 girl. Boys are noisy, boisterous, BUSY, loud - let him be BOY!!! You can see that he & his dad identify with the boisterous, noisy part of their personality & THAT'S A GOOD THING. Your child is identifying with his dad which is a normal, healthy growing process for male children. Trust me - you WILL get through this & be glad that this outgoing, noisy child becomes a happy, contented, mature & pleasant young man who will say his home was the happiest in the WHOLE WORLD! : ) It's tough...but it's so worth it! I know - I lived through it!!