9 Yr Old with Sneaky and Lieing Behavior

There are some questions on answer. When did this behavior start? Counseling will help both the mother and the boy. Has anything change at school? at home? Is he an only child? Good luck

It sounds like he is reacting to whatever the difficult situation he is going through. He may need some professional help like a councilor to help him express him self and work through the things he is facing. That being said, I think showing him extra love an concern could go a long way...I would also talk to him about the importance of being honest and respectful at a time when he has not been caught lieing and when his behavior is good...see if he will tell you the reasons he lies sometimes or see if you can just have a conversation about why it is important to tell the truth and let him know that you will always be honest with him so he knows he can trust you. Remember sometimes kids will seek out attention even if it is bad attention.

Good Luck and bless you for your concern...I'm sure that will make a big difference for him in his life!

More than likely he needs help with a counselor. What you can do is work with his mother and school for consistency in structure, discipline and rewards. I would use behavior modification of rewarding appropriate and good behaviors, ignoring minor irritating behaviors and graduated sanctioning of inappropriate behaviors. Keep in mind when there are major changes with adults children will use behavior to get the attention they are missing. I also suggest using Scouting or church groups to help build positive peers and good character. This is a critical time for this child and he obviously needs help. You have a good heart to reach out to support both mother and son.

It sounds like he has some anger/frustration and doesn't know how to deal with it. He IS a good kid -- wants to be perceived as one which is why he'll deny til he's blue in the face -- can't stand the idea of your disapproving of him. You know, nine-years-old is old enough to take aside and talk to one-on-one. I think I'd tell him that you are his friend and you love him very much. If he needs to talk, you are always here for him. I would even out and out say, "I know such and such is going on. How are you handling it?" And also tell him that you have a responsibility to keep the other kids safe and secure. If his behavior doesn't change, you'll have to stop watching him. And you don't want to do that -- you'd miss him terribly -- but you DO have a responsibility to the other kids and their parents.

It would be terrific if his mom could pursue getting him into some counseling. Having a grown-up to talk to is great for kids going through tough times but someone who is a professional and knows the "right" things to say and do would be invaluable.

I'm not sure about your situation, but I can tell you what we did. We have a 3 year old who had behavior issues, including some hitting and tantrums. We have a happy home life, so we brought him to the naturopath (Dr. Chris in Snellville, GA, radio show on 1010 AM at 11:00 am). He said that behavior problems are normally caused by heavy metal overload. He started my son on a detox program after doing a hair analysis. We also cut out sugar and wheat. The only sweetener he can have is agave nectar. That has helped tremendously. He also takes some supplements - Kids Calm (magnesium supplement), Nordic Naturals strawberry cod liver oil (1 tbsp day), and some other stuff that only Dr. Chris sells. My son is doing so much better now! So, sometimes there can be a physical cause.

I would direct her to a www.loveandlogic.com. They have specific things, including the dialogue (word for word as to what to say in certain incidences) in some of their books. I think there is one specifically on lying an stealing.

Anyway, you are not suppose to get into the 'did you do it' kind of thing...it doesn't work, as you have already seen.

It's a wonderful way to parent!

Definitely suggest counseling for the mom and child. Be sure to let him know that his behaviors are not acceptable. Consequences should be relative to the behaviors and consistent. You might want to give him a journal that is his private journal to write or draw whatever he is feeling in and that he will not be judged or get into trouble for expressing himself in it. Try giving him a creative outlet such as drawing, painting or writing. I would also suggest relaxation techniques and supplements along with diet changes for him and his mom.

I don't believe there is one solution alone for the behavior that is being observed. There are alot of unanswered questions that I have...for example is the child from a two parent home with a strong father figure? What type of environment is the child in at home? If the child is in a situation where he sees his mother being mistreated by a man or men than it could be learned behavior that he is exhibiting toward women. However, I strongly recommned the book, "10 Conversations You Should Have With Your Children" by Schmoley Boteach. His book was right on when I talked with my middle daughter although I strongly disagree with the concluding chapter in his book.
I am the mom of four children and the eldest is thirteen. I continually call the children out when they are acting out of line and ask them "Is this who they want to be?" It may be annoying but it does stop them in their tracks and you can see the mind and wheels turning in their heads. They need constant reminders that their behavior is a "choice" they are making and there are both natural and given consequences both positive and negative but the choice is theirs to make. In the end they alone are building the person and character they will be.

Good luck. God Bless and hug these children alot but don't be afraid to let them see how they act and how it affects everyone around them.