A Gift for a Terminally I'll Aunt

My thought would not be a gift that can be bought. I would imagine that someone who has been given a limited time to live might have things that they want to do before they leave their friends and family. It would probably mean more to her if you were there to help her achieve any thing she still wants to do. Sit with her and talk. It could be that there is a place she has always wanted to see. Maybe she wants a family reunion so she can have her whole family together one last time. She could want someone to help her get her things in order. Maybe she just doesn't want to be alone.

my mother really enjoyed the comfy night dresses I got for her when she was terminally ill, I know its a bit naff, but that is what she liked.

Make her a scrapbook of her life, with pictures from birth to now. It will be very special to her, and her loved ones later on.

My grandmother passed away from cancer almost 10 yrs ago. Most of all, she just wanted someone to be with her, talk to her, hold her hand near the end. She also loved to have her nails painted, she was always taking good care of her appearance when she was well, so that was some sense of normalcy for her. Also, she loved to watch her favorite shows on TV since she was confined to a bed...maybe you could get your aunt a box set of her favorite show? As far as other gifts go, what about a really soft blanket or some of those aloe-infused socks, or maybe some candles in her favorite scent? Maybe a book that you could read to her? If she still feels like eating, how about making her favorite dish or buying her favorite candy? Or you could just tell her "I would love to do something special for you; if you could choose anything, what would it be?" One of my favorite last memories of my grandma is once when I snuck her away from the house in her wheelchair (my grandpa was paranoid about her leaving!) and we walked down main street in the small town they lived in and just chatted with all her friends and browsed the shops and just enjoyed the fresh air. Little things like that mean so much more than a physical gift.

I had a family member who went through the same thing. We did a memory book full of thoughts, prayers, and notes from those that love him with pictures too. I think the things that are made from the heart go further than things that are purchased.

I think that a letter with fond memories in it will be important to her. This will let her know that she has had a positive impact on your life. I think even silly, "small" memories are the best. It doesn't have to be a big event, it is often the littel things that make us smile.

I am not sure how far away your aunt lives from you, but I would continue to send cards (maybe find some that remind of you certain memories and write about them in the cards) at least once a week. Just to let her know you are thinking of her. They don't need to be related to her illness, just "love notes" :)

I would maybe ask if she is up to having a small Family Reunion, too. So often we get together to mourn someone's death, when really it would have meant more tot he person to see us themselves. Again, I am not sure how she is doing and if she would feel up to this. But this would be a way to build more memories and keep things upbeat for her. Just don't let it turn in to a cry-fest.

I am sorry that your family is going through this. Your aunt certainly sounds like a fighter and I am glad that she was able to fight things as long as she has. Best of luck to you!

you could bring her to get her nails done.. and go out with her if she is up to it for lunch.... or maybe a comedy show... maybe she needs to laugh.. if she usually goes to church.. maybe you can go with her... Does she like the beach.. Maybe bring her when the sun is going down.. to see the sunset... and just for a ride in the car.... Maybe she just doesn;t need to feel reminded how sick she is... so by bringing her to get her nails done.. or to see a sunset.. or to go to lunch would be so nice. My mom when she was very ill.. someone brought a bunch of silly games over.. like the mystery date game and cards (we played war) Mystery date was so funny... we played mousetrap... and trouble.. it was just plain fun.. and alot of laughs.... sometimes we all need to laugh... good luck

Maybe help her scrapbook her life so that she can leave a journal of her life for her children or other family members.

I too think a store bought gift is of no value at this time. You spending time with her, going to the park and sitting together, anything that is special in those terms. If she feels well enough have family dinners/breakfasts/etc.

My uncle is battling cancer, and through the worst parts of it we brought him as many funny things as we could to try and give him some laughter and fun. I burned a CD of Bill Cosby comedy for him and he really liked it.

spend time with her, have some photo's of family and some of the older ones, get some family history from her, along with some of her favorite recipes of her favorite foods, Talk with her about what she did when she was little, ex.; some of the good and bad and some of the funny things that happened while she was growing up. Bring back some memories, and share some with her about yourself and what you have done that she may not know about. Get to know each other better and learn at the same time.

As a cancer survivor myself (luckily, mine is not terminal, but that could change any moment).......the only thing you want is to have people with you to remind you of how sweet life is.

When I was deep in chemo, we traveled to Chicago for a 3rd opinion on my treatment. I was talking to a lady in the waiting room who was there with a friend who had terminal liver cancer. I had the epiphany that I'd not want anything more than to spend every waking moment with the people most important to me if mine was terminal.

