5 Year Old Son with ADHD Will Not behave..IVE TRIED EVERYTHING

he fell asleep? sounds like he was more over tired then anything. Does he have an official adhd diagnosis? Most doctors don't like to diagnose kids that young. I'm sorry but to me it sounds more like he is over tired and a brat. What 5 year old needs 3 types of video games if any? I could see a wii those are fun and little more active then a regular video game but playstation and a ds thats a little much. I don't think there is anything wrong w/ sending him to his room that's the best punishment. The entire reason for the acting out is to get a reaction out of you which he can't do if he is in his room. You should send him there more often.

5 minutes is nothing. You leave him there until he either calms down or can behave appropriately. If he doesn't behave then put him back in his room until he is ready to come out. I ask my son (3) are you ready to come downstairs and behave? Maybe he does need a nap. If he is falling asleep he is probably overtired. Some kids need naps. Maybe he needs a nice snack. 30 minutes is not harsh punishment especially since you need a break and so does he.

Hi B.D.

I don't hear anything theraputic going on in your post. If your son is not seeing a board certified child psychiatrist, a play therapist, a cognative behavioral therapist, a speech and langague therapist, and occupational therapist, a social skills class, and does not have a behavior plan that you and the school follow together, then you will want to take a big, deep breath, and move to get this into place quickly. (he may, or may not need speech and ot, but many, many do!)

Unitl you get the information you will gain from these therapies, nothing "typicical" like what you are trying, is going to help him. He must be one smart little boy, because he told you as much. He has a barrier to understanding what you are trying to do, and when kids know right from wrong, and the disconned is in the ablity to apply it and squash impulse, they really do need your help, some therapy, and understanding to learn these things. Their natural reaction is to become snotty and disrespectful and appear to be in control of being dissobedeant, because they can't explain to you why this happens, so they feel a little better if they lie and say "I want to be bad" essentialy, because they can't fix it themselves and at least they can fool themselves into thinking that they did something deliberately. If you don't have the tools to be good even though you know what that looks like, an imature kid will just say, "I meant to do that, what are you going to do about it?" Make no mistake, he is dying to be able to control this, and has not a clue how to do it.

If you have a medical practictioner who has not guided you to all this therapy, find a new one ASAP. Board certified child psychiatrists are the best for medical treatment (yes, meds-which are a tool that will make all that expensive therapy more effective!) and should be serving as a case manager to refer you to what he needs.

If you do not have a comprehensive evaulation of your son, call the nearest childrens hospital, and make an appointment with a Developmental Pediatrican ASAP. The report you get from a DP will be 10 to 20 pages long, and will include every single medical and theraputic professional that he may need, and will roll the entire picture of your son's condition into one comprehensive document. You need this, get it now if you don't have something like that. It will take many months to get into see one, so access as much therapy and medical treatment based on his symptoms as you can while you wait.

Do some reading. Dr's Mel Levine and Russel Barkley are the best sources for ADHD information, they both have great books that are avaliable at your library or any big book store and amazon. Get some of them, and read. They will not only explain the medical condition, but they will give you great strategies that will be helpful.

Next, go to www.wrightslaw.com because you will be needing to learn how to advocate for your son so that he does not end up in Juvie! Start reading now, and get a head start on what it is going to take for you to maintain a good relationship with your school district and work together to help him avoid this all too real outcome.

Untreated ADHD is very highly correlated with your prediction, so move on getting him the very best standard care you can get. It is the only thing that has been shown to work, so once you have accessed good medical treatment, good theraputic interventions (and A LOT of them) and good behavioral and educational strategies, then, if you want to add stuff like diet, allergy, supplements, etc, etc...go for it, but you should not make any of these a first line treatment because it has just not been shown to be effective.

It is hard, hard work for him, for you, for his therapists, for his doctors, and for his teachers that will produce resluts, and there is no night and day cure out there that will make it any easier, but it can be done. It is very hard on parents, so if you feel like you need help yourself (and the majoirty of primary care givers do!) get some! Also, contact CHADD and find a support group. NAMI offers great educational workshops for care givers, and can help you find good psyciatric care in your area if your pediatrician is less than helpful.

Good luck. (I know how you feel, and you are NOT alone!)

M.

