Would You Take This Promotion or Not?

I pretty much work with a group from hell right now. I do my job and get along. I try to be helpful and a team player.
Can you do that? If not? Pass it up.

I would go by how it would benefit myself and not by the other employees. It doesn't matter where you work there will always be people that you don't like and don't get along with, but since you are an adult you find a way to suck it up and deal with it.

I'm concerned about you. I too am a caregiver at home, to my 23 year old daughter, who has many complicated medical diagnoses. She's unable to work or go to school.

To have such pressing and urgent medical issues like you do, with your husband's and daughter's illnesses is a tremendous burden to bear. Plus, you have another daughter who apparently is healthy, and she needs your time and attention too. Being a healthy sibling and child of very sick family members has its burdens too.

Your previous posts reference your co-workers in very unflattering terms. You have said they are rude, and that you have very little regard for them. Your descriptions of them have been downright ugly. And now you describe three potential co-workers in very severe ways. Behavioral "hall passes", "basket case", "nasty" - the list goes on and on. Yet you say that you are viewed as nothing but strong, capable and a "winner of a person", with your issues compartmentalized. I'm not sure that's accurate or truthful.

I don't think this promotion is a good idea at all, unless your current job will be ending and unless this is your family's only income and resource for health insurance. If your present position is about to end, and if your family depends upon your employment for money for food and shelter and health insurance, then I guess you need to take the promotion.

However, if at all possible, I encourage you to stay where you are. And most importantly, get some help for yourself. You are bearing a terrible strain. Your husband is disabled and sick, and your daughter is facing serious cancer treatment with an unknown prognosis. And your other daughter must be frightened, no matter how strong she seems. Your posts sound very angry and bitter. You say your family has abandoned you, you don't know whether to downsize, you are losing your friends through giving them virtual "pink slips". Maybe you're not the strong, capable winner that you hope you are. Maybe you're human. Maybe you need to recognize how overwhelmed you are. You said it, but are you facing it, really? I don't think you need a job change right now. I think you need to take stock of your life. Perhaps you need to forgive some people, and forgive yourself.

What does "get ahead in life" mean to you? Professional recognition with promotions? A bigger salary and a nicer office? The boss's good reviews? Or does it mean living with joy and with compassion and love? Does it mean restoring your family, through forgiveness and with courage? Does it mean being a source of strength for your husband and both your daughters? Does it mean being grateful? Take time to think about what you truly value.

Please re-read your own posts and see how angry you seem. I know, with illness, medical bills, caregiver's responsibilities, sleepless nights, worry, life-changing illnesses, that it's natural to be angry. But you sound intelligent and I think you can be insightful if you're willing to be.

Going into a promotion with such disdain for co-workers while facing your daughter's upcoming intensive treatment, and while continuing to care for your husband, with so many unresolved issues with your mom and siblings would be a bad idea in my opinion. A promotion might be nice, but it would require learning new things and would take a lot of time and mental effort that you just don't have right now.

Do you have a friend that is brave enough to be honest with you and you respect enough to listen? I say brave because you apparently give friends pink slips, get mad at family because they don't do exactly what you want, I mean, you seem like a very hard person to get along with. You seem very good at finding everything that is wrong with everyone else but you don't seem able to do the same to yourself.

What are you like to work with? What would person 1, 2, and 3 have to say on that subject? Purely based on projection on my part because I can only see things through the lens of my life, you sound like a woman at my work. She only has a job because we are all made aware of her family struggles, how she is the only one that supports her family, all the stuff that makes her life so hard. We should have fired her three years ago when it was apparent she was not a good fit for anything in our office. Since then we keep moving her around "promoting" according to her, all the while removing her from the employees we cannot replace. She has hit her last job, we have no where else to put her. She tells everyone about how she was "promoted" again, would be nice if she tried working...

My point is she will be fired by Christmas if she doesn't stop focusing on everyone else and focuses on herself. You may not be that person, I don't know, I don't know you, but if there is a chance you are please, look critically at yourself for a change, not others. This may be your last job offer. You do not sound like anyone I would want to work with.

