A 4 Year Olds Behavior

So...they're so wrapped up with the child that died that they're neglecting the one that is left. That's intelligent.
Death of a baby is hard - I lost my only sister when she was a baby as well - but you need to let go of that one ('cause lets face it -SHE'S GONE) and care for the children that you still have left. It sound to me like he's trying to 'be' the baby so he will get the same attention that the now deceased baby is getting. It stand to reason that his parents are also so wrapped up in their support groups and grief that they're not discipling the way they should - hence the reason he's not listening. You need to have a frank talk with his parents and let them know what you've observed (including the cupcake incident...). I don't think his behavior will change unless something changes at home.

It sounds to me like you need to sit down with the parents and explain what's happening. They need to be aware of the behavioral change, and they also need to pay more attention to their son. They have to know how something like forgetting a birthday can impact a little guy like that, especially when he sees so much attention be paid to a child that isn't around anymore. That may sound cold and insensitive, but it's the truth.

I have no idea how to help the behavior other than to give him a lot of love and attention, and ask him to talk about his feelings (or draw them) when he's having an outburst. It's clear that he's trying to get attention.

The whole family needs grief therapy. As horrible as it is to lose a child, it's not good to forget the child that survived.

Good thoughts from everyone. Also don't forget that the loss of a sibling can be very traumatic - even for a 3 year old. His acting out may also have to do with a fear that he's next...or an uncertainty about death and grieving. Children can easily regress when faced with something new, scary and out of their control as a way to try and cope. Even if his parents are giving him enough attention it may be a matter of time or even extra help to see much improvement. Definitely give him extra love and support. I would read what I could find about helping grieving children and see if any of his symptoms are typical.

Hope everything turns out for the best for the whole family (and you!).

What a sad situation - poor kid and poor parents. I agree with the others; he is acting out because he sees that babies get more attention. If you are a close enough friend to suggest family counseling, I think that would really help them. If not, then I would just explain the situation to the parents and do your best to understand and support this little boy. He really needs someone to focus on him - if his parents can't do that, hopefully you can.

I think you need to be a little more specific about the behaviors that you don't like. What do you mean--is he literally pretending to be an infant? He may see that his parents are very upset about losing his sister and is trying to get their attention by acting like she did. Are you sure they forgot his birthday or is it possible that they were having a party of something at home later and had a cake? If they really forgot (I just can't imagine that) than that alone would more than explain his behavior--that they are so wrapped up in the loss of the baby that they are neglecting their other child. But since you don't give much information, and may not really know yourself what their life at home is like, it's hard to tell.

If you can, you should talk to his parents very sensitively and let them know that you understand their grief, but that their son really needs them to focus on him for awhile. Otherwise, you can give him lots of hugs and love and attention, but I don't think that will make up for the lack he's feeling from his parents.

Poor little boy! He not only lost a sister; he seems to be losing his parents as well. Somebody close to the family should probably advice the parents that while it is important that they do not forget a dead child, it is even more important to take care of and love their remaining child. Most of the acting up of the little boy may be bacause he feels that if he were a baby, then he could get more of his parents' attention. The behavior that needs to be dealt with here more urgently is the parents', not just the boy's.