Alternative Help for ADHD...HELP ME PLEASE!!!!! I Can't Cry Anymore :(

Take anything with a screen away permanently. Something about how the brain gets information, without having to work for it, makes it lazy causing attention problems.

Ask dad what he plans to do to solve the problem. Have him do the research and the grocery shopping.

Try behavioral therapy. My daughter is 9 years old and I'm not big on the idea of medicating her. Prior to my corporate career, I worked in childcare for a number of years, and I cared for a number of children with ADHD who were medicated. I did not care for what I saw, and the children seemed to be suffering physically, so when my child was diagnosed with ADHD, I decided to explore other options. She has been in behavioral therapy for over a year now, and I have seen tremendous improvement. She is less impulsive, able to sit for longer periods of time, more organized, etc.

START GIVING YOUR SON COFFEE.

Or a coke. Or Mtn Dew. Some kind of caffeinated beverage. On a regular basis. AVOID caffeine pills... they're too short acting... and for who knows whatever reason (something that's in coffee or soda) beverages just work better. (My personal theory is that it's the salt/sugar/mineral combo... but that's just a theory). Caffeine is a stimulant (just like meds) and it calms us down and focuses us at the same time. Too much and we fall asleep... but we tend to go spacey or hyper-happy or cranky first (aka however your son acts when he's tired, you'll get that x2 if he has too much caffeine... but you'd have to give him more for him to actually fall asleep.

Nutrition and removing additives only helps an adhd person as much as it would help anybody else UNLESS he's not adhd. Sensitivities to dyes and malnutrition can mimic ADHD, so they get a lot of press as a "cure", but they're not... and everyone in the field and "on the ground" knows it.

Now... more good news (seriously)... once you've added a little bit o' caffeine you should see a lot of improvement fairly quickly... bit it's only something that takes the edge off (not like meds which do far more major neurlogical chem schtuff). In order to see REAL and long lasting improvement... you need to start teaching "coping mechanisms". These are 1000 little, daily, things. Like playing music when you're doing something boring (like cleaning) or tedius (like homework). Or taking a 5 minute break between each and every transition. (For my kiddo I send him off to "play with the dog, or climb the walls, or ride his skateboard... he needs a physical break between every activity... for myself I step outside and just sit for a few minutes and watch the world. 2 ADHD people, 2 different sets of what's "calming"... aka completely and totally stimulating = relaxing).

ALSO to know: Standard "punishment" doesn't work with adhd kids. In fact, it makes e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. waaaaaaay worse. Because our baseline tends to be emotional. Orgasmic emotional (as in full force and uncontrollable). So we have to learn to set our emotions aside and let cool reason come in. Which tends to be extra difficult because we can usually see all sides to an argument. Kind of like the old cartoons with a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other and us caught in the middle... feeling right and wrong and completely confused as to what's REALLY right. Kids tend to pick one and defend the position as if their life depended on it... teenagers shut down and battle silently, afraid to open their mouths because they'll say the wrong thing... and adults have enough practice to just run with it. How this works in practical application is

Normal kid gets "x" taken away from them. They feel badly about it. They learn not to do whatever got "x" taken away.

ADHD gets "x" taken away from them. They melt down. Spin totally out of control. The only thing they can focus on is "X". "X" becomes the worlds most important thing to them and the person take it away is like a kidnapper. Really, it's like stealing a child from a parent. ADHD kids go *that* unreasonable. Fly apart. The entire time, their focus is on "x" INSTEAD of the behavior that got "x" taken away. When they get a little older (enough to realize it was their own fault) they also get racked with guilt/anger/shame directed inwards to themselves. Which causes them to fly apart further. So you have a kid who hates themselves, is furious with themselves and the world, and is completely and totally ignoring what caused the situation.

Solution? You take "x" away from them. Huh? Seriously... you take it away. When they melt down they go on time out in their room (or wherever) UNTIL THEY ARE CALM. Then you talk to them. No guilt/ blame/ etc. Merely talking. WHAT was is that caused "x" to be taken away? ((You'll be amazed at how often you get the look like you just asked if you'd look good in a peanut butter or a jelly hat, or if everyone should go shave the dog into zebra stripes)). By the time they've freaked out, the behavior is the LAST thing on their minds (consumed by emotion and mental meltdown). So you walk them back. WHAT was it? As cooly and logically as possible and WITHOUT any negative emotion (or they just wrap up into being ashamed that you're mad at them and don't listen to what you're saying). WHAT was it? Get them talking about what actually happened. THEN get them solution oriented. Meaning have them come up with at least 2 ways they could have done it differently (there are always at least 2 ways... not that they're both good or the best ways). Work on getting him thinking about the problem and what to do about it NEXT TIME, because all problems repeat. ALL of them.

THEN you work on positive reinforcement. (ADHD types... we're all hedonists. We'll walk through fire for praise and the warm glow of being loved.) Give him big hugs and high 5's for every positive step along the process. 1) Figuring out what the problem was. 2) coming up with solutions 3) making things right. In the beginning (first few years) ALSO praise calming down. Herculean feat, it really is.

Okay... so step 3) is putting things right. Once you've gotten him to ID the problem, and come up with solutions, if you don't also have a positive for how to fix things... you're going to run up against one of two brick walls. 1: embarrassment (crippling... it doesn't fade... I'm AS embarrassed about something I did when I was 5 as something I did last week. All it takes is remembering it and the embarrassment fills me up like I just did it. Apparently that's not true for "normal" people... but it's true for every adhd person I've met. We've got almost photographic memory for sensation, including emotion. So you give him the tools to work through being embarrassed. Which is "setting things right to the best of your ability". Only death is final. Everything else CAN be fixed at least a little bit. It may not be how you *want* it, but it's the effort that counts, because you learn from the effort. SO HUGE to give them tools to not run away and hide from embarrassment. The other brick wall is our "trained forgettery". It's a self defense mechanism. We really DO remember emotions full force. Our natural defense mechanism is to completely and totally shift gears and "forget" about unplesant things. We're not pretending. We don't remember the same way you wouldn't remember dyeing your hair pink, or having wings, or _________, until something reminds us. Hence some of our mood swings. We can be in tears one moment and happily playing the next... and then something reminds us of being in tears 2 months ago and our stomach lurches into our throats and we're right back to 2 months ago. This can drive parents WILD. But it's not because we don't care. It's because we care TOO MUCH.

