Was Adding a Third Child the Most Difficult?

I will tell you that having the third child was a breeze, but cleaning up after a house full of five people is a complete nightmare (they are ages 8 - 13 now). By far, the worst aspect of my life, and it constantly gets me down.

I think that it depends very much on the person. I found the first to be most difficult by far, just because everything was so new. You will be amazed at how helpful the other two can be, if given the opportunity. I love that my kids have one another. The more you have it is always adding one more person's needs to meet, but that much more fun as well.

I had heard from so many that the third was the hardest too, but I found that it really wasn't as bad as everyone said it would be. I do attribute it to the fact that she was a very easy baby as was and thus she helped make it easier for me. I think a lot of it depends on the personality of the baby. For me, my second has so far been the hardest, just because of his personality. Each child is different and I think that you do ajust to them and their personalities, and just take them as they come. If you feel there is another child to come,then go for it. Don't necessarily listen to what others are saying about it.

Hi R.,
First of all I want to say I do not intend to be mean and I will tell you how it worked for me because I infact have 5 kids. But questions like this really do upset me. Parenting is not convienent and having and raising kids is not easy. It totally has its ups and downs and after having 5 kids I could easily talk a person into or outof having kids if I really wanted to. But you don't have children out of convienence you have them becuase you want them, because before the conception you already love them and can't wait to meet them. I'm worry that this "how hard is it" attitude will make things terrible for the child if you ever have another one. What if your 3rd isn't an easy baby? What if they are colicy or never sleep through the night until they're 5 or don't potty train until 3. What if its worse than that? What if they have down syndrome or are premature and spend weeks in the hospital? Will you then regret having that child? Will you tell your husband and other children you knew you shouldn't have ever had that 3rd kid because you knew something like this was going to happen? I really hope not but because of this question I'm worried you might. So check your motives first and leave anything outside of love out.

Like I said I have 5 kids. I knew from when my husband and I were dating that I wanted 5 children and that's what we have. Would I welcome a 6th, absolutely but for now I feel that 5 is enough. I think our hardest transition was from 3 to 4 only because I had them so close together, I felt like I had 2 babies but it really wasn't that hard to deal with.

Go with your gut and your heart and make sure you do what you do out of love, not out of convienence. Best wishes!

C.

A friend told us that going from 2 to 3 was going from man to man to zone defense. all of the sudden as a mom you don't have enough hands to hold all of them. It was really hard for a time but now we have adjusted. You just learn that going to the store means your oldest has to walk and the baby carrier goes acrossed the cart and the 2nd child sits in the child seat. My girls ahve gotten old enough to buckle themselves in and so that has helped. I guess it just really cut down on the amount of running around that we did and that was hard because I had to plan for errands when my husband could watch one two or if I was lucky all three kiddos. It is sad when your alone time is the grocery store...lol.
It is an adjustment but it, like everything else, is do-able.
Good luck and don't stress too much!

As a mom of five, I think you have a lot of adjusting to do when you have your first. And then, a lot of adjusting when the second one comes along. After that, the adjustments seem minor because you're already used to handling more than one child's needs. I think going from one to two children was the hardest. My kids are 13, 10, 7, 4 and 2 months old so there is 3-4 years between each of them. I would think that it would be harder if the kids are closer together because the next youngest child might be less independent than mine were when a new baby was added to the family.

L.

Well, I had twins for my first child, so your situation might be a little different than mine. I have had an easier time with my youngest than I did the twins. Because of prematurity with both pregnancies, all 3 had to stay in the hospital, but my youngest not as long. He is really much better behaved, and well adjusted than the twins. Potty training was easier, crib to bed transition was easier. All in all, he is just more well rounded, and listens better and is more responsible than his older brothers are. They are about 4 years apart, so they couldn't really play together until the youngest could really run and move around. You don't really say easier/harder in what context, but I do have an easier time with my youngest.

My third was my easiest transition! I was so pleasantly surprised after all that I had heard from people. For me the hardest was my first-adjusting to the whole motherhood routine. #3 was great, and every one after that has been just as wonderful!

For me 3 was the hardest but mainly because of my 3rd child's personality. I don't think worrying about it before hand is a reason not to go ahead with three. If you are feeling like you want 3 go for it. You will adjust to the new baby even if it is harder. My 3rd did cause me to wait several years before having one more but just because he was such an active little guy I needed all my kids a little older before I felt ready to tackle 4. For me it was more a gut feeling that I was supposed to have another baby and the time was right, when I had each of my kids. Plus I didn't want them spread out too far apart.

I found the transition from one to two to be the most difficult, because you have to learn how to split your time/attention between two children. Yes, if there are two parents, when you get to #3 the children outnumber you. But by that time, hopefully your first child is old enough not to need so much one-on-one time. And anyway, there are times when you don't have your husband around to help out. I just had #4 and I have found it to be pretty easy so far.

I'm told it's different for different people - all other things being equal, of course. For me, it was the transition between having one child and having two that was most challenging. Once I had the "working with multiple children" concept figured out, our third and fourth babies were just adaptations to that concept! But there is not a "good" and "bad" number of children.

