Being a New Mom, How Much of It Is Common Sense? or Must You Read Read Read?

I think that there is nothing wrong with a book. I loved the books What to Expect When You're Expecting and What to Expect the First Year. After that I was too busy to really read them. They are a good guide. They do have some good ideas, just do what works for you. If you plan on breastfeeding, it's not common sense for the baby to know what to do neccessarily. And, I was very glad I took a class on that. I wouldn't have known what to do about clogged ducts, etc. Don't be afraid to ask for help- babies are a lot of work and fun.

Well, based on my experience, read up on practical care but forget the behavior ones. None of the books I read on behavior or sleep etc worked in the least.

It has a lot to do with your personality. Reading about the aspects of parenting I feel unsure of helps me think about things. I like to read several articles/chapters about certain topics, think about each perspective, sometimes ask my mother or MIL their thoughts or a friend's experience. I llike to take it all in, mull it over and then begin to formulate my "decision." Reading also challenges me to consider things I might never have thought of. I would never consider myself a "textbook" person, but books/articles/other moms all offer me perspectives and help me feel like I'm making informed decisions.

I think it's important to remember that we live in a very independent minded society. When our grandmothers and greatgrandmothers and generations before them were having their babies, people generally lived in small communities. Information was shared, villiages really did raise the children. The lactation consultant at our hospital talked about that in relation to breastfeeding. She said one of the reasons mothers were so successful in previous generations is that they were surrounded by their mothers, MIL's, sisters, SIL's, etc. There were plenty of women with experience helping them along. These days, many women go home from a one day stay in the hospital and have no one around to help them figure it out.

Books can be very helpful and comforting.

Read books while you're pregnant, and then, read read read your kid.

I worked with kids for 16 years before I had my son, and believe me, common sense only accounts for so much. "Common sense" is a composite of your opinions, the way you were raised, your perception of the world, and your own goals/ideals for your child and your parenting.

An example: I found that reading really helped me to be a better childcare provider and a better mom. Books like "The Science of Parenting" explain human brain development to the parent's best advantage, and explains how our emotional responses can truly shape our child's brain development. As a person whose parents did a lot of it 'wrong', I had to reparent myself as an adult. If I hadn't, I probably would have repeated these abusive patterns, just as the adults had repeated the parenting they received as children. A book like this reassures me my more empathetic, responsive approach to parenting will actually help raise an emotionally and intellectually smarter child. This gives me confidence as a mother.

You don't have to be a "textbook" mom. The idea is to fill your parenting toolbox with "tools": educated information. Then, pick and choose as you like. I've never followed one book religiously...and even if I were to 'write the book' on my child, it still would fail me from time to time, because we can't plan for every eventuality. But educating one's self on parenting techniques, and then making your own wise decisions, is the best thing we can do for our kids.

And no, caring for a newborn won't be mostly common sense, because you will have every in-law and parent and sibling chiming in on what to do. Hold your baby; no, don't hold them, it'll spoil them. Nursing vs bottlefeeding, or using both. Cry it out, or cosleep? You'll want to know the facts, and then what feels right for you. Trust me: I parented plenty of people's children before I had my own, and I was so glad for the experience and the education beforehand.

Go ahead and read and read if it makes you feel better. You can get some good tips and tricks and "basics" (like putting baby to sleep on her back, and other safety issues). BUT, then when you feel like it's causing more stress than it's worth...put the books down, hug your baby and follow your heart. It took me until my 1st DD was about 9 months old before I tossed the books and followed my intuition 100%. Truth was, I was doing what was RIGHT for US all along...I would read and read until I found something to support what felt right for me...
Just remember, with so much information out there, no matter what you do, you are doing it completely WRONG according to someone! LOL
With my second child, things were so much smoother...minus the books.
Congrats to you and enjoy motherhood! =0)

I think the best approach might be a balance.

Upon birth, there is no "magical installation of knowledge" of momminess into your brain! LOL But I do think, over time, moms get more confident with themselves as mothers, and more comfortable with what is "normal" for their child.
And the "mommy-gut" should always be respected.
BUT, I don't think you can over-learn as far as the nuts & bolts and saftey regulations and suggestions.
For example, do you know how many moms drive their kids around every day in car seats that are either installed incorrectly or used incorrectly? It's a really high percentage--like 65%!
So--I do think a combination of common sense and factual references is a good way to go.

