Why My Two Children Are Different

Because they are not the same person! Every two people should be different, just love them the same, with all you have, and they should both be fine :). You have to parent to who they are, not who you would like them to be.

Hi L.,
I agree with the other postersI only have a girl but my sister has my newphew whos is 3 and my daughter is 3 and 1/2. I can say that any time it comes it eating my daughter hardley eats at all. On the other hand I have noticed my newphew will eat all or most of whatever anyone puts on his plate. Ones a boy and ones a girl thats the huge difference in its self!

We are called "individuals" for a reason. Even tho we raise our children in one environment they will all take things and leave things from that environment as they mature. Do you and your hubby have siblings? Are you all the same? You teach your kids a certain common sense, but it doesnt guaranty they will continue with that same sense when they leave the nest.
Your daughter and son are obviously wired differently, she may be more introverted and he more extroverted. She might like to curl up on the couch and read a book from cover to cover and he might like to jump out of airlplanes. People are not animals, we have a brain different from all other species on the planet, we have free will and a spirit. You wouldnt want "STEPFORD" children anyway... it would be quite boring if all kids turned out the same as the first now wouldnt it?

Well, everyone is different! I have a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old boy, and they are VERY different. Really different personalities, likes and dislikes, eating preferences, etc. Do you have siblings? Are you exactly like them? I don't have siblings, but my parents both came from large families and while they share a number of things with their siblings, they're all very different individuals too.

Your description of your daughter does worry me a bit. Some people are shy -they just are. Maybe she's a shy person. She could be an introvert who doesn't like to be loud or boisterous or interact with a lot of people all the time. There's nothing wrong with that -it's a personality type. If she doesn't eat enough -is this medically documented? Does her doctor say she's underweight or having nutrition issues? If that's the case, then you should explore, with her doctor, some ways to optimize her nutrition intake. Have you talked to her about why she doesn't eat much? As long as she's not underweight and having health issues regarding nutrition, she may also be someone who just isn't into eating all the time. Again, some people aren't. Food isn't as big of a deal to them as it is to others. The description "dull" is what I find troubling. Do you mean she doesn't appear to be intelligent or that what she likes are things you find boring? Again -you can have her evaluated by a psychologist or your local schools at her age if you think there's a problem, but maybe she has different interests. That goes for activity too. Have you offered her a wide range of activity options -soccer, basketball, little league baseball,ballet, tap, gymnastics, tumbling, martial arts and just good 'ol outdoor play -bike riding, running around, etc.? Do you allow her to watch tv all the time or is her "inactivity" just the fact that she had rather quietly play with dolls than run around outside? If you truly think there are problems with her, talk to her pediatrician and ask for a referral to a child psychologist if it's warranted, but please be careful about assigning negative descriptions to her just because she's different than her brother or different than what you expected.

My brother and I are 4 years apart (I am older) and we were nothing alike as kids, and we are still very different in many ways. My stepsons are total opposites too. My friend who has 3 kids will tell you about how the older 2 (both boys) are total opposites while the youngest (a girl) is somewhere in-between. They might grow up with the same parents in the same household, but they are still individuals with their own unique personalities. Someone once told my mom that if she had 6 kids, they would all be different from one another. Some of it can be gender, some of it can be birth order, and some of it is just the way life is. And even though they have the same parents, if you think about it, they don't really have the same parents - in that your daughter got the parents that never had any kids before, while your son got the parents that had more experience.

Treat them and honor and respect them as individuals - do not expect one to be like the other and vice versa. There's a quote that I heard somewhere goes something like, "Equality is not treating different things the same - it's treating different things differently." That said, your daughter may have some needs are not being met - something you can discuss with your pediatrician in more detail for starters, if you are concerned about her development.

I am NOTHING like my younger sister. We have nothing in common - interests, etc. We even look different. It's just biology. You and your spouse are not the same people and you don't expect him to be just like you. Your parents/siblings are related to you but are not just like you. Same with your kids. Yes, nurture has something to do with who we become, but nature/genetics also has input on our personalities, etc.

They are also different sexes, and biologically/hormonally they are very different.

Your children are who they are - relax it's normal. Do your best not to compare them or act like one is "better" than the other.

They are different because they are two distinctly different organisms. Each has their own body and physical makeup as well as emotional makeup. It used to be believed that babies were born as a blank slate but years ago psychologists gave up that idea. Every one is different. Even identical twins rarely turn out to be exactly alike. They frequently have different personalities and even are different in appearance in many cases.

Even tho your children are in the same family they were conceived, born and parented at different times. The oldest is the oldest. That puts her in a different environment than the youngest. There are many theories about how birth order affects personality.

As parents we relate with each child as they are. One child may be easy to parent while another in the same family is difficult. Part of the challenge of parenting is to determine what works best for each child.

Based on your description of your daughter, I suggest that you have her health evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. She may have a health issue. She may have an emotional issue because you haven't discovered how to work with her timidity. There are ways of helping a timid child to be more involved in their world. First, I suggest, that you need to know if she had developmental issues that require specialized skills before you feel that you need to change the way that you relate with her.

