A Little Upset, but Hoping for Some Help.

dearest A., i have been there,,i am now 39 and 4 children all about grown but,,i married a navy man,yes at 14 years old imagine being 14 and facing,the stuck up types,anyways,,at 17 i had my first child a beauitful,boy nope no one spoke too me i was achild with a child,,i was black balled from all the wovies for being,young,,honey if there not talking let it go,speak too them,always friendly,,they'll come around,,ive been there,,did i tell ya im now 39 4 kids and single and there all about grown

I was 18 when I got pregnant with my first one. I got the strange looks then...and now I'm 38 and when people see me with my youngest one I still get the strange looks. But most people when asked to guess my age, they guess me between the ages of 16 and 25...lol. I shock them when I tell them that I'm actually 38 and have even had to show my license at times to prove it. Point to be made...Never judge a book by it's cover. I never really cared if they looked at me funny. Call me cocky if you will, but I don't care what other people think of me. I know how I am and I am secure with myself the way I am and that's all that matters. I am independant, a hard worker, a good mother and that's all I need to know. If they don't like what they see then they can just turn around and look the other way because I don't have time to play their holier than though child games. I just go about my business doing what my children need done. You be amazed at how quickly they get bored and move on when you don't feed into their stares and whispers. And I'll tell you a little secret...I've seen some really young moms. There was a 13 year old that had a baby in Illinois in the neighborhood that I lived in, I was friends with her mom so I was around her alot. She was a better mom to that baby than most women in their 40's. She continued going to school, she babysat regularly for other single moms so they could go to work so that she could provide for her child until she got old enough to get a regular job. She is now 21 years old, graduated from high school...not a GED, a Diploma, going to college part time, working full time...all along she never even asked her own mother for help...she was never on welfare, nothing. She did it all herself. I currently work with a 16 year old that has a baby. She goes to school at night and works full time during the day. She takes her baby for his well baby checks and immunizations, she supports her child 100% on her own, she pays her mom $85 a week to babysit her child while she's in work and at school. I've seen moms in their 40's let their 2 year old baby run down the street naked, or beat there kids, or in the instance of my step-daughter, not provide food for their kid, make their kid raise him/herself cause they don't want to be bothered, refuse to take their kid to the doctor, denie their child their child support so they could spend it on themselves, put their kid in a dangerous situation. Don't get me wrong...not all young kids make good mothers...not all older women are horrible mothers, but the point that I'm making is that just because a mom is young, doesn't mean that she's horrible. And you shouldn't be concerned with other parents think about the way you parent your child. As long as you take good care of your child and you're confident in yourself and your abilities, only your opinion of you counts. Just focus on your child and the relationship that you have with your child. She will make friends in daycare and school and eventually you will gain the respect that you deserve or they can just go get bent.

I was also a young mom when I had my first.I never really had to deal with the parents until now.My daughter is 9 years old I had her right after I turned 17.I am a girl scout leader for her troop as well as hold down a full time job.I will be 27 in February and actually pregnant with baby #5.All her friends parents accept me and respect me now wvwn though I am still very young.None of her other friends parents are as young as me but that doesn't seem to matter.We just moved here in february though.In Florida it was a little more difficult but they still accepted me because I tried and didn't give up and proved I was a good mom and a good person.Good Luck.

I really know how you feel. I was 16 when I had my son. I am now 29 with a great life for us both. I also have 3 1/2 yr. old twin girls. I have worked my whole life, never off the state or with much help from anyone, yet the stares feel other wise. keep your chin up and talk with them. Make a play date at a park or your house. Invite them for a kids lunch party. maybe even putting together a moms day out. kids are in school, hey moms why dont we go ....As other people have told you, If you still get the short answers and the "looks" smile at them and put your chin up high an say to your self" thats ok, i am sure I can find better friends."

A.,
I had my son when I was 16 and I am very much aware of the looks and comments that young mothers receive! All I can tell you is not to think twice about the people that give them, I'm sure they have things in their lives that would cause dirty looks the difference is that theirs doesn't have to sit in the front of a grocery cart for everyone to see! I agree with the post below about being young enough to enjoy them, I have plenty of energy to play with them at the park and don't think twice about climbing up in the playland at McD's to get them when it's time to go and they think it's funny to run away! I also look forward to the fact that after my kids are grown my hubby and I will still be young enough to do things together and enjoy that time of our life after raising two wonderful young men! Just know that you are a great mom and if they want to give you dirty looks they don't deserve your friendship. I started getting the look when I was pregnant with my son and you should have seen the dirty looks my Dad would get when I went somewhere with him...WOW!

Well I can't say that I have any advice but I do know the look. I get it all the time and it does not stop as the child grows. My oldest is now 15 and in high school. All of the other parents are in their 40's or 50's and I am only 33. My son is very active in sports and I get the look at every event and the other parents don't really talk to me. But I do know all that metters is that you take care of your daughter and yourself and everyone else dose'nt matter at all.

A.-
First off, sit back for a second and look at what you've accomplished as a person that was too young to be a mother. You've taken something that could have made you just another single mom living off of state welfare and turned it into a single mom that's done wonders with her life. Your drive, your accomplishments and your ambitions are going to be imparted on your daughter. When she's older, she'll be able to see what all Mom did and be proud of you.

