A Little Scared

Dont worry you will be just fine. I just had my baby girl in September and I was terrified. I cried when i couldnt get the diaper on straight! It may be scary at first but with each day that passes you will relax a little more. Good luck!

Becoming a mother can be scary because there are so many things we hear about, but most babies are just perfect and all they need is to be kept fed, warm, dry and close to mommy.

If you're planning to breastfeed, it may be helpful to attend a breastfeeding group such as La Leche League while you're still pregnant. You can learn a lot from the other moms and know who to call for help if any problems arise. Breastfeeding should feel good, pain means you need help. Sometimes it's something simple like a slight change in position that an experienced mom can help with. You can find meetings listed at http://www.lllusa.org/FL/groups/index.html

Hi T.,
Motherhood is a big responsibility, you are right. But, it is also a gift from God and He would not have given you this child if you could not handle it. I would do what you are doing. Research the topics that you feel like you could use some extra education on and let your love for your child guide you. Don't fear being a mother! As long as you have that love and are motivated out of that you can not go wrong. Everything will fall into place. You are so blessed to have gotten pregnant!

Hi T.,
You are the same age I was when I had my first, now I am a happy mom of 3. I was scared to death! I had cousins and stuff that I babysat, but I never had my own! You have nothing to worry about! Once you hold your baby for the first time, it is so worth it! Just follow your instincts, and ignore other people's advice, you are the mommy, and mommy's rule! And it is okay to be a litte paranoid, your life is changing a lot! All my luck to you, enjoy every moment! M.

First off...RELAX you are going to be fine. I think that any woman that WANTS to be a mom (and some don't which is fine also) have an automatic instinct on how to take care of our children. I was worried before my daughter was born about how good of a mom I would be and if I would know everything to do. However, I have found that motherhood is a progressive learning situation. What you don't know you will figure out or instinctively you will just know what to do. Also having a good peditriacian, one that you are comfortable with, is essential. If you have questions your pediatrician is a wonderful source.

You can read up and see what the "experts" say and that is fine. However, please remember that you know your child (you will know your child) better than any expert in any book, read the books and do your research if you want but remember that what you read is merely SUGGESTIONS and not LAW.

You will do fine and you will learn as you go just like every mother in history has done. None of us knew everything about motherhood (actually none of us knew anything about motherhood until we were mothers)and for the most part our kids are growing and thriving and doing fine and so will yours.

Remember to ask questions and then take from the answers the information that you want and leave the rest of it behind.

Good luck and congratulations on the soon-to-be birth of your new son

M. N.

HI...
I had my first child at 20 years old I was scared when I found out I was pregnant but very excited.. All I can say is when your baby comes your fears go away because all of a sudden your a mommy to this little person whom you love so much at the first site.. Its not easy at first but it comes along with time... As long as you know how to hold comfort feed and change you will be good to go....

I wish that havign experiance with babies made you like "super mom". but it doesnt'. I've been around babies from teh time i was one. I've taken care of more babies than you can shake a stick at. both bottle feed and breastfed infants, changed more diapers than i knew what to do with. And then i had my son. BOY, let me tell ya. i was a wreck!!!!! I was soo nervous about every little thing. would get scared at every cry, or sleepless night. i thought something was always wrong, adn spent hte first 2 wks of myson's life crying my eyes out. but you know what?? it got soooooooo much better, adn quickly at that. Being a mom is on the job experiance. no matter how much or how little experiance you have with kids, you will have to learn as you go. It will come to you, and you will do just fine. Contray to what you may feel, you are not gonna hurt them every time you touch them, or panick when they cry. It may take a while, but eventually you learn what your little one needs. you will be a great mommy. just remeber "breathe, relax, and ignore all unwanted advice" you will get alot of advice, just nod your head, smile, adn then do what your heart, your baby and your ped says is best.
hth
B.

You are neither doomed nor paranoid. To the contrary, I'd say you're in a better place than a lot of the soon-to-be first time moms I've known in the past who thought they knew it all going in, only to be devastated and terrified when they realized it wasn't all black and white, all a piece of cake. Motherhood is a roller coaster with hopefully more ups than downs. I have 2 and 4 year old kids and more than once in a week, I say to myself "WHAT AM I DOING?" But overall, I just take things as they come. Some things are expected, like sleepless nights, teething pains, and toilet training. Others, like high fevers, viruses, and other problems hit you like a ton of bricks. But I promise you will survive and thrive, like all of us moms. And along the way, I think you'll surprise yourself with how well you handle most things. Good luck and best wishes.

