8 Yr Old Daughter with a 17Yr Old's attitude...HELP!!!!!

Tracy,
Remember you are the parent, and if your husband isn't being resonable, talk to him first and then to your daughter. Your daughter is old enough to know what she is doing. There is no reason for her to be demanding and for her to get her way, she is a little girl and needs to be treated as such. What happens if she doesn't? Does she get things and privaleges taken away? I think she is old enough to be grounded, and if she is upset by it, so be it! Be strong and it is okay to be the bad guy, otherwise it is going to be real tough when she is pre-teen, and then the dreaded teenager. Tough love I think will work, good luck! M.

Dear Tracy

I'm not going to tell you I have this down, because I don't! My son is now 13 and started with this arguing and talking back constantly since 11. I used Growing Kid God's Way, by Gary and Marie Ezzo, since he was 2. He is extremely strong willed and hasn't had a father really involved and has since died about 6 years ago.

Be assured, the blessing is your daughter is a leader and you need to channel this behavior to be her strength for her someday. Let her know how special she is, in this. Remind her, that she is part of the family and important but you are still the parent and are thus responsible for her safety and welfare.

My son also, does not back down. I have taken away the priviledges and added responsibilities. I also try to take the time in that day, maybe not just when all has happened {usually I don't have the time right then or maybe not level headed}. I explain to him, that I would like to bless him and can't now because of this behavior and start taking things away. Starting with dessert or computer, TV, friends. I've had him write out a chart, of attitudes and results of attitudes, which has seemed to work. I check off the good and bad. It's a visual, which he can't argue with.

We sit and talk also about choices and that he has control over what he chooses to think about, read, watch and involve himself in. This influences his actions and ultimately his enjoyment. Because if he is not doing as he should then it is guarenteed that he will regret by missing out on some great activity or treat!

These are just some of the things we've done in our family to help my son. After all, it's his character I'm concerned about. This will shape his whole future and is more important than what college or career that he has. I hope this helps a little. Ultimately, if she is wanting to control everything and be grown up, she will have to accept responsibility for her decisions, so start now with small things.
God bless,
D.

Dear Tracey,
The best way to handle part of this is to refuse to be in the middle. Don't resolve things between your husband and your daughter. If they're being stubborn with each other, let them figure it out.

With your daughter, remember you're the Mom, she's the kid! That means you set the rulese (with your husband, hopefully) and she has to obey them. Consistency is an absolute must. If she knows she can get you to give in, she'll keep it up.

Also - consider what she watches on TV. The role models for kids her age are often mouthy, sassy, overly-independent and overly concerned with looks.

There's a great program available on the Internet called Total Transformation. It may have some really great tips for you. My husband uses it all the time in his counseling/coaching practice, and could perhaps give you a referral if you'd like to talk to someone about it.

Wishing you the best!
M. M.

On Super Nanny the other night, there were 2 sassy girls. Basicaly what helped was giving them more responsibilities around the house, and limiting their time on the phone and computer.

My daughter who will be 11 next week is the same way. I wont tell you to put your foot down, because you already said you try that. I just keep taking privileges away, I have made it so she could not talk with certain friends outside of school, I have even went as far as making her winter vacation consist of nothing but reading in her room by herself. Nothing seems to work with her. She has had to spend time in the corner, we tried the spanking route when she was younger, nothing has ever helped. She used to behave better than this, but now she fights me on everything. I was told it could be the change in environment that we just wet through, or puberty. All I can say Is I wish you luck.

It's partly the age, with your daughter. But definately stay strong and if you say "no" then, don't budge. Let her have her hissy fit.
As for your hubby, in a down time, when there isn't a confrontation, let him know that if your daughter has asked you something, and you've said "no" then he needs to back you up with that. We some times need to pick our battles, but our spouses should be on our side during these battles.

Best of luck!

Hello i have a 10 year old daughter and sorry to say she is some like your daughter she thank she is grown up sometimes and got a temper to go with but my daughter had adhd and we are working on her she has a hard time doing what i ask of her to do like clean her room and do her home work so i told her if she can't listen then no computer for her so she is starting to come around on it and she is doin her work more but still have a hard time cleaning her room she will do it as long as i help or stand there and watch her