My friend's son (who plays with my 6 y/o) is a very kind and sweet little boy. He is into boy things (cars, trucks, sports.,etc) but he is a little bit feminine, kind of walks feminine and puts his wrists down a lot. She says that she and her hubby love and accept their child regardless of how he walks, acts or his sexual orientation but the father is concerned that he is going to get picked on by the other boys for being a little different. She doesn't want to make her son feel bad about who he is but doesn't want other boys to pick on him either. I don't know what to tell her, so I'm turing it over to all of you. Your thoughts?
Thanks for all the feedback. I didn't think it was a big deal either, and obviously my son likes him without judgement too. I will pass it on!
Well the biggest reason children get picked on is low self-esteem. Makes them a good target cause they won't fight back. A good way to give a child low self-esteem is to point out something they may not have control over, like how he walks.
Also sexual orientation is not determined by how a child walks, their voice or any other stereotypes, ya know?
I'm not really sure what putting his wrists down a lot means. My thoughts are...let the child be. If he gets made fun of that sucks but it doesn't suck as much as having your parents tell you that you need to change yourself or no one will like you (which is how it is going to come across to a child). They should teach him that some children are mean because they are insecure and that he is wonderful and anyone who doesn't think so is not worth his time.
Well, I try to teach my son that people have similarities and people have differences. And that life would be boring if everyone was exactly the same.
I'm not really getting your question here.
It's not like they can change this kid. How old is he? Six like your son?
If he's six, I think they broke out their JumpToConclusions Mat a little soon, don't you agree?
They need to start drilling the message into their son that HE IS AMAZING and PERFECT just the way he is. That they love him and are proud of him and who he is.
Also, at 6 kids very often mimick what they see. My daughter has a little boy friend (both are 5) who has a "princess walk" that he modelled after my daughter, where he sways his hips and does a little wave. He does it because he thinks it's funny, not because he's gay. I mean, he *may* be, but that's not WHY he's doing this.
Tell your friend and her husband to put what other kids will do out of their minds. Their son will pick up on their worry and concern and start to think there IS something wrong with him. They just need to love and support and encourage him; he needs a lot of self confidence to deal with some of the people we share our world with - and this goes for ALL kids, not just the 'different' ones :)
Jo is right. It all comes down to self-esteem.
My son is the same way. And the other kids do make fun of his quirkiness - like he waves his arms in circles when he runs. Looks like a freakin' plane with propellers. Does lots of little weird stuff. And it bothers my husband. But it doesn't bother me, because when I saw some kids making fun of him, and asked him "Do you know those guys are making fun of you?", his reply was, "So what? I'm having fun!" And I realized he truly doesn't care. I'm in awe of his self-esteem! I wish mine were that good.
So tell your friend and her husband to just keep loving that child as he is, quirks and all, and keep praising specifics when he does something. (Not just "great job" or "you're the best" - but specific praise - "You worked really hard on that and I admire your persistence." "I saw how kind you were to your sister. That shows a lot of compassion."
Blessings.
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Kids will pick on kids for things we don't even think of. What they need to do, IMO, is what any parent needs to do - encourage their son's strengths and teach him to stand up for himself and give him a good sense of self-worth without making him think he's the center of the universe. If a kid feels loved and supported at home, he or she will face the world with more confidence. I don't think they should worry about their son any more than I should worry about my daughter's obsession with tools, trucks and dinosaurs. On the other hand, she totally mimics her big sister, too. When you take her picture, DD will pose with one hip out. Nothing that I taught her. Kids pick up on stuff everywhere.
I can't say it any better than Yarmattey did. She wrote exactly what I wanted to. The little boy's parents are worried he'll get picked on, but the real damage that could be done to him is feeling that he isn't accepted and loved for exactly who he is by his parents. If he feels safe and secure at home he will be able to deal with any amount of teasing. It sounds like even though the parents love him and say they'll accept him, they're not there yet. They're trying to make their slightly different child into the average child who will never stick out. Please advise them to do nothing other than reinforce to their child that he's perfect just the way he is. Chances are when he's around a lot of kids his own age he'll change the way he walks or talks to be just like every other little boy.
If he is only 6 I would let it go. If he brings it up then talk about it but ask questions not just assume it is about how he walks, talks or dresses. I think most of the time its the parents getting all bent out of shape and not the kids.
Best Wishes.
They are saying one thing, but reacting in a completely different way from what they say. They are NOT accepting him the way he is. And they need to. They may be worried about him getting picked on, but kids need NO excuse to pick on other kids. They always find SOMETHING to pick on. So they need to stop being paranoid about his sexual orientation. Biologically we are ALL different; men and women are all different ranges of masculine and femenine, regardless of their sexuality. Some girls are tomboys, some boys are sensitive. The key is to be comfortable with who you are, and for them to be comfortable with who he his. It's the only way.
I think no worries....Let it go...some boys have those qualities when they're young and they outgrow it as the testosterone kicks in at puberty...If not accept him for who he is....I used to walk on my toes :)
They KNOW he's different? If they know, he KNOWS they think that. They need to stop being so worried and treat him like he is perfect in every way. Bullies pick on insecure kids with no self esteem. Guess what the parents are doing to him?? Hurting his self esteem!! THEY need to grow up and stop this nonsense.
It doesn't sound so much like an effeminate boy, but a boy who may have a developmental delay that needs to be addressed. He's far too little to associate these things with feminine or masculine mannerisms and I don't believe that these things are mannerisms in a child this young. Therefore, it's also not an indicator of his sexual orientation.
kids pick on kids for all kinds of things. If it is not one thing it will be another. I would not worry about it and just let him be him, and deal with what comes as it may. My son is also more emotional/fem, and so far has had no issues in schools.
Anyone I have ever known who had a parent try to change a physical attribute like that just made their child more self-conscious and therefore MORE the center of attention. It is silly to be worried about this and anything they do will make it worse instead of better... self fulfilling prophecy.