So by keeping things SOLUTION BASED, and POSITIVE, you fight two very uncontrollable things with ADHD... emotional overload and our forgettery. In emotional overload, we're crippled. And when we forget, we don't LEARN.

Yeah. So normal kid... you just take "x" away and they learn all on their own. ADHD kid and you've got all these extra steps. ADHD is a LOT like this. "Simple" things we have a real hard time with... BUT adhd comes with sooooooo many gifts. Complex things are often as easy as breathing. But the "simple" stuff? Oy. That takes a long time.

These are just a few "simple" adhd tricks. For many, many, many more (with probably better or more easy to read explanations) be sure to check out:

www.additudemag.com
"You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?!?" by Kate Kelley & Peggy Ramundo

((but just to recap... since I meander))

- Caffienated Beverages

- Coping Mechanisms (1000's of them, music being the example I gave)

- Standard Punishments don't work (you can't force a blind person to read, or a diabetic to fix their pancreas... anything physical... which the brain is... needs accommodation)

- 2 killer resources

R. (ADHD-C mum to an ADHD-C kiddo)

LOL... btw... the reason things like Karate and other martial arts "work" so well is that they are CONSTANTLY teaching discipline and cooling emotions in an environment that is FLOODED with praise, positive reinforcement, and warm fuzzies. So the lessons they learn in martial arts start bleeding over into the other aspects of their lives. It's a great behavioral tool for "my peeps".

In general, I agree with Frances. Some kids just need meds. Perhaps you should have your husband sit down with a doctor who will explain to him what exactly ADHD is. It really is a chemical imbalance of mostly norepinephrine in the brain. Maybe hearing it from a doctor will help convince him (and there are non-stimulant meds available now if that's what he's concerned about). Exercise is also very helpful, so make sure he gets as worn out as possible everyday. Structured sports are really good for that. Martial arts are really good for getting them worn out and for developing mental discipline.

You said his mouth is horrible? That's not exactly an ADHD problem, so have you considered having him evaluated for other issues? ADHD is often the first diagnosis when there are actually other problems present. Or is it possible that your discipline isn't firm and consistent enough for him? Try Parenting with Love and Logic (it's at any bookstore) if you haven't already (oh, and be prepared... it gets much worse for a few days before it gets better as they test their new limits). I promise I'm not trying to say you're a bad mom! I'm sure you're doing great! Sometimes it's just about trying everything possible until we find the right methods. Good luck!

One more thing: tell your family to butt out (in a nice way). The child is your son, so it is up to you and his dad to decide what is best for him. You can try the "broken record" method and just keep telling them, "We are evaluating our options at the moment, and we are trying to determine what is best for our son. Thanks for understanding." Just keep repeating yourself without frustration, and eventually they'll get the picture.

Large doses of EPA/DHA has helped. The dosage is 6 grams a day. That is alot of fish oil! Also, keep his life as structured as possible. Look up anti-inflammatory diet. Basically no processed foods, no caffeine, no refined sugar.
Meds do have their place. I fought it for years with mine. It came to the point that they got sick of burping fish oil, and when they would not take it, the grades plummeted and the behavior worsened.

I have my 8 year old daughter on Focalin now. She seems to be doing well on it. Bring your husband with you to the pediatrician, and let him explain the pro's and cons of both.

If you are not going to medicate him, then, sweetie, you need help. By that, find a program that will help you to help your son. There are such things out there. A group program, or, a one-on-one program. It may be pricey, but, without some help, you are going to breakdown, your son is going to never learn control, and, your extended family will distance yourself from you and your family unit.

Here are a couple of websites I googled for you:
http://www.oneaddplace.com/Copy%20of%20index.php
http://www.homeschoolmath.net/teaching/add-adhd-diet.php

I also want to ask, have you tried switching to a gluten free diet? It is a big change, and, your entire house will have to change, but, it REALLY may help you out.

One more article-
http://www.kidsrunning.com/news/krnews0603adhd.html
I know your son is a little young for "running" (maybe), but, in the late 90's there was an article in "Runner's World" magazine from a teacher who was given a class full of ADHD students. Being a runner, she decided she was going to start their day off with a lap or two around the track. Within weeks, all of the students were off of their medication, and, doing well in school. Just saying... Miraculous what a little movement can do to kids. (Seeing as how our bodies are meant to move and be active.) So, maybe you or his dad could commit to getting up early and going on a "run" and try seeing if you see any change. Google "runner's world" and adhd, there are many, many articles on adhd being "fixed" with running.

This article is absolutely awesome, so, I had to include one more. It explains WHY kids can be helped with a consistent exercise regimen instead of medication. It is explains what the medication is designed to do, and, how exercise can NATURALLY do that for their bodies. It is worth the time to read:
http://www.kidsrunning.com/news/krnews0131adhd.html

Definitely the fish oil, and yes, husband must go to doc WITH you to understand that like any other medical condition that needs medication, ADHD often does as well. Both my kids take Focalin; I've yet to witness a side effect and have tried them all. Of course, every child is different, keeping that in mind. The high school drop out rate for children with ADHD is huge, and these are children that also fill our prisons and do not attend college. By 4th grade, children with untreated ADHD become so frustrated in school statistically that they "check out" academically and it is often too late at that point.

