Oh No There Might Be a Divorce

You have gotten some fine advice, but I would like to offer a slightly different path. Before contacting an attorney, I think she should contact a counselor. I think BOTH parties need to work though the issues, and this can be facilitated by a professional. Maybe even before that, she needs to worry about how to support herself and her kids. If she is a stay at home mom, she needs to get into the job market, or train for some profession. Prepare for a nasty divorce, but expect a pleasant one. She should continue to try to be understanding and kind to the man she shared her life with and who fathered her children. If this is impossible, she at least needs to keep her anger to herself and remain cordial. No matter what mistakes he may have made, he diserves to maintain a good relationship with his children. Under no circumstances should she try to put them in the middle of the parents fight. She needs to do her best to keep her arguments with the father of her children away from the children. They deserve to be in a loving relationship with BOTH of their parents, to the extent the adult is able to do so. Finally, but as a FIRST step to resolving a relationship, I recommend "Getting the Love you want", a guide for couples, buy Harville Hendrix. (There is a companion book for singles called "Keeping the love you find".) This is an old book, but can be found used. If their relationship is not too damaged, this book can help them repair the damage. Most people enjoy the activities in the back of the book, particularly "re-romantisizing".

I will have to get back with you but I have been side swiped clean.....

An attorney is the single BEST possible resource. The first meeting is an informational one, and takes a couple of hours. She'll need to bring in as much of her/his financial records as possible, in order for the attorney to "run the numbers".

She needs to have a lawyer put a freeze on all banking accounts.

Assuming she is in Texas too, this may help. If she's not, please update your post. Best of luck to her, it's always sad when a marriage ends.

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/texas/txart06

Those divorce kits are for people who have no unresolved issues. He takes this...she takes that...no issues. Just over. If there is custody, property settlement, visitation, anything like that then they will need attorneys. if she can't afford one she may be able to call Legal Aide and ask for a free consult.

Tell her to gather all the information on the assets, the debt, and last years taxes. You can get the divorce forms online but strongly urge a lawyer or extremely knowledgable of divorce person to look over the final decree that is summitted to the Judge. It is an emotional time and very easy to miss things like who declares what child on taxes on what year; removing names from credit cards; etc. Best of luck to her. Tell to stand strong.

I am an attorney in California and there is a lot of advice you can give someone contemplating divorce. I actually feel relieved when someone comes in before the divorce, even if there never is a divorce, because I can give advice to empower the person with less money so they are making decisions based on what is right for themselves and the children-- not fear based decisions. Tell her to get a recommendation for a good attorney and go for a consultation.

R. forgive me if I'm repeating but I havn't read the other responses. I don't think it is in your friends best interest to do a do it yourself divorce. First I would have your friend make a complete list of all assets, bank account numbers, bills & so forth. Make sure to include the vehicles & any business assets as well. If she can obtain check stubs from her husband that is also helpful. She then needs to make an information sheet listing legal names of both of them as well as children. It needs to include SSN & DOB. The second thing I would do is call some attorney's. Most will do the first meeting for free & usually give her about an hour to get information. Have her make a complete list of any & all questions and most importantly take somebody with her. This is a really emotional time right now & she may not hear everything or may misunderstand something. I used Larry Champion in Houston. His number is ###-###-####. My divorce was final this last year and he has been practicing for a long time.

I think your a great friend for doing this for your friend. She needs a good support team around her.

I would think she needs to get herself a good attorney very soon.

It is my understanding that she will not be able to do a "quick" divorce or do it on her own without an attorney since she has children involved. Everyone has given good advise and I strongly urge her to start gathering and writing down all assest, savings, copies of bills, and anything else she can think of. I also took a piece of paper and drew a line down the middle and listed everything I wanted to keep and things he could keep. Just as a guide what to argue for. I don't know if she works but there is alimony in Texas I believe for 3 years. Child Support is determined by the court and I believe it is 20% of his salary plus more for additional children. Go through the Child Support Division just so you will have a good record of his payments in case he doesn't pay you will have them to help you. After that is set she can not take him back for more child support for 3 years unless his income changes dramatically. Get an attorney... you can put in the decree that you want him to pay for the attorneys fees etc. An attorney will work with you but you aren't going to win what you really want without one. Do not discuss what you are doing with anyone else or at least anyone that you may think will go and tell your husband. Don't let him know your game plan. That is for the attorneys to argue. Vistation of the children is standard and you will toss them back and forth every other weekend which I hate to see as it is confusing for children but they should see both parents. And the best advise I can give is try to remain on good terms with the soon to be ex. It will be ugly for a while but for the sake of your children try to get along and not argue. You two will always be their parents and you set the example of how things should be. Do not put the children in the middle and make sure they understand you both love them but you just can't live together. Invite your ex to all birthday parties, anything thing to do with the children no matter what. If he doesn't want to attend that is fine but don't lower yourself by excluding him. It can work out for both of you and all can go well even though you are no longer together. Make sure the children are still involved with their grandparents if they are still around as it is important to keep the family as best as possible. Life will go better for you. Do not hold gudges because trust me you will look back in a year or two and be glad you are no longer together and you will be happy with your life. It will be tough for a while but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Good Luck to your friend.

She needs to get an attorney right away, at least to consult. It is always best if she gets to one first. I have been there. Also, she has kids...she will legally be entittled to the house. I was a stay at home mom, I did not think I had many options but I did. My attorney was Dean Irwin and he was very good. I have recently felt as though i do need some adjustments to my decree and have been dealing with other more serious issues such as my ex following me, being verbally abusive etc...I have been referred to another attorney that I feel will really stand up for me. Her name is Patty J Nolan. Best of luch to your friend.

I responded via my blackberry but i don't believe it went thru. She can call the Texas bar association they have a free advice hotline usually hard to get thru but POSSIBLE. OR she can go downtown to 1115 Congress in the base ment there is free legal advice (check times) and they also have law clinics. She can go to the law library a building over on Congress (17th floor i believe) and copy her own papers to file for the divorce. Also there is an affidavit that can help with taking care of the filing fee that usually is about $250-$350 if you have to pay to file.

be very careful before you say anything, I just went through a divorce like this.

Take the computer hard drive and make a copy of it, then copy all the documents such as insurance, stocks, etc. get a hold on all the information you can before you see a lawyer. This will give you the finincal picuture you will need to capture. Make sure you have an attorney who will work for you. Becareful. Most attonerys will listen to the wife/husband who has all the money. Also, if you don't have any money stached, get some. I took extra cash out of the weekly grocery money for months before I divorced, it wasn't enough, but it really came in handly. My attonery had to get court orders for my ex to pay for the divorce. But in doing so, I didn't have much of a voice in matters.

11 years of marriage, it was ugly. I highly recommend that you think things through carefully, my ex was verbally abusive.

get copies of all banking statements, check and see if an account was started in his name only if so get copy of that statement. any property, etc. a friend went through this and her husband had accounts in different states.