Advise Appreciated

I am a mother of three boys, My older two (18 and 15) I raised pretty much alone. I was very strict with their schedules from the time they were 3 months old because everyone told me to be that way. I now have a 2 1/2 yr. old and am remarried. He hated his crib from the day I brought him home and slept in the the bassinet and with us for a long time. We then started just putting him on the couch with us at night while we watched TV and he would fall asleep around 9pm and then put him in his room. Now he has his own bed and still does not sleep well, starts out there and around 3am ends up with us. I feel like they will at some point not want to sleep with you. If you really don't mind then I think let her fall asleep on the couch or get her a toddler bed, we did that when he was 17 mths and put a small tv in his room and he would just fall asleep watching movies. I don't think the fight is really worth it. They are not small for very long.

I had this problem with my son who is now 4. I moved around a lot and because of that he always slept with me. When we finally were able to get our family together in our own apartment, my son wanted no part of his crib. What I did was, let him fall asleep with me and then while he was asleep, I put him in his crib. That was it wasn't a drastic chance for him, but he learned that it's okay to wake up by himself. That was for a few weeks, then I started putting him to sleep in his crib while I sat in the room with him. He looked for me, but he was used to the crib by then. There was a few nights that he would call for me, but I never took him out of his crib. Me being there until he fell back asleep was enough for him, even though he tried to get out. I stayed strong. I lost a few nights sleep, but it was well worth it in the end. To get her to sleep at night, I would suggest maybe skipping a nap, that way she will get back on track. That will also be hard for a few days, but well worth it once you get the schedule working for you.

Do you have a pack and play. My son went through this but he was much younger. When he first came home from the hospital he wouldn't sleep unless he was touching me. That lasted a month. We had set up a pack and play next to my side of the bed like a bassinet because I was nursing and he'd be close by if he woke to nurse. I got him to sleep in there at 2 mons old. This way he was still close enough to hear me breath and know I was close by, but sleeping on his own. Then after anouther month of that I started moving him to his crib. Every night I'd try once he fell asleep and if he woke I'd move him back. It took some time but eventually he slept in his own room. Do it in stages. This way she knows your still close by, and at the same time your kind of giving her her independence, and reclaiming your bed.

hey H. I have a 3 yr old .... and to get her to sleep in the crib I put her to slepp with me .... left the sliding gate down in the crib and moved after about an hour of sleeping .....it slowly worked ....but before that I made sure she took her naps some where by herself whether it was my bed with pillows around her or the play pen or her crib she stayed by herself....which is important

I can totally identify with this. My daughter (now 18) slept with me for years. Being for the same reason (when young). It was just so much easier to put her in bed with me and get some sleep so I can wake in the morning for work. BUT - there HAS TO BE A SCHEDULE. Figure out that schedule and try to stick with it whether it be her in the crib or your bed. Good luck.

It'll take between a week to two weeks to get her used to sleeping in her crib and it will probably be harder for you than her, but if you can stick through it, it'll be worth it. Even after the two weeks, there will be periods over the next few months that you may have to do this again, but I know from experience that it works. Now is the best time to do this because the older she gets, the harder this will be.

I'm not sure if you or your aunt puts her to sleep, but whoever is there around bedtime, which can be anywhere from 7:30 to 9:30 depending on what works best for your daughter, will have to be the one to start this. You may start and your aunt may have to pick up up when you leave for work.

Pick the same time every night. For about a half an hour, pick some kind of routine that will be consistent. Maybe read her the same three books, ending in Goodnight Moon (that's what helped us through this.) After you read that book to her, turn the lights out and go around whispering goodnight to everything. This will get her used to knowing when it's time to go to sleep for down the road, but this is where the fun starts.

