Hi everyone. My daughter just found out that a classmate lost her father yesterday. She's asked me what we can do for her little friend (10 year old girl/fourth grade). I told my daughter to let me think on it, but ~ honestly ~ I haven't a clue on what would be appropriate. Any advice appreciated. I don't want us to be intrusive, but I definitely want this sweet child to know that people are thinking of her ... Thanks!
Thanks, everyone for the WONDERFUL advice. A homemade card seemed to be repeated often, so my daughter made a card in the shape of a dog w/a simple "If you need anything or just want to talk, call me. I'm here" message on the back. She also got a blank notebook for her little friend to write in since that's what my daughter does when she's feeling emotional. Inside the notebook, my daughter wrote a little poem. I think [hope!] it was just enough so her friend knows she's being thought of & that someone's there ... IF she wants to talk a/b it. We *plan* to invite her little friend over in a few weeks for some "normal" hanging out time; I liked that suggestion. My daughter's friend was back @ school Friday & hopefully beginning to heal w/the support of friends & family. Again ~ THANKS EVERYONE for your suggestions!!!
Maybe a meal for their family and have your daughter make her a friendship bracelet. I dont know either it is such a sensitive situation. Just a thought.
I think you should let her make a card for the family. When my brother died about 9 years ago we loved any and everything. I think this would be the time to let her shine and share her love with her friend. Last year a freind of mine lost her husband to the war in Iraq we brought dinner over with a card and a 100.00 dollars people asked why we gave money when he had life insurance but all that mattered is that is what I wanted to do and I had the money to spare at the time. When she flew to Utah for the funeral she used that money to buy treats for their kids and food for the trip. I was amazed when I recieved a thank you card and she shared with us how much the money helped out.
Loosing a father at any age is hard but especially as a child. Children tend to me more resiliant(sp) than us grown ups though, so we see differently than a child. I lost my father when I was 16 yrs old. It was suddenly and unexpected in a commercial plane crash. Our friends came over and their children, my age, and I baked cookies and hung out with us for a day or two before we could leave and go out of state where the plane crashed. Now, I don't know what went on with my sister, who had just turned 8 yrs, the week before, but think she just hanged out with us older kids. My brother who turned 12 yrs a couple months before was also on the plane with my dad.
I think getting her an age appropriate card to let her know you are thinking of her would be good and maybe your daughter could draw her a picture or give her a bookmark made by her or bought, if she reads. Doesn't have to be anything "big", but like you said, that she's being thought of in this time and that she's important too. Kids tend to get left out in these situations or aren't fully made aware of them either.
I'm not sure if I helped any but hope maybe the card and bookmark idea will work. Could always put a picture of her dad on the bookmark with a poem to go underneath?
I am so glad you are thinking of her!
L.
Go to the bookstore and get the book "The Next Place" by Warren Hanson
http://www.amazon.com/Next-Place-Warren-Hanson/dp/0931674328
It is the best book and sure to comfort the whole family- a treasure for years to come.
you could have your daughter make her friend a home made sympthoy card. and basically just let her friend know that she is there if she needs to cry on her shoulder, thats gotta be a hard thing to deal with for your daughter and expically for the friend!!!
I think you should send flowers to the family but let your daughter make something special for the little girl or buy her something small to show that she cares it will help your daughter to knwo that she isdoing somehting to contribute as well
I agree with Becky..I lost my father when I was in the 2nd grade, and the most memoriable thing to me was the people that just let me know they cared, and that I could talk to them if I needed to. Maybe in a couple of weeks when school is out and things have calmed down for the little girl you and your daughter could take her out for a day. Just to help her get back to being a little girl-which is really important..
Perhaps you have access to photos of the child and her father, as well as other family members, from school events, scouting activities, field trips, etc. You could create a memory board. A few years back we had a friend who passed away, he was the father of 5 children (ages 4-19). While traumatic for all of them, the younger children seemed to really enjoy the photo boards and collages that we on display at the funeral and later at the wake. I know they still have these displayed in their bedrooms and treasure them as much today as they did they day they received them.
That is so sad to hear. Your daughter seems so sweet to want to do something for her. If you are close to the family then I would fix them dinner and let your daughter help. They are not going to want to cook dinner so I think it would be a nice gift. Then you and your daughter could drop it off by the house and then your daughter could let the little girl know that she is there if she needs a friends to talk to. It doesn't seem like much but it would let the little girl know that she cares. I hope this helps. I'll also say a little pray for the family.
When I lost my father, the kindest thing that others did for me was to let me know how much they cared for my dad and for me. Help your daughter write a condolence note to her friend. Write one yourself to her mom. Let the mom know that you care and want to help.
The cards and notes that I rec'd are treasures to me. I pull them out and read them whenever I am feeling low. Another thing some of my dad's friends did for me, is as they found pics of my dad in their personal files, they send me copies.
I was 12 when my dad passed away unexpectedly. What I remember the most (and still warms my heart to this day) is that a few of my friends came to my house after school with cards and hugs and just hung out for a few minutes. They were only there for about 20 minutes total, but it meant the world to me that my friends cared. Almost 20 years later, these girls, now women, are still my friends. Take your daughter's friend some kid friendly snacks and have your daughter go with you. It will mean the world to her I promise.
I agree with having your daughter make a card or something like to to show her sympathy and then maybe you can have her make cupcakes, cookies or brownies or something the little girl would like and take it over and also let the little girls mom know if she (the girl) need anything she can call or come over for a visit (if thats ok with you).
Hi S. - Our niece lost her father unexpectedly last year. She had a close friend that was with her as much as Kailey wanted her there. I think that was good support for her. If your friend wants your daughter there, maybe take her to her friends house. Maybe once she is there, it will be easier for her friend to tell her what she needs.
Sorry for the loss,
Sincerely,
C. R.