I guess I look at the books as a way to record the best practices or approaches that others have benefited from. I also realize that we are all different people with different backgrounds and have different perspectives on things. What works with one child may not work with another.

I do believe it is mostly common sense and instinct, but having someone else either validate what you suspect or give a suggestion for an issue is really nice. I also feel it is very important to stay abreast of new information that can lead to the safety of the baby. Even if it is a seemingly stupid suggestion to not leave the baby in the Bumbo on a countertop unsupervised, it has merit. Somebody left their baby in a Bumbo on a countertop unsupervised and it was hurt. It sticks in the back of your mind when you use the Bumbo (and you are very tired and not thinking correctly to begin with).

Just look at the books as advice you can either take or take with a grain of salt, but it got you thinking about a certain issue or situation even before it comes up.

Best of luck to you and your sister! Motherhood is one of the most rewarding jobs out there.

Reading doesn't really help people who believe everything they read, because there is so much conflicting information, and if they read the wrong books, then look out! They think they're doing everything right according to "authors", and their kids are train wrecks, so they think since they did what the "experts" said to do in books, that something must be wrong with their child. And there are a lot of BAD snake oil parenting books out there. As in, if it seems to good to be true-like all you have to be is nice to your kids all the time and they'll voluntarily be good, and if not, just ignore it (how convenient!)-it is. However if you have common sense already, and know when advice is good or not, there is lots of helpful stuff in some books that will resonate with you, or at least you'll know it makes sense and you may not have thought of it. But by all means, if you don't want to read, don't read! Some of the best parents have never cracked a book.

The best thing to do is look to people who are raising or have already raised kids who are happy, respectful, confident, well behaved and loving, and see how they did it. My hubs and I had kids late and watched a lot of other kids grow up first. There were LOTS of clear signs as to what consistently worked and what consistently didn't. There are always exceptions, but there are major truths too. So far what has worked for others we admired, has worked for us. We only read two books, and they were from wonderful parents of wonderful kids.
This site is tough for advice, because you don't know how the children of the people giving it are. The proof is in the pudding, so if you know any great kids, study the parents! And when someone is giving you advice, and their kids are nightmares, take heed.
As for newborn type sleeping, eating, safety type stuff, that's pretty straight forward. No harm in reading it. No need to re-invent the wheel for yourself when a million people have been down the road before if you don't know something. And if you already understand it all, great!

Well, it could make you a bit nervous, but it also might make you a little bit more sure on what to do. The only thing you need to remember is that it's your child, not the books, and you should still do some things your way with the child. Don't read the book before every important decision in you child's life. Remember that it is your kid, and you need to raise it your way.

I don't read any parenting books... but I take a LOT of advise from this site!!! LOL! I also read articles and such online... I feel like the actual parenting comes from Mommy instinct, things like how much to hold your baby, feeding, letting them sleep, play, cry. Loving your baby is something that comes naturally. BUT outside information can come in very handy.

Like did you know you shouldn't feed a baby honey until they are at least a year old? Not something that I would just automatically know because I gave birth. I had to learn it from an outside source.

Also, sharing information is how knowledge grows. Back when our grandparents were first-time mothers, it was common sense to start feeding your baby solids when they were only a couple weeks old. WEEKS! NOW it's 'common sense' to wait until at least 4 months, with the reccomendation to wait until 6.

There are hundreds of other examples I could probably come up with... Crib safety, car safety, feeding, diapering, playing, etc. that have different 'reccomendations' as society has evolved.

For a lot of things, I will read the articles and info. that mothers post on this site, and then adapt it in a way to fit my DD's personality. For example... The ONE book I did read was Healthy Sleep Habits... I didn't follow all the
rules, but adapted them and came up with a sleeping situation that is workable for my DD and I.

So I read articles, and ask questions about every stupid little thing. If I learn something, great! But in the end I always follow my Mommy instinct.

You can read all the books in the world, but here's the thing......
Babies can't read.
Some books are great for tips and things, but all babies are so different. I have known new moms who actually get panicked because aren't doing what the books say or are doing things the books don't say.
You will learn your baby as you go along. You will learn what works for your baby and what doesn't.
I think if you're expecting things to be a certain way, you might find out really quickly that things can be very different. And it's okay.
Like I said, even if babies did come with instruction manuals, the babies can't read them. They wouldn't have a clue how to go along with the manual.