Ask your son's father this question "if our son was an insulin depended diabetic, would you withhold insulin?" The answer would ofcourse be NO he wouldn't. ADHD is a CHEMICAL IMBALANCE and the meds help regulate the chemical makeup like insuline does with blood sugar. It will take a while to get the right meds and you can even try therapy with the meds. It comes down to doing what is BEST FOR YOUR SON. I have had to put my foot down with my husband and do things he didn't want done with our girls but I did it for them and that was that. ADD Meds was one MAJOR fight with our eldest but she got her meds and he later said it was the right thing (but it took forever for him to admit it)

First of all is the father having to deal with the issues at hand as much as you and your family? Believe me not I am not for medicating unless absolutely necessary. It appears you have tried the all-natural approach and perhaps there are other alternatives that I am not aware of and I personally do not have an aDHD child but both of my cousins do and they both decided to medicate.
My one cousin decided to do it when she woke up one night and her 6 year old daughter was standing over her with an evil eye...just staring her down. Her daughter would say the devil made me do it mommy but when she is on her meds she is fine no weird comments, no weird dispositions, no mouthing off, no meltdowns, etc. She said after that happened she had to sleep with one eye open and one eye closed and she just couldn't handle it anymore.
It is a "disease" and you have to remember that but just as ANY disease sometimes you have to have the intervention of meds.
I think I would seriously sit down and have a talk with the husband. What do the teachers say? Well I know they all obviously say the same thing right-put your damn kid on drugs because we don't want to have to deal with it. Believe me not meds would be my last resort too but it sounds as if the diet thing isn't helping him completely you could try him on the lowest dosage possible combined with the diet just to see if it helps any. If your husband isn't the one to deal with him on a day to day basis like you or your mother then I say game on. If he doesn't want the meds given then step up to the plate and deal with the issue because obviously we don't know how to anymore. If his son had some other disease and meds were the only way to help him would he deny his son the help? Just like Bi-polar you see the news reports of these people going on their rampages and it later appears they had some sort of mental disorder and were not on their meds at the time. Now I'm not saying your son is going to go out there and become an ax murderer by any means but lets think about this...if there is another alternative for help why wouldn't you take it? Your son cannot help it-maybe at times he could but for the most part its his disease and sometimes the best of the best intentions to help the all natural way doesn't "help" them. Do you think your son wants to act out like this? Prob not I would imagine but he can't help it and he is just a child and doesn't know how he could control these issues-that is what he has his parents for and how can the parents help if they don't agree on the care or for that matter both do not participate in trying to deal. It's usually the woman and perhaps your husband does deal with it alot more than what I gathered in your post. These are points you need to make to your husband. Maybe there is some type of counseling you both can attend like a support group when parents don't agree on the care of their child??? Google it. Good luck I can't even imagine sometimes I wonder if mine are ADHD but then when I am around my cousin's children I clearly see the disease in its true form and its a real doozy! I have the upmost respect for those mothers and parents that have to deal with those issues on a daily basis...all the valleys and mountains you have to go through. It's not easy but there is a simple solution here and that is you and your husband agreeing on your son's care and you need to be quite frank with your husband and let him know the natural approach is NOT working for your son wish it were but it just isn't unless he knows of another alternative and you can certainly try that as well. Why is he dead set against them? Personal experience or from lack of correct information. I really think by you both going to a support group would help. At least there you can find support through others and find out what worked for them the best and it might just be a mix of playing around for awhile until you find the solution. My sister had my neice on meds for most of her elementary school days when she started middle school she took her off of them and she is absolutely fine so your son may not need to be on the meds for the rest of his life but you need to get him under control to help him balance.

I know this might sound wierd, but enroll him in Karate. My kids do not have ADHD, but a lot of the kids in their classes do - and you would be AMAZED at how much it has helped them.

God Bless and Good luck -
C.

Ditto Frances.
Tell your husband you are going to do what is best for your son.
And then do it..

This is a real physical imbalance in his system. Why have him struggle, when the medication will help him?

Hi N.,

I am a personal wellness coach - there are things with his diet and natural supplementation that you can do to help him be able to calm down enough to actually allow his brain to process the input he receives. I would be happy to talk more in detail about this if you would like to contact me ____@____.com luck - I've been there and I know what a struggle it can be...

D.

A friend of mine switched her son to a completely gluten free diet. He's currently living on basically raw vegetarian foods...and the results are phenomenal. He's a completely different child. I pray for you to find the answer soon!

I was whole heartedly against meds. I kept my son off of them all the way thru first grade. And what a different beginning he could have had for school if I had given in and let him have them. He spent the first 2 years of school being made to feel bad and not good enough and like no matter what he did it would never be good. Your husband can say no meds and so forth but the bottom line is if he is as disruptive as you say the school will end up moving him to a different classroom and your son will be ostrasised and is that really what your husband wants for your son? he will end up in whats called a BD (behavior disorder) classroom. most of the time this classroom is made up of kids who can't maintain behavior for whatever reason in a regular room. it can be a medical problem or an attitude problem. as he gets older the classroom can get violent. and his behavior will escalate accordingly. have your son evaluated by a medical professional. use the resources your school has. he may benefit from the school social worker. also he may not have adhd there are other things to check into. tourerrets, aspbergers etc. don't just self diagnose him get it checked out. start with the pediatrician and ask for referrals. and you say your in a relations ship you don't say married. do you live with the father? who has custody. why would you choose the "fathers" feelings over your son's well being? adhd kids have very little self control. they are very implusive. your son could do something to hurt himself. and that would be on you. are you ready for that? not to sound harsh but the whole I can't do it cause my boyfriend might get mad thing is just really a cop out

Sorry you're struggling with this. I don't know much about ADHD, but thought I'd offer this to think about......

Where is his "no meds" belief coming from? If there's something in his family history (bad reaction to meds?), then maybe that should be considered. Has he read/heard a lot about ADHD and the meds for it? Maybe sending him some links/articles might help?

Have you been able to talk it out with him (pros & cons, that sort of thing), or has it been a "closed" subject from the start? Tried counseling, even short term? ("Let's explore our options for our son - he's not doing well." ??)

imho, I wouldn't go behind your husband's back, either. Mostly because trust is paramount to a marriage/family, but even legally, should you decide to split up in the future, going against the other parent in this way would mostly come up in court and could play a part in custody decisions.