HITTING, KICKING, THROWING THINGS, TALKING BACK, YELLING AT ME, AND BEING COMPLETELY DISRESPECTFUL is not ADHD behavior. It's the behavior of a confused child.

If you feel your discipline is gentle and consistent I would seek the advice of a child psychologist. If you are feeling out of control with your discipline I would suggest you take a course called "Love and Logic." There are books available. These types of behaviors are not a bad child, but a confused child.

I DO thinking making a 5 year old sit for 30 minutes is unreasonable and setting him up to fail. ESPECIALLY if he is ADHD! Forget about the time outs. They aren't working. To me a reasonable time out is about 3 minutes! Just enough time to calm down and think about what you are asking of him, not a punishment to make him suffer.

Get the Love and Logic book.....please

Please consider food allergies or food sensitivities may be contributing to his bad behavior. The Feingold diet which eliminates all artificial colors and products helps many kids tremendously. Dr. Kenneth Bock's book Healing the New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, Asthma, ADHD and Allergies may be helpful as well. You can probably find the book in your local library.

Hello
I would consider checking his diet and begin eliminating IF you haven't already , sugar, processed foods and possibly even gluten type foods. Could be your son has food allergies which in turn can cause problems to manifest themselves as behavioral problem, when really...... it might not be the case..
If you look online under DRMERCOLA.COM <<< he has many articles on the topic... as does the net in general.. Diet plays such a vital role in our body chemistry, especially those of young people since they are still growing and forming..
Also, in when a child (let alone any child) has so much energy to spare, a good physical activity is essential... While he might not have the attention span for a structured program, why not just get out with him and run....
kids like that... you can walk/run.. we do that with my son all the time, we go on walks and part of the time, we play race and see who can beat each down the street (this of course is also good for me)
video games is the last thing you want children to do .. if possible...
After you read more about nutrition on the net, you may want to consider seeing a children's nutritionist.. I truly believe that much can be done not only in the diet of children but also adults... it is also my belief that children are OFTEN misdiagnosed with ADHD .. why is that?? because not all doctors really care to know much about nutrition and how it affects the body... they don't take but maybe one or two nutrition classes while in Medical School... and because of it, don't give that aspect of things much time at all.
best of luck to you

Nicole's recommendation of food sensitivities and allergies is spot on. The Feingold Diet is an excellent starting point. If you're using time-out, I would suggest one minute for every year; 5 minutes for 5 years. Speaking to him at his eye level, being clear with your expectations, and having one-on-one uninterrupted quality time may also be helpful.

From the single Mom of a "ADD" diagnosed at 4, now 16yr old son DO NOT ACCEPT THE ADD DIAGNOSIS AS FACT. The facts are that there is no way for an MD to diagnose a "behavioral" issue that young. Historically this is pediatrician who isn't willing to look at ALL aspects of a child that young in an attempt to research, recommend and refer and instead jumps to the first conclusion, ADD.
First off, ease up on yourself. Being a single Mom isn't easy, and the thought of raising a foreign little being like a boy is scary. Change your perspective and understand the fact that you have been given the opportunity of raising a boy to be the type of young man you would want a wonderful young woman to marry and have your Grand babies with. It's easy to give in and give up when things get tough bc they are boys/male. And throw in the fact that there are still feelings about his Dad, however evil lol. Keep an eye on the big picture and the role you play and it will help you get through the day by day stuff.

Have you consulted with a psychologist who has expertise in this area? While leaving a 5 y.o. for 30-min to "really think about everything" is not a "harsh" punishment, it isn't a developmentally age appropriate disciplinary strategy. As you've figured out, the spanking is not helping either and for a child with his difficulties can contribute to escalating his aggressive behaviors. You would benefit from consulting with a professional who has experience with young children who have such disruptive behavior to gain some support and further perspective on how to best approach his behavioral difficulties. Your pediatrician would be a good place to begin for getting referrals.

You sound really, really stressed. He is a little mirror of all that, so the first thing to do is work on your stress, not his. You have alot of good advice here, and I don't have any expierence with ADHD, so I'm not going to offer any advice about that. I DO know, however, that all of your anxieties and fears are reflected in his behavior. You have alot to deal with, for sure, but if you can take a step back, take a deep breath, and calm yourself before you speak or act, you will see a difference in his behavior in a very short time. You say you've tried all kinds of "punishment", and that in itself is stressful for him because he never knows what will happen when he acts up. Get some help and a plan. Whoever diagnosed him just left you blowing in the wind, so take the next step. Get professionals who know what they're doing to test him, medicate him if necessary, and create a plan of care so you both know what to do. He's as lost as you are.