I was the age of 16 when I had my first child, so I know that it is a very scary situation that you are going through. Honestly you'll do great! You learn through your children on how to become a parent. I was the same way, didn't anything about kids, babies more the less, but the only way I learned was having her and learning with her. Kids don't come with an instruction packet.....you dont get a welcome package either when you become a parent. Just heed the advice of others, but in the end, you'll change it around, and make it your own. You always have places like this to come too also!

Dear Trisha,

I hope you do not mind another response on top of the many that you have received.

What I did why my baby was still in the hospital is I pumped the nurses for all of the information that I could get. They were so-o-o-o wonderful. My mother-in-law was also invaluable. She had answers for everything.

Here are some basics; if the baby sleeps, you sleep. Very, very important. I stocked up on stuff like sleepy time tea and a calcium magnesium drink for after the birth. You are so revved by the baby it is hard to sleep. Never have both you and your husband up at night. Someone in the house has to be well rested. I chose to sleep in the baby's room and when I needed a break my husband took over. This worked out well.

Follow your instincts. Once your son is born the first months are a whirlwind but you will recognize the what he is saying when he cries ; the angry, or upset, or need a cuddle cry. He will tell you when he needs you and you will learn. It is inevitable.

Network with other mom's.

Take it one step at a time. Parenthood is THE most challenging and rewarding jobs there is. And most of all - enjoy yourself and your son. It really is a joy of all joys!

D.

Hi. I thought I knew everything about being a mom because I taught elementary school. When I was pregnant, I realized I knew nothing about babies! There are a couple of things to keep in mind. You have a natural motherly instinct so use it. I used it so many times and ended up being right each time whether it was to take my daughter to the doctor or not when she was sick, getting her tested for speech services, etc.

Another thing that was a huge help to me was talking to other moms. Babycenter.com has lots of different boards to help out, including a month/year of when your baby is due. So check it out and you'll be able to talk to other moms due the same time you are. It was a huge help. Don't hesitate to ask other moms around you for help/advice. Of course you might not agree with everything people have to say. But, I had a few women I really admired as moms and they were a huge help to me.

I remember my daughter kept me up few nights in a row and I was beyond exhausted. I didn't know it would be so tiring. After discussing it with other moms (off and online), I handled it much better knowing that it was normal and other moms had been/were going through the same thing.

No, you're not paranoid, and yes, it's normal. We have a 2 1/2 year old little boy, and I felt just like you when I was pregnant. We tried 6 years to get pregnant, and I was 34 when I had him. The best piece of advice, is listen to advice! That sounds silly, but it's true. Also, you can't break him. I was always worried that I was doing something wrong everytime he cried, but I wasn't. Babies just cry! Just feed him, change his diaper, be happy around him, and make sure you talk to him, all the time. Not baby talk, just normal, conversation. He'll get used to your voice, and babies who are spoken to normally tend to talk better and have better vocabulary.

Just love him, and let him know how much he's loved. Oh, and it's okay to just lay him down to fix dinner, babies love to watch you. If you have a bouncy seat, that's a WONDERFUL thing.

I had an experience when he was real little, I cut his finger while trimming his nails, a VERY common occurence. Still, I almost fainted. I actually put a bandaid on his finger. Well, stupid me, I put him to bed, and (no suprise here) the bandaid was GONE in the morning and he had bled on the sheet. I almost fainted again. Thought he swallowed the bandaid, and I had all these visions of digestion problems, stomach pumping, etc. I checked every poopy diaper for a week and nothing came out. We never did find that bandaid, but he's fine today. My mom still teases me about it.

You'll have times like this, and it's normal.

If you have any other questions, just ask. I'm always happy to give advice, even if I am not qualified! *grin*

Good luck!
C. B. in Odessa, FL

T.~
Let me start off with Congratulations! This will be the best thing you do in your life! I am 23 also and a mother of two, a boy-3 and a girl-1. I have the best of both worlds. I have had a lot of friends have children, and recently saw my first birth of my God-Son. My ONLY advice to her, was "do what you feel is right" Only you know your child better then anyone, sense you carried him for 40weeks... You will know! To finally use the words "I know you better then you know yourself" comes into play here. You will know your child so well-grant it, it will take you a little bit of time to get it all down. But you have it already figured out, the hardest decision is having a baby, the rest is already in your heart. Wish you luck, and lots of FUN!
P.S. My friend says my advice was the only advice that she remembers everyday!
~~V.~~

i know exactly how you feel. i felt the same way with my first baby. believe it or not every one has those fears. i would suggest getting the book "what to expext after delivery" it is a book that helped me out tremendously. calm down and dont worry so much. when the baby comes you will feel so much better. your mothers instincts will kick in. if you still have concerns fell free to ask. ____@____.com