I'm sure you'll be a great mom!
Let us know when the babies arrive.

Best wishes.

You have absolutely no clue what you are going to do until it happens. Then, you will be a natural. =)

You are asking this of the mother who, looked around the hospital at all the women walking around in the blue "outfits" and asked one of them "Where are the nurses?" and she said , "We are the nurses". I guess what I'm trying to say-is -the book is a guide-it is impossible to stick to 100%, but keep it around for the important milestones, questions and such. By the by-it is possible to raise a wonderful, healthy, cavity free, educated child that you soothed with candy. It literally worked...everytime.

Let your child teach you how to raise him and if something is wrong that you are not sure about, you will know in your guts. At that time you can come to this website, google, talk to your pediatrician or read the book!

Common dilemma, and there are people who do this. They will pick a book and a parenting style and insist that it is followed come h*** or high water. That doesn't work. Read, and read some more, but you have to do what works (within common sense and the law, and safely). Whether you read it in a book, or have a dozen kids, nothing will work for all of them, or will work for you and your particular child. I have 4 and have done things very differently with each. There are good things to know, like vaccination research, and that babies should sleep on their backs, I found books on breastfeeding very helpful in finally managing to figure it out and make it work after failing miserably before, but even if you sit there now and say to yourself "hey, I'm gonna do things this way" if you aren't willing to bend and do what actually works you will go crazy. You won't screw your kid up for life if you bottle feed, or if they sleep in their swing for 3 months because that's the ONLY place they will sleep for more than 10 minutes, or if you choose to constantly hold your child, or if you start solids early, or breastfeed longer than a year. while you may have a lot of questions, you will just know more than you think. if baby cries, baby needs something, if nothing works then maybe he just needs to cry. if baby sleeps he is tired, if he's wet change him.....common sense. Now what to do (other than call the doc or rush to the ER) for that hacking dry cough (steam is great btw) you'll maybe have to ask someone, or the best diaper rash cream when nothing works but we all ask those questions and we all get a lot of answers and we still have to just try them out and see what works.

The biggest thing you can do to ease your mind is find a book, or section of your book about what is normal, the acne, the crying, colic, peeling skin, umbilical cord/circumcision care and then just do what works for you and baby, even if it isn't in a book or isn't what works for someone else.

It is a combination I think. It depends on how well parented you were as a baby and child (mothering is learned behavior, but a lot is learned by doing). If you had reasonably competent parents and have a basic idea of baby and child development you will be able to figure out a lot of things on your own. It's nice to be able to check out some other ideas in a book or by talking to more experienced parents. I call my mom for a second opinion a lot.

Scientists studied mothering in monkeys and found a lot of the mothering behavior learned. First time mothers had higher infant mortality. Monkeys raised in isolation were terrible mothers. Hopefully we are a lot smarter than monkeys and can read a book or call the doctor or call a friend if we get stuck!

I think it really depends on the type of person you are and the past experiences you've had with babies. For example, I am a planner, I do not do well "on the fly". And I had 0% experience with babies before I had my own. So, for me, I found comfort in reading as much as I could before the baby came. I felt like I had a well rounded foundation of info to go on that when I was presented with something, I had some things in my mind, but could also improvise with that maternal instinct and make my own decisions.

To me, newborns are not common sense. I had no idea what the heck to do. I found that the most helpful advice came from other moms, mostly my mom and my MIL. They showed me soooo many tricks that I hadn't read anywhere. Experienced moms are baby whisperers...they are the people you want around!

You have heard of Mother's intuition? I say a lot of being a mom is common sense, and of course every woman has her own ideas of what is important to her...what might be a big deal to you another mom may think is trivial. I think you can get a ton of useful information from books. I just think at some point you have to decide what is right for you and your baby, every baby is different too...what works for one child may not work for the next. I don't see information as being a bad thing, you just have to have enough confidence in yourself to do what you feel is best, and acknowledge that sometimes
( more often than we like to admit sometime) that we will make mistakes and learn through trial and error.

