6 Year Old Very Stubborn

My youngest DD has similar tendencies. Read "The Explosive Child" It is an excellent book with solid advice in living peacefully with chronically inflexible and easily frustrated, strong-willed kids who feel like they must be in control of everything and everyone. Personally, I don't think TV has anything to do with how she is wired, but it is good to save TV as a privilege, and not give her free reign over the set. As far as the coloring on walls, after making her clean it up, I would take away the crayons for a time, and then give them back, only in a place she can use them under your supervision. Good luck!

Well, from the first part of your post, I would say that you have a normal, smart, active, independent and strong-willed daughter -- who doesn't respect you. For a lot of kids, cleaning up the walls would work. But, she simply doesn't care, so you have to devise a way of correcting her that she cares about. The issue you are having is not obedience per se, but trust. You can't trust her to do what you ask which is for her own benefit (imagine how this will play out when she's 15). Okay, so if she can't be trusted with the TV, then she can't have access to the TV until she can be trusted. Same with playing outside. The behavior at the store is more problematic, but she's six -- she's going to understand very well if her punishment is deferred until you get home. Obviously, she knows how to behave very well if she is a model child at school.

The second part of your post -- that she's not social with her peers is something else and that would concern me. If I were you, I would dig into that -- talk to her teacher about it. See what's going on.

I don't think you did something wrong or made a mistake -- all children are different and you have to tailor your parenting to the child.

I have a 14 year old stepson that is exactly the same way (except now, in middle school, he no longer has good grades). We have always known he has pervasive ADHD but we recently had him retested and he also has Aspbergers (autism spectrum), ODD and dysthymia. I'm not saying this is your daughter but it might be worth doing a little research to see if anything fits. I'd definitely start with looking up ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). Either way, I would consider talking to someone about her non-social behavior - that's a big indicator something is going on (my stepson is VERY behind/awkward socially). Most of all, you and your husband shouldn't lay blame or feel you did anything wrong. This may be a chemical issue (or may be just her personality). It's not beneficial to anyone to point fingers!

Talk to your pediatrician. I hate to automatically go to the behavior disorder diagnosis or anything like that, but it could be something like ADHD or even ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) or it could be nothing along those lines. But I'd start with your pediatrician to see if he/she has any recommendations. Tell the doc that you have been told that your daughters behavior is similar to the characteristics of ADHD and ODD and you really wanted to find out more and possible speak to a specialist about it.

It may not be any of this, but if it is, you won't know until to seek help. Stop beating yourself up all the time. You probably did make some mistakes - we ALL DID, but you have to make a forward movement to find a better way to deal. Cut out all TV if you think TV is a problem.

You are miserable, but also, I'm sure your daughter isn't loving always being in trouble and probably not really understanding why.

I do have a son with ADHD and until we were diagnosed, Oh Boy what a time that was. Non-stop stress and arguing and the hubby and I simply not knowing what to do next. We went to counseling (meaning we took our son to counseling) and she ultimately recommended we get him evaluated. We did, we opted for meds, and have been very fortunate that the meds work without side effects. I truly believe he is happier, I know we are, and so is his brother, his teacher and his classmates. It took almost a year to get to the diagnosis and meds, and wow was that year very hard on all of us.

Feel free to email me directly if you wish to discuss further.

Good Luck
J.

i dont know for sure but im thinking you need to spend one on one time with her and go do something together hopefully once a week. go to putt putt or bowling or a park or the movies just you two. i think she's trying to get your attention because she doesnt act this way at school.

Mom, Go to the library this week and get some parenting books on discipline. It sounds like you and Dad need to get some advice on how to correct this behavior at home before she gets any older. Call me over-protective, but we lived in a very safe suburban/family neighborhood in FL when our daughter was your child's age and we did not leave my child ever in an unsupervised situation outside with a yard at home that was not fenced in until she was about 10. Even then it had to be with a friend in the yard. You child needs to learn to listen to you and your husband better and learn to behave better in public at her age. Does she have consequences when she does not? SHe is too old for time outs so privileges need to be taken away when she acts out, like no TV, video games, DVDs for 24 hrs. Other things can be withheld too that mean something to her so she will think twice about not listening. Do be sure you and Dad are praising her though when she makes good choices and behaves well too so she knows. I would also get some books on stranger danger at the library and read them to her and your other kids too , be sure she understands this concept. In relation to outside play, many children don't realize they could be in danger if they walk or bike ride around the neighborhood without an adult present at a young age. She needs to understand this concept. Hope this helps.

It sounds like you have your hands full. I think she is a little young for what I am about to suggest but I it worked so well for me that you might as well try it or keep it in your arsonal of things to do in the future.

My ten year old started talking back and not following directions from us. He would roll his eyes and show some pretty passive aggressive behavior. I noticed that when he was with his friends, he was completely different. Asking if they were okay, what would they like to do, if they were at our house; did they need a drink or were they hungry..... I started thinking, I want to be treated like he treats his friends.

I finally said to him, "Please treat me like you treat you friends. I want you to pretend I am Kyle."

This actually worked; of course not all the time, but he is much better. He is actually considerate of what is going on for me. I sometimes have to remind him again to treat me like he treats his friends but overall his behavior is much better.

You could ask her to act like she does at school. Again, I think she is a little young but you never know.

I do not have an answer for you but wanted to let you know you are not alone. I have a four year boy that has a similar personality. I have always had a hard time with discipline because nothing ever seemed to really matter. People would tell me to take away something that he likes but he did not care about any toy that much. He does like books a great deal so one time I told him I was going to throw them in a garbage bag and he offered to help me. And yes, he is also now trying to carry his little brother into his mischief. I left the house for 3 minutes and my oldest had opened the fridge and they proceeded to dump A1 sauce on the carpet along with italian dressing and mayo :) I do not think you have made a mistake I think these are strong willed children probably very intelligent and just take a very special approach - not that I am saying I know what that is :) I think this is something that will improve with time (I am hoping). School is getting ready to start which undoubtly will tire your daugher out a little and I would just try to keep her very involved in sports and other activities. It will get better :)