Each child is born as themselves. How they develop is already determined in part based on their individual genetics. Each of your children received genes from you and their father in different combinations. And their genetic make up is different than that of each of their parent's.

Then their environment is different for each child which adds another opportunity for differences in body and personality.

My sister and I could be twins except we were born 8 years apart.
That is where the similarities stop. We are very different personalities. It was hard for the teachers to realize that we were two different kids since we looked so much alike. When my sister went to school, my mother told the teachers - she is NOT at all like her sister.
It didn't take them too long to figure that out! I am bright, but she is brilliant. I'm quiet, she isn't. I see the world in shades of gray - she sees the world in black and white.
She tells you what she thinks... I keep my opinions to myself unless asked.
Do we want to be the same? no.
Do we enjoy our differences? yes.
Do we enjoy each other? very much.

My children are nothing alike either - I wouldn't want them to be the same. He is loud and boisterous. She is quiet, but has a wicked sense of humor. They both love a good laugh. They both enjoy music, but he plays sax and she plays trumpet. He is obsessive about his grades - has to get the A -- the highest A. She is happy with any A. They are different. They are unique. They are exactly the way God made them.

Enjoy each child for who he or she is.
LBC

They are different, because they're human. No two people are alike. EVERYONE, is different. I have sisters, we are all vastly different. We have very little in common. Because, we are humans. We are designed to be different. Please don't compare them, it only leads to hurt.

They are individuals. I have identical twins. They look exactly the same. They are, infact, total opposites when it comes to personalities. We have raised them & our older daughter the exact same way. I'm glad they're different though because it shows that they are, in fact, different. Just think how boring this world would be if everyone acted the same way.

Because they are 2 different people. I have 2 sisters and a brother and we are nothing alike.

I agree with everyone who has posted.
Keep in mind they are also different because one is a boy and one is a girl. If they acted the same then we would have the saying girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dogs tails.
It sounds like the boy has more of a personality that just agrees with you. When your girls gets older you and her might have more in common. Hang in there.
I am sure your daughter will find her appetite as soon as a growth spurt hits.
*My girl loves to beg to go to the pool but then doesn't want to get in the water. She is more of a social type of person. Just wants to be seen and meet people. It does hurt my heart to see her get left behind because other girls are more active and are there to swim and play but she is learning and seems willing to wait to find others whose interest is more like her own.

Hi,

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Kids are different. Period. You can't try to compare them----its normal! Just do your best to educate them and teach them the right ways and they will be fine.

M

why wouldnt they be diffrent? ihave one that is real quiet and shy and real cautious. I have one that is very fearless and out going. he is all boy. one was noisy one wasnt. one was a picky eater one isnt. one that is noisy and able to keep himself occupied.one that is quiet and needs help staying occupied. one that started off heavy and went thin and heavy again.one that started thin then went heavy and then thin again. and is still growing.

one loves cowboys and horses one doesnt. one that is blonde and one with dark hair and eyes and skin. one that is clumbsy and one that is not. them being diffrent is what makes them individuals. and one is a boy and one is a girl and girls arent quiet as outgoing as boys so relax and quit trying to make them the same.they will both have their own strengths and weaknesses. they will both have their own quirky ways. and they will both be unique in thier own way. so love them for who they are and relax

Here's more of the same. Three of my granddaughters are siblings. They look enough alike that anyone can tell they're in the same family. Their parents make sure they stay healthy, and they're all doing satisfactorily in school/preschool.

However, one is bookish, highly creative, a picky eater from day one, and quiet although not timid. One is outgoing, loves numbers, eats every food invented, and likes anything fast and high. One loves her dolls, likes things to be "just so" everywhere but in her room, is sensitive, and has been known to be bossy.

They all get along fairly decently, and I'm rather imagining (though not demanding!) that when they're adults they'll be an artist, a mathematician, and a CEO, respectively. Sounds like a great combination! But who knows? Other facets of their personalities might show themselves by the time they grow up.

I love all these differences. Their strengths are so varied that I hope they'll have no reason to be jealous of one another, and their natural shortcomings may be the kind for which they can turn to one another for help. Each one brings her own reasons for her parents and grandparents to be gratified, and each brings her own reasons for the same grownups to lose sleep at night.

It's an adventure to have children who are quite different from each other! Try to enjoy it and learn from it as much as you can.

Look at your two children as individuals and find out what makes each one tick. My three children are all very different. I prefer it that way so things never get boring.

This sounds very negative about your daughter. "Dull"..."eats too little" instead of "eats less" "inactive" instead of calm or less active like she's a dud, and you need "help". Be careful not to play favorites. I'm sure you're not, just saying how the two descriptions struck me. Kids come in all different types, her development as a person depends on the love you give her for being her.

Hi, L.:
Genetics for one which includes the sex of the child.
Hope this helps.
Thanks for asking.
D.