I think that it may help you to take your son to a child pyschiatrist to have him evaluated so that you can figure out the how's and why's of his behavior. Maybe, with your son's ADHD, the typical way of punishment and the the typical way of communication doesn't work for him as well as it would for a child without ADHD. I believe that you could learn a lot about how the attentional and hyperactivity issues effect your son and how best to set boundaries in a way that is meaningful to him and less stressful for you, from a child psychiatrist at this time.

Wishing you and your son all the best.

I agree with taking him to a counselor who specializes in working with kids with challenges. He doesn't really know why he does what he does, and he doesn't know how to get control of himself. And it probably scares him. Even a child with ADHD who is on medication (don't know if your son is, not making a judgement on whether it is good or not) needs to learn how to control himself, and sometimes that takes extra intervention.

Find someone who will work with you also, helping you understand your son and how to help him.

Kids never "grow out of" ADHD, but they can learn more control and focus as they grow. It's not a quick thing, but it does happen with proper care and teaching. My older brother and mom both have ADHD, as does my son; I've seen the whole range. Hang in there and don't be afraid to get the help you need!
(As far as those "special diets" I've seen recommended, there's no empirical evidence to support them. My mom and bro tried the feingold diet years ago and it made everything WORSE. Some people are more sensitive to some kinds of foods - in my family it was artificial red color, and some artificial flavors; if you see any connection, you can try to eliminate that food. But don't make any drastic changes in his diet, especially without consulting a doctor.)

Mom, you sound very angry from your post. I think you need to go about disciplining your son when he misbehaves in a more postive way. First thing I'd do in your situtaion is to go the the library or bookstore and get some books on parenting a child with ADHD, specifically find one that addresses defiant behavior, there are plenty of good ones out there. Next I would stop spanking him today since spanking is a very negative form of discipline and will encourage him to hit or be violent since you do it. Have you considered seeing a counselor with him to improve your relationship and his behavior? Where is his Dad in all of this? Does he have a good male role model in the family if Dad is not in the picture like a Gpa or nice Uncle? If so I'd get my son more involved with him if this relative is open to this. How is his behavior at school? Is he on any type of meds for the ADHD? If not I'd talk to your Ped. his or her feelings on starting something that would help. Hope this helps Mom

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I hope some advise here can help you. I def recommend less screen time(only calm educational TV shows) and no more 20 minutes a day of video games. These things CONTRIBUTE to his attention problems getting him used to high stimulation and quick screen changes etc
Any average 5 yr old has the attention span of just a few minutes, so he will not be thinking about what he did for more than 1 minute. There's a great book about discipline called 1, 2, 3 Magic that would be helpful.
good luck, let us know what happens

I have a 4 year old child with ADHD/ODD. Your son sounds like he may have some anger problems, have him checked by a doctor or therapist for ODD.

As far as help.... Go find a good Christian Behavioral Therapist. (I had a non-Christian tell us to allow our son to hit and kick and express himself however he felt...oh and taking him to church caused it. NOT EVEN. The only time he is actually perfect is at church....hmmmm I think I'll move into the church...LOL).

Google Focus on the Family Counselors. That should help you find counselors/therapist who are approved by Focus on The Family.

1) Read as much as you can about ADHD.
2) Start changing his diet...there are cookbooks about this. Go for more raw fruits and veggies. Remove all the processed sugars and food colorings you can. (A treat once in a while is ok)
3) Spend time holding him and talking to him. Find out what is going on in his head.
4) Get down on his level, GIVE EYE CONTACT and make him repeat the commands. ie Kneel, make him look at you in the eyes, (sometimes you have to constantly remind him...eyes, eyes, eyes,), state your command: "johnny go wash your hands and face for supper", Ask him to repeat it..." go wash my hand and face for supper"
5) NEVER YELL or Lose your control
6) Only do timeouts for 1 minute per age. YES 30 mins is too much... You are defeating his heart and spirit. Sure it may not seem like much for 5 mins for you ... sometimes a couple extra is ok... but if he is always in trouble, and always punished then eventually he will become a failure as an adult. Some adults overcome the emotional beatdowns, but some don't.
7) Make sure you give at least 16 meaningful touches a day. A normal person needs 8, but I have found my ADHD child needs 16.
8) Make sure you are playing with him.
9) At his age, he has learned how to be sassy mouthed from somewhere... Was it you? Was it the daycare? Does he have any positive role models? Do you attend church? I have found that being involved in good strong churches (the kinds without gossip) you will receive help, guidance, and a good playmate or too.

