8Yo Son Still Cries Alot

He is a child who lost his father, I think you are being way to hard on him. Plus you know he has anxiety problems so give the kid a break. I completly agree with Denise P.

Jenn,
I'm wondering if he's got unresolved grief, too. Kids grieve a lot differently than adults do, as you know.

Have you ever heard of The Caring Place on Stanwix?

Here is their website:
http://www.highmarkcaringplace.com

Also, I'm sure losing his dad was a huge loss to you as well, and make sure you are not over-protecting, hovering, helicoptering, etc! Easy to say, hard to do--I know. But if you are really, really trying to protect him too munch at all times, then he might think that he's not really "supposed" to grow up. Is he involved in any independent activities like a club, martial arts, etc. where his confidence might blossom a bit?

Best of luck to you!

Jenn,
To add to the mix, consider puberty. My son started crying and becoming emotional a age 9. This is normal puberty behavior. I felt like I had a Drama Queen in my house. Who knew boys go through this too!? I'm afraid it goes on for a few years, so you should be aware of that. Hormones wreak havoc with emotions. Any child who has a special circumstance with have the "symptoms" at a higher degree.

If your son is not involved in activities with men you may want to find something you thing would interest him. Scouts or a church group. Sports of any kind. If he is not a team player then consider tennis, golf or even bowling. Male teachers and coaches will be good choices for him.

I'm sorry for your loss and what it has thrown you into, but keep in mind much of this is normal for a boy in your sons circumstance.

Last, there are vitamins that may help relieve his stress. Does he take anything?

Best,

P.

Does the grief counselor do play therapy? At that age, it may feel weird to your son to be opening up about his feelings to a stranger. In play therapy, when kids don't feel like talking, they can be observed and often their actions are quite telling as to the source of the problem.

Our son went after his newborn brother died when he was 5. There was a large table with sand and many little figures he could choose from. He would have a figure and make it vanish under the sand, over and over.

He is 11 and still cries alot compared to his 8 year old sister. Not related to the loss, but he is just more sensitive and tends to take things harder. It is easy to get exasperated about, but I realize when I can respond with patience we get along better.

I wish you and your son healing.

D.

Jenn,
I hear and feel your frustration. I'm not a therapist, just a Mom & Nana, and I've seen a lot. Your son is probably very sad and angry. With the beginning of a new school year, not having a Dad, may be especially obvious to him. I know that he's been in grief counseling, but you might want to look into a child psychologist. I have an excellent referral if you want to get in touch with me privately. Also, speak with the guidance counselor at his school. A friend of mine has received a great deal of support from The Big Brothers/Big Sisters program. Her fatherless son has been with his Big Brother since age 6. Jase just graduated from highschool and entered college. His Big Brother has been a significant presence in his life, every step of the way.
Hang in there.
R.

8 years old is the age when kids start entering, or about to enter puberty. They're not little kids anymore but they're not ready to be older. They can get confused and not know how to handle the changing hormones in their bodies. Each child is different and so are their bodies. So I think the "reverting" and easy tears are just that, part of the age.

I don't think this behavior is much to do with Dad being gone, although Dad would be the best person to help his son during this time. Because he's gone you'll have to be creative and supportive, but firm with these behaviors. If his counselor isn't working for him, try a different one. You don't want to go to such an extreme with therapy to make him think there's something "wrong" with him. I think it's important for him to go somewhere just to have someone to talk to, possibly a male counselor, just to talk about day to day things, play some checkers while chatting. You can join the discussion at times to talk about how things are going with the two of you as a family.

One thing you can do as well is contact the Big Brother organization. A male figure in his life is very important. A man offers something so different than a woman can. Have your son join some activities like Boy Scouts, sports, gymnastics, anything to be involoved in and hopefully with more male influences.

I would ask male relatives and friends to come by more often and take him out once in a while to do things. This is a great opportunity to get him to open up IF he needs to. I say IF because you don't want to create stress if it's not there. He needs to have a normal and active life the same as if Dad were here.

Good luck!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat
events and chat within 2 hour radius

A grief counseler is great idea or a priest. Religious or not, kids need a sense of hope. Im spiritual (gnostic)and my kids go to Christian preschool , i believe it gives them comfort and hope. Especially since a 3 year old really wants to know where your going when u die. Later they can figure out what they believe but as for now, giving them anything positive and to look forward too is great.

My 8 year old son cries alot also. Every person is diffrent and has a diffrent temperment and handles situations diffrently. My son cries 3x as much as my 6y/o daughter. And my husband is very active in their lives. You need to see what he gets upset about. Is it just at home (where in my case it is). My son has melt downs when something is taken from him (like his tv time). ANd where my other kids are like whatever and walk away he will cry and complain for hours. Kids at this age too (with the beginning stages of puberty) feel the world should revolve around them and their decisions and feeling. So if they are upset so should everyone else. My son can dish attitude towards you but if you do it towards him he gets upset. And if he does stuff to his bro or sis its ok but not the other way around.

Maybe look for a group around you where their are others who have lost their spouse and raising kids alone. At least they will have insight on the things you both may be feeling. ANd maybe talking to another kid same age or few years older who has been thru this may help and show insight. Kids are not stuid and he may see people telling him its ok to feel this way or whatever . And he may not believe them cause that person has not lost their dad.

Good luck!! And try your best not to show him your stress, since that can only add fuel to the fire. And he may get upset about upsetting you, if he cant help how he is!

Jenn,

I'm sorry for your loss. Have you thought about cub scouts? My husband is a great dad, but he travels a lot for work and boys really do need to be around men (as well as their mom). My son started scouts in 1st grade, and now at 14 is steadily working his way to eagle scout. It gives the boys a chance to develop friendships, learn life skills, be outdoors, go camping and do other fun stuff and be mentored by men. As they get older, they get to develop leadership skills and mentor the younger ones. It's certainly worth checking it out!

My son is 11 now, but when he was 8, it was terrible. We didn't have a tragedy to attribute it to. His seperation anxiety with me was through the roof. The summer between 2nd and 3rd grade, he was attached to me like a 1 year old. I didn't think he would go to school! He did go to school, but then he cried every day in school for months. I have no idea, but it did get better when he turned 9, then at 10, he became quite independent. Now at 11, he is still quite attached to me, but he doesn't cry hardly ever.

I'm very sorry for your loss. My son who is 9 is just starting to get to the point where he is not crying a lot anymore. It really I think is a maturity thing and each person has a different personality. Try to find out if this attributed to something. For my son, he would get upset if he didn't win, if he didn't understand something, if things didn't go his way. If this is the case than try to explain to him that certain things will happen and we can't always have things the way we want them. My son was afraid of being hurt while playing baseball. I told him that is part of the game. There is a chance of getting hurt in whatever you do. Then if he got hurt doing something silly or unexpected I would tell him that "See you got hurt doing that and you didn't expect it!" I told him not to worry so much about it. To try and be careful when he can but not to live in fear of everything. I know it's hard for them to grasp at this age, but just try to remind them and reinforce things. I'm not sure if this helps or not!

Hi, Jenn:
Is there any male role models in your family that will mentor your son?
Or in the community?

The Kiwanis International is a civic group that helps support children.

Check out a club in your area of Kiwanis International.
Go to a meeting or other area meetings and see if you can find a
man who would me interested in mentoring your son.
Good luck.
D.

Hi Jenn,

How is his diet? A diet with lots of processed foods, sugars, etc. can cause stress/anxiety. You could give him head and back massages to help ease his tension.

Good luck,
M. D.