Adding to the Family

After one it gets easier and harder at the same time. Easier in the fact you know how to deal better with temper tantrums, illnesses, tired babies, traveling, etc. Plus they entertain each other! Harder in the fact that when one needs something they usually both need something at the same time. You will love having another baby!

I had three children in 3 1/2 years. I will say this...it was much easier to add the third than it was the second child. My first was the center of our world, and her every move and sound fascinated us and she kept our attention to herself. So, of course, when little sister came along when she was 2, she wasn't really thrilled. The simple fact is this, your first child will have to wait for things that were immediate before. Nope, you can't jump rope with him if you are breast-feeding. You may be too tired in the beginning to play tag. I did find that if I did SOMETHING alone with her during the day, it really helped. We played Candy Land at night together.

Also, as I found out, and my Pediatrition friend agrees with, your second child will most likely be easier and play more on their own. They also learn early that life is not all about them, and sometimes THEY have to wait for attention. However, it's like that for them from the beginning, so they don't have to adjust like your first child.

As for the third child...you have already learned how to split your time pretty well. And the first 2 have adjusted to each other and don't really have a hard time adjusting to yet another sibling. Now my older 2 want me to have another!!!

Anyway, that has been my experience. Of course all children are different. God bless.
J.

Adding a second child is not so bad, as you still have one parent to one child, but you will be somewhat busier and will have to take care to pay attention to the older child while the baby needs extra care. The third child is the hard one, as there are now more children than you have hands and the older one is beginning to go to school and activities and you have to haul a toddler and a baby. I have many friends with more than three kids, and they all say that after three, you can have as many more as you want and it's not much harder, the third one is the hardest adjustment.

The nice part about having them close together is that they are all doing somewhat similar activities at the same time and they help each other out with school and stuff when they're teens.

Congrats and good luck!

Hi A., It's great that you are trying to plan your pregnancy so you will have max. time with the newcomer, and even better, you know your plans may not work out perfectly. That's because the key to enjoying one, two or more children is to be FLEXIBLE! Parenting is an adventure--and being prepared to adjust is a big plus. That said, a lot of the adjusting depends on the personality of the new baby. My first was a fireball, so the second seemed surprisingly easy--as he was an easy going kid. Your firstborn will need extra consideration and reassurance during the first months baby is home. At 2 - 3 years, he will only vaguely understand the reality of a new sibling until he/she arrives. I have 4 children. When a new baby was coming, I got the older one a baby sized doll, and we played with it before real baby came. Then we took care of our babies together. I also expected some regression in behavior from the older ones -- more potty accidents and whining, etc. It's not always easy to be patient when you are so tired, but try to ignore the dishes piling up and read that extra story book (lots of cuddles included), and it will pay off inthe long run as you all settle into a new family circle. God bless you! D.

our adding to the family experience was very positive. My daughter was almost 3 when her little brother was born and she has been wonderful with him every since (she is almost 5 and my son is now 2). The acceptance of our son by our daughter turned out great. I do hear that some children/toddlers have a hard time adjusting and I think it has a lot to do with preparation and the child's personality.

best of luck

i have two kids and they are 4 years apart. going from one to two, was not as hard as i was afraid that it would be. it was a challenge yes, but not really hard. i had to learn what order to do things in, like what kid do i get out of the car first? baby out in the stroller then the 4 year old, or the other way around? who do i buckle first, all of that stuff. it also took me about six weeks to realize how much time i needed to get every one ready, to get some ware on time. but so worth every second. i love seeing my two kids together, seeing them bond and play.

We have 5 children and I found adjusting to 3 was the hardest! Two was easy, 4 dandy, 5 unexpected by great but for some reason 3...was just well odd, LOL.So we advise people..if you're gonna have 3...cross over to the other side and have 4, it's easier.

One thing that I wished I done differently is that I would not have tried to grow up my oldest one so quickly. I thought she needed to be out of diapers before #2 came along, they are 1 month shy of being 2 years apart and her potty training was so much more painful than when I relaxed training #2 when #3 was a baby. So let the next oldest one be little too for a while, but within acceptable limitations, know what I mean? Don't think a 3 year old will understand as quickly as you might hope he does. Oh and all of a sudden that little boy of yours will look so big compared to the baby, but that's just in size. He still needs cuddling, storytime, one on one Mom time.

And yes, best laid plans oft go astray...but I pray your plans work well so you can be home with them as much as possible.

With a second child, my main concern was how was I going to love him/her as much as my first? How was my first going to handle my second? It was wasted worry. But I have heard this be the main concern of many Moms having their second blessing. This worry comes because we assume, even though we might not admit it, that the two children will be alike and need all the same type of attention and love. It is the same idea of two people coming into your home and asking for a lot of steak of which you have limited quantity. But if these same two people came into your home and one asked for steak and the other some yoghurt...(both of which you happen to have on hand) all of the sudden you can provide for their needs because they have the same hunger but for different resources. They won't be the same so that means their needs and personalities will be different making it easy not to get the love mixed up and divided unevenly...I don't know if that makes any sense at all. Many times people will ask me "How do you do it with 8 children???" And I always reply "Oh, I don't have eight, I have one of each!"...meaning they're all different!

With a third child, you are outnumbered. The issue is logistical. No longer can your husband take one and you take the other...now you have an extra. Children can smell fear. Even if you don't feel it, act as if you have everything under control and they will believe it. And eventually you will fool yourself as well.

The bottom line is, you will cope because there is no other choice and because it is an automatic response to loving your children. It's just hard to imagine this when the children you are talking about are hypothetical. But when you are holding them and your love is overflowing for a children that have names and faces, your questions and concerns will mostly evaporate.

Hope this helps.

T. Mother of 8