Adult Children of Divorce

My parents just filed for divorce on April 6th. (i am 34) I am so glad that you posted this. I was starting to think i was crazy. I did not realize how it was going to effect the whole family. You would think it would be easier as adult children. My parents are in the stage of bashing each other to everyone. It is very hard to re direct them. I am hoping that it gets easier. I look forward to reading the advice that you get. It is good to know that we are not alone. My poor husband questions our marriage now. I have to reassure him that we are not my parents. We already have a better marriage than they ever had.....sadly....

Therepy would be a good place to go, and tell your parents flat out that you just "do not want to hear it" ... it is easier to be an adult because you can walk away for a time period.

I think the reason it is harder for adult kids, is because you think that the relationship or the childhood that you grew up in was a lie. You question you rown relationship because you based your marriage on the example that your parents showed you. Now that their marriage is breaking up, you wonder if your marriage will do the same. Here is the thing. Your parents might have fallen out of love a while ago and stayed for the kids. I have always thought that was a bad idea for the reasons that I stated above. They decided to get a divorce because they have lied too much and are tired of hiding their feelings. It has probably gotten so bad that, yes they bad mouth each other because they put up with the "$hi*" for so long now it's like they are tormenting each other so they split. Counseling would be a good idea for you, to discuss and also keep the lines of communication open with your own husband. Let him know how you are feeling. I think that once people stop talking that is when the relationship takes a turn for the worse. Keep talking to your husband and make sure that you keep the romance alive. That should help keep your marriage going. You are not your parents and you and your husband have a different relationship, keep it that way and you have nothing to worry about.

I would suggest you go to a Marriage and Family Counselor until you can sort out your feelings with a trained third party.

My former spouse and I divorced 11 years ago when our children were 16 and 14. My daughter sought counseling as an adult, but my son did not. We offered both of our children counseling as teenagers, but they declined at the time.

My 27-year-old daughter is a married Marriage and Family Counselor, and my son plans to marry his live-in girlfriend. I feel that the divorce effected my son more than it effected my daughter.

We still have family get togethers with my former spouse, his girlfriend, and my new husband for the children's sake. We are lucky to have had an amicable divorce.

I am sorry for what you are dealing with, and feel guilty about being divorced from my children's father, even though I'm in a much better place now. My former husband filed for divorce, so what could I have done? I still assume half of the responsibility for the divorce.

Your parents need to not bad mouth each other in your presence or in front of their grandchildren. Children of divorce need to come before anything else, so you may want to have a conversation with your mother to the effect.

I'm sorry you are going through this. My parents divorced when I was a little kid. The bad thing about them divorcing when you are young is they can bad mouth each other and say completely bitter an inappropriate things constantly and as a kid you just have to take it. You don't know to tell them to stop.

Oh boy can I relate. My parents have always had a difficult marriage (Dad alcoholic, Mom codependent) and they finally "separated" about 5 years ago. But the drama never ends. How I cope is avoiding it as much as possible. My brother and I made a deal that I would take care of my mom when things came up (health/financial issues) and he would take care of my dad. That deal has really worked out well for us - plus it has brought my brother and I closer together. But yes, I there are days that I wish my parents had just gotten divorced when I was a young child.