i'm seprated for the last three months and moved out on my own. My husband and i have two kids together and i also have one from a previous relationship that he has raised for the last 5 yrs. History of our relationship.... never was a great one, we had our good times, but the bad out weighed the good. we stayed together for the kids sake for the most part. he is an acholic and a pot head. and towards the end of our relationship i made him go to aa. but his attitude and temper has not cleaned up yet. he has been clean as far as i know for 3 months now, but he has also fallen off the wagon in the past, so i really don't know how this time around will work out. we are currently sharing custody of all three kids, he wants to be in the life of my oldest still. its working but its not. we were going to share a lawyer because we agree on 90% of everything as we both want out of it. but the problems are..... he calls me non stop, text messages are crazy, he demands stupid things. and the harassment is far beyond easy for me. he also has emailed and called most of my family on one or more occasions. i have been good during this whole thing, but not in his eyes. he's trying to say that i don't do whats in the best intrest for the kids and has went as far as saying i nelget them. i know he uses my 8yrs old to get info about me and deep down i think he's brain washing him. but my son loves him and i don't know how to go about seprating them. i need a good lawyer who will see past this mans bulls**t and not fall into his trap of being so sincere and trying to look like he's god. he does a great job convincing people that hes the best thing ever that has walked on this planet. he's a real good talker. but he's a one sided person and is always right in his book!!! i can't handle this. while i have the kids my phone is going off more than i can even speak of and when i'm working i have recieve as many as 125 text messages. i'm going nuts. i want my kids to have their father, but what all do i have to put up with?? and really just need a good lawyer to. i'm in the chippewa valley so anyone in the area would be great.
sorry for rambling on, its just been a long past few months and i'm at wits end.!!
His behavior is so typical - judges and lawyers have seen it so much, and can see through it. I went through that situation with my ex when all I had was a land line - I got an unlisted number. He had to use another person to get messages to me. All those calls were upsetting, and I realized I was avoiding being at home because of his calls.
i would strongly reccomend seperate lawyers..i divorced my kids dad 28 yrs ago..same exact issues..what a nitmare-i finally had to move from anoka to st paul-he hates the cities-we didnt have all the stuff now-but the phone rang constantly-he stalked my every move-but having your own lawyer gives you more power-this man is totally stalking you-which is totally illegal now days-a joined lawyer-makes it pretty hard on the lawyer to remain impartial...one thing i did learn-as hard as it is,,,,do not say anything negative about him in front of the kids-and keep all proceedings out of ear shot...they will respect you more in the long run...good luck
Here you go...just got divorced. Same situation.
1. Block him from texting
2. Set up specific times for you guys to see the kids. Avoid seeing eachother-use dayrcare or parents at decoys.
3. Be specific. Tell him you only want him to call if there is an issuse with a child or need to make other arrangments with parenting time. If you work the same hours, this can be easily done.
4. Ignore him. Eventually....he'll get the point. I'm serious about that. Be the bigger person.
Remember: You are on your own now. You are your own boss, set your own time and answer to know one. You need to be strong and set ground rules. It took almost a year to get over the nagging ex. Also, don't worry about him sending info to friends or family. They are YOUR friends and YOUR family. You are only trying to provide the best situation for your kids. They love you and will support you.
If you can afford it, get a lawyer. If not, let your lawyer do the talking.
Good luck to you-
Perhaps some serious counseling is in order before engaging a lawyer. The problems won't end just because there is a divorce and the counseling would not be to save the marriage but to help both of you decide how you will handle your relationship in the future. It's very easy in this situation, to heap all the "blame" on the other person but "blame" seldom goes only one way. And all will need to be involved in overcoming the issues you describe.
Your husband is a substance abuser!! As with many substance abusers he is also abusive. He is a verbal and emotional abuser and a control freak. He is trying to control you and the kids. Contact a domestic violence shelter or hotline and ask advice. Any attorney they recommend should be able to see through his lies and behavior and point it out to the court.
I understand that children need a father figure but do you really what a substance abuser who is emotionally and verbally abusive to have influence on your children?
So sorry to hear you are going through this - the holidays seem to only make stuff like this worse!!!!! My husband is a family law attorney who handles divorces. He works out of Cambridge, MN. It might be worth calling him - if he can't help you, he might know of someone who can.
His name is Matt Korogi
Tessneer & Kelsey
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Good luck!