I feel like this sounds to mean but you need to understand, if I say nothing and next month you post a rant about how you got fired because person 4, 5 and 6 ganged up on you I would feel bad for not trying to help.
____________________
Thanks for proving I was right with the nasty gram. By the way I do have a job but thank you for your bitchiness. I have also had a lot on my plate in my life, the difference is I don't expect the world to do as I expect or I speak nasty about them. You are just not a very nice person and you use your life as an excuse to hurt others and be mean. How would you feel if person 1, 2, and 3 said half the mean things about you that you said about them.

I feel like your most telling post is "My mother has turned into a shrew". Your father died, your mom was in mourning, going through what we all fear, and she didn't make her life about you? Sorry but if I lost my husband and my daughter treated me like you appear to treat your mom I would put distance between us as well.

As I said in reply the nasty gram you sent me, buy a mirror or get a therapist. If all the world is a problem to you, perhaps you are the problem, not the world.

It sounds like the people you'd have to work with would make this promotion a living hell.
What ever perks they are offering you are not enough to offset the drawbacks of these people.
And even though you expect some of them to go away eventually - it won't go as smoothly as expected and even a few years of working with them will age you 20.
I don't like the look or smell of anything that resembles being set up to fail - and I don't see how you could win in this scenario.
It might be worth asking if you would be permitted to pick your own staff - then avoid these people - but if that's not an option - you'll have to say although you appreciate the opportunity you don't feel the team as stated has the right mix to ensure success - and you are not willing to take this on under these circumstances.

I got to the line that you'd be working with the three worst people in the company, and I stopped reading. Why would you even consider a job in which you will be miserable every day? Sorry, it'd take a hell of a lot of money for me even to think of taking that - and whatever the raise, my sanity would be worth a lot more. Not only would I not take it, I'd tell them exactly why. Let them know that if the position opens again with different co-workers, you'd take it in a heartbeat, but no to this.

ETA: to be fair, I finished reading your post. Where are the pros?

No

You have so much going on - what a lot of burdens to carry! I also have cared for a chronically ill person, and I know that it takes a toll on the caregiver (as Elena B. has so eloquently stated below), sometimes one that you're not aware of. Sometimes those issues play out in your professional life too.

You've posted before about your work environment, and it does seem to be a big mishmash of people who are friends, people who aren't, people who are users or drama queens, people who are ineffective, and so on.

I think there are things you might ask yourself about this proposed promotion. First of all, is it a promotion? If there is more money involved (more than would be offered in an annual review), that's a clue. Are you going to have supervisory responsibilities over the 3 people you mention here? Will you have the ability to measure their performance, apply disciplinary measures, determine raises, phase them out or fire them? Are you expected to turn this department around? Or are you a peer of these people, same level, and expected to work with the people that no one else can? Is that a compliment to your abilities, or is it a set-up? That is, will you be "sacrificed" if you can't turn them all around? Sure, moving Employee #3 to a remote location might solve daily tension, but does it make her more accountable or less so? Will department objectives be harder to achieve, and if so, will you be blamed? And Employee #2 may be getting ready to retire and the company may be afraid of being accused of age discrimination if they fire him, but what if he wants to stay? It honestly doesn't sound like there's a reliable HR structure in your company at all.

Or, are you being moved into this department because you are too nice or too much of a pushover or too much of the person who makes up for others' shortcomings, so the work will get done even if people are drunk, nasty or a mess of unfinished projects? "Okay, we can't make heads or tails of this crazy department, and we've put all our problem employees together, so let's let M. handle it." Is that the scenario?

There is some harsh criticism in some of the responses about you. I'm not sure that's justified. I do think that self-awareness is important and I do think you would benefit from asking yourself why you are in a company with all this dysfunction. And if you have been judgmental and blaming people other than yourself, I suppose that's worth investigating. Sometimes the "devil you know" is better than the unknown, and I'm not sure you have it in yourself right now to go elsewhere - maybe stability is the best thing.