I applaud you for trying to work out the situation to take care of your son, rather than just "giving up". I wish you the best of luck.
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I'm confused - in another post, you said you were a single mom. If your husband is your son's step-father, that can bring a whole other set of variables into the picture.

Hi N.,

There are several natural things you can do that aren't expensive. My daughter's ADHD diagnosis was completely removed when I did them. She is such a delightful child now and has even thanked me because she knows that she was like that.

Get in touch with me and I can give you details. Don't give up!

M.

Well, first off, medication is a tool to treat a medical problem, but that is just the begining of treatment for ADHD. ADHD treatment should be multifacited, and medication makes all of the other facets just that much more accessable and effective for the child.

It sounds to me like your husband HAS made the unilateral decision about not giving proper medical treatment for your son. I don't know how long your husband tried ADHD medication as a child, or how good the prescriber was, but he is really selling your son out by being so unwilling to let him say how the medication makes him feel. What if your husband was treated by a total quack and would have had a good experience had he been treated appropriately? Do you know what drug was tried on your husband? There are litterally dozens of medication options, some stimulants, some not, and some combinations of drugs will help enormously. Does your husband refuse medical treatment for ALL medical conditions that he had bad expereinces with for your son? I hear that cancer treatment makes people feel really bad, but if my child needed that, I would still let them have it, even if my own experience was bad.

Brains are flesh and blood. Flesh and blood and organ systems have medical defects. Because brain cells do not touch, our bodies produce chemicals called neurotransmitters which carry our thoughts (as electrical impulses) over that tiny space (called a synapes) to the next brain cell so that we have a thought process from start to action. When the receptors for these brain cells are damaged, or our brains do not make enough of the neurotransmitters, that person has difficulty processing thoughts, ideas, impulse control, EVERYTHING. They lose track of the ideas in thier heads, they have ADHD. Do you know what it is like to walk into the kitchen to get something, and forget what you were looking for? Well, imagine that happening over and over again, hundres of times an hour, and THAT is ADHD.

Now, the therapy for ADHD, beyond medication, is cognitive behavioral therapy, social skills therapy and classes, play therapy, speech and occupational therapy for those who need it, and educational interventions and accomodations to help children stay at grade level, and extensive behavior plans with positive interventions and supports. Without medication, these interventions will be far, far less effective. You really want to educate your husband about it. This is standard care, and it works. Without it, you will not have the very best results for your son.

It is not about calming him down, it is about making his brain function reliable so that he can do the hard, hard work ahead of him, with the help of you, his therapists, and his educators.

Can you make any molecular process in your body better by thinking about it? Insert "kidney reflux problem" in place of ADHD and this just sounds abusive and unreasonable. My husband had kidney reflux as a child, and he peed his pants all the time, but he did not like how he felt when they gave him medications, so he wore diapers and was not potty trained untill age 18, and now he won't let my son be treated with drugs, what can I do so that my son does not wet his pants anymore? Lets take that a step further...treat him narurally by witholding fluids (fluids make you pee, after all) and apply extensive potty training without any of the drugs that would give him the muscle control over his urethera that he needed to be a success, and ask him to produce enough of the enzime (just by thinking hard about it) so that he can make that muscle strong enought to hold it until he gets to a toilet. Tell me, is there any molecule that your body produces to function well that you can "think" into existence? You can't do it in your brain either.

If you were talking about pee instead of behavior, would you even be having this conversation with your husband? Brains are biological, and it is not a charachter defect for someone to have a biological issue, in the brain or otherwise. Popular myth seems to draw people into thinking that we can make disorders of the brain DIY projects, and while you may have seen a nice placebo effect with all the stuff you have tried, there are many other treatments for sale out there from people who want to profit off your desperation. All in all, standard medical treatment is still the most effective method for treating ADHD.

Is there any chance that education could sway your husband? What does he think he knows about ADHD, except that he had treatment a long time ago that was not the right one?

M.

My ex hubby is against meds, even though I think HE needs them. He is ADHD - Undiagnosed, but trust me... he's ADHD. Our daughter is undiagnosed, but the pedi had casually mentioned in a regular visit, we may want to get her checked out for it. I completely agree. However, with hard work and determination, we've learned ways of helping her deal with daily life with ADHD.

She's taking soccer. Her and I will go for long bike rides. She has some of my morning coffee. (like a previous poster had suggested... it does really work for true ADHD) We try and have many activities set in a row for her to "jump" to when she gets bored with the previous activity. All of her teachers rave at how intelligent she is and that sometimes it's a challenge to get her to focus, but it doesn't take long. I tell them to clap. That gets her out of her little land and into her work.

Don't completely disreguard Asbergers. Many symptoms of Asbergers can mimick ADHD with a little extra anger thrown in.

My suggestion is to get your hubby to go to a specialist with you and your son to get a true diagnoses and go from there.

I know this must be very stressful for you. Is your Mom feeding him a clean diet when he is with her? Diet is a big part. I would suggest you look at www.StudiesOnJuicePlus.com . It is 17 different fruits and veggies minus the salt, sugar and water. It is the micronutrition of all the fruits and veggies. You want to make sure you are feeding his brain all the good nutrition that you can. Juice Plus is one way to make sure he is getting whole food nutrition day in a day out. My son has been taking it for 7 years now and will forever! Also, fish oil is a really good one. Dr. Sear's has a good one for kids. www.Dr.Sears.com
I wish you the best!

You may want to see if you can check out this book from the library (then buy it as a reference if you like it): "Healing The New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies . . ." by Kenneth Bock, MD and Cameron Stauth.

One thing I like about Dr. Bock is that he is not necessarily against medication - especially when it gets the child on the path to better participation in a multi-faceted wellness program.

Your child is suffering and thus you are suffering too. Hopefully you can find some answers. Good luck and prayers for you . . .

Below are two different non-medication approaches.

I was put on lots of medications for acne as a child, and it caused all kids of problems and didn't help the acne at all. I have discovered that the root cause of many of my health issues (including the acne) were food intolerances. My husband had the same experience with acne; we will never put our kids on chronic medications. Prescription medications all have side effects; many deplete your body of nutrients.