Well I found the books useless. Considering I actually thought raising a child was on par with taking care of a cat while I was pregnant with my first I don't really think common sense comes into play either.

I would say it is trial and error. The good news is all your screw ups will give your children good material to write about. Think of it as job security for your kids, they can always live on the royalties. :)

It's mostly common sense and "going with your gut" - that said, I wish I'd read "The Happiest Baby On the Block" BEFORE my son was born.

Edit to add: And I wish I'd read my books about breastfeeding before I'd spent 4 weeks with one bleeding cracked nipple. He wasn't latched right on that side - I found it in one of my books several weeks after I figured it out on my own. (I wasn't a member of mamasourse/mamapedia then, either!)

I agree that Most of it is instinct, but I have learned a lot of tips from articles in parenting magazines, "what to expect books" and asking other parents. Always ask for help. People love to give it and it shows you know your limits.

I also try to use common sense. Remember what you felt like as a child?
Excited, tired, frustrated, scared, super excited, so wound up,over whelmed starving, tired, lost, confused, embarrassed, disappointed. And sometimes all of this at once..
That is how your children will feel sometimes, so try to keep that in mind.

Follow your own childs needs, Never underestimate your child, TRY not to compare your child to any other child, try things a couple of times, if it does not work try something else. Nothing is a failure, it is learning what works for you and your child.

Learn to trust your mommy heart and brain. As long as you are doing your best, no regrets.
Congratulations!

Oh, if newborn babies came with a manual we'd be all set, wouldn't we? But then you go into a book store and you have "experts" who have written books so you can know what to expect, what to do, etc., etc. (Who are these so called experts anyway and what qualifies anyone to be an expert?????)

Motherhood, from my experience is all about trial and error...and many errors you will make ~(I'm 38 1/2 wks pregnant with my 4th...does that make me an expert??? I wonder....). It took me over 6 months to figure out that my second child was afraid of the dark. That is why she would wake up screaming in the middle of the night for no reason at all. A little night light kept her sleeping, imagine that!

I will admit some books are handy but then again, that is what the internet is for. Your baby develops a fever with a strange looking rash and you type in the symptoms and like magic you can get a possible reason...but then again you might get hundreds of reasons causing you to lose sleep. So what is a new mommy to do??? Embrace your baby with all the love you have in your heart for her (or him). Hold your baby every chance you get and if someone dares to say, "You better put that baby down or you'll spoil him (or her), " politely smile at them and ignore what they said. You can't spoil an infant. Period! A lot of it is maternal instinct. I believe God gives us women this instinct to properly care for our young but sadly many women do not trust their instincts and instead follow the orders of a pediatrician (or friends, or family, or even strangers!) who may have a grand degree, but isn't your baby's parent....mommy usually, in most cases, knows what's best for her baby so if your ped says, "It's best to give formula," but your breasts are dripping milk, then by golly, give your baby what God designed our breasts to do: to feed our young.

Nobody likes a "text book" mom. We tend to steer clear of them because they claim to know it all and the truth is, not one of us mothers knows everything. Why? Because every baby is unique and what works for your sister's baby, surely may not work for yours...that is why it's all trial and error. You can try but don't put high expectations into the notion that it will work. Good luck and congratulations. And take lots of pictures. They really do grow very fast.

I'm not going to read all the many posts. I'll just say in the past, while there were no books, there will bigger families and a stronger community. You grew up helping raise other kids and you had help with your family. Same thing with childbirth. There was a strong tradition to pass down and it was done so from generation to generation. Not so anymore. So seeking help is in no way a weakness.

Also, our world today is VERY different. It changes more in a generation than it did in centuries in the past. If you are dealing with cell phone issues with your kids, there's no precedent. So reading a book or seeking online resources are an option.

At the same time, too much info CAN make some people anxious. Follow your instincts and seek help when you need it. But YOU are the parent and have the final say with your child. Seek community to help support you on your parenting journey. Good luck!

You have to know the rules to break the rules.