But if your current position is being phased out or given to someone else, what will happen to you if you a) don't accept the promotion or b) accept it and fail at it because it's such a disaster to begin with? Do you have management support of your objectives and will you be able to complete what's in the new job description? My husband was in a situation where he was given supervisory responsibility over the team, but when one person (who had been there longer but had far less experience overall) got his nose out of joint with a new boss (my husband's position was a newly created one), my husband got called on the carpet and asked where he got the crazy idea that he had supervisory responsibilities. "Um, from Items #2, $5 and #8 in the job description you gave me," he said. Well, no matter - that was only until Long Time Employee got upset. So if that's your company's modus operandi, you're doomed to failure before you start.

What a friend of mine does, which I think is very smart, is take all the compliments/accolades and accomplishments from her performance review, and put them right into her resume at the time, even though she's not actively looking. If productivity went up 58% and diversity was increased 1500% and $90,000 was raised for the new cancer wing, it went right into her resume. Then, last month when she was laid off, she had a terrific resume already prepared and she didn't have to scramble to find all that documentation as she was cleaning out her desk and wondering how she was going to land on her feet.. If I were you, I'd consider adopting this strategy, regardless of what you do with this possible promotion.

Good luck and keep us posted.

I read your question, and then I just looked back at your previous question titles. I don't typically do that, but you list lot of issues here with this work team.

Your previous questions were also problems with people from the sounds of it. So you have to decide - can I work with this team? If not, then I'd say no.

I once worked on a team with an ex-boyfriend which was altogether awkward. Had no idea until the first meeting. I was able to do it, and get my work done.

I am sure you could do this - but you don't list reasons why you should take the job - other than title and money/office. There should be more incentive in taking a promotion, I think.

Take the people aspect out of it - and maybe that will make it easier to know if this (promotion) is something you really want and can handle at this time with your family difficulties. I wish you the best with those - sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

Good luck :)

First, M., I want to say that I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through these medical issues.

About the job, this is really hard. I think that I would need to know WHY the company puts up with these kinds of characters. 900 hall passes (funny way to put it, but what it means is pretty serious.) I get the 70 year old not being fired (they don't want a lawsuit), but person #1? If you almost left 2 years ago because of her, how will you deal with her this time?

If they put up with this kind of stuff, why would they phase out your job? (Sorry, bad question...)

How closely will you have to work with these people? Do you know people who would be good at replacing any of these people? Would you have an input in recommending people (like for the 70 year old and in case the OCD working from home doesn't work out...)?

I wish you much luck making this decision.

if these characters are so badly behaved why are they still employed? or is your opinion of them yours alone and the ceo and vp of s&m see them differently? i would have a sit down meeting with the ceo and vp and talk to them about your opinion of the characters. find out if you are the only one that thinks they are the company disasters.

I would only take it if I had to. It sounds like in your post that your job may be phased out. If that means it is the promotion or no job, then I would take the promotion. Otherwise, no way would I would willingly subject myself to be in charge of that dramatic chaos.

You do have a lot going on. I can't believe your company would let someone who came to work drunk keep her job. That's automatic firing where I work. I can understand your dilemma with wanting to advance your career and having horrible people work for you. As a person in management having bad people work for you happens. You could hire a person that you think is great only to find out they totally suck. That is part of the job.

If you think you can deal with it all take the job. Who knows when it will come around again. If you are feeling overwhelmed you could see a therapist. They are supposed to be nonjudgmental and will give you the help and support you need. With all you are dealing with seeing a therapist is probably a good idea.

Good luck with your decision and prayers for your husband and daughter.

Does the new position give you the power to discipline or fire people? You may be able to clean house and hire and train a new and better group of people.
One question -- If these 3 people are such horrible employees why are they still working for the company?

Are they offering up this new position because they will phase out your old position? Can you say no?

