A Selfish Boy?

I took my only child to volunteer for charities helping poor children. We did toy drives, coat drives, anything for kids where she could see how much better she has it than they do. Another thing I did was be honest about finances. I had no problem saying no, we can't afford that. I make $X, the rent is $x, the car is $x and that doesn't leave enough over for you to have that. She's now a very lovely giving girl. Either it was just a stage or she learned something. Maybe a little bit of both.

When he wants something, just tell him no.
And too bad, if he has a hissy fit about it.
Just tell him NO.
He does not need the biggest or the best of everything.
Not even adults, have that.
So why should he? He is only 8.
When my kids ask for something, I at times tell them "Mommy doesn't even get to have something, so no." That is how it is. We have to think about the overall picture.

Per "sharing." I teach my kids about sharing. However, they do not have to share EVERYTHING they own or regard as special. They have learned... to discern, what they will share or not per the circumstances. And if something is highly special to them, I don't MAKE them share it.
Just as I.... would not want to share my personal special things with anyone either. Such as my shoes or clothes.

And per money, well whatever my kids have or earned, it is theirs. I don't make them give their money to each other. But they know the concept of "borrowing." And there are times my kids will buy something for each other. Because they want to.

Your son is 8, and from 9-12 years old, they are considered to be Tweens. Developmentally as well.
Google Search "Tween Boy Development."
Tweens are Pre-Teens.

Does your son have any responsibilities in the home or for the family? If not, GIVE him some chores and responsibilities. So he gets the concept of doing FOR the FAMILY. Not just for himself.
Tell him, he is not an island unto himself. He is a PART OF A FAMILY. And therefore, he has to participate in that.
TAKING CARE of others or things in the home.

And mostly, "things" does not make one person better than the other.
He has not learned that yet.

Perhaps, teach him about "character." Overall.
Does he have character?

Everyday, have him write down 3 things... that he did that involved him thinking about someone else. Without being told.
This will cause him to "reflect" on himself. And per others.
And then talk about it. So he LEARNS.
And don't bribe him to do it. And don't tell him you will give him something, in order for him to do it.
He needs to learn to do things, just because.
And he needs to learn to... self-reflect.
Some people do not have this ability.

And also, if your son continues to be this way, no one will want to be his friend or hang out with him.
Tell him that.

Different methods work differently for different kids. Setting an example of being giving and generous may work. Rewarding good behavior while punishing bad behavior also works for some. He is 8 and that is old for not sharing. Perhaps setting up situations for him to practice sharing will help. Older children are great for this exercise as long as they know what is expected of them. I used to teach children's church and often would get the help of the older kids with the younger ones to help modify and teach the younger ones how to share and be more generally cooperative.

Only you will know what will work on him but it is important he learn how to be more generous and more giving because ultimately you get what you give. It's called Karma or the principle of sowing and reaping.

Children learn by feeling mostly. Help him to feel the benefits of being generous verses the consequences of being selfish.

I hope this helps.

have him start volunteering at a soup kitchen with you or a local museum. Teach him to give back and stop giving in to his every want. If my daughter whines about not getting candy she has to throw a piece away when she gets home out of the treat bowl. If he won't share his toys, he has to donate them? If he wont share treats he doesnt get them?

I believe that selfishness is inherant in most everyone. Some are naturally unselfish, but not too many. And even the unselfish might be that way for selfish reasons. ;) (want to be liked/accepted, etc--still about self) Do you share with him. For example, if you are eating a yummy homemade chocolate chip cookie out of the oven, do you share one with him? I imagine that you do, and he just doesn't see that as sharing, and perhaps more as what he is owed. (entitlement) I think parents need to be very proactive in teaching selflessness to their children. They need to teach them to serve others. To share, to consider others ahead of themselves. We are a very selfish generation. We are covetous (look at our debt load--buying things we can't afford because we want it, not because of any need). It's what we do. Look at our commercials, our tv shows, etc. We are training minds to expect what they want and demand it if they don't have it. We must work to counter that worldview. And, it starts at home with mom and dad in a very purposeful way. It's not too late. He's only 8. But, if you don't start now, the beast will grow. I would limit his toys, insist on him sharing. Test him in this. Give him 3 cookies and ask him to share one with you. If he refuses, take them all away and tell them that they are yours in the first place and you decided not to share any with him. He will cry and throw a fit. Guaranteed. But, hopefully, he will remember. Remind him that his things come from you, and not from himself. He needs to be willing to share what he has with you and with others. I don't know too many people who like to be around selfish people. You are doing him a favor. And, spend a lot of time teaching him these principles. Teach in love, not anger and frustration. But, with real purpose and vision for his future.

It sounds like whatever it is you say to him just doesn't get through. This would be normal enough for anybody, actually, if what they're hearing from others is what's wrong with them. We would all become defensive under a barrage of constant criticism and correction.

If there's any chance that this is the situation in your home, I strongly recommend the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. The authors give practical and straightforward coaching on how to help children recognize and correct their own issues in their own manner, and often their solutions can be wonderfully creative. It will also help you to notice and appreciate even brief moments when your son behaves thoughtfully or generously, and that is one of life's strongest motivators!

An 8yo is still a child, and children mostly ARE the centers of their own universes. But by now, he's probably had many chances to notice how his own "selfish" behaviors work against him – getting other people annoyed, disappointed or angry, and limiting his success with friends. If that's his natural inclination, he will probably only become more defensive if adults are telling him that should NOT be his natural inclination. Far more effective to give him the support he needs to contemplate the need for change, and how to go about that. You won't find a better resource than this book!

I am currently going to a Effective Parenting class and the teacher made a great point the other day in class. She said imagine the one possession that you hold near and dear to your heart, now imagine your parents taking that from you and giving to someone else because you need to share it. Because sharing is the right thing to do. When it comes to his possession's if he doesn't want to share them right now let him be a little selfish (we all need to be sometimes). Its hard to teach a 8 year old about giving because they are so young still. But you and your significant other can show a good example to him and start showing him how to give. It is the best way for kids to see someone they care about doing something positive for others.

Do an angel tree at Christmas, let him pick through his unused toys/clothes to donate to shelter kids. He can help with book/toys/clothing/coat drives and even volunteer hands on in some charities. Help can earn an allowance through mowing the lawn, helping paint the fence, puling weeds and additional chores on top of unpaid chores and responsibilities he should be doing daily. With his earnings, help him create a budget where 10% goes to a charity/tithing and 10-15% goes into a savings or money market account.... Let him know your budget and what is allotted for these types of items, wants vs needs. Also, tell him no on additional things.

He sounds like a natural competitor, which can be great. Competition is key to success in all kinds of business fields. For this, though, can you channel his competitiveness into something manifestly unselfish -- e.g., can he raise more money for [name your cause] than other kids? Even if he goes into this with less than pure motives, the act of doing something for others can change a kid's whole outlook.

I'd get on this more or less ASAP, though. Beginning at your son's age, kids start listening more and more to peers, and less and less to parents. Challenge him to take on a big, important, meaningful project NOW, while he's still young enough to hear what you say.

When my son (9) gets cash, he's gotta split it 3 ways: spend, give and save.