I think its a combination of both. There is much to be learned from books and they can even just spur you to consider thinking about some things you may not normally. But, I think after getting that book knowledge, your common sense/mother's intuition will guide you in the right direction. I also think there is alot to be learned by other mother examples in your life. I think my mother was a great mother. Therefore, I value her opinion and want to do alot of things like she did. Maybe you have a mom, grandma, aunt or friend that you see parents well and has children that you would like yours to grow up to be like. I think that is why they didn't use books in the old days, they had large families to help with how it should be done and teach them. We all aren't as close or as large as back then so we have to take it more upon ourselves to learn how to do things for our children. Also, there are so many other new influences now that we have to make sure we are on top of. I don't think it hurts to read at all to get you thinking and making sure you are doing what is right. Of course, just always realize you can believe everything you read and and everything you read will not be right for your particular situation. And sometimes even if you think you are doing what is right, you might find out it doesn't work and have to change it later. You can't feel bad when you don't get everything right the first time. Books, common sense, mother's intuition is just not always going to be exactly right. Just be open to change and learning new ways.

Most of the time everything seems like common sense but then you are thrown a curve ball. Each baby may have the same basic needs but they also have individual needs. I always used the books as a foundation. Some of the info is good and some is WAY out of the ball park.

I so didn't have time to read once my twins were here. You'll figure it out along the way.

Serioulsy it's more intuition that takes over. You soon will learn exactly what your baby needs and wants. You might sometimes need help to figure out how to hold a gassy baby or something similar, but it's a learned thing. Textbooks only do so much. RELAX and you'll be fine. Honestly if I can be a decent mom, you can.
It is always good to stay in the know about certain topics. That is where you can sign up for the recall email list, Pediatrics society email list. This way you can let yourself just be a mom, and let them do the work if something you need to know comes up.

My experience is that it is a little bit of both. Books and magazines can be very helpful but keep in mind that sometimes babies and children have not read the books! And unfortunately, I have found that common sense is not all that common. What might have been thought of as acceptable 30 or 40 years ago might be out-of-date now. Many of us will end up doing exactly what our mothers did, or just the opposite, for better or for worse. A mother who is ineffective at disciplining her children or wonders if what they are doing is normal could probably learn a lot by reading up on some literature about child development and different techniques for discipline. But sometimes you can get so caught up with "doing things by the book" that when your child throws you for a loop, you won't know how to handle it. Or you can't be more flexible and spontaneous. Or you just are not enjoying yourself and your child because you are too anal about doing things the "right" way. And some of it will be trial and error. My daughter is 3.5 and as her personality and temperment becomes more apparent, I am learning to adapt to her needs and what works for both of us while still trying to be firm on discipline and what I think is absolutely necessary. Parenting books can provide a lot of useful tips and insights, but they are not gospel. Talking with other moms and even going on here with specific questions can be helpful too, just to find out what worked for them and seeing if it might work for you too. Keep in mind to that there are some really whacked-out people out there writing books and dispensing advice!

instinct my dear... you can read and learn from other moms too but everything depends on you...

I think that the word your looking for isn't really common sense but more gut instinct. I have learned in the past 10 weeks that no baby follows what all the best books in the world say to do. I suggest the books cause sometimes you can get really good tips and advice from them that you would've never thought of before. BUT, most of it is just going with your instinct and what you think needs to be done, doing it, and if it doesn't work trying something else. My son is not even close to a textbook baby. He is colicy, high maintenance, VERY overly alert (even in the hospital when they are more tired then normal because of being exhausted from birth he was awake for extended periods of time), etc. He is not like the "textbook" baby where he should be doing things a certain way. He's also already ahead of the game on some development and lagging a little bit in other areas. I think the books are good at giving you an idea, but ALWAYS follow your gut.

Oh and also, not to scare you, but usually the first 6-8 weeks are the hardest because your baby is trying to figure out the world and you are trying to figure him/her out. My baby and I got into a good rhythym at about week 7 and now he is MUCH more pleasant to be around. He even smiles most of the day. But it takes a little while to read your baby and for your baby to figure out what they need and how to tell you. So don't be deterred if he/she doesn't do what the books say for the first few weeks or months. Once you two figure out how to communicate with each other, things will get much better.

I don't read anything. Except maybe a few snippets here and there about healthy sleep habits, healthy baby. Other then that I am addicted to this site and love all the wise moms on here giving advice and the rest I learn on my own. I was afraid that I would compare my child to other kids and worry that he wasn't at the same level as what the books said. Too much stress for me to worry about. Like you said be a mother and learn as you go. Have a question, google it, or look on here. Other than you are amazing and will notice how easy it is once your mothering instincts kick in. Trust yourself and take everything with a grain of salt. My son is alsmost 7 months and he is a healthy happy thriving baby. Your child will be too.