I am so sorry about all the illness in your family. That has to be so exhausting and stressful.

oh, M.!

first off, huge kudos to you. what a plateful you have! i'm amazed you cope so well and sensibly, and manage to keep work well-compartmentalized the way you do. you're a poster child for good boundaries.

but what a difficult decision. everything in me screams to NOT work with your nightmare scenarios. they would bring so much additional stress and drama. more money is nice, but not at such a cost.

but will your current job realistically get phased out? if the alternative to working with the nightmares is unemployment, you might need to take the promotion and start quietly looking elsewhere.

i wish i could see a clearer path to a good resolution. i'm visualizing for you your new job, private office (THAT'S a nice perk!) and all new (and subordinate) co-workers whom you can groom to your specifications.

and of course, health for your family.
khairete
S.

I'll focus on just one line early in your post:

"...My new position of searching for new leads and opportunities has not been very effective. I saw this happening a few months ago and began to wonder if what I was now doing would be phased out." Then you get this promotion offer.

That kind of got lost amid the details about the other employees. The key question that's been overlooked is this: Do you think that if you turn down this promotion, and remain in your current job, you will end up unemployed sooner rather than later when the company phases out your current job? Is it possible that your bosses are offering the promotion in part as a way to keep you working there because they know a job cut is in the works eventually but can't or won't tell you that up front?

Do you know any of your bosses well enough to pull one of them aside privately and say, "I need some frank talk here: For many reasons, not least of which is a huge amount of personal issues due to the illnesses in my family, I am seriously considering turning down this promotion -- but I also am concerned that this offer was made because my current position may be in jeopardy." Do you think you can trust anyone above you to tell you confidentially and honestly whether that's the case? In some places I've worked, I could have had that talk; in others, there would have been no point, since the bosses were never going to be honest.

Only you know if you can try that tactic. It could work or it could backfire badly; that depends on the bosses and your relationship with them.

From your description of the coworkers--I'd rather have those people as colleagues than as people I had to manage. I won't ding you for your descriptions as some others have, because I have worked with people pretty similar to the ones you describe so I would bet you're not exaggerating, sadly.

The health issues alone are reason not to take any job that is going to add more responsibility, hours and stress to your life.

But one big caveat: If your health insurance is what is covering your husband's illness, though--you may have to weigh that fact very carefully. Can you afford to lose insurance if you stay in your current job and the job then is eliminated? That's why it would help if you could find out whether your gut feeling (that the current job is shaky) is true or not. I hate the fact that in this country we have to factor in health care as part of our career choices, but we do, especially if there is chronic and/or serious illness involved. You should be able to get him covered under any other plan, but it can be difficult.

I would continue with the job you have. Too much going on right now to take on something like what you describe.

"While I am so thankful you are offering me this wonderful opportunity I can only say I am not your girl for this job. I love the job I am in now and have a work load that I can manage. While my personal life is not any part of my work life I do have to say that my family matters. There are some health issues with family that you are aware of. I truly cannot tell you how much I appreciate how much you have worked with me for time off to be with my husband and daughter. But this position is not one I can take."

They sound like a good company to work with. I'd look at it like this, they've worked with you? Correct? So they're working with these others too. Sounds like they care.

I am so sorry about what is going on in your personal life, that's a huge load to carry.

For the job, I would say no. If it was possible. I would do that because if you almost quit because of person #1 two years ago, I'm sure not much has changed. Have you talked to management about your concerns? I'm surprised they can all still hold jobs with that kind of attitude and inability to deal with life effectively.

Wow, you are really going through a lot in your personal life right now. I truly hope that everyone in your family ends up healthy and has a full recovery (or as full as possible). Sending you good thoughts for your husband and daughter.

No, I do not think you should take the promotion. Working with people you already know are difficult will cause problems from the very beginning. Person #1 will not have changed; if she almost drove you out once, she will almost definitely drive you out this time. The issues that you already have with the other two are going seem even worse, because you are predisposed to notice and be bothered by them.

A title and money are NOT worth being miserable at work, in my opinion. I understand the current job might not work out, but you'll need to find a better alternative than taking this promotion. You have too much going on at home right now to have to spend all day at a job working with people you can't stand. It just isn't worth it at all.

Being happy and sane are more important.

I feel like security is number one. As head of my household in income and insurance. I can't risk being unemployed. If you feel your job will be eliminated, you need security and financial safety. Otherwise all your other cards your playing with will fall down.