A Huge Dilemna for a Young Child

She's being completely selfish and I think waiting will make it worse. Thats not something that's just going to disappear. She's of age to know the truth.

Okay, I feel like I'm the minority here but this is what I think. If in these ten years, your husband spent 7 loving this child and providing emotional support for her, has his love for her died out in the last 3 years??? I would love to think it hasn't. You need to realize that eventhough this little girl is 10 years old, her heart and love for her father has not changed. She is probably wondering about him and what's been going on for the last 3 years. She needs him and his family, and that is why she is looking for him. I would not tell her anything at this age, if anything when she get's older it would be best. The fact that he is not her father and loves her as he was would only strengthen her as a person when she is older and finds out. She won't feel abandoned or rejected, but she will feel love.
If we are capable of adopting children that are not ours and love them as if they were, why not keep that love and relationship growing?
Don't tell her yet. Please wait until she is older and just be there for her. Just look at it this way, she is a little girl that needs and is seeking love; why not give it to her?
Before you and your husband do anything, please pray. Ask God for wisdom in how to handle this. He will show you the way. You might even want to check with your pastor or priest if you have one and see what they think.
Blessings

Was he paying support through the state? Is he listed on the birth certificate? Did he have visitation? Why didn't he continue his rights? Paternity test or not... if someone showed up today and told me my 5 year old was biologically someone elses and they had to take him it would be OVER MY DEAD BODY.

I feel so sad for this little girl... and honestly angry that your husband could just walk away from a child he thought was his for 7 years. Yes, the Mom was wrong. She's a slime and sounds like she can't keep track of who she sleeps with. None of this is the fault of the 7 year old. Why was the test done? If no one else stepped up, and your husband had been paying for 7 years... and he had previously accepted this as his child.

I think the whole thing is wrong.. and very sad.

She might have a very good reason for not wanting contact, but either way I think it would be best if your husband continued the relationship. He may choose to break the news to her himself, but if they have a closeness that is built up over 7 years, biological or not, he can be a good influence and a friend.

I agree with Ivonne, Sunny and Heather, if your husband has raised this little girl as his own for 7 years, how could he just turn off his feelings now? It doesn't matter if she is his biological child. What about the grandparents, did they welcome her into their lives for 7 years, they must still love her. Why can't they rekindle their relationship as her grandparents, just because they are not related by blood does not mean they aren't family to the little girl. When the girl is older your husband can tell her he is not her biological father, but he is her father.

I think it's a sticky situation and can see where both, you and the mother are coming from. I do however, think the right thing for your husband to do is to still be her daddy. Everyone needs a daddy and blood isn't the only reason to be a daddy(or grandparent). This Poor little girl needs them in her life right now.

What a terrible mess. I do agree this poor child needs to know the truth, but boy she is going to reap the consequences for the rest of her life.

I really encourage your husband to see a therapist that can guide this information. The therapist should have a meeting to get to know the little girl and make sure she is healthy (mentally) to be able to deal with all of this. Then they can go to the therapist office together and give her the information.

Till then, everybody needs to be very careful with her These are her memories that she will remember very clearly for the rest of her life.

A girl's self esteem is established through the father. If she has known your husband as her father for this long this could really affect this girl. Please think this through and understand it is the mother's responsibility to tell her, no one else's. This young girl needs "a family" to help her, doesn't matter if it is blood or not. The mother needs to be honest with her daughter but it needs to be the mother telling her. This little girl is going to need a lot of love to get through this.

If the child is seeking out the grandparents she needs to know the truth unless all involved plan to act like she is family regardless of the test. It has to be all or none. Your husband has to be the father, or he has to insist the truth be told to the child before more damage is done.

I personally feel the girl AND the biological father need to know the truth. There is no reason your husband cannot be another father to her. I have a biological father and I have a step father. I love them both equally as a dad. A child has the capacity to love more than one father/mother......although, I think it is hard for the adult to understand, unless you have been there (like me). If I would not have been told the truth, I would have been angry. Likewise, if I was a parent of a child and didn't have the opportunity to "be a parent", I would be very angry as well and rightly so. She may be confused at first. Wouldn't you be? But, with love and understanding, she will grow to understand and accept it.

Yes she should be told the truth.
No you are not wrong.
The girl has been greatly misled... and its sad. She is the one getting affected. Solely.
I feel sorry for her...

Does your Husband and this girl have any relationship at all? Or was it just money support/child support? Was he ever "in" her life?
What does your Husband think?

Ultimately, her Mom is the one lying to her.
And now, it is a big mess. And yes, the girl will probably be angry at her Mom.
This girl, will want to know the truth... if not now, then sometime later.
And is your Husband still having to pay child support? He shouldn't have to....

*Adding this: Since it was proven your Husband is NOT the biological Dad... this is not "his" child. But she does have his last name. Still, this is not his child. And since she is not his child... he has no legal rights over her I would think, unless he "adopted" her, which he did not, correct?
So there is the legal bottom-line... and the moral aspect to this. And I am assuming, is he upset he is no longer the girl's Father? Is he emotionally upset over it? Was he even a part of her daily life?
It seems he just "supported" her financially? Then after the paternity test results said he is NOT the biological Dad... the Mom and the girl left town. Probably because the Mom did not want the girl to have contact with your Husband.. and she did not want to deal with the issue of telling her daughter the truth, nor to see your Husband around the same town. Complicating things, for the Mom and the soap-opera she created.

The thing is: if this girl thinks your Husband is her "Dad"...then what if one day as she gets older, or ends up in a hospital sick and needing him... he can't go because he is NOT the girl's Dad... nor related to her. Legally. And then what? And for how long will this pretend-role playing go on for?????
Also, since your Husband is NOT her 'Dad', he cannot parent her nor even decide for himself if he tells her the truth or not... and you are not her "Mom" either... so you cannot tell the girl the truth either.
Her own Mom... has that obligation. And, there are legal aspects to all of this....