6 Year Old Boy Going # 1 and 2 in His Pants!

If the punishment isn't helping, it could be because the boy already feels overwhelmed by his mother's requirements, and more demands and punishment are only adding fuel to the fire. It is entirely possible, though we really can't tell with so little detail, that he's desperately trying to take control of some aspect of his life, and the only thing he can come up with is this sad bid for independence.

There is also a possibility that the boy is "fine" (has no illness, infection, or blockage) but still lacks some maturity in his bladder or nervous system. This does occasionally happen, and is somewhat more likely in boys than in girls. If that were the case, it would be a shame to punish him for something that he can't control. The doctor needs to hear the whole story, and preferably the little boy's side of it too, in order to really determine whether there's a problem on a physical or emotional level.

If the mom is open to trying something different, I hope you can encourage her to read about compassionate parenting, which has worked fabulously well with my daughter years ago, and now with her 4yo son.

There are very few parenting issues that can't be addressed successfully with the help of a book like How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. (You can read part of this practical guide to communicating with kids here: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081...) They demonstrate exacltly how to help children communicate, identify their own emotional issues, and participate in finding workable solutions.

Natural consequences vs. punishment. TV and play time don't have anything to do with not using the toilet. Does she change him like a baby when he has an accident? Wipe him up, and fetch his clean clothes? I would, in a gentle, but firm way, have him clean himself up, change HIMSELF, and launder the soiled clothes (with supervision). I wouldn't give it any more attention than that. Eventually, he will tire of this chore. Not to mention, when he is at school, peer pressure will kick in, and he will fall in line very quickly.

I feel so sad for your friend's son. My son had a b/m accident in preschool 2 years ago and he still remembers it. I remember being so frustrated with him and sometimes being very cruel to him. I decided it was stressing us both out. I relaxed and, what do you know, he started getting it. He began to make the connection on his own. The other comments are very helpful too.

Hi D., She needs to discipline not punish. A normal 6 year old that does this is just lazy, and does it cause he knows he can. She should make him clean himself up, it's bad enough when a 2 year old poops on himself it's like changing a grown man, I wouldn't tolerate that. J.