On the other hand, your son is obviously a handful. My recommendation would be to try some of the approaches below for diet, and look into some new ideas with the behavior: find an ADHD website with a forum, a mom with ADHD kids who isn't medicating them, a good counselor experienced with non-medicated ADHD.

Is there anything he enjoys? It sounds like all the adults are really at their wits' end with him; that' s not exactly positive for him either. It may help him to have something physical that he enjoys (burn off a bit of steam); many sports / gym programs are now very understanding of ADHD.

A - Pyroluria - supplement with Iron and B complex
Canadians in the 60's happened to discover that schizophrenics were chronically short in iron and B vitamins. Further analysis discovered that these folks basically burn through these vitamins way faster, and that then causes a lot of their symptoms. Taking the vitamins is another way of treating it (though probably not widely accepted in the traditional mental health community).
They found 30% of kids with ADHD also have the same condition. More available at http://www.kryptopyrrole.com/

B - Diet
I eventually found out I am gluten intolerant, as well as rice and corn intolerant. In my reading, I discovered that many children with food allergies or intolerances--especially corn--have sympoms that are diagnosed as ADHD. For more information, see http://www.cornallergens.com/symptoms/corn-allergy-sympto.... The intolerances do have a genetic component--could be the underlying cause for father and son.

I would recommend doing an "elimination diet" where you start with safe foods, then add food back in for 3-5 days at a time. It's a pain; either that or go to a nutritionist or food allergist. If you do this with corn, be sure to avoid all juice or foods with added vitamin C (a lot of which is made from corn).

I would suggest you try grain-free for a bit, not just "gluten-free." When I tried going "gluten-free," I found the rice and corn tending to spike my bood sugar--almost like sugar.

If you want recipes, etc., look up Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD); very successful for autistic kids.

Good for you for trying to make this work.

As the mother of a child with severe ADHD, you have my sympathy! No one should make the snap decision to medicate but there are times when it's absolutely necessary. Your husband would rather your son walk around not being able to focus, feeling out of sorts, not being able to calm down enough to make friends and FUNCTION than feel "weird" on meds? Really? There are so many alternatives now - not just Ritalin which is probably what your husband was on. Anyhow, the only other things I can think of are behavioral therapy, biofeedback and/or you can try dosing him with Fish Oil which has been known to benefit some people. Also, you might want to talk to your son's doctor about Tourette's or some thing other than ADHD. I've never heard of ADHD causing a foul mouth although I guess it could be the poor impulse control part of it but I would check to be sure. Tourette's is actually very close in brain makeup to ADHD and can manifest itself in many ways (not just the outbursts people associate with it) - I found that out while talking to my son's psychiatrist about his obsessive behavior. Good luck.

Hi, My son is ADD -- we give him meds while he is in school only and just started several months ago (he is 8). I don't do any special diet with him. Okay, he's a real handful, but he's a good kid. That's how most ADD kids are. The problem is that they get harassed a lot at school so they carry anger. A couple of things that work with our son. First, we are really tough on him. I mean, we demand a lot of discipline and control from him. Lots of times, he can't be as self-disciplined as we ask him to be, but we are consistent in asking him to try. AND we are supportive. He is a good kid no matter what. Second, we talk with him A LOT and honestly. He knows why we ask him to behave certain ways. We do a lot to understand his point of view. Lots of times ADD kids do things that seem ridiculous to the rest of us, but make excellent sense when you try to understand what they are up to. He is super smart and I bet your son is too. They aren't fooled by anything. Third, he gets tons of exercise and is super busy. As soon as he's bored for long, he'll start to act out. Lots of times, working with ADD kids takes lots more understanding on the part of the adult than just giving orders. The really see big picture all the time, just that they don't have the perspective that adults have on things. My son can understand concepts that should be well beyond his age and so once I explain things to him honestly, he will really try to make good decisions and work with me. Cursing, which you mention, is one of those things I explained to him -- instead of acting horrified when he cursed, I told him that I didn't like it and then explained that it was a liability to him socially. We also made a game of him getting a dollar when one of his parents cursed and him giving us a dollar when he cursed. He stopped cursing really fast! ADD kids really suffer from being misunderstood and judged for their behavior which generally overlies a heart of gold! If you can get your family to modify their expectations a bit, talk a lot more with him (but be consistent about basic things -- like being respectful), then I bet he and they will be fine without meds. In our case, the only reason, we put him on meds. was because he was falling behind in reading. However, we have been working with him on reading without the meds. during his vacation. ADD kids are really at-risk for bad outcomes later in life, largely I think because they are judged harshly as children -- because they behave "badly." Really, they are just active and less controlled -- and tend not to think things through before they act. Get him to think things through by insisting on logical thought and behavior, expect some hyperness and less controlled behavior (is it really a big deal if he spills something every three meals?). And keep demanding that he develop greater self-control.

You're in a tough spot. As a woman who was only diagnosed with ADD when in her FORTIES! and has worried that her son might be ADD, I can empathize with both of you. Two possible resources for you are Celebrate Calm, http://www.celebratecalm.com/, which will give you alternative strategies to dealing with his behavior; and call or email the folks at http://www.pro4mancenutrition.com/info.html

I'm in no way associated with either of these groups, but the Celebrate Calm CD's deal with the behavior you're facing without conflict, and Curtis is a friend and his practice has a great diet protocol for ADD. His advice has helped me.

Punishment isn't going to change the situation, and in fact might be contributing to oppositional defiance disorder. Get your son properly evaluated, including IQ tests and a wide spectrum evaluation to really understand what's going on with him. Is he an incredibly bright child who is under-challenged, and so he's bored and spinning out of control? Does he truly have ADD? there are other conditions that can be misdiagnosed as ADD, so find a doctor you trust.

Positive parenting/reinforcement and behavior boot camp can help your son learn what he's doing right, and focus on one thing he needs to improve. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy will teach him -- and his family -- better routines and behaviors to compensate for his weaknesses.