Team Up! Join a moms club (like the MOMS club - brunswick chapter), get all the support you can - in a few months you will be a pro - trust me! Alot of stuff DOES come naturally, alot is trial and error, have a pediatrician that doesn't mind being called all hours of the night - you'll be set (oh yeah, make sure Dad is ready to go too! make sure he is included and knows alot of what you do, he is your number one team mate!)
and you can always contact me too - I am new in Brunswick and need to connect with some moms:)

I know exactly what you are going through. I have been a pediatric respiratory therapist for ten years and have been around babies that entire time. I have been a nanny too, for about three years. Even with all of that experience, nothing could prepair me for my little baby boy. (Not to mention he ended up being a preemie!!!) BUT, you just learn as you go. You can read books and get advice from other Moms, but the best way to learn is just to be with your baby and learn their cues. You pick up on things that you would never think you'd pick up on. And dont let anyone tell you different, as they get bigger it becomes a lot easier!!! They are not as "breakable!!" You'll get it, don't worry!! Just realize that you have a new little bundle of joy that you will love with all of your heart and soul........its the GREATEST love you will ever know!!!

Good Luck,

J.

Congrats to you T. on expecting your first child. I must say that I agree with everyone else who posted comments. I have a daughter 11 months old now. I have worked with children for MANY years, but never really with babies. The thing I was most nervous about, and knew nothing about was breastfeed. What I did to calm my anxiety was read. Ditto on the book, what to expect the first year, it tells you what to expect, behavior, milestones, etc. I read lots of books on pregnancy, breastfeeding, infants, etc. Also, what I did was not worry about anything the first week except sleep, sleep, sleep. When baby sleeps, you sleep. A very important thing, is DON'T LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE. Only you know what's best for your baby, if you are in doubt, the pediatrician is probably the next best person to ask. People will always offer their sugguestions or comments on what is best for YOUR baby. Good luck. Let me know if I can help you with anything else
R.

AWWW....Ya know the best thing about being a mom is learning from you mistakes.Just do the best you can and learn as you go and you'll be just fine.I'm 31 with 2 boys ages 5&7 and I feel like I dont' know if I'm doing everything right-everyone has their own experiances and now it's time for you to have yours, enjoy it.

Hey T.. Believe me when I say it is very normal to feel anxioties(is that spelled right?...lol). Just trust your instincts. Mostly its common sence.good luck!!!!

do yourself a favor and dont listen to what other people have to say. yes it is scary becoming a mom but unless you are a high risk pregnancy dont worry about anything onless something goes wrong. worrying about everthing will only stress you out and that is not good for you or the baby. talk to the baby rub your tummy alot especially when you feel it move. that always made me feel better. wait until after the baby is born to worry about things. most of the thing that i worried about came naturally to me after my son was born. good luck and just listen to what the doctor tells you not everyone else because everyoneelse had a different pregnancy than you. especially dont listen to their birthing horror stories. my mom was in labor 17 hrs i was only in labor 5 hrs 41 mins. see everone is dfferent. enjoy your pregnancy.

Hey there. I was 23 when I had my daughter, and she is about to turn 6! Time flies when you're constantly taking time to count to ten when upset, or laying in bed on Sunday mornings having tickle fights and telling jokes.
It's absolutely amazing how you grow from being a nervous, unexperienced young woman, to a naturally wise and comfortable mother the instant your baby is placed into your arms that very first time.
Know that during your pregnancy your baby is getting to know you and loves you already. Let your love and spirit guide you into this wonderful life changing experience. Enjoy it to the fullest. Even the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, tempor tantrums and spilled strained peas... it's forever going to be full of new experiences, and each one should be respected for getting us ready for the next.
Good luck to you with the pregnancy, delivery, and everything else that follows. Life is full of so many amzing moments, you now have a lifetime of new ones to look forward to!

Hi T. -

Congratulations on the coming of your new son! I hope you have a quick and safe labor and delivery.

I agree with all the respondents to your question...educate yourself by reading self-help books if you're unsure about some of the more logistical aspects of motherhood, but I assure you that most everything you will learn will be through trial and error. Just remember, every child is different (I have three myself and they couldn't be more unique from one another). Learning the different aspects of caring for your son will come in time. As Melinda said, if you choose to respond to your natural instinct to nurture and protect your child, everything else will fall into place. I am a true believer that love is not just a feeling, it's a decision followed up with action.

Blessings to you and yours!

