Advice on TRYING to Do a Freindly Divorce for the Kids

I don't have legal advice-I had mine in Utah so it's different but I did it myself and it worked out. I think the best piece of advice I got was no matter what he did or was, to keep my calm and don't react. I would treat him just like I would treat anyone else-I wouldn't go off on a stranger or a friend no matter how they acted. Miraculously we were able to divide everything up and we both got what we wanted out of it.

So no matter where it goes legally, DECIDE to keep it mature and friendly. That will help the kids out the most. There's my two cents, hope it helps.

Good for you for trying to put the kids first. Let me tell you about my parents' divorce, because it was the friendliest I've heard of, and it SO helped my younger sister and me.

They continued to co-own the house until my sister got out of High School so that we could continue with the same school (she was 12 at the time). Dad gave mom half the house payment every month. Once my sister graduated, Dad had the first right to buy our mom out and keep the house, to let her buy him out, or they could sell and split the $$. He considered it an investment, rather than any part of alimony, and did eventually get his $$ back. This means he also continued to pay for any upkeep of the house, including helping to put in a brick wall when the wooden one finally gave up the ghost. (This did tick off my step-monster something fierce, but it added to the value of the house and he did get it back when they sold. So whatever.)

He also paid good child support, but did not pay any alimony. If my sister and I had any extra for choir, band or a sport, Dad helped pay that cost too.

My parents continued to support each other in parenting, so that my sister and I couldn't play them against each other (continued that "united front" that you have to have with the kids). And neither EVER bad-mouthed the other, which I think was crucial.

Looking back at other kids and how they had it, I can't tell you how wonderful my parents' attitude was. It made the divorce much easier to handle.

Good luck; I hope your soon-to-be-ex is as thoughtful as you obviously are.

i have met and heard great things about Alexis Martin Neely. she may be able to offer some advice www.martinneely.com.

when i had a divorce at 23 i used at paralegal and that worked well for me. i was not able to afford and attorney at the time.

good luck with all of this - you are doing the right thing!
stay strong!

You've gotten all the advise you need. The one thing I will say is you have to look at the attorney as an investment that will pay off down the line. If at all possible, given your situation I would say use one. My husband and his ex did it themselves for very little money, but it was as amicable as a divorce can be. It can get very tricky when you are dividing pensions if one is involved. You can always try to do it yourself and then get an attorney later if things get too much, but at the very least talk to a few before you get started. Ask for recommendations. Keep yourself centered and focused. Meditation helps me. You can get through this. Blessings.

Katrin gave very good advice. I would seek the advice of a few attorneys first and without your husband knowing about it. Hear what they have to say. Since you are already fearful of your husband it seems unlikely that he will be pleasant and agreeable through out and you need to be protected. Prepare yourself before you tell him what you are doing, by seeking legal advice first. Your husband could clean out your bank accounts, file for custody of the kids, and become hostile or even physical. Don’t take chances; your children are too important.