Think of your son's brain as a computer. A computer that's running on all RAM and never writing anything to the hard drive. That's a negative aspect of ADD. There are some truly wonderful things about ADD, including a very different way of looking at things ('seeing the world slantways' as a friend puts it). Part of the danger a child labeled "ADD" -- or disruptive, or unruly, or 'bad', is the self-image that child will develop over time. Which brings me to the next point...

Talk to your husband. Ask him to speak to a child psychiatrist you trust. Psychiatrists can prescribe medication, which is why I recommend one of them instead of a therapist or psychologist. Fact is, your husband might have been misdiagnosed, improperly medicated, or might have been one of the few for whom there is no prescription for relief. Medical science has a wide body of evidence of the effectiveness and relative safety of these drugs. Ask your husband, after you have spoken to a doctor, to simply let your son try the medications for a little while. Unlike antidepressants, Ritalin requires no 'ramp-up', no waiting period of weeks or months to determine its effectiveness. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, your son can discontinue use immediately, without having to tritate. There's nothing to lose by trying medications if you feel it's come to that, and everything to gain.

Show your husband what your child's behavior is doing to himself, and what his behavior is causing others to say about him, how they treat him. Your son, if he is ADD, is probably miserable, and is beginning to believe he's 'crazy, lazy or stupid' -- labels ADDers often attach to themselves when they don't know what's causing them to think or act the way they do. There is also the chance that your child's inability to sit still, focus, pay attention, will be damaging to his learning in these crucial grades of 2nd and 3rd, where the building blocks of education are given. He will miss crucial lessons because he simply can't concentrate on them.

If it helps, picture all minds on a thought continuum, from linear thinkers to non-linear thinkers. Linear thinkers at their extreme are task-doers, moving from A-Z in a process, following each step to get to the finish. They might not even be able to imagine the big picture. Contrast this to the other end of the spectrum, where non-linear thinkers are up in the mental stratosphere, making breathtaking leaps of what seems to be intuition, able to visualize the big picture -- think entrepreneurs, wild inventors, that type of person. Can they fill out a time sheet? Are they intimidated by actually laying down a process to get from A - Z? Are they impulsive, unpredictable?

The far end of the non-linear thinkers is ADD. there's nothing really wrong with us, except that society isn't built to accommodate us. We don't learn through memorization, we learn through doing. We can't sit still, we have to move. Institutional learning is torture for us. But we're smart, inventive, funny, intuitive, creative...

Focus on what your child does well, focus on his successes. Listen the words you and your family use to communicate with him. Is it terribly negative? Would it make you give up if you were constantly told to do something you just can't do?

And look at chadd.org -- and organization for children and families dealing with ADHD. Good luck!

First you need professional help. Your husband has a good reason for not wanting medication, but as you point out things are different now. This is a marital conflict that you two need to work through so you both agree. Clearly his argument hasn't convinced you, nor has yours convinced him.

Second, a bad mouth is NOT a given amoung ADHD children. If he is being disrespectful, then your Mom should not have to watch him. Maybe your husband needs to find a sitter for him. Someone who won't mind his behavior.

Third, ADHD behavior isn't always about having ADHD. Sometimes the behavior is an avoidance issue, and/or "acting out." Does the school have a problem with his behavior? If they aren't complaining then it probably isn't ADHD.

Children who have giftedness, auditory issues, visual issues and sensory issues, sometimes behave worse because these issues aren't being addresses. I am not saying they don't have ADHD. I am just saying that the ADHD is worse if the undering lying issues aren't also addressed. I might try a developmental pediatrician, a psychologist, a behavioral eye doctor, an OT and a speech-pathologist, to rule out things that might be contributing to the problem.

I wouldn't go gluten free without first having a blood test for Celiac disease done. Before you try the diet (which is a lot of work) find out if he really needs it. If he doesn't need it medically, you can still do it, but you don't necessarily have to be as strict. If you start it and then want to test for it, you'll have to add the gluten back in and then test. It just makes more sense to test before starting, so you wont have to back track.

Both my kids have been diagnosed with ADHD. Also several of my nephews have, and most of us don't use medication. (Two of my nephews do because they don't like how hard things are when they don't take it. It was their choice. Six is too young for that choice.) I lot of it requires rules, struction, and acceptance. We have no problem living with it. However, my kids who are 10 and 5 do not use fowl language. My family -- aunts, uncles, Mother etc. are all accepting of our situation because we have all been there.

If this is something your husband had as a child, may someone who his side of the family tree would be willing to help watch your some some times. Giving your Mom a break may help her accept things as they are. Does he have friends? Is he invited to their house? Unmedicated ADHD kids sometimes aren't because the other parents doen't know what to do with them. If he does maybe he could send the day at a friends house to do give your Mom a break. Also a camp that gets him outside to run around would help. Moving a lot is often good. Particularly in the summer time.

Good Luck!

I totally understand. But, meds are not the only solution. Get your son back, first. Sometimes, being shuttled off to different households can create more stress because it's a new set of rules everytime. You don't know if his diet and schedule are being followed or not. Relatives mean well, but tend to think routines are not necessary. For a long time, people thought we were kidding when we restricted amt. of TV, fast food, etc. So, I couldn't waste time training relatives. We took the time to teach our child how to care for his own body. Once he started seeing benefits, he could go out and self-regulate. He's now older but is a lot stronger and can visit relatives without us worrying about him. Do not leave his dad. You're only frustrated, as both of them have ADHD. Be patient, and just love your family. You're doing an amazing job, but you must have patience. Diet is great. Next, make sure your son is getting enough positive stimulation. Not around a lot of people, though. Try taking him swimming, playing in backyard, burning off some energy. I've seen that help some families. Also, try positive reinforcement, as well as correction. If he does something good, make a big deal out of it, to bring it to his attention that you caught him doing good for a change. When he makes a mistake, try using a behavior chart, which might give him a visual clue that he's close to losing privileges--like a green, yellow, red zone chart that you can inch up or down when he's off mark. Some children need visual clues or warnings to know that the behavior they're exhibiting is not acceptable. Respect your husband's feelings. He's been on those meds; you haven't. You don't know what it feels like to live in a fog on top of having impulse control issues. He does. Some people swear the meds don't work, and some say they do. It's really a toss up. My husband and I both chose not to medicate and our son is able to focus and self-regulate, but it required a structured environment for a while. This is the first summer we're really taking a break with very little structured activity for our children. So, be encouraged. It can get better and make sure you have a positive support system. Relatives mean well, but you need some parents who are in that boat to give you counsel. The encouragement will help you understand your spouse as well as your child, too, and you won't be so ready to pack your bags and leave him. Make sure you see your husband as an ally, not a hinderance or blockade. He loves you and your son, too, and wants his family to succeed. Every man has a vision for his family and no real man plans for his son to fail at life. And, your husband loves you and does not want you in tears. So, know you both are on the same team. He's not the enemy. Neither are your relatives, but they lack insight. It's ok. They love you, too, they just don't understand. Find a team of players who can be touched to add to your family's team. You'll feel stronger and that love will trickle out to your son and husband. And, not sure if your Christian, but prayers DO move mountains. We couldn't run this race without faith. Exercise prayer. It makes a huge difference.

