9-Year Old and Big Changes

She is a 'Tween' now.
Google Search "Tween Girl Development" and many good articles will come up.
Read it.

Their HORMONES are also changing a GREAT deal. ie: PMS and they will begin to get their periods, too.
So yes, their moods change.

This is a time of BIG changes, in a girl.

For me and my three girls it seams every other year they have this kind of attitude. I sit down with them and have a personal interview. I remind them of the ways that are appropriate to behave and ways that are not. We discus ways to change behavior and help create peace in their hearts and minds. I encourage "self renewal time" so they can regroup and try again when things are starting to go south. I also do a reward system to get my sweet girls back:)
All works pretty well, but I think the thing that helps the most is just having some one on one with mom, and showing them that I care how they are feeling and that ultimately I want them to be happy (which will help the family atmosphere too).
It is also helpful to know how they feel loved. My oldest loves to spend time with me and do projects, so when we talk I usually try to think of something she can do with me in the coming week.
My second and third are touch kids, so they love to be held. So when we talk I snuggle them and then try harder to give them more hugs,love, kisses and snuggles in the next coming weeks.
Show an increase in love in the way she will feel it, be patient, give reminders and she will come around:)
Good Luck
E.
P.S. It probably is not that she is getting a bad influence from school. But rather that she is sooooo well behaved at school she comes home and has to let it all out. Make sure you give her some down time when she gets home, and a snack to fill her belly. And you most likely will see some positive changes from that too.

This is normal behavior, but you still have to nip it in the bud.

I have the same problem with my 8 and 10 year old boys. The trick is that you must REFUSE to rise to her bait and argue with her. Your first "no" is ALWAYS final. Stand your ground and never back down.

Hand on hips and "the look" is always helpful. Once I say no, any rebuttal from the kids is not even answered (though I might say "what did I just say?").

normal or not you need to nip that behavior in the bud ASAP. she could be learning this bad behavior from other kids at school, maybe she is being bullied and is acting out in her "safe environment".

I hate when parents just pass this stuff off as "normal" and do nothing about it. if you do nothing you are setting your daughter, your family and yourself up for a lot of behavioral problems in the future.

Pre teen.. It is kicking in..
Speak with her and remind her even though she is becoming more mature, she is still a child and needs to check her attitude.

Yes, she has new friends and some independence, but that means she needs to be in control of herself..

She can either be respectful and mature and be treated the same. Or she can be disrespectful and childish and be treated that way.

She is going to be invited to friends homes, to events, etc.. Share this with her.. but if she cannot treat all of you with respect, how can you trust her to treat others with respect?

One other thing.. If you all invite classmates over and your daughter is not respectful, you can remind her you will send her friends home and you will be honest with them about the reason.

I remember our daughter had a classmate that was disrespectful to her mother.. Our daughter was appalled. She had the girl go and apologize.

She told me she had lost respect for that girl.. I told her to speak with the girl and give her another chance. The mother called me and said she appreciated our daughters help. I reminded the mother she needed to demand respect from her daughter or her daughter was going to walk all over her.

Our daughter had her moments. I would just look at her (with that look) and she knew she had stepped over the line. I just told her I knew she "was frustrated, but lashing out at me, was not going to help her cause.". Or I would tell her, maybe she "needed some quiet time away from me for awhile.."

Stay strong. She is in a knew situation and trying to protect herself. It takes a lot of effort to invent yourself. Remind her she is great just the way she has always been and people will like her she does not need to become someone else.

I think it sounds age appropriate.......... 9 is when puberty begins. But of course any change will cause behavior issues. Your child is trying to fit into a new situation. This is good experience for her, but still scary. She needs to learn how to adjust and it will take time. She is also becoming independent......... which means pushing Mommy away a little. She still needs you but she doesn't want to need you........hence angry if you help or not. Even boys cry a lot beginning at this age. The hormones are wreaking havoc with her little body.

I felt like you were writing about my life. My 9 year old as of tomorrow knows it all. Feels he can do what he wants and when he wants. I'm just here to feed, clothes and pick up after him - NOT!!!! I'm counting down the days that school starts!!!

Best of Luck!

It could be a combination of the changes, and puberty/ hormonal changes in her body. I know it might seem early for that but kids seem to be starting puberty earlier nowadays. The disrespect could also be a behavior she is seeing her peers use with success and is trying to see how it goes over. You have to stick to your guns(rules) do not allow disrespect, attitude issues or any other undesired behaviors.

Hi. My dd is the same age with changes to deal with. I opened up to a couple of moms because I was terrified she might have a serious problem. Then they told me about their daughters who do it too. Some moms just ignore it. I am going to get her checked out for my peace of mind. It took all day, but I found a specialist who does not require a referral.

Absolutely normal. She's going through the Nine Year Change. It is a very hard time for her, so be patient.

I'm going to include some tips to help below - it'll be long, but you should read it.

Blessings. And don't worry, in some children it passes quickly - like a couple months.

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Parenting Tips
What can parents do to help their child through this important turning point at age nine?
- Understanding what is happening will help both your child and yourself as a parent. When both parents, or parents together with the teacher, consider a child and his real needs, it can help give the child balance. Be patient-- this, too, shall pass. Ten is a wonderfully harmonious time between the crisis at age nine and adolescence, when the next intensifying of self-consciousness occurs.
- Be willing to let your child have her own inner emotional life. You can't "fix it." Honor her need for privacy or her sudden impatience with a younger sister. Be willing to let go and tolerate distance. Your relationship is changing and will improve again once alterations have been completed. Be nearby with understanding and reassurance that she is still loved.
- Share your thoughts with your child about things that go beyond the every-day affairs of life. But don't limit your child by providing "answers" or definitions that can't grow within the child when asked about things like God or death.
- Have faith in self-healing, in your child's ability to come through this phase. Support individual artistic activity that attracts your child (writing poetry, keeping a diary, drawing or painting, music).
- Support your child's interest in the world by providing opportunities to build things, visit a farm, plant a garden, do work in the real world. Encourage a connection with the plant and animal kingdoms and with simple human creative activities now before the child explores the world of technology, which is more appropriate for adolescence.
- Nourish your child with stories that illustrate the interconnectedness of life and the powers of fate and destiny. The story of Joseph and his coat of many colors has this element of the dream heralding his destiny and the patience he needed to see it manifest. In the curriculum of the Waldorf schools, the Old Testament stories are .told in third grade because they mirror 2- the inner state of the nine-year-old child. The creation story, for example, describes the child's own experience of leaving the paradisiacal realm of early childhood, acquiring new self-awareness, and with it the added dimensions of choice and increasing responsibility for one's actions. In fourth grade the heroic tales of the Norse myths represent the exploits of the new ego in larger- than-life fashion. The Waldorf curriculum also introduces the child to the world through projects in house-building, farming, and the study of the plant and animal kingdoms, not as abstract sciences, but in relation to the human being.
- Recognize that the child needs to establish a new respect for adult authority that goes beyond the blind acceptance of the younger child. Parents can encourage this by honoring a child's new relationship with a teacher or other adults in his life. Steiner states, "What matters is that at this moment in life, the child can find someone--whether this be one person or possibly several persons is of less importance--whose picture it can carry through life."(3) Parents can also help themselves be this kind of authority by presenting a united front to the child and by both sitting down with the child when questions of discipline arise (single parents may want to bring in a teacher or other adult during this time).