Hello all! I am new to this as I just signed up last night I am in a bit of a situation myself and could use some advice if anyone has any. Let me start by giving a bit of history. I am unable to have children and when my little sister got pregnant, completely unplanned, and asked my husband and I to adopt the baby. After discussing it, my husband and I said we would. Our daughter was born at only 26 weeks of pregnancy and was 2lbs 1oz at birth. I was by her side in the NICU as much as I could be and it was a long struggle but finally after 3 ½ months she made it home. She is now 12months old and doing fantastic, the doctors say she’s lucky not to have any medical problems as most preemies do. Now she is 19 pounds and a wonderful butterball of energy. This baby and my husband are the most important things in my life. Two months after the baby was born, my sister got pregnant again and decided she wanted to keep it. I taught her as much as I could about being a mom and she learned quite well. The new baby was born on Sept. 4, a month early and 4lbs 1oz. She is doing well but still in the hospital. DHS has stepped in and asked that my husband and I take in this new baby while my sister and her fiancé get counseling, adequate housing and the list continue on from there. Though we have accepted this, I have a few concerns; The first is can I really raise two babies so close in age all at once? I mean people do it everyday, right? My second concern is how will my daughter adjust to having a new baby in the house? Or more so, how can I help her to adjust? My daughter has been at home with me 24/7 and I’ve spent every waking moment devoted to her and only her. I cherish her very much and I don’t want this to affect her badly. The thought that the new baby will be home soon is good, but somehow I get sad thinking of my own baby not getting all of my attention like she’s used to. I tear up just thinking of it hurting her emotionally. Is what I’m feeling normal? Should I truly be this terrified? I know that’s a lot of questions and I will stop now.
I apologize that it has been quite some time since I have been on the computer to respond and let you all know how things have gone. We've been really busy.
When we first brought little Nora home Alizah was a little nervous about it but she warmed up quickly. She learned a new word shortly after... "baby." She hasn't stopped saying it since! LOL. Now when she gets close to Nora she says, "Hi, baby" ans she waves and smiles. She gets very excited. I went out and bought Alizah a baby doll and she loves it. When I feed Nora I give Alizah an empty bottle and tell her it's time for baby to eat and she doddles off and gets her little baby and feeds her. She even burps her when I burp Nora, it's very cute. Things have gone extremely well. The only thing is that I can't let Alizah actually touch Nora because she grabs onto her skin and clothes because she hasn't yet been able to understand the meaning of "easy". It's still a work in progress but I believe everything will turn out just fine. I want to thank everyone for their wonderful advice and hope you are all doing well.
Thanks you all!
S., My children are almost 2 years apart. It is hard to manage 2 little ones and the feeling of guilt about bringing a new baby home is totally normal. I felt that way for 2 weeks after my second came home. My son, who is 2, i felt like he was mad at me and wanted nothing to do with me. But it was more my guilty feeling then him actually being mad. Hang in there your daughter will adjust and so will you. ;)
WOW! You've got so much on your plate. Alizah is a lucky little girl to have been blessed with you as her mom. And her new cousin is blessed as well. Alizah will go through an adjustment period- she may regress and act more like a baby for a while after the new baby comes home. Giving her a new baby of her own, with some of the items a new baby comes with, can give her a sense of being involved. You could give this to her now, and talk to her about how she has a new baby, and there's another new baby coming, too. Bring her to the hospital or show her pics of the baby, and talk a lot about where the baby will sleep, play, etc. Alizah won't be able to tell you yet, but she can understand a huge amount of what you're saying. Steer clear of saying "Mommy's getting a new baby"- this implies that she's being replaced. Tell her what she is gaining- a new sister, cousin, or however you choose to approach it. And she will be fine. Of course you would worry about it- it's just been you and her together. You may actually go through a mourning process yourself- mourning the loss of that exclusive relationship. But you will be adding another rich dimension to your family, and it will be beautiful in the end. Kudos to you for helping your sister out in her time of need, and for being sure these babies get the love and care they need.
Hi S.-
My kids are 15 months apart, so I kinda know how you feel. First it's not easy, but it's so much fun. Just take things one day at a time! As for your daughter adjusting, she will not remember a time when it was just her there. She will be used to the new baby after just a few days. And, you can look forward to her having a very close relationship with her cousin. Things may seem a little overwhelming, but trust me, after a few months, you will be a pro. I do want to commend you on being there for your sister. Very few people would be willing to do what you're doing. Congratulations and Good Luck.
P.
i mean can you really turn away now after agreeing to bring this baby home? and is the baby returning back to your sister or are you raising this one up too as yours? First, however it is, i think you need to prepare your daughter by letting her know another baby is coming home and that she's going to have a sister soon. of course she's too young to understand the meaning of it all, but i think you can do it, but i feel you don't have too neither. If you decide to, your time with your 12 month is when the new baby is sleeping and if you decide to do so i think you will do well. it sure sounds like it. good luck
Being with your child 24/7 and not having any time from her is going to cause you problems down the road. Perhaps it is a good thing to have this new baby come in and she has to learn how to share you. A baby needs a lot of attention, don't get me wrong, but being the total focus is bad for *everyone* involved.
Unfortunately, she's way too young to understand what a new baby means. She is probably going to rebel against having to share you but you just have to make sure you tell her how much you love her and spend special time with just her. She'll adjust like most kids do.
S.!!!! things will be fine!!! don't worry so much and alizah will adjust just fine. she is a baby and knows only what you teach her. you will not neglect her at all. you will teach her compasion and love. she is only a baby!! lol it will be difficult but definatly a lot of fun...do you have the patience and the money for the extra expense??? that should only be your concern because S. you already have the love and devotion...things will be just fine. the girls should be close forever if possible for your sister and you to be close...i am soo happy for you. i hope your sister gets it together. she is lucky she has you. will you be able to handle it when your sister gets it together and takes the baby home to her house?? ask her to try and live close to you...i don't know your situation. thats what i would do. but you are not me. so much luck and you all are in my prayers...you wouldn't believe how long it takes me to say my prayers at night. lol but def worth it!!! please take a look at my problem. no one has responded...boo hoo. i wrote 2 of them today and i am desperate to get some sort of advice or feedback....i am feeling very insecure cause no one has responded...... *tears*
but back to you...YOU ARE SOO LUCKY ALL AROUND. and please don't worry. i know you know you are lucky...things will be fine. if you are financially fit then enjoy all the babies....they grow up too fast...lol wow!! two little girls. i had all boys. and i love shopping for girls...go and get their pictures together and get orginal...go to the picture people in the mall. they do all sorts of things. and they are soooo very orginal!!! have fun S.....i am here for you if you need me...J.