I heard that a lot too, but it is not necessarily the case! There are so many factors that come into play that you can't predict what it will be like. For example, the child's temperament, the spacing between your kids, the size of your house and vehicle, your support system (family living nearby, friends who can watch your kids on short notice, etc.), jobs and schooling of the people already in the family, etc.
My husband, two boys, and I were all looking forward to my daughter joining the family when I was pregnant with her and we all thoroughly enjoy her now. I was hoping she'd be the really mild mannered child that I hadn't yet been blessed with, but it turns out she has a temper. But that's ok because there are other sweet and enjoyable things about her. The fact that my boys were 5 and 3 when she was born has made things easier than when my second was born. My oldest was 2 when his brother was born and there was so much acting out, competition, etc, not to mention more diapers. So planning for more spacing between kids can sometimes help. Truthfully we had planned on having our third later, after my husband graduated from school, but we felt that we should have her sooner. We're still in a 2 bedroom apartment and still don't have the minivan, so sometimes it feels crowded, but it's fine. It's doable. Some days I'm mad for whatever the kids are doing to eachother in the back seat of the car, and other times the boys are feeding the baby crackers because I can't reach her or they're singing to her to keep her calm or hitting themselves on the head with her feet to make her laugh. One thing I like about this 3rd baby is that she doesn't need any extra toys. She spends a good portion of the day hanging out in her brothers' room being entertained by them and playing with whatever is available to her reach. Putting them all to bed by myself is hard. I've had to become more flexible about bedtimes to make this work. It may get easier after I wean the baby. Another hard part is that I avoid taking all 3 of them to a store by myself, and taking them all to a doctor appointment is a disaster. So I've gotten better at arranging things for when my husband is home and can either go with me or watch at least one of them. Otherwise I trade babysitting with a friend. One of the best things is watching the kids enjoy eachother's company and show eachother love, like when the baby plants a big slobbery kiss on her brother's head and he is totally enjoying it and hoping for more. Or when she wakes in the morning and they run in to greet her. Or when she first stood on her own and the boys cheered for her (and every day after). I love those moments. Hope that helps.

If you know someone who has a newborn you might offer to babysit some to try it on.

I can't say how it was to add a third child, because my third pregnancy was with twins....but I found that it was harder to go to two children, then to go to four!!! If you want to have another one....go for it...I say!

I agree with Mary that going from 1 to 2 was the most difficult. Of course it does take longer to do things sometimes with three, like getting into the car and buckling and unbuckling. My kids are almost 5 yrs, 2.5 yrs, and 7 months. The 4 year old is starting to be able to help herself more, thus lightening the load a little. Adding the 3rd was the easiest transition for us.

Third time is the charm, and the fourth is even better!! :)

We loved having 3. For us it was number 4 that sent us over the edge. With 3 you can still pretty much drive whatever car you want, live in whatever kind of house you want, it's really not that much more than 2. When number 4 came along we can only buy a car with a minimum of 6 passangers, we had to get a bigger house because 2 bedrooms just wasn't enough anymore, there was no way I could keep working so we had to crunch our finances a lot. If I had to do it again I wouldn't give up our number 4 but looking back 3 was MUCH easier even than 2. With 2 when they don't get along they have to play alone. With 3 they can switch playmates or all 3 can play together. 3 is also more formidable on the playground when dealing with bullies and they all seemed much closer. Now we have 2 against 2 no matter what combination.

For me, the 2nd was the hardest, for my sister it was the 3rd. Everyone has their 'hardest', and it seems to typically be the 2nd or the 3rd, although one of the posters said it was her 4th. It depends on so many factors- age gap, personalities, etc. I was afraid to have a 3rd because it had been so hard to add #2. But I am glad we went for it! #3 really was a breeze for us. But you have to consider that my 1st 2 were only 19 months apart, and then there was a 4 year gap after that. I hope you won't let anxiety stop you if you really want a 3rd. Even if it is hard at 1st, it WILL get easier. Good luck with your decision! P.S. I did want to add that interestingly, my 2nd baby was the most laid back, and my 3rd was my most intense!

Don't be nervous...you can do it. It is not that different.
Have your children while you can.
And just enjoy them!! They are only young for a little while.

My third child was the easiest. By the time we had our third child we were better parents, we knew how to take care of infants, there were less suprises. With our second we had already learned how to deal with two and split our time between children rather than focus only on one. When our third was born it was a breeze, life did not feel as interupted and changed as it did with the 1st two. I think if you want a third you should do it, it will be what it is and you will get through it.

Its only hardest the first few months, when because of the other 2, you get no rest, no me time, and your just dead on your feet but once the baby sleeps all night and you get a good nights rest, it really is wonderful!!

The third was hard but nothing compared to the first. Totally worth the adjustment :)

I always looked at it this way, you have 2 hands, 2 parents, and 2 kids... then the third one comes along and you don't have a hand for that child or a parent for that child and life gets a bit more interesting... thats why it was the hardest transition for me. I now have 4 children, two for each hand or parent... As with all things in life, its a transition, it might be hard for the first little while until you figure out how to deal with the differences within your family dynamic but I know I wouldn't want my family any other way. It was only hard until I learned how to juggle a carseat, diaper bag, toddler, and keep the 4 year old in tow... I didn't go out much on my own for the first little bit...
Good luck to you with your decision.

S.

R.,
For me three was definitely easier then two, I loved having three! Two was overwhelming because I had never had two. But once I was good at it and three came along, it was just like having two again. I had already done two!
I think the reason I felt like that is that the oldest was well, older. She could do things for herself and liked to be independent and was a huge help when I needed her to be. I think it probably depends a lot on the ages of your kids when that new one comes along. Mine were 4 and 2 when I had the third. And 7,5 and 2 1/2 when I had my fourth. Which was great too because again the older ones can take care of most all their needs. However, after the Third Child its all about just juggling Time.
So I say, No having the third was not the most difficult. If you feel you can handle two, and are not overwhelmed, Three will be a breeze!
If you are feeling overwhelmed with two, you could put a farther space between the 2nd and 3rd.
But if you are already Pregnant then congrats!, and here are a few suggestions:
*Have a very consistent schedule
*Get enough sleep(= more patience)
*Before you go to bed at night make a to do list for the next day
*Get the book "Baby wise" and adopt a similar routine for the new baby to follow
*And Don't do anything for your three year old that he/she can do alone, encourage and teach independence.
Good luck
E.