I never made my child go to bed on his own, except for a time when he was around 2 years old. I then began massaging him to sleep and singing to him in his own bed, until now, when his pattern, as of the past year or two has been to be massaged to sleep (and/or sung to) and then to sleep in his bed for about four hours, only to come running into my bed until the a.m. I really would like to change this sleep pattern. I've heard advice that you can sit in a chair backwards and slowly each night move it out of his room. I have rewarded him in the past for sleeping in his own bed all night and that worked, even though he still wanted someone next to him to fall asleep. Now he is older and contradictory whenever I come up with new ideas to get him to sleep on his own. His father will also switch off and tell him soft stories in order to fall asleep. I used to go to my room on my own when I was 2 years old! All by myself! How do I get my son to do the same?
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Heres' an idea. How about making him a hand made buddy. with a pocket in which you can insert a family or your picture. He can hold it with him each night to bed. You can make it specially for him or it could be a project for the 2 of you.
Aloha
I'm single mom of 4 & a wholistic doc
No simple answer for this one
Possibly some energy work one of my friends used to teach at churches - She taught a beautiful bedtime ritual she called
Sacred Care of a Child's Soul
with some remarkable "successes"
I'd be happy to pass onto you.
Dr Linda
MamaSource listing
AlohaMD Wellness
Hi L.,
You must be tired. A professional child care woman from Holland responded to my same question by saying most of it has to do with the mother and fathers ability to lovingly take the child back to bed and tell him he belongs there at night, it is his own special space. Also letting the bedtime rutine end before he is asleep, and telling him that it is time for him to sleep now. With my children it only took a few nights of consistant returns to bed, affirming every time that this is there own special bed that mommy and daddy set up just for him so he could have a comfortable place to sleep, and that you filled his room with love for him, so he is surrounded by it when he is there. They still wake for nightmares, or if they are ill, but they call to us now instead of trying to climb in our bed, and they just need to be hugged and told they are safe, and they go back to sleep. It was the most amazing thing, and really so easy, although starting at six is a little harder than say two. Good luck, I hope you get more sleep soon!
I had the same issue with my only son, who seemed to never get enough of mom, especially when it was time for him to go to sleep. I used to read to him every night and then massage him for a while or until he fell asleep. Though I valued our special evening rituals, I felt he tried to manipulate me into staying with him as long as he had the energy to fight sleep. I usually had to leave the room with him complaining that he was scared or just wanted one more minute, etc. I think it is easier with more than one child because they see that their brother or sister has to go through the night without mommy too. Eventually he grew to understand the importance of sleep and of course he always really knew that he was loved, so it was just a matter of both of us letting go. Now I look back at those precious years and I am really glad I spent so much quality time with him, even though I was a working mom too. Its great that dad is helping out. It is much harder for a single mom with one boy!
Have you ever seen supernanny. She has a technique that I believe works. It has worked a number of my friend's kids and may help you to. It is similar to your chair idea and is not easy in the short-term, but in a few days, he will know you mean business and you will finally have a good nights rest. The key is consistency and to not give in. He will test you too! Basically you put him to bed, do a brief book, or short bedtime routine that you can stick to. kiss and hugs and Tell him he must stay in bed, it is the rule now. The first time he gets up tell him, it is the rule that he must now stay in his bed, and you will see him in the morning. Each and everytime he gets up after that, you must silently return him to bed. He will cry, maybe more, but each time you must return him to bed without saying a word or getting upset. If he gets up in the middle of the night, do the same. He will realize that you mean business and will eventually give up IF YOU ARE CONSISTENT. Believe me it is worth it. You may want to try this on a weekend so that you don't have to work the next day. Good Luck, let me know how it goes.
Dear L.,
I went to a class and that question was brought up by another mom so you are not alone! The person giving the talk said to wean him off of the pattern. Start out say doing it for 15 minutes for a couple days, then 10, then 5. After that you let the child know you will lay in there for 5 minutes, set the timer and when the timer goes off you tell him it is time for mommy to go. Before you begin the process communicate with your child you are not going to be stayin in there very long because he is getting to be a big boy and big boys go to bed all by themself. Lots of encouragement. I am actually a mom that has put this into practice and I now (tonight) stay in there for 5 minutes. I tell him I am going to get up but I will check on him a lot. I have been successfully in this opattern for about the past 6 mos. Good luck. It is most healthy to get your child to go sleep without you in the room!!! Mary Farrell
Dear L.,
I just heard about a couple of sleeping books that help with the going to bed routines. The one that sounds like it might help is "Healty Sleep Habits, Healthy Child".
Also, think about this now, He is six years old, and can talk and think. You and Dad need to talk to him about being more independent about going to bed now that he is 6, and staying in his own bed all night long. You three can talk about how to handle this and maybe if he has a part in it , then he will feel like he can follow some rules. Ask him to make rules of his own too.
You guys have a long road to go together and now is a good time to get started talking things over. Also read a book called "Real Boys" It is a wonderful book that I feel all parents with boys should read. Yes, it is long, but you can skim through to find the parts that you need now, and use it for a resource for the rest of the growing up years. I found a copy on Amazon.com just recently for $5.
Boys have a different life than girls, and you need to understand what he is going to encounter so that you two can be better guides for him.
Sincerely, C. N.
My kids have always gone to sleep by themselves, however, they are all used to listening to music as they go to sleep. Have you considered putting on a prerecorded children's story or sleepy music for him to drift off to? Soft classical music is great for this AND it's supposed to stimulate the brain too. I did see one recommendation about giving him a stuffy or sleep buddy or something. That might work. If you often hold his hand while he sleeps he may just need something to hold. When we were trying to break the pacifier habit with my daughter, we discovered she was actually "holding" it in her hand and squeezing the bulb between her fingers, not sucking it. So, I replaced it with a small squishy ball and it worked great. She just needed something to hold in her hand and squeeze. LOL ;) Good luck,.
It's tough. But you really need to send him back to his room each time he comes into your room this might mean getting up and tucking him back into his bed each time. Which can be difficult because you need your sleep too.
My son is 6 as well and we have a bedtime routine...story, prayer and we tuck him in...he does like to keep his closet light on and the door cracked for a night light...we are going through the fear of the dark right now.
He tends to wake at least once a night and I have to send him back to his bed.
It will get easier...just hang in there.