Books will help you, no doubt; however with the passing of time, days and months you will develop mother's instincts and a lot of common sense. Having a baby is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me! Take care of yourself, rest and do whatever you need to do, do it now; in the following months you will have LOTS of work....hard and beautiful work, lots of learning........Read, that helped me a lot during my both pregnancies.
Congratulations!

You mention our ancestors. True they didn't have parenting books, but they had the advantage of community, which is something many new mom's don't have, or they don't realize they have access to it. Family and community support is so important to a first time mom. Do you feel that you have that? I think the answer to your question is, it depends. I'm the type who had to read every book about pregnancy, then every book about labor and delivery, then every book about breastfeeding, then came the slew of books about infant sleep habits. I found a sense of comfort in gaining all of this information, even though the info itself was often contradictory! You're not going to find easy answers to your questions, everyone has an opinion. Think about what your core values are and let them guide you. For me parenting did not come naturally. I needed to do a lot of reading and bounce ideas off of other people (part of the reason I joined mamasource/mamapedia). Take advantage of the resources around you, and if you have a loving family try to use them as role models. By the way, Congratulations!

I always kept books on hand as a reference guide for when I had specific questions (ok, HOW am I supposed to swaddle this kid again?), especially with my first. It actually amazed me, however, that only after a few short weeks, I was able to "understand" my baby and his needs by the different cries. A LOT of it was instinctual, but it was nice to have the books around for back-up. But I don't think I ever did something that felt strange just because the book told me to, or stop doing something that felt right because some book said it was wrong. It's too bad every baby doesn't come with their own "book" because every baby is different. And there are SOOOOOO many different methods of child-rearing - what works for baby A probably won't work for baby B. Just do what your instincts tell you, read up on issues if you're unsure about them, and make your own informed decisions. You'll be just fine.

Ok, there's a lot of common sense to it, but it doesn't necessarily come naturally. Sadly, babies don't come with instruction manuals.

Your pediatrician is a great resource. Some give out regular info about what to expect at each age. I liked that. On the other hand, all the info is geared toward "average" - so that means that about 1/2 the babies don't reach the milepost by that age. You really can freak yourself out by worrying about what your child has or hasn't done.

Look into community education on child development classes. It's kind of ironic that we go to classes, sometimes for weeks, to deliver the baby, but very little about what to do after that. When you know what to expect out of a child (again with the caveat of "normal" doesn't mean all kids at that age) you can respond more appropriately - so you don't expect a 2 month old to sleep through the night or a 2 year old to be able to reason logically (ok, so I went for extremes, but you get the idea).

I was 18 and 19 when i had my first two daughters. (34 now and have 4 daughters) I read nothing! They turned out to be beautiful, happy, healthy girls. Don't worry. I am with you. I think over reading causes issues in itself. Listen to your own mommy intuition. Everything will be fine :)

Congrats, I am 36 weeks!

A lot of it is common sense. But there are some basic things you should know that either they will tell you at the hospital or you could do a quick scan of a book. Example: how to have your child sleep, how to swaddle baby, how much formula to give, etc. I would not worry about it. The important stuff they tell you at the hospital.

I do have to say that if you are planning on breastfeeding read on. I thought it would be common sense and you put the baby to the boob and they feed, right? It is so natural don't babies just do it? For me it was such a shocker that my baby did not know what to do and either did I. All of my nurses were great except this one I had asked for help with it. She rudely told me told me to watch the video on tv. Seriously? Any way that would be the only thing I would look into. Again I haven't done it but I figure I should have experience. I will be watching the video again I am sure. My hospital had a baby education channel.

I guess I am worst then your sister, I go right to the magic thing call Google.
My first was all "natural" no books, no internet, just mouth to mouth advice, instincts and mistakes.
My second was welcome to the wonderful word of Google!
Well, my first is alive and happy, so I guess I did something right, but still can avoid and check in Google every time I want to learn what foods give her first, what other do about this and that, what is that rash on her belly....I do not recommend to do that, you will find so many things that looks like that same rash and some are damn scary. As tempted as it is is better go right to the doctor instead to drive you crazy about a sickness that only people in the other end of the word have but some how it looks just like that, so now you are freaking out (true story).
I say follow your instincts and experience but is ok to look for help if you need to in a book (or internet) just let the medical things to the doctors to avoid you freaking out or miss something important.