I had my first child when I was 21, hubby was 25, we had been married only a little over a year, and we've both always looked young for our age, so I've also received those "She's too young" looks. Stand up straighter, smile at them and go on. DH and I pride ourselves on the fact that we've had children at such a young age because we feel like as younger parents that we're going to be able to enjoy our lives with them more, and when they're older and out on their own, we'll still be young enough to enjoy having time to ourselves again.

As for making friends, age shouldn't be a factor. Find something that you have in common with the other mothers and try to expand on that. If they continue pushing you away, maybe their friendship isn't worth it. If it agitates you that much, tell them straight out "Look, I realize that I'm younger than you are, but our children are friends, and I'd like to get to know you a bit."

Take confidence in yourself and all the things that you've done. Don't go into it feeling like you're "too young to be a mom." Approach it as "you're just another mom."

~S.

Congrats on all the great work you have done. As far as other parents may go you might wanna try talking with some of them at your church. I know what you mean by "the look" they do not realize that what they are thinking is so evident on there faces. Just keep trying they will see that your a great mother and your tryignto make something out of your life for your daughter and you.

A.,
I know exactly how you feel.I put myself through college as a single mom working 2 jobs, and now I am a CPA with a very successful career, and financially I am doing great. My daughter is in a private school and her friends' parents are about 10+ years older than me. I get the looks not just because I am young, but because I am young and single and working. Most of the mothers of my daughter's friends only work part time or not at all. They clearly spend much more time with their kids and at the school and I get the impression that they are looking down on me because I work (like how can you possible raise your kid right when you have a job). However, at the end of the day all I can do is look at myself and be so proud of what I've accomplished so young. I am doing better than so many other people who don't have kids and my daughter is extremely happy and bright. I remind myself that when my daughter is a teenager I will be young enough to be aware of the things she might get into and as a result I can prevent her from making the same mistakes I did. Plus she can learn from me that women can in fact have strong successful careers and kids at the same time. And of course, I can be the cool young mom too :) The few parents who have actually stopped long enough to talk to me have been visibly impressed and surprised to hear my story and how well I have done. My advice would be to keep your head up, and be proud of yourself. Your daughter will learn the same attitude from you. I am always amazed that my daughter has so much self esteem. She has no qualms about telling her classmates that she doesn't see her dad. I think, those looks probably wouldn't bother my daughter because she is happy with what she has. And so I resolve to be like her, because although it's not the norm, I am happy with that I have and I guarantee I am happier than many of those darn older parents. Anyway, so please know that you are not alone, and don't let those people get you down. Good luck!

Hi A.,

Wow... I so know where your comming from. I had my first daughter at 21. She will be 8 in a few days. I have always got those looks and still do to this day. Even after have a second child 2 years ago. I still get those looks to this day. It is like because I am younger I can not be a great parent. It brings me back to a time when my mother and I were shopping and my daughter had a medical problem where she need to stay on her bottle longer then most children because she need the formual to help her grow. Some lady made a cooment look at that child she is to old to be on the bottle well she does have a young mom. That made me mad because they were saying I was lazy becaue I was younger. So not true. I think women judge way to fast and if you do not look or act a certain way you have no chnace. It is not you. My daughter and I decided that we would go to a local park and why we were there she played with this boy and played with him. I finally introduced my self to his mom and said wow our childs love playing with each other. She is in her 40's and me my 20's and they are still the best freinds ever after 4 years. Find something out side of day care that you and your child enjoy, the park, gymnastics, t-ball, something get into and I think you will see a difrence. We were enrolled into gymnastics for almost 4 years and why the kids are in class the parents have nothig better to do then talk to each other. We have also made many new freinds that way. Find a play group or mom's group. At many churches and schools there is a program called MOPS... Check that out. Aslo being a mother of two and going through a divorce after 2 kids and starting from scratch because I was not allowed to get and education, I understand totaly! I am proud of you! Goog luck and keep it UP!!!

I have been wondering the same thing!! It is hard to make friends when you work full time, go to college part time and raise a child by yourself.
I feel like it's so hard to make a friend that can relate, when I realize there are plenty more women out there like me, it's still just tough. I was 18 when I got pregnant and have always had the face of someone MUCH younger, and got horrible looks from people. I was already so upset out of vainness anyway because I knew my perfect little body would be ruined and I would look like a 13 year old with a baby.
But, it was what it was, and I kept to myself a lot, it's still really hard to make friends but anymore at daycare and the grocery store, I seem to notice more and more girls like me.

I try to do two things; A) never be the person casting the "look" onto someone else, which believe ot or not I have actually caught myself doing before, B) reach out to other people like us. If you see a girl at the grocery with a baby and she looks like she's 12 years old, walk over and tell her how cute her kid is, intiate some kind of conversation about the kid. Just treating her like a regular person would be nice. Think of how nice it would of been if instead of getting a nasty look, you got a little outside praise from someone you never met, like "Oh you must just be doing wonderful your baby is just SOOOO cute" (without being patronizing of course). Could make someone's day...and that person may do something nice for someone else, and that other person does something for another, and it just gets paid forward on and on...

Dear A.,
You should be very proud. I am not your mother but am still proud of you. Unfortunately, I do not have any advice. Maybe to just keep plugging along.
Maybe you can have a birthday party at a local place and do invitations for some of your daughters friends. That may break the ice.
Good luck and God's best to you.
C.

A., honey quit worrying about what other people think. As long as you know you're doing the right thing for yourself and your daughter, don't worry about others. If they give you a look, just give them the 'What?' look. I could go on and on about something like this, but I'll end it here.