Also, look into changing you household cleaners. We noticed with my son. Lysol and Bleach and other strong chemicals would make him become more crazy and he would lose control. I remember one night holding him down in my lay with my arms wrapped around him and my legs over his legs...so he wouldn't hurt me or himself. I held him there and rocked him and told him how wonderful he is. He didn't calm down until my husband said he wanted to take him out with the dogs . After being in the fresh air for a while...he seemed to calm down. If you want to know about the cleaners we NOW use, just ask me via email. (Please note...I'm an independent representative for a health and wellness company that has nontoxic cleaners. I won't mention it here because this isn't about a business. This is about a mother and a son looking for answers)

Oh yea! PRAISE HIM....PRAISE HIM...PRAISE HIM. For anything he does right... getting dressed, putting shoes on the right feet, writing his name, eating all his food or even a portion of it, anything he does praise him!

THE MORE PRAISE HE RECEIVES THE MORE HE WILL CRAVE IT, AND THE MORE HE WILL TRY TO GET MORE AND BE GOOD TO GET IT.

Has the doctor diagnosed him as ADHD? Is he medicated? If he is diagnosed and medicated, does he need something different? If he is not medicated, have you considered it? I am not a fan of medicating children but I also know that some really do need it and for those it is a wonderful thing (I also believe some kids are misdiagnosed and medicated unneccesarily so don't think I am just in favor of giving them a pill).

Have you considered he may be having an allergy/reaction to environmental factors in your home (cleaning products, bath products, laundry products)? These items are chemicals and some of the ingredients are toxic. Even though they are being used as directed they can have negative effects on behavior and health.

From what you described though, he may just be over tired. My 3 year old gets very hateful and mean when she is over tired/over stimulated. They need the down time to just relax. He could also be acting that way to get your attention (which he gets). Maybe try to show extra attention when he is being good and ignoring him when he acts up (simply send him to his room to sit on his bed). That will keep you from reacting to him and give him the down time he needs.

Go pick up the book " Taking charge of ADHD"

Honestly you can't accurately diagnose ADHD at 5, before 7 ADHD behaviors are also those of kids that age.
Try changing his diet. no sugar, no red dye.
Lavish him with praise every time he does something positive. go all out. even if it's something as simple as playing quietly, eating w/o making a mess, etc.
" great job playing quietly ! Thank you!!" " Wow you did a great job not making a mess at lunch awesome! "
And make him earn all of his privileges. The book I mentioned above has a great behavior modification system in it.

I didn't see anyone suggest the 1-2-3 Magic book yet. I think it's a fantastic discipline method. The author speaks about using it with kids that have behavioral difficulties like ADHD also. He also answers questions at the end like "what if time-out doesn't faze my kid?".

Maybe if you haven't tried it already you could give it a shot. If nothing else, the author can give you a little perspective. I really recommend it.

You sound so stressed, and who wouldn't be. You've got a challenging little boy, but obviously you love him very much. ADHD can be diagnosed this young. Research shows dietary changes don't help unless he has a food allergy. Working with a mental health professional who specializes in children with ADHD can be very helpful. The Barkley books mentioned are great. So are 1-2-3 Magic (also mentioned below) and Parenting the Strong Willed Child (by Forehand and Long). Love and Logic is good. Those books can help with some discipline strategies, but my experience is that kids with ADHD are particularly tough to discipline (Barkley talks about why this is, but frankly it is totally obvious to those of us who've lived with kids with ADHD regardless of why it's so). That's a good place to help. I also recommend finding someone--friend, family, or professional--who can support you because it is so tough as a parent. Hang in there.

Here's one thing you may want to consider. I'm including a link you may find interesting and I hope helpful. It's regarding a simple but uniquely effective approach that has helped hundreds of kids/adults with ad/hd. Hope it gives you another window.

http://www.heartmath.org/templates/ihm/section_includes/r...