I never really read any books. I mostly ask my mom...lol I do have 2 books. What to expect the first year and The american academy of pediatric birth to five years. They are good go to guides when you aren't sure but dont want to call the dr...As far as raising your child I would never use a book but sometimes they are helpful but you just figure things out and when you get stuck you look it up or ask someone. Don't be a textbook mom if you don't want to.

I second Amylee's post. It used to be so different; children grew up watching their parents and grandparents read children. They saw aunts, uncles and people in their community do so.

Now, for the most part, children are warehoused in daycares, preschools and school and parents aren't as involved in the raising of their children. Not to mention that we don't really have a "watering hole" to gather around anymore. :)

Even so, so much of mothering is instinctual, provided you're open to listening and following your heart. My first baby had trouble latching and was almost four weeks old before we had a good, solid breastfeeding routine down. Most of my others have found the nipple like they were searching for it their whole lives. lol

Don't be afraid to read some books if they'll comfort you, but don't think you have to rely on them, either! I've had six children and each of them have required different things for their health and happiness. "Go with the flow" sounds cliche, but it's true!

Oh, and congratulations! :)

Congrats and welcome to motherhood. Its mostly on common sense. about 80-90% is common sense and the rest is upon the acquired knowledge thats is through books and discussions. As you said our ancestors didn't refer any books(they where just cave dwellers). Every creature in this world has the sense to look after their little one, in their own way. God has given this power.

I did read a lot when I was pregnant, but I'm now finding that most of it is common sense.

I was very scared so I asked my mother to come and help when the baby was born. I wouldn't tell her this but I really didn't need her after all. As soon as I gave birth I just seemed to know what to do and how to do it. I didn't know everything but I knew how to comfort, breastfeed etc automatically with no problem. Kind of amazed me how I knew this but I just guess its within every mom. So don't worry everything will be just fine and everyone starts to panic those last few weeks of pregnancy. I do have one major piece of advice even though its hard to sleep try your best to get as much as possible before baby comes because babies or at least mine like to wake at all hours of the night and stay awake. Anyway congratulations and hope you have a wonderful birth.

Lots of responses, wow! I think it's a combination usually. Being a parent, particularly a mother is largely intuitive. At least that's how I feel. Some of that intuition develops as you become a mother and it can be very strong and is always worth paying attention to. But, some of it is part of your natural personality. I know that I parent in a very intuitive way. I was a nuturer and a care taker kind of a person long before I ever became a mom and now it's just grown stronger. Not all people are like that and that's not to say you can't parent, but I think for some it just comes more natural than others.

I like to follow common sense and my own intuition and then supplment it with reading and talking with other parents and moms and bouncing ideas off one another. If there's something I feel I should or shouldn't do as a parent and need to better understand why I feel that way, I read up on the topic to get answers. I spent a lot of my pregnancy reading parenting books and magazines and online articles because that's just my nature, I love to read and compare opinions and schools of thought on these things. Again, not all people are like that.

Bottom line is, common sense rules, you've often got to go with your gut, even if it's against others (including medical professionals), and it doesn't hurt to read up on the latest trends and what other mamas are doing.

Best wishes and congratulations!

I know your freaking out, but really you will surprise yourself on how much you really know. Follow your gut instinct... it will all come naturally... Best Wishes to you Momma and Congrats on your new little bundle of joy! :)

It IS mostly common sense.

I think it's mostly common sense. That being said, I was sure glad that I took a preparing for baby class. There were a couple things I learned in there that happened, and would have totally freaked me out had I not known about it in advance!

My DD is 3.5 yrs old now and to this day, I have still refused to even crack the spine on a book. The mom gut goes a LONG way. If you don't have it yet trust me, you will. We all do. Most of it is common sense. I love the opinions of the moms on here as well. If I'm unsure about something I'll ask these gals. I also talk to my family & get answers on what they did or how they handled things. Congrats on the pregnancy & much luck! :)