Jen P. had a nice recommendation with the memory book. But, I'd be cautious that what is cathartic for the rest of us may be harmful to someone with a terminal illness.

So, my best advice is to ask her. Be honest that you'd really like to do something to celebrate her life and give her something special. Ask what she'd like. My guess is that spending time with her in some capacity is probably the first thought, and it will mean so incredibly much. It's OK to ask.

What kind of cancer has she fought all these years? 15 years is an amazing accomplishment.

My other thought is to celebrate her by contacting an organization like LIVESTRONG who often runs stories on people with amazing stories and immortalizing her fight for all the people who may face her diagnosis down the road.

My cousin will be 36 on Monday. He was just diagnosed with Stage III Esophageal cancer. It's survival rate at 5 years is ~20%. His daughter is not yet 1 month old. All he wants is to see his daughter's first birthday at this point. People like him can be so encouraged by her story of fighting for so long. It helped me after my diagnosis with Hodgkins (my kids were 11 weeks and 2 years) - 5 years seemed like an amazing gift at that time. I'm 2 years out and apparently OK. But, anything can happen, and I try to celebrate the time I have on this Earth as much as possible in small ways each day.

Good luck to your Aunt and your family as you prepare for her passing.

What about an in home massage by a skilled and trusted massage therapist?

I think your time will be the best gift, spend as much time as you can with her doing nice things, giving her lots and lots of love and being brave. Then maybe if possible I would put together as many photos of her life, the people she loves and momentos of happy times and invite over the closest to her to see them together with just maybe cake and tea or her favorite favorite food if she can eat.

Years ago, I had an aunt die of cancer, for her was ok to go, she was done, she was very tired, it was way more difficult for her boys to let her go, but she knew she was loved and we visited her as much as we could at the hospital while her children were there full time with her.

I agree with Dana W, that it's probably best to ask your aunt what she would most like to do/see/be around in this important time. Life becomes so precious when you are reminded of its limited nature.

I made a movie for my mom's birthday last year, set to a song she liked, with images and film clips of her from her early years as a mom, to more recent times. My mom passed away of cancer quite suddenly at the beginning of this year. The movie I made for her was something she enjoyed, and I still watch it to remember her, too.

I think that if I were in the situation of having a terminal disease, I would want to be with people who are important to me and to read letters from my loved ones, to take in all that love, and all that is important in our lives. If you have a close relationship to your aunt, I would try to spend as much time as possible with her, cook some favorite foods, watch some favorite movies, and cry with her, laugh with her, be there for her. I'm so sorry your family is going through this, and I send you prayers for peace and love.

Spend time with her. Help her to do the things that she wants to do.

I think Tina and Marianne have excellent ideas.
Warm hugs for you and your aunt.

Spend time with her. That's it.

If she's up to it "interview" her on camcorder about her life and loves and opinions. Make a list of questions ahead of time to ask and make it a celebration of a life well lived! Share with family embers after you've got it done.
And the gift of time is so precious. Take her somewhere really special if you can for brunch, pampering, etc and spend the day together.

Your time costs nothing but can be the greatest gift given. She will not need earthly comforts. If you know of something that would make her more comfortable or feel good, then get it for her.

Talk to her. Get her to tell you her story, stories about your parents as kids, your grandparents. Maybe write it down, put captions on pictures with her. I lost both my grandparents in the last 2 years and that's what they wanted to share and what I wanted more of when they were gone. It helped them to know that their story would continue through us. Believe it or not, you can help each other through this difficult time. If you can't see your Aunt, you can do this with your Mom as well.

An aging friend of mine, not ill at the time, held her own memorial service, so she could hear what people would say about her when she died. It was a fabulous celebration of her life. She loved it, and so did everybody else. And some people who came from a long way away feel satisfied that they've honored her, and probably won't come to her funeral when she actually dies. Everybody seems fine with that, too.

This idea be more emotionally trying for everyone involved, especially your aunt, with death so imminent, so I'd gently try out this idea ahead of time to get her reaction. Also, she might not feel well enough to actually attend such a gathering.

Your impulse is so sweet. My best to you all.

My opinion is to do whatever you can humanly do to make her comfortable. If you know of something she likes in particular, for example listen to her favorite song, or watch her favorite tv show. I am a christian, and don't know the relationship you aunt has with God. but most important of all make peace with God and everything will be alright.

Sincerely,
MG