My stepson has ADHD and his father does not think he needs medication. He had a couple of medications that he takes and they help him. I am not sure what, because he doesn't live with us. When he has his meds, he is calm and normal as any 14 yr old can be. He gets along with my son (16yr) and they hang out, play video games and everything. When he is not, OMG....You can barely get him to pick his things off of the floor. He lies to your face, and gets angry if you challenge him. There are times that he and his dad have some really bad episodes. I start to feel sorry for him (stepson) because he can not control himself. My husband (his father) doesn't want him to have medication, but I try to get him to see the difference when he is oppose to not. I also explains to him that he DOES NOT live with us and we don't see the day to day behavior. And better yet, it is NOT about whether he(father) wants him on the meds, its about the son being about to get along in society.

It will ONLY get worst, trust me. If he is 6 and having these problem, just wait. My stepson start having problems around 5 yr., and they just started the medication within the last couple of years. Maybe if his mom and my husband would have agreed earlier, chances are he would have a little better.

With all of that said, you are not alone. Try to get his father to understand that it's more about your son and not about Him. And ultimately do whats best for your son. Good luck, I feel your pain.

This is really late to respond, but I wanted to add detail to something touched upon in one of your first responses. There are brain exercises that can help if given in fun and with structure. My son went to a camp that addressed sensory integration by occupational therapists and physical therapists. They began the day with small motor activities, awareness of their feelings on a scale, and then a large motor sensory activity and a focusing small motor and oral motor and sensory activity. The camp isn't around unless the local JCCC was able to continue it ( the therapists retired). But my child became a reasonable, cooperative, happy child and said these activities were helpful. The "Out of Sync child" is a book that gives more information on this topic, but I believe it can help some aspects of the child's inner struggle and brain-needs while the question of medication gets debated between caretakers. Meanwhile, since he was diagnosed, there is plenty of reason to be in the care of a psychiatrist (get one who will take the time to consult and discuss on a frequent basis) even if medication is not involved at this time. It would be nice if the father went to these consults with you, at least occasionally.
I hope this is helpful, as late as it is.

Hi N.,

Please visit this website and contact Tami. She is a gift that will amaze you...really, she could be the answer to your prayers. She's a good friend, gifted individual and someone who may be able to help you! Good luck to you and your family.

http://centerforfamilylove.com/

Strict discipline can create oppositional defiance disorder in ADHD kids. His behavior is not entirely under his control. So punishing him for something he cannot control is not going to change his behavior. What WILL help is praising the hell out of him when he does something right. This motivates him to do better. Ignoring the bad behaviors keeps them from being reinforced and keeps the child from feeling crazy, beat down, like something is inherently wrong with him. If your partner is against medication he needs to talk to someone....he probably wasn't given the right medication. Some people do feel like the medication "limits them" a little, but the problem is that ADHD is a disorder of self regulation and your own self perception and monitoring is not completely accurate. So although you may feel "at your peak" off medication, but to any other normal person observing you, you are clearly having problems.

I would suggest you look for a CHADD chapter near you to help you and your partner learn about the disorder. Even if he does have it he obviously has not educated himself thoroughly about it. My son has just been diagnosed in the last couple months and I feel like I have a better handle on it than that. There are new meds but alot of the same old stand bys and they are still the same category - stimulants. And there is no law saying that he has to keep taking something if he starts. Just getting your partner to agree to a trial ...just to see how things go...can't hurt right? I am telling you if your son has adhd you will see a difference within the first half hour. Maybe if your partner can just see how your son COULD be, he would change his mind. But it sounds like needs some counseling of his own.

If your son does not have it, the stimulant will make him hyper and dizzy feeling and then you know that it is not right.

If nothing else, please visit CHADD website and read up all the articles on there. I was against meds at first but as I learned and talked with professionals I came to see that the meds help to get the symptoms under control. Once the symptoms are under control, then you can work with a therapist to help design strategies THEY can do and YOU can do to help them function better. But without the meds, they cannot focus and learning anything to make things better is going to be 10 times harder and may not ever happen.

Diet can help with minor improvements and is often used to help fine tune things after medication is in place. But I am telling you, the BIG piece to this puzzle is medication and if your son doesn't get it and he does truly have this there isn't going to be any magic anything that's going to fill that space. It's a chemical imbalance/disorder that needs to be treated with chemicals. It's really a shame your partner was so jaded by his experience that he can't see far enough that this could help his son. Why would he want his child to struggle in life as he has?