Having a 15 month old and a second baby on the way, I can identify with your request. First, Congrats on your new son, he will be the light of your life. Second, God sends babies small so that parents can learn as they grow! : ) Take one day or one minute at at time, get support from friends and family. There are many great moms groups out there also. It really helps to know you are not alone and there are many women who have walked the path before you who can offer advice, hugs and emotional support. You will do great. I can tell you are motivated to learn and grow and already love your child so you have the basics you need to be a GREAT mom!

Congratulations!!

There are many parenting classes now aday. (Everyone should be required to take them!!) Ask your pediatrition or check with the health dept, or online.

GOOD LUCK!!

M.

I tied for 7 years to have a child when I finally got pregnant with my daughter I was very nervous but a little older then you (28 yrs old). My daughter is 18 mths old and I am due with my second next month. I think I have more anxiety over having a second then my first. I am constantly worrying about how I can afford 2 kids in daycare and how am I going to have enough time for both of them etc. I would be very surprised if a pregnant women didn't worry about things. It is totally natural to be nervous because your life is going to change forever, no more sleeping in or being able to just sit down and relax but when you look into your child's face you will wonder how you ever lived without them. My daughter is the light of my world, yeah I can’t go out to a restaurant anymore without bring the food home but when I see her smile and laugh I just melt away. Every mother is different. My sister in law had her first when she was 19 yrs old and wasn't ready. Unfortunately, she isn't a good mom because she puts herself and her needs before her child. As long as you know it will be hard but the rewards and love a child bring are so worth it then you will be great. The one piece of advice I have is to lisen to your heart not what everyone else tells you. People mean well but they can offer bad advice on what is best for your child. Only a mother can really know what is best for their child and family. Don't worry if someone says your child isn't developing fast enough or you should be doing this, just relax and enjoy every moment you have. And expect the hard days when your baby might be colic and crying nonstop or when your toddler is throwing temper tantrums and don't be afraid to ask for help if you just need time away from the crying. I also read some books like the First Year and What to Expect when your expecting, they help you to realize how much sleep they will need, or when to start solids etc. Good luck and congratulations!!

Hey T. Dont Be worried you will be great they say all the great moms think they will be bad mommys!!when you have your baby every thing will come natural to you!! So just have faith and you will be great and dont be afraid to ask for help or a break your from your friends and family they love you and will help hope i help Good Luck you will be fine

S. R

Get information now but know it is so different than you expect. If you have an experienced mother that you can turn to put there number on speed dial. I think for the first 6 months I called my mom before I did any thing. The good new is that my instincts were almost always right. Try to relax. It is scary but you will get it. A few things I wish someone had told me. The first thing is they aren’t as fragile as you think I remember trying to dress my son and being so afraid I would hurt him so it took forever and was a huge deal. Don’t expect the baby to act the same the first night home as in the hospital. Also you will be convinced that your child hates you. When my son was first born he seemed so much happier with my mom or my friends. I though he hated me. I finally mentioned it to a friend of mine and she told me she went thorough the same thing with her first, that it was just my nerves. Most important talk about it, chances are if you are feeling it so did every other new mommy. I never had anyone say they didn’t understand I always got examples of when it happened to them.

Oh it is okay I was so scared too!! I got this book called 9 months and a day and it helped me so much and it was fun to read. When you have your baby it just comes natural to a mom. I always was telling my husband I don't even know how to hold a baby then when I had my baby and held him for the first time it was like I had 20 years experiance. Don't worry you will be a great mom!! You will every once in awhile have something happen to you like when the baby gets sick you will freak out at least I did but you will calm down and figure out what to do. My first son had thrush and I didn't even know it until my aunt told me. I just thought it was milk sticking to his mouth. So if you see white something white sticking to your baby's mouth it is thrush just a helpful mom tip there. So don't worry you will do great and good luck!!!

I wouldn't worry to much, when I had my first child there was more than alot that I didn't know but it all worked out. You'll learn alot of new things but it's nothing that you won't be able to handle. depending on where you are the hospitals usualy have some really good classes on infant care and breastfeeding if that is something you're thinking about. Also you have us here to ask questions:) hope all goes well.

I am 24 with a 10 month child. I was in your shoes last year. I didn't know a lot until I got a hold of some books. I recommend 'Belly Laughs" by Jenny McCarthy. She is brutily honest and tells you like it is about her experience. She uses terms that we can all understand. I also recommend 'What to Expect When you are Expecting', again it is a great book for insight and terminology. Being a Mom is what women are born to do. Our bodies are designed to reproduce and are born with the Motherly instinct. You just have to choose to accept that instinct instead of ignoring it.

I don't know you, but you are excited about being a Mom, and that tells me that you are going to be AWESOME! congratulations on becoming a Mom.

M. Cronin