Put her in her crib and say goodnight. You have one of two options, depending on how you feel. Either sit in the corner of the dark room looking away from you, or sit directly outside of her door. Because she is used to seeing you and being with you, I'd stay where your visible. Every five minutes or so, go over and soothe her, trying to do it without picking her up, but if you do pick her up, stay in the room. Your goal is to continue reducing the amount of time you're holding her. When you do pick her up, don't talk or sing and make it brief. After you put her down, DON'T LOOK AT HER! You want her to know that she's safe, but the interaction that comes from just a look will prolong the whole affair. Eventually, she will tire herself out, but not before she tires you out!
Just to warn you, this may go on for hours and hours each night. DON'T GIVE UP! You'll get to the point that you think you're torturing your daughter and you just can't do it, but there's actually progress taking place, it's just not obvious. This may be the hardest thing you've had to do yet, but the rewards are most definitely worth it. Your daughter will be able to eventually soothe herself to sleep and you and your aunt will be able to enjoy restful night! If you give up, you'll have to start from square one later. You WILL start seeing an improvement. After the two weeks (hopefully before), she will be able to go to sleep easier. Each child is different, so the time depends on your daughter.

Good luck!

You have to look at the big picture. In a year or so you will absolutely NEED a schedule for your daughter. I know it's tough because you work nights but you need to get her used to sleeping about 12 hours at night and napping in the mid-afternoons. You might want to look into finding someone who can watch your daughter during the day (part of it anyway) so you can sleep. Then, nap in the afternoon when she naps. Working at night is tough when you have little kids, two of my friends have done it and they are single moms too. It's not so bad when they're babies because they're up all the time anyway but when they get older you definitely need a set schedule. As for getting your daughter to sleep by herself, lay down with her for a bit until she falls asleep then leave. Gradually work up to laying down, reading a story, then leaving while she's awake. She may not need the crib anymore...my daughter was in a "big girl bed" when she was just over 2 and was ready much before then. The bottom line: be firm about the sleeping and figure out a schedule...you'll be glad you did it in the end!

You really are juggling alot but I do believe it is a situation that can be worked out. One thing that helped with my son was giving him something "special" to sleep with. That can be any kind of stuffed animal, blanket or whatever you think would be seen as fun or special to your little girl. I would use that as her sleeping animal or sleeping toy something that she is given when it is time for bed. This may sound silly or simple but in the mind of a child associating a particular item with bed may help her to develop a routine that goes beyond her location because this will be done everynight regardless of which home she is in. Hope this helps!

Hi H.,
I know she is still young, but does she sleep all night? if she does then maybe you dont even need the crib! my daughter just turned 2, but has been in her toddler bed for about 4 or five months now. i had to lay with her for the first week, but eventually could just lay her down with her cup and leave the room. you could try a routine with her that has nothing to do with the time she goes to bed too. when we are ready for bed Mya turns off the t.v. on her own, then we lift her up to hit the light switch in the living room, she says goodnight to the dogs, we turn on the bedroom light to charge up the glowing stars on her ceiling, and start her music box. after doing all that she usually forgets that she doesnt want to go to bed, ang gives us our kisses and goes right to sleep! (with her favorite bunny of course!) good luck!

H., I know this will be hard for your Aunt to do but in order for your daughter to stay awake during the day, she is going to have to keep her awake even if she is sleepy. Set a nap time for your Aunt to put your daughter down for and hopefully after awhile your daughter will get accustomed to it. As far as your Aunt sleeping with her, maybe your Aunt can lay down with her until she falls asleep, and then leave the room. The only advice I have for getting your daughter back into the crib is to maybe put the crib next to your bed that way you will be close to her at first. Then after a week move it a little farther away from your bed and eventually move the crib to the spot that you want it to be in. I know from experience that when my daughter was little I use to rock her to sleep and then put her to bed, but as she got older I put her to bed while she was still awake and I stayed in the room until she fell asleep which worked really well. Eventually we were able to put her to bed and leave the room. She is now 4 1/2 and for the most part sleeping in her room all night. We still have the nights that she wakes up and comes to sleep in our bed. I hope this helps, and I hope all turns out in the end for you.