I'm sorry this response is a bit late, but I feel for your dilemma. My brother was what was termed "hyperactive" as a kid 30 or so years ago, and my mom had him following the "Feingold Diet" which you can Google and find out about. It is basically a diet where you avoid artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives in foods. It's much easier to do today than it was 30 years ago when "bug juice" and so many other processed, artificial foods were so popular! I pretty much avoid all these additives whenever possible with my own kids anyway, even though we don't have any ADD/ADHD issues. I understand your husband's position...I'd be hesitant to put my child on meds, too, but like you said, the meds have changed over the years, and there are many choices now. Perhaps you could talk to your pediatrician (w/o your son being present -- perhaps over the phone) and hear what his recommendation might be. Maybe if all else fails, he can talk to both you and your husband and outline the options. Perhaps your husband can raise some of his concerns directly with the physician. I also wanted to offer some help if you choose to put your son on a gluten-free diet, which is also easier to do now than years ago. My son is 7 and has Celiac Diease...he has been on a gluten-free diet since he was diagnosed before turning two. A little over 2 years ago I launched a website called GlutenFreeTravelSite ( http://www.glutenfreetravelsite.com ) to help people on gluten-free diets find safe places to eat that can accommodate g-f diets, whether they 're looking for a place in their area or a suitable place to dine when traveling. It's a review-based site with a large database of dining and travel reviews. People can search or submit reviews of restaurants, grocery stores, hotels/resorts, bakeries, and cruise ships anywhere around the world. It's organized geographically to make searching easy,and you can even narrow your search down to the town/zip code level and map the results. There's a lot of other resources on the site as well, including a list of national and regional chain restaurants with g-f menus, with direct links to those menus. If you try the diet for your son, this should make things abundantly easier! Hope it helps, and good luck to you!

Have you tried family therapy and/or Behavioral Therapy? When was he diagnosed as ADHD? Make sure you are not letting his diagnosis become an excuse for you, your husband or family not to keep on him about stuff. make sure everyone is consistent with expectations and schedules. How does your husband handle his ADHD now? Talk to you child's doctor (with your husband) and discuss all your concerns and issues. The sooner you get this under control the easier time your child will have. Good luck!

There are alternatives N.! The following is a link to some amazing work that has been very effective with ADD/ADHD. The system is fun to practice and kids LOVE it. -- http://www.heartmath.org/templates/ihm/section_includes/r... - Let me know if I can help. It's the work I do and would be glad to talk. - Best...

I have the same situation. Your best option is to get your husband to go to the doc with you and have the doctor explain how the meds are different. When we were younger they were stimulant meds. Now they have nonstimulants for children that work very well. Sometimes stubborn men are more willing to listen when it comes from someone else. That doesn't make it right but sometimes it works. You can always say let's do a trial run. If you son doesn't like how he feels (since that is what hubby is basing his judgments on) then you can stop the meds.

check out feingold.org or search for Feingold Program which helps you figure out how to cut all preservatives, artificial flavors, and colors out of your son's diet. It was tough at first but within a few weeks became routine and not dealing with bad behavior was worth it. My son also had trouble with some natural foods that have salicylates (same as aspirin) in them - including ketchup, apples (especially juice), grapes and strawberries. The Feingold site can tell you more and you can see if it works for you.

I also get great information on ADHD from a couple of web sites that are free. Search for Hallowell (I've read his book, "Delivered from Distraction" a zillion times) and Handleman. They send free newsletters full of the latest research and helpful hints. There is research showing that exercise in the morning and a nutritious diet (aim for protein over carbs for breakfast even though most ADHD kids crave carbs) can be as effective as medication. We used to walk to school to get some of the hyper energy and wake up my son's brain. Now my youngest walks/runs with the dog every morning before school.

I wish I had started medication by middle school when the work gets harder and organizational skills more important. I held off and my oldest only gave it a month in high school and then stopped. He should have switched to something with fewer side effects and would be much happier now if he was medicated or at least running in the mornings and eating better. It would be good to get the routine started with a younger child when you have more control. I'm working on things with my youngest and it is going much better.

I also like Kirk Martin's emphasis on staying calm and putting more responsibility on the child for his behavior. My family is a work in progress but when Mom stays calm despite awful behavior, the child calms down much faster and can even talk later about how to avoid the negative behavior.

Good luck. Parenting is hard work.

My son has ADHD but he doesn't have the fowl mouth. Could it be something other than ADHD? I'm not saying he doesn't have ADHD but could he have something in addition to it as well? How was he diagnosed and by whom? Medication can be a long route. My husband and I together chose to medicate but that was after both sitting down with his pediatrician for over an hours discussing pros and cons of meds and other treatment options as well as my own and his own extensive research. The diet didn't seem to work for my son. The reason we chose to medicate was because he was having an awful time socially and with friends and he had developed tics that of course weren't helping the social area. The forms that the teacher filled out about him also helped. Can you get his prek or K teachers to fill out the form from his dr? It might help change his fathers mind if he could see the full scale of his behavior. But that said, medication can take a long time to find the right one. And you are right that med options have changed a lot since he was a child. My son is also seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist now which also helps. Maybe talk to the counselor at his school. I've found that they are a wealth of information. I have found though with my nephew also ADHD that if left untreated, with either counseling, meds or something can lead to bad things later on. He tried to self medicate to make himself feel better with illegal substances and that became a much bigger harm than ADHD meds. Good luck with whatever your decide.

Hello,

Your mother and others need to realize that your son have no control over what is happening to him. When my nephew son was born, my daughter and I knew that something was wrong but we had to figure out a way to let my nephew know. Well he has ADHD and some other stuff. He is 6 years also, well my daughter talked to my nephew and told him to put a chart up and give him stickers when he do good, also my nephew found out that there are schools that he could attend that would really help him so he took him out of public school and put him in a private school that the public school system is paying for. Okay, he didn't want meds either, but my daughter explained to him that the doctors must work with him to find the right meds for him. He might need meds to live a good life. You sound like you are at your end, people don't understand unless they are in this position. Hang in there, take him to his doctor and if his doctor isn't good at this than ask him for a referral, he is a kid who will grow up to be an adult and he must learn to live on his own and have a good life. I am not saying go behind the father back but do what you have to do to make sure that your child will have a decent life. Talk to your doctor Now, he is the one hurting.

try homeopathic medicine. look it up, search it, there has to be something. we're against meds also, but our son isn't adhd. but whenever we do give him some kind of medicine